"And I need you now more than I have since Saphira died?" her voice a mixture of hurt and confusion.

Amber shrugged. "I dunno. I just know the minute I got the go-ahead from Michael, I came. We've missed you, Es. Everyone has been trying get back here - Turq managed to wind up on probation from her efforts."

"Should I ask?" Esmeralda asked with a chuckle, despite the tears in her eyes.

Amber blushed. "Probably not. I'm pretty sure it's going to be a while before Heaven recovers."

The tears spilled down her cheeks and Esmeralda covered her mouth. "Oh Amber...." waiting until Amber looked up before she leaped into her arms. Amber braced herself for the impact, then hugged Esmeralda as tightly as she dared. With her enhanced senses, she could easily feel the frailty in the human form she held, and Amber felt the tears roll down her face.

"You promised me, Es - you promised me."

Esmeralda gathered her courage and took a deep breath. Then she leaned back so she could meet Amber's eyes... the gold dimmed to a washed-out brown. Esmeralda leaned forward just enough to brush her lips over Amber's forehead.

"I've been trying too, Amber. But my heart - it's broken and I just don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to make it better. I miss her, Amber - I miss her so much."

Now it was Amber's turn to lean forward, and she did so until their foreheads were touching - keeping her arms wrapped snugly around Esmeralda. "I was afraid of this," she whispered. "I told Michael...." Amber broke off and pulled away just slightly. "It doesn't matter - I didn't want to be right about this."

"If it makes you feel better - I didn't want you to be right either. I just... I can feel myself slipping away, Amber. And I don't know how to stop it - I'm not sure I really want to." Esmeralda sighed and left Amber's clasp, shivering as soon as Amber's warmth was gone. Without a word, Amber tugged Esmeralda to the bed and tucked her in, then went around to the other side and clambered under the covers to share her warmth once more, wincing only slightly at the discomfort she felt when her wings contorted slightly to accommodate her position. Esmeralda sighed contentedly and Amber smiled. It wasn't much, but given the rest, she was happy for small blessings.

There was silence for a time, then Esmeralda shifted until she could look up at Amber's face. Amber felt the movement and glanced down. "Es?"

"Amber, has anyone... has anyone located Saphira?"

Amber sighed and shook her head. "No. And that alone makes me curious. The last time someone couldn't be found, it was Moses, and He hid Moses because He willed it so. I'm beginning to wonder if something similar happened to Saphira. The only thing I don't understand is why He would feel the need to keep her away from us."

"Do you think He's afraid it would become another rebellion like Lucifer led?"

Amber shrugged. "I dunno. It's just peculiar, and you know how that grates on me."

"I know," Esmeralda offered through a yawn. "Sorry."

"Why?" Amber inquired affectionately. "I know how much sleep humans need, and it's probably worse for you with everything that's going on. Sleep. I'll stay and watch over you for as long as I can."

Esmeralda yawned again and snuggled deeper into Amber's hold. "Love you, Amber."

"Love you too, Es."

************

"Wake up, Es," the voice prodded gently, causing a frown to mar Esmeralda's otherwise angelic features. "C'mon, Sweetheart - wake up and let me see those beautiful eyes." Esmeralda blinked, but scrunched her eyes closed when the bright light nearly blinded her. It had just been coming on to dark when she'd lain down with Amber. Had she really been asleep that long? Then she took a deep breath and stiffened, even as she felt darkness fall around her. The warmth and scent of Saphira surrounded her and the low, husky voice was her undoing. "Es?"

"Phira?" shivering when strong arms tightened around her. She turned in Saphira's arms and tucked her head beneath her chin, greedily inhaling the smell that encompassed her. "Oh God, Love - how I have missed you so!" Then she cuddled into Saphira's embrace and just cried.

"I've been here, Sweetheart - just waiting for you," Saphira whispered.

Saphira just held Esmeralda and let her cry, praying that the sobs wracking her body would give her the relief she sought. Saphira could feel Esmeralda's pain, and it was nauseating. Tears escaped blue eyes while Esmeralda cried and Saphira let them fall unchecked as she rocked her mate.

After an incalculable span of time, Esmeralda calmed and though Saphira refused to release her hold, she did ease back just enough to determine if Esmeralda had in fact fallen asleep. What she found was a pair of green eyes swirling with pain and anger and love and devotion staring back at her. She brushed a kiss over Esmeralda's forehead, only a little surprised when Esmeralda pulled her head down until their lips met.

The kiss wasn't angry or passionate, but full of love and reassurance and they let it linger for long minutes. Finally, though, Esmeralda pulled back, sitting up and pushing Saphira over until she was laying flat on her back. Esmeralda leaned over her, studying her blue eyes and resisting the touch that was urging her to meld their bodies together and just forget everything for a while. She shook her head and Saphira blew out a frustrated breath, but relented.

"What is it, Es?" she finally asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had fallen. Esmeralda bit her lip, and let the anger that had been stirring fade into the background as her sadness moved to the forefront of her countenance.

"Why did you lie to me, Saphira?" seeing the shock widened blue eyes as the accusation rang in her ears. "Why did you tell me you didn't choose this? Don't," she commanded softly when Saphira looked like she was going to erupt. "You told me you had taken care of everything - that implies you made a choice to ensure I would be all right. You told me you were no longer being punished for your actions - that means you were reinstated and moved home while I was left on Earth to suffer alone without you." She took a breath and allowed resignation to underscore her tone. "What I don't understand is why - why the charade? Why rip my soul apart making me believe you were dead? Why, Saphira? What did I do that was so horrible that you couldn't be with me anymore?" Saphira wrapped her arms tighter around Esmeralda's body, forcing them together while holding on for dear life. "Saphira... I can't breathe," Esmeralda gasped. Saphira loosened her hold without giving Esmeralda an opportunity to move away.

"I didn't lie, Es. I didn't choose this - not to die or to be separated from you. Es, you weren't getting better... you were still dying. I was desperate to make sure that wasn't gonna happen; all I wanted to do was make sure you were gonna be okay. I didn't know this would be a consequence of my actions."

"Maybe not at first, but you knew afterwards - when I met you here right after...." She shuddered and shook her head, trying to clear it of the myriad of thoughts and feelings that rippled through her. She couldn't stop the memory, however. It was still too fresh and Esmeralda let it roll to its conclusion before she met the guilt in Saphira's eyes. This time when she tried to pull away, Saphira let her go... but only far enough that she could look Esmeralda squarely in the eye.

"I didn't lie, Es," said through gritted teeth. "I have *never* lied to you." Saphira raked a hand through her hair almost viciously, welcoming the pain as a distraction from the agony she could feel tearing them apart. "When I talked to the Father - when I accepted responsibility for the mistake that got us both tossed from home, it was with the understanding that He would make you well again. I couldn't... I can't live without you, Es and watching you continue to suffer for my actions...." Saphira shook her head. "I expected it meant that He'd heal you and eventually we'd get to go home again when your mission was complete, but I never thought it would mean I had to die first... certainly not leave you behind." She bit her lip, but a single tear still rolled down one cheek, and she wiped it away savagely. "When He brought us together here, I was given strict instructions on what I was and was not allowed to reveal to you. I still don't know why - He hasn't seen fit to share much with me since my return," the last stated with more than a hint of bitterness.

"So you're alive? And you're home?"

"Not exactly," Saphira replied with a huff. "I did die - the human me did anyway. When that happened, the Angel part of me was brought here... wherever *here* is. I am waiting for you to join me before I can be truly alive again. Until we're together, I am simply existing... marking time."

"Then who were the others you talked to - to know that Brianna's and Charisma's case was so well known? Amber said no one knows where you are... and you know she's asked around."

"She probably hasn't asked the cherubs though. You know how crazy they make her just on general principle… and then you add in their dangerous target practice and all, it's not surprising she hasn't found me. They're the only ones who stop by occasionally - I think He sends them periodically to check on me because no one else has been by which indicates He doesn't want me found yet." Saphira shrugged. "And they always tend to show up when I least expect them to."

"So you're a prisoner here?" Esmeralda's voice almost screeching.

"More like a tenured guest. It was indicated to me that this is only temporary, and though I don't have any outside contact with anyone other than the sporadic cherub visit, I can still watch over you from here. That's enough for me. He promised we would be together again - I have to trust that. And until then, I get to watch over you."

Saphira reached for Esmeralda again, gratified when Esmeralda fell into her arms. THIS had been the reaction Saphira had been waiting for and the joy she felt resonated through her soul and into Esmeralda who shuddered beneath her touch.

"Oh Saphira," Esmeralda whispered, clinging to her mate's warm body and committing her faith to Saphira's strength to keep them upright. "I'm sorry...."

"No," Saphira replied fiercely. "No - I should have told you that I talked to Him. We could have talked about what it meant to both of us - maybe made a few contingency plans."

"I should have given you a chance to explain before I accused, but I was so angry when I thought about it."

"I guess we both could have done things a little bit differently, but Es, I don't blame you for being angry with me. Truth is - I was pretty furious at myself when I realized what had happened, but by then it was too late."

"I love you, Phira... so much."

"I love you too, Es," Saphira reassured her with a smile. "And nothing about that is ever gonna change... except that I'll love you more every day."

Esmeralda blushed, but couldn't stop the sly smile that crossed her face. "That was pretty corny, Phira. I think you were human too long."

"Without a doubt, Es," Saphira agreed with a snort. "But that doesn't negate the truth of the sentiment and the feelings behind it."

"Show me, Phira," Esmeralda growled aggressively. "I want to feel it - I want to feel you."

Saphira didn't need any other enticement and Esmeralda followed her to the ground. Then there was no more talking - only feeling.

************

"If you have been here this whole time," Esmeralda contemplated aloud sometime later, "why couldn't I find you? I've searched every night since you...." Saphira held her tighter and Esmeralda snuggled into her embrace.

"I dunno, Es," Saphira answered. "I'm sure He had a reason."

"Of course I did," a deep voice replied, and Saphira automatically shifted them so she could cover their modesty with her wings. He allowed them to settle before He stepped into view and both Angels lowered their eyes in respect. The Father took a seat beside them, in their periphery but without making them feel as if He was scrutinizing them. "It's good to see you again, Esmeralda." Esmeralda bit back the retort she wanted to make and simply nodded her acceptance of His words. He chuckled lightly. "I know you're angry, Es. I'd be worried if you weren't. I'm sorry you had to go through this, but I needed to know you were ready - both of you."

When He didn't elaborate further, Saphira blew out an impatient breath, but her tone was the epitome of patience when she spoke. "Ready for what?"