Megan Smith - Hard To Love You

“Take a shower, sweetie, then try and get some sleep.” Elle said. She threw all the trash away, washed her hands then kissed my forehead and walked out. Mason stood there for a second longer; he looked like he wanted to hold me, but then turned and shut the door behind him.

I took a quick shower, slipped the shorts on and then pulled Mason’s T-shirt over my head. I brought it up to my nose and inhaled, it smelled just like Mason. He smelled like soap and then sun with that slight dirt smell from years of playing baseball. I towel dried my hair and threw it up on the top of my head.

When I opened the bathroom door, Mason was sitting just outside on the floor. “Mase?”

He looked at me with such sadness in his eyes. I glanced down the hall and didn’t see anyone, all the doors were shut and the light in the hallway was off. “You ok?” he asked.

I nodded. “I’ll be fine, just a little cut.”

Mason stood up. I took a step back; my back hits the closed bathroom door. The coldness from the door hitting my warm back caused me to get the chills. Mason took a step closer and ever so gently kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry.” He whispered before walking away and leaving me standing there.

I hate my dad, I’ve always tried to be the perfect daughter but no matter what I did it didn’t matter. I don’t fit into my family; I’m the outcast, the black sheep. My dad should be the one saying he’s sorry, not Mason.

I was so angry; I knew I would never fall asleep. I walked over to MacKenzie’s door, dropped my blood stained clothes and shoes and made my way to the only place I felt at peace.

It’s was the middle of summer so when I took a seat on the towel in front of the ocean I was still warm. The waves were so close, so loud. They were angry which was exactly how I felt. I was pissed off at the world. Sometimes I wished I had the courage to walk out there and just let myself float away; have the waves crash over my body and carry me away into the darkness. Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t feel like no one wanted me.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t feel Mason come up behind me and wrap his body around mine. “Hey.” He said as he pulled me back against his toned, hard, chest.

“Hey. Sorry, I didn’t hear you come down.” I told him as I snuggled a little closer to him.

“I’m sorry your dad is such an asshole, Hails. You don’t deserve this.” Mason said in my ear.

I sat up and turned around so was sitting on my knees between his legs. I put my hands on either side of his face, “You have no reason to be sorry, Mason. You didn’t do any of this.” A tear slipped down my cheek.

He wiped it away with his thumb. I dropped my hands and placed them on his knees as he pulled my face closer to his. I felt his hot, minty breath against my face. Mason and I hadn’t kissed since that one time when I was twelve so I was a little unsure of what was happening. Just as I thought he was about to kiss me on the lips he lifted his head and kissed me on my gash.

I winced from the slight pressure of his lips against it. I started to pull away, feeling silly for thinking that Mason would try to kiss me, but he wouldn’t let me go. He placed a kiss on my temple then another just below my ear, then my jaw, then the corner of my mouth. Mason pulled back and looked at me. His eyes remind me of the stormy ocean, just another reason why I liked him so much.

“I’m going to kiss you.” Mason told me. “If you don’t want me to you have to tell me now.”

I don’t answer because I want Mason. I’ve wanted to kiss him again since the first time all those years ago.

He leaned in and kissed me on the lips, then gently nips at my bottom lip. My stomach clinched and my palms started to sweat. I licked the seam of Mason’s lips; wanting access. I pulled myself closer to him but there wasn’t any room between us now. Mason grabbed the back of my right thigh and pulled it so it was resting on the side of his hip. Then he did the same thing to my left thigh, and I was now straddling him. When our tongues collided the kiss turned desperate. Our teeth crashed together. I grabbed the back of Mason’s head and gripped his hair. He wrapped his arms around my waist and before I even knew what was happening I was pinned underneath him.

My panties were wet, I was so turned on. I’d never felt like that before. I slid my legs around Mason’s waist, anchoring him to me. Mason’s right hand was running up and down my body while his left arm was holding him up. He reached the end of my shirt and slid his hand up. His fingers touched my stomach and my hips lifted up. I needed to relieve some of the pressure between my legs. Mason groaned into my mouth and pushed down with his hips. I moaned this time. Mason broke the kiss as he lifted his upper body so that he could push my shirt up. Since I was going to bed, I hadn’t bothered to put a bra back on. His fingers brushed against the bottom of my left breast and I sucked in a deep breath. No one had ever touched me there before and I wasn’t sure what to expect with Mason.

My nipple was already pebbled so as his hand slid over it, it puckered even more. “Damn Hails.” Mason said. He dipped his head down and pulled my left nipple into his mouth. It felt amazing and I never wanted him to stop. He lightly bit down and my back arched in an attempt to get closer. “You like that?”

“Mmmhmm.” Mason repeated the same movements on the other side while I ran my finger nails up and down his back.

He kissed a path to my lips. He was thrusting exactly where I needed him the most but then started to roll off of me. I started to panic, thinking he was going to pull away since things started getting hot and heavy between us.

“Relax.” Mason whispered.

“I just don’t want you to pull away. I need you Mason.” And it was true, I needed Mason more than I ever thought possible. Mason made me feel safe; made me feel loved, special.

He kissed me again as he pulled my shirt down. His fingertips dipped into the waist band of the shorts I had on.

“Has anyone ever touched you here, Hails?” Mason asked.

The butterflies were so bad in my stomach that I started shaking. My heart was racing. I wasn’t sure I was able to talk so I shook my head no.

He started to remove his fingers but I stopped him. “Please Mase.” I begged. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was begging for because I’d never felt like this with anyone.

“I shouldn’t, Hailey.”

“Says who?” I asked.

Mason chuckled.

My cheeks burned.

“Mason, if you don’t touch me I’m not sure what I’m going to do but it’s not going to be pretty.”

He laughed a deep belly laugh.

“Relax. I’ll take care of you.”

Mason caressed his hand down between my legs and started rubbing in just the right spot. I wanted to clamp my legs shut but I wasn’t sure I could. He started sucking and nipping at my neck. The pull in my lower stomach was so strong I felt like I was about to blast off. His fingers started to slow down and then eventually stop. He didn’t remove his hands but he looked deep into my eyes. Mason slipped a finger inside me but he didn’t move it, he was letting me get used to the feeling. Once I felt comfortable and couldn’t take it anymore I pushed my hips up, silently telling him to move his finger. He pulled almost all the way out then slid it back in until his knuckles pressed up against my clit. I cried out from the feeling. He pumped in and out a few more times.

“Come Hailey.” Mason told me as he crashed his lips down to mine just before I felt the first wave crash over me. I felt like I was floating from the intense release that Mason brought on. Then another crash came but this one was a little colder. As I came back down from my high, Mason was laughing. I felt a mortified by what had just happened. All these things were floating around in my head. Did I do something wrong? Was I supposed to touch Mason? Was it supposed to feel as good as it did? I tried sitting up so I could run back into the house when I was suddenly hit with another crash of something cold. Then I realized what Mason was laughing at. We were so caught up in each other that we didn’t realize that the tide was as close as it was.

Unexpectedly, I’m brought back to reality feeling over heated. I notice that I am now sitting between someone’s legs. I’m sure that someone is Mason. A wave comes so close that I have to bring my legs up to my chest to keep it from touching me. Doing this pushes me a little closer into Mason. His strong arms wrap around me and I tense. It feels so good but at the same time feels so wrong.

“Relax.” Mason whispers.

I’m trying to relax, I really am but I can’t stop the sudden memory flashes of Lily’s lipstick smeared across her face. What if she had just given Mason a blow job in the bathroom and I caught them? That would explain the deer in headlights expression he had.

Mason lifts my body with ease and sits me on his left leg so that I am half facing him. “You look beautiful, like the princess you really are. I’m sorry Hailey, so sorry.”

I let myself live in the moment, I need to feel Mason. I wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze tight. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me so I’m flush up against his upper body. I hear him take a deep breath then feel it on me as he lets it out.

“God I’m so sorry.” He says into my neck.

I sit back so I can look into Mason’s beautiful, stormy eyes. “I need you to tell me what happened, Mason. You can fix all this but I just need the truth. My heart tells me you didn’t do anything with her but I can’t stop what I saw.”

Mason rests his forehead against mine. “I will Hailey, I promise. I will tell you everything, just give me a few days to get to the bottom of it first.”

“A few days Mase, that’s it. A few.” Mason lets out a long, minty breath.

“I will tell you everything and I will never do this to us again. I’m tired of all this, Hailey.” Mason tells me before he lifts me so that he can stand up. He brushes the sand off his ass and then helps me up. While I wipe the sand off the back of my legs and Mason grabs my shoes. He grabs my hand with his and then we walk back up to the reception.

Mason stops me before I take a step up to the deck, “Tell your band boy I’m coming after my girl.” He says with a smirk on his face.

I smile the first real smile all day long. “You make it so hard to love you, Mason Cahill.” I tell him as I shake my head.

“I know, but I don’t mean it too.” He says.

I let go of his hand and start walking away so I can find Cole and my mom.

“Hailey!” Mason yells.

I look back and raise my eyebrows, surprised by his sudden outburst.

Mason looks around, noticing the attention that he caused by yelling my name. When his eyes land back on me, he mouths, “I love you.”

It takes me a second to figure out how to respond so I do what he does to me when he is up on the mound when he’s pitching. I wink twice at him.

He seems happy with that response. I turn around and Cole and Mom are standing there, waiting for me at the table.

“Ready to get out of here?” I ask them.

“Yeah I’m exhausted.” Mom says.

“Let me go say goodbye to MacKenzie and Hunter and we can go.”

“Um, that’s going to be a little hard. They already left.” Cole tells me.

I laugh and shake my head, of course they would cut out of their wedding early.

“Well I guess I’ll see them at breakfast tomorrow then.”

Cooper and I had to get up at the crack of dawn this morning because we have a game this afternoon. Luckily I don’t have to pitch again until Wednesday so I have it pretty easy today. I’m a little hung over since I drank more than I should have at the wedding last night. We pulled up to the Lakewood Stadium with about ten minutes to spare, which is a lot better than I had been doing lately. I’m trying to turn my shit around and stop pissing coach off. I’m done throwing myself a pity party.

Warm-ups are finishing up. Cooper is excited for today’s game against Greensboro. Zack O’Neil is pitching today. Zack has one hell of an arm on him. He threw a slider at Chris, our catcher, and it was fucking perfect.