Megan Smith - Hard To Love You

I hold up my hands in surrender. Something is seriously wrong. “Hailey, tell me what happened. Are you hurt?”

She stares at me like I’m stupid. “Yeah I am hurt, Mason.” She says in a calm voice.

Panic starts to set in, “Boo, please tell me what happened. Where are you hurt? Talk to me.”

She laughs an evil, sick laugh that hits me right in the gut. “You want to know where it hurts? My heart Mason! You fucking ripped my heart out, stomped on it and then fed it to the wolves.”

My stomach turns. “What are you talking about, Hailey? I don’t understand.”

She stares at me. I feel her reach in and grab my soul. “I woke up this morning and had to run out to the store to get something for Ryder. Well I wasn’t expecting to run into Whore 1 and Whore 2 when I was there.”

She stops talking and the world around me stops, very, very slowly. Without her saying their names, I know exactly who is she referring to. What the hell did Lily and Brittany do? FUCK! I’ve waited too long to talk to Cooper and figure this shit out. She knows the secret I’ve been keeping and she is blaming me.

“I guess I hit my target huh, Mason? Feeling a little guilty now that you got caught?”

I have to figure out a way to explain why I didn’t say anything to her. “Hailey it seems really bad but I don’t think it ever happened.”

Before I could finish she cuts me off. “You don’t think it ever happened? That’s rich Mason, really rich.”

“I didn’t get a chance to figure out what I was going to do about it yet.” I say.

Hailey again cuts me off. “There isn’t much to figure out now, Mason. Lily told me everything that has been going on for god knows how long now.”

I’m confused. “What are you talking about? What’s been going on?”

She laughs once, “Why are you still hiding it Mason? Lily told me everything. Are you really going to break my heart even more and make me repeat it?”

I didn’t think this could break her heart. She would be hurt that I didn’t tell her, yeah. “Hailey this doesn’t have anything to do with you and me. I mean, I get that you’re pissed that I didn’t tell you but I promised I wouldn’t ask you to keep secrets anymore.”

Hailey stands up from the chair and it causes me to fall back on my ass. “Ok Mason, you want to play stupid? That’s fine.” She starts pacing back and forth in the only area not covered with my shit. “At the store, when I turned down one of the aisles, Lily was standing there shopping for a pregnancy test.” She stops walking and looks over at me. I’m not shocked; actually I’m a little surprised that this hasn’t happened to her sooner. “A pregnancy test, Mason. She thinks she’s having your baby.” Hailey starts pacing again.

What. The. Fuck?

Now I’m stunned, shocked, “What do you mean mine? I haven’t touched that whore in years, Hailey. There is no way in hell it’s my kid.” My heart is pounding a mile a minute. “You actually believed her?”

Hailey snaps her head in my direction. “What the fuck do you think? She said she’s been staying with you while you’re on the road. You get her a room at whatever hotel you’re staying so you can spend time with her after the games.” Hailey huffs. “I can’t believe I was that blind and didn’t see it. Does Cooper know, Mason?”

Anger is setting in deep in my bones. She can’t be serious. “You really believe her; you aren’t even going to listen to me are you?”

Hailey nods. “What do you expect, Mason? You haven’t told me shit about what happened at the bar.”

I pick up the remote control that is sitting by my side and throw it as hard as I can. I’m boiling in my own skin with rage. The remote crashes somewhere in the kitchen, just over Hailey’s head; I glare over at the angry woman in front of me and her eyes are wide. “You. You actually believe those tramps over me?”

Hailey looks scared now. “I’m not always there, Mason. You will not tell me what you’re hiding. What the hell am I supposed to believe?” Hailey starts to cry. “I wasn’t enough for you was I, Mason?”

I have to get the hell out of this house. I’m going to do or say something that I don’t want to. I can’t even see straight right now. I stand up and walk over to Hailey and get up in her face. “I didn’t fuck her and I have never given you a reason not to trust me. Ever. I love you Hailey but if you believe this shit then you are fucking stupid and you’re as bad as them.”

I clench my fist and walk past her to my room. When I open the door my vision goes blurry. She’s trashed my room and destroyed my shit. I punch my bedroom door with my fist, turn and leave this fucked up situation behind.

If she wants to accuse me of cheating I might as well do it.

* * *

An hour later I’m sitting at the bar, the bartender is keeping a steady flow of beers coming. A few local fans bought me a few shots and I gladly accepted. On my way over I call up a few of the guys from the team and ask if they want to hang out. I never did bother to text Cooper and I don’t plan on it either. I’m sure Hailey is crying on Jaylinn’s shoulder by now. I can’t believe she wouldn’t even listen to what I had to say about any of it. I thought our relationship was strong but I was so very wrong. This destroyed me.

Pat walks in first. He slaps me on the back as he takes a seat next to me. Then Carlos, Chase and Shane follow behind him.

“Damn, Mase, Coach is going to be pissed.” Chase says as he takes a seat next to me.

“Don’t give a shit.” He’ll have to deal with it just like I will.

Shane reaches over and pushes on my knuckles. “Fuck!” I grit out.

Shane shakes his head. Carlos smacks me in the back of the head. “That hand’s probably broken, asshole. You need to go get that shit checked out.”

Pat shakes his head and whistles, “I don’t want to be in the locker room when you walk in tomorrow.”

They’re making a big deal out of nothing, my hand is fine, it’s just a little sore. I order another round of beers for all the guys. A band is setting up on the stage, and of course it’s Cole’s band. This damn day just keeps getting better and better.

The guys and I are all sitting around, bullshitting about the game on Wednesday, when a shot is placed in front of me. I glance up to the bartender and he nods towards the end of the bar. Cole is standing there, he holds up his shot. I hold mine up and then take it. I should have sent it back but I’m already feeling a little drunk and the more alcohol at this point the better. Cole motions with his head to follow him.

I hop off the stool and follow Cole down a hallway that I’ve never been down before. “How are things with Hailey?”

I raise my eyebrows at him.

“Not so good?” Cole questions.

I laugh, “Not even close but I’m sure you’re happy about that, huh?”

Cole has a serious look on his face, “No man I’m not. Look, I don’t know what happened between you guys but I know you both love each other. I told Hailey this and I told her to just let you explain, but from the way you’re acting and seeing you here I guess you haven’t talked to her.”

I take my hat off and run my fingers through my hair. “Hailey and I are done. She’s all yours.” I turn and leave before he can even respond. I don’t even want to think about Hailey at this point.

When I go and sit back down with the guys they tell me I’m four shots behind. They call the bartender over and he places the four shots in front of me. I take all four and chase them down with my beer. The band starts playing and the bar is packed. I’m feeling really good right now, everything is numb and I couldn’t give two shits about anything. If Hailey doesn’t want me there are plenty of other girls who do.

Two girls come over on cue and claim Carlos and Chase. A few minutes later another fine looking blonde comes over and asks me to dance. I’m so drunk I barely make it off my chair, Pat gives me a hand. The blonde leads me out onto the dance floor and she wraps her skinny arms around my neck. I place my hands on her hips and we start dancing and grinding on each other. I know I’m being sloppy because everything keeps moving and I stumble a few times.

After a few songs I say to the girl I’m dancing with, “Let’s go grab a drink.”

I sling my arm around her shoulder and we leave the dance floor. I take my seat next to Pat and pull her on my lap.

She orders us two beers, “Thanks sunshine.” I don’t know her name and I don’t really care. I doubt I’ll remember it anyway. Plus her hair reminds me of the sun.

“You’re welcome, hot stuff.”

Pat and Sunshine start talking about baseball and I’m kind of lost in my own drunken haze. I need to get the hell out of here and go home but first I have to go to the bathroom.

“Be right back. Save my beer for me.” I slide her off my lap and damn near fall on my face but Pat is there to break my fall.

“Whoa there, big guy.” He says as he steadies me. “Where you going?”

“Bathroom.” I start to walk away but Pat grabs my arm, turns me and sends me in the other direction. I trip over my own two feet, the fucking floor keeps moving.

“Damn bro, I don’t know how you’re going to make practice tomorrow.” Pat says as he is there to catch me once again, apologizing to the people I run into.

“Who gives a fuck about practice?” I slur.

“Obviously not you.” Pat quips back.

We reach the bathroom and he pushes me in. I do my business, wash my hands and splash some water on my face.

When we make it back to the bar, Sunshine jumps up out of my seat; I sit and pull her back down on my lap. She starts talking to Pat again. I take a few more sips of my beer and the sounds around me start to fade out. I place my head on Sunshine’s back, needing to rest my eyes for just a second. Then everything goes black.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” The yelp hits my ears like a freight train.

What is that god awful noise?

“WAKE THE FUCK UP!”

I roll over and groan. My stomach rolls but then settles again.

“MASON!”

I open my eyes but I can’t see anything, it’s all blurry. Something hits my knee, it fucking hurts.

“Get up Mason!”

I blink a few more times. “Coop?”

“Yeah it’s me. What the fuck is she doing here?” Cooper seethes.

“Who?” I croak out.

“You know damn well who.” Cooper is breathing hard, he’s pissed.

I try to sit up and the room spins. I try again and this time I actually make it into a sitting position. I think I would rather be dead right now. I feel like someone is trying to crack my head open and pull my brains out. My eyes feel sticky and they burn. My stomach is trying to crawl out of my body and I’m pretty sure I’ve killed my liver.

After a few minutes I find my focus and look around my trashed room. Cooper is standing next to my bed with his arms crossed.

A girl’s voice that my brain can’t decipher says, “Masey?”

I turn and look for where it came from. I have to turn my body since my brain and eyes decide that they can’t work together. As I start to turn I notice I don’t have any clothes on. Shit this isn’t good. I turn all the way around and everything stops and then hits me like a ton of bricks. I leap from the bed and dash for the bathroom where I throw up everything that is in my stomach.

What did I do?

The seven stages of a breakup.

Everyone handles breakups differently, no person is the same. Breakups are messy. Rarely ever are they nice, clean and all tied up with a bow.

Stage One: Shock and Denial.

When Lily told me that she’d been sleeping with Mason and she could be carrying Mason’s child, reality crashed hard. My initial thought was that she was lying. Mason would never cheat on me. But then quickly the denial turned into shock. Lily has no reason to lie to me. What would she benefit from Mason and me breaking up?

Stage Two: Pain and Guilt.

The shock turned into pain. My mind started playing tricks on me - a flash of Lily and Mason hugging and kissing; another of Mason rubbing Lily’s protruding stomach; then the image of Mason proposing to Lily and the two living happily ever after. But then very quickly my pain turned into guilt. Mason has always been there for me. He’s my rock. He wouldn’t hurt me like this.

Stage Three: Anger.

Why is this shit happening to me? What did I do? Was I not enough for Mason? Did he regret me being in his life like my Dad did? Did he ever really love me? All of my anger boiled over and I let it all out by destroying Mason’s things. If he could crush me so easily I was determined to hurt him anyway that I could.