"Leave it off, please."

Esmeralda's head snapped up and she peered around in the near pitch darkness, finding a tiny light coming from the direction of Brianna's desk. "Brianna?" she asked softly. "Are you all right?"

"I don't think so, Es."

Esmeralda gave silent thanks for the advantages of Angel vision and slowly threaded her way across the room until she was standing beside Brianna's desk. A quick look showed her clearly what the light was shining on and Esmeralda gestured towards it. "May I?"

Brianna handed it over to Esmeralda and turned on the brighter desk lamp so Esmeralda could actually see what she was holding. Esmeralda leaned down, surprised to find that the photograph she held was not the one she expected it to be. Instead, it showed Brianna and Charisma in what appeared to be a private moment backstage after a performance. Esmeralda wanted to ask, but before she could open her lips to speak, Brianna began to explain.

"I was a double major in college - one in law, of course, and one in the theatre. I figured the theatre degree could be put to good use in the courtroom if utilized correctly, and I was right," she said with a proud smile. Esmeralda returned the smile and studied the picture once more. Brianna started talking again. "What I didn't know when I decided to have a theatre major was that it meant I had to learn all aspects of the theatre - acting, lighting, sound, set building, costume design and writing. Most of it was easy enough and I enjoyed it. After a day studying the law, it was a welcome break and a chance to be creative."

"So what happened?" Esmeralda asked when the silence began to drag on uncomfortably.

"I had to write." Esmeralda's eyebrows went into her hairline and her eyes widened comically. Brianna chuckled at her expression.

"Was it a bad thing?"

Brianna sighed. "No... not really. I was actually very good at it. A little too good, maybe," she added, biting her lip. "Professor Mac - my theatre prof - chose my play to be introduced to the student body during the Spring Bonanza. Trust me... it was a really big deal," Brianna explained, waving off Esmeralda's questions. "I had put my heart and soul into this play - it exposed me in ways nothing ever had before."

"Or since, I imagine."

"Or since," Brianna agreed. "But it was really good and exceptionally well received."

"And the picture?" Esmeralda prompted when Brianna stopped speaking. Brianna reached for the picture and Esmeralda released it, watching Brianna's expression shift as she studied it with both eyes and hands.

"The picture was something I didn't know about until some time later. At the end of the night, before the bows were taken or the accolades received, Charisma made her way backstage. You have to understand that she was a confirmed first-nighter for every performance I was part of in college. It didn't matter how big or small the part, Charisma was always there for the first night's performance. Everyone learned very quickly who she was and that we were best friends. So by the time our Senior Spring Bonanza rolled around, no one even questioned her right to be backstage before the play was even properly over. She was one of us."

"Okay, so...?" motioning to the photograph Brianna was still absently caressing.

"The moment she got backstage, she wrapped me up in a hug so tight," shaking her head as she waved the picture. "Professor Mac snapped this picture without our knowledge, though he did send me a copy of it later. He commented on what a beautiful couple we were and hoped that we would be able to find happiness together in life."

"What did you tell him?"

"What could I tell him? I knew that was never going to happen. Charisma and I had talked about it and she told me in no uncertain terms that she would never derail her political aspirations for love with a woman... even me." Brianna looked down at the picture again and smiled through her tears. "Es, it was amazing. She surrounded me and I knew I never wanted to be anywhere else but in her arms. In her arms I was safe and sheltered and loved."

"So why did you go to Europe with her? Why didn't you just leave after graduation?"

Brianna's laugh was painfully sad. "It sounds like that would be the smart thing to do, doesn't it? It sounds like it would be so easy." She shook her head again. "I couldn't. I *wanted* that trip with her and the memories it would give me - because I knew there would never be a chance for more. I tried to convince myself that it would be easier to say goodbye if I had something to hang on to." She snorted. "Sometimes I wonder how I've ever been as successful as I've been as a lawyer, because even *I* didn't believe that one."

"And you couldn't just tell her the truth?"

"No more than I can now," her voice bitter.

"Then why are you doing this, Brianna? If she can't accept what's between you, why are you letting her back into your life?" Esmeralda waited patiently for the answer. She wanted Brianna to be sure of what she was doing and why she was doing it. Because if things went wrong this time, there was no next time and no more chances.

"I thought you wanted me to, Es. I thought you wanted us to be friends."

"I think it would be fantastic if you two could be friends again. You're obviously so good together, or you were at one time," motioning to the pictures scattered around the office. "But this isn't about me and what I want. I thought you had decided to move on." She paused a moment. "I want you to be happy, Brianna, and you don't seem very happy about this turn of events. And I feel a little responsible for that since I invited her and Adam to join us Sunday and that seems to be what has precipitated this change of heart for you."

Brianna took a deep breath. "You're right - I had decided to move on, accepting that our friendship was over and nothing but a lost cause as far as she was concerned. Charisma made it abundantly clear she would never forgive me for leaving, even though she refused to acknowledge why. She's still refusing to do that, by the way." Brianna turned and met Esmeralda's eyes, both of them glittering black in the darkness. "Es, have you ever had something you really wanted - even though you knew it was bad for you and was probably going to do more harm than you could possibly live through - have you ever had something like that handed to you? As much as I need Charisma out of my life, I want her there," as if that explained everything.

And maybe to Esmeralda, it did, because she simply nodded her head in acceptance. "Will you tell her the truth? Why you left and why you stayed away?"

"If she asks, I'll tell her. The worst she can do is dismiss me from her life, and I've already lived like that for almost twenty years. And in the meantime, maybe I can make a few more memories to hold onto for the rest of my life."

"You're so sure she'll reject you."

"Yeah, I really am. But I'm like a drug addict and she's my drug of choice. And she will never, ever accept what that means."

"And if by some miracle she does?"

"She won't. But maybe she'll have grown enough to still be my friend."

Esmeralda covered Brianna's hand. "Saphira and I'll be here for you if you ever need to talk."

Brianna squeezed the hand covering hers. "I know. And I appreciate it... so much more than you know. I don't know what I would have done without you both." She turned and noticed the time. "Holy shit! I'm making you obscenely late. Saphira's going to have a duck."

Esmeralda blinked. "Well, that'd be something of a feat, I'm sure," smiling when Brianna burst into laughter.

"Oh Es... you're priceless. C'mon now and let's get this room straightened up. Then I'll give you a lift to the diner. Don't...." she instructed, holding up an imperious hand. "It's my fault you're going to be late regardless of how you get there. So you can just let me give you a ride over so I can explain it to Saphira myself. In fact...." motioning Esmeralda to do her thing. Brianna snatched her cell phone out of her desk and scrolled through her contacts until she found the number she was looking for. A brief phone call later, and.... "All done. Matilda will tell Saphira I am bringing you over because I made you late. Then she won't worry when she sees the car pull up."

"You're pretty slick there, Senator Walker," Esmeralda complimented with a smile, noting Brianna seemed better for having refocused her attention. She wondered what that meant for their earlier discussion, then figured Brianna had probably had all she could stand for now. At least Esmeralda had some idea of what was going on with both of them and both Brianna and Charisma knew she was available if they needed to talk. Then Brianna answered her.

"Lawyer, remember? Slick is my middle name."

"Your mother must have really struggled to come up with that one," she stated deadpanned, eyes twinkling at Brianna's gobsmacked expression. Then she settled down to finish up her work while Brianna wrapped up hers. It was time to go home.

************

"I'm really glad Brianna thought to call," Saphira said as they made their way up the front walk. When they reached the door, Ruby opened it on cue. They turned and waved to Brianna, watching as Jas slowly pulled the car away before they turned to enter the house. Ruby opened the door wider and welcomed them in.

"What are you doing up, Ruby? It's late... we're late."

"I know. I was a little concerned until Jas called and let me know that you were with her." She shrugged when Esmeralda raised an eyebrow waiting for the rest of the explanation. "Jade's here. I'd kind of like to hear what she has to say."

"But you need your sleep too. Ruby, you don't wanna get rundown like I did."

"I won't, Es. I've been napping on the couch."

"All right," shrugging out of her coat and watching Saphira catch it before it hit the floor. "Thank you, Phira," she offered with a smile, then turned to Ruby. "Where's Jade now?" A dirty blonde head stuck itself out of the kitchen door.

"Did somebody call me?"

"Yep, you betcha," Esmeralda replied, smiling when Saphira caught her hand and led her into the kitchen. "Is this going to be a short telling or a long one?" with a look at Jade. "Should we make coffee or stick with milk?"

"I'd stick with the milk. The telling won't take long, and what you do with it.... Well, any debate on that score can certainly wait for a more civilized hour. Though honestly, I'm not sure you can actually *do* anything. I think Kent is gonna do what Kent is gonna do and we're just gonna have to hold on for the fallout."

"Oh boy."


Chapter XLI

"Well, that was enlightening," Esmeralda said as she went into the bathroom. "You know, this could get ugly before all is said and done." She sighed. "I wish I knew what Kent was thinking instead of simply what he was doing. I might have a clue what was coming down the pipeline. As it is...."

"As it is, we know he thinks something is going on with Charisma - enough that he's given up his Sunday and Monday performances to be here surreptitiously to try and figure out for himself what's happening." Saphira pushed her hair away from her forehead, then scrubbed a hand over her face. "Is this what mortals consider a cluster?" she asked seriously. She watched as Esmeralda wiped her face and hung up the towel before turning off the bathroom light and crossing over to the bed. She pulled the covers back and let her shoulders slump.

"I think so. Thing is, I'm not sure if it's our cluster or theirs at this point."

Saphira urged Esmeralda into the bed and tucked her in, then went around to the other side and climbed in. She yanked the blankets up to her waist and crossed her arms over her chest, looking down at Esmeralda who had turned on her side and was propped up on an elbow gazing back at her.

"I gotta tell you, Es - I'm about over this whole 'push me... pull you' routine Charisma and Brianna have got going on here. Seriously, I'm about thiiiiiis close," holding her fingertips less than a millimeter apart, "from just smashing heads and having done with it."

"Saphira...."

"No, Es. I'm serious. As far as I'm concerned, these two have already used every chance they get. I don't think they want to be happy."

"Why would you say that?" Esmeralda asked with a frown.

"Because they could be if they wanted to be. Happy, I mean. Instead, they're choosing to be miserable apart."

"So you don't think they want to be together?"