Megan Smith - Hard To Love You

“Lily, you’re full of shit. I would have remembered Brittany from back then.” Brittany was one of those girls that you just don’t forget. She’s got long, golden-blonde hair, wide, innocent-looking eyes, and she’s model tall and carries herself well. She looks almost as beautiful as Jaylinn; except for the hair color and big tits. “And what’s in it for you to tell Cooper about this bullshit lie now?”

Lily stares down the hall for a minute; I’m sure trying to come up with a good reason. “I want Hunter.” She says, just above a whisper.

Fuck!

“I want what MacKenzie has.” Her eyes well up with tears.

“Lily, Hunter will never want you.” I want to say more but I don’t want to push it with her. I need more details about Cooper and Brittany.

“I know!” She yells at me. “But if he knows Cooper slept with his step-sister, who he hates, he’s not going to want MacKenzie! How could he ever want to have anything to do with any of you?” She’s hysterical now. She’s has a few screws loose if she thinks this will end things between them. There isn’t anything that could tear them apart now, after all the shit they’ve been dealt their bond has grown so strong.

“Lily,” I try to get her to focus on me.

“Why do you think Brittany went after Dominic, Mason?” She tries to take a deep breath but is having trouble. “Brittany wanted to pay Cooper back for hurting her. She saw her opportunity to do that through MacKenzie.”

There is no point in trying to get any more information out of Lily while she’s so upset. I need to get the hell out of here and figure out what the fuck I’m going to do with this information. If Cooper really did sleep with Brittany then it’s going to crush Jaylinn, even if it did happen years ago. But what’s done is done and the fact that he slept with Hunter and Jaylinn’s step-sister is in the past. It doesn’t mean they won’t be disgusted about it though, and MacKenzie is going to be pissed off that she’s been dragged into this whole mess just because her brother couldn’t keep his dick in his pants.

As I walk down the hallway to find my sister and Hailey, Cooper and Hunter come around the corner with murderous looks on their faces. Cooper and Hunter just stand there and stare me down, waiting for me to explain. The only problem is I can’t explain anything yet. As the three of us stand there, Hunter finally speaks up, “You fucked up, asshole, and you deserve what you have coming.” Hunter and I would normally have fought a couple of rounds now, but he’s changed since MacKenzie and Ryder. He’s wiser.

Ryder. My little baseball player in training. That’s what I want for Hailey and me, but I think I’ve really fucked it up now.

“Where’d they go?” I ask both Hunter and Cooper.

“Tell us what happened, Mason?” Hunter fumes.

“Nothing I can’t handle.” I answer back.

Cooper chimes in, “Does it matter where they went, Asshole?”

I glare, hard, “Of course it matters. Don’t be a dick, Coop. Where’d they go?”

Hunter shoves his hands in his pockets, “They left.”

“No shit, but whose house did they go to?”

Cooper and Hunter exchange a look. I stand up, reaching in my pocket for my keys, but Cooper yanks them from my hands. “You were drinking, Asshole, you’re not driving.”

“Then take me to find her, damn it!” I feel the panic rising. I feel like the longer I wait, the worse it is getting. I can’t let her think anything happened but I can’t ask her to keep another secret either. This time she would not only being keeping this secret from MacKenzie, but also Hunter, Jaylinn and Cooper. The last secret almost ended us. I can’t ask her to do that again.

Hunter nods his head towards his truck. We all get in. I sit in the back and lay down across the seats while Cooper takes shotgun. I royally fucked up, I know it.

We pull into Hunter’s driveway twenty minutes later. I sit up and look at the front door. Big mistake. MacKenzie is standing there with her arms crossed over her chest, shooting daggers at me.

Hunter chuckles. “Good luck man, I’m glad I’m not on the receiving end of that.”

I climb out of the truck and trudge up the walkway, leaping up the two steps to the porch where MacKenzie is standing and meeting her eyes. She thinks by giving me the eyes that she’ll frighten me.

She shoves me hard, “I can’t believe you, Mason. Lily? Of all the people. Really?”

I adjust my hat, “Where is she?”

MacKenzie glances behind her before answering me, “Lily’s at the bar, stupid.”

I roll my eyes at her failed attempted to make look stupid. “Kenzie, stop messing around, I need to talk to Hailey.”

“She’s not here,” she shoots back.

Hailey is there, I can see her reflection in the glass door that MacKenzie reluctantly holds open. “If you don’t move your ass out of the way I’ll move you myself.”

MacKenzie looks surprised. She looks over my shoulder to Cooper and Hunter, I guess waiting for them to come to her defense. I know they won’t though. They wouldn’t have brought me here if that were the case. She huffs and moves out of the way.

I step into the house and catch a glimpse of Hailey’s blonde hair turning down the hallway. I look around the family room; Chloe and Jackson are sitting on the couch, eating popcorn with their feet propped up on the coffee table, enjoying the show I’m sure. Jackson gives a head nod and Chloe half smiles at me. When I walk into the kitchen Hailey is slipping her heels on. Once she is finished she picks up a full shot glass that sits on the kitchen table and downs it. She winces. I’m sure it’s from the burn but I can’t help feeling responsible.

“Boo …” I call, using the nickname that I’ve had for her forever. I wait for her to turn around and look at me but she doesn’t.

I wait another few seconds before taking one more step towards her, her body stiffens. I stop and wait. “Baby …”

“Don’t baby me, Mason.” She says with fury in her voice.

I want to tell her the real reason I was with Lily but I can’t chance anyone else hearing. “It wasn’t what it looked like. Hailey, you have to believe me. Did you see any lipstick on me?”

“No, but I just don’t understand why you’re lying to me about it. You never lie to me.” Her voice cracks. She’s livid. “You tell me everything.”

“I’m not lying now.”

She huffs, “You are. You promised that you would never lie to me, Mason. I trusted you. I trusted you with my heart and you know how God damn hard that is for me to do.”

The knife digs deeper into my heart. I’m fucking up badly by not telling her, but I can’t. “I swear I’m not.”

She takes a deep breath, “Then tell me what happened.”

I take a step towards her, wanting to turn her around so she can look me in the eyes and know I’m not lying. “Don’t come any closer. I mean it. I will cut your balls off and shove them down your throat and I’m not even playing.”

I try not to laugh because now is really not the time, but that’s my feisty Hailey. “Can you turn around then? Please.”

She picks up the bottle of vodka, forgetting about the shot glass and guzzles it for as long as she can before setting it back on the table and turning around to face me. Her eyes are bloodshot, her face is all blotchy and her lips are red from crying, but she’s still beautiful. Her hair is a mess, I’m sure she’s been running her hands through it. I reach forward to tuck a stray strand behind her ear but she flinches and turns her head.

My shoulders sag in defeat, I did this to her. I turn her face so she’s looking at me again. “I didn’t kiss Lily, you know that I didn’t.” I don’t look away and I don’t blink.

She stares back at me, “Then why did you have her in that corner, Mase?”

I close my eyes, praying she trusts me. “I can’t tell you that just yet. Just trust me though, please. I’ve never let you down before, Hailey, and I’m not going to start now.”

She looks intently at me for so long I’m not sure what to think. I don’t look away though. I’m begging her with my eyes to understand.

After what feels like forever, but what’s probably only been minutes, she says, “And I can’t be with you until you tell me. I can’t go around thinking all these crazy thoughts in my head. You know I’ve got issues. I hate that unwanted, unloved feeling and that is exactly how I feel right now. We’ve kept enough secrets and I’m over it, Mase. I’m fucking done.” A lone tear runs down her cheek, I want to reach out and brush it away but I can’t. I’m dumbfounded by her words. We always fight, that’s us. There is no in-between; we’re either hot or cold.

I look her in the eyes one last time before I turn to leave and say the words that I will only ever say to her, “I love you, Hailey, only and always you.” I turn on my heel and leave her there.

I haven’t spoken to Mason in two weeks. I’m avoiding him like the plague. I know I’m not going to be able to keep that up with MacKenzie’s wedding looming over me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy for my best friend and Hunter; they deserve it after all the shit they’ve been through. I just wish Mason wasn’t part of it.

After we walked out of the bathroom at Kenzie’s bachelorette party and found Mason with Lily, I wanted to junk punch him. Much like what Kenzie did to Lily. I knew Mason had girls chasing after him all day, every day, with being a pitcher in the minor leagues, but I thought I actually meant something to him. Apparently I was wrong. Asshole! Kenzie has been checking in on me every day, I know she’s worried about me; my track record with boys isn’t exactly great.

A knock startles me from my thoughts; I stand up from my bed and go to see who it is. I figure it’s my mom checking on me before she leaves for work.

I open the door and I’m greeted with more stargazers; I sigh and grab the vase, placing them on my desk next to the others; they’ve been arriving every other day for the last two weeks. Every time they come they are different but every time they are beautiful. This time they came in a pink, square vase with an iridescent bow. All the flowers are pink except the center one, which stands out as an exquisite red rose. They are gorgeous, but now I kind of regret telling Mason what my favorite flowers are because he’s tainting them.

Mom sighs heavily. “Give the boy a break and at least talk to him before he goes broke, Hailey.”

I shake my head, “No. I’m not giving in and I hope he does go broke, serves him right.”

She chuckles and wraps me in her arms. “Love you, Baby. Hang in there.”

I squeeze her back, that’s all I can do, I don’t trust my voice.

After another few moments she gives me one last squeeze, “Well, I’m off to work. I’ll be home later tonight.

“Alright, see you in the morning.” I walk over to the flowers and pick the card out.

“Hailey?”

“Yeah Mom?”

“Get out of the house for a little while; it’ll do you some good. Go see that cute little Ryder that I know you love.” She smiles at me and then closes my door behind her.

I sit on my bed and curl my legs up to my chest. I play with the card in my hand for a while before I get the courage to open it and see what he’s come up with this time.

Hailey ~

Talk to me.

You owe it to yourself, to us, to me.

Always,

Mason

The tears start. I lie back against my pillows and grab for the pink bear that Mason won for me years ago. I cry for him every day. I want my Mason back, my hot headed, over the top Mason, or even my cold hearted one. I just want him. I know he loves me. I know deep down inside. But why? Why did he have Lily pushed up into that nook in the wall? Did he think he would never get caught? Maybe I was just fooling myself. Maybe he only liked me because I was always there. Not knowing what’s going on in his head is eating me alive. I know I’m going to have to talk to him but not until I’m strong enough. Mom is the only one who knows how much this is killing me. I’m not weak like my sister says I am; I’ll stand up for myself once I find myself again.

Eventually, I cry myself to sleep until my ringing phone wakes me into a sleepy fog.

I run my finger across the phone, answering it, “Hello?” Once the fog clears, I cringe; praying it isn’t Mason on the other end.