Megan Smith - Hard To Love You

I take a quick shower and set my plan in motion. The first call I need to make is to a realtor. The second and third phone calls are to MacKenzie and Jaylinn. I need to rally the girls on my side and pray they don’t hang up on me after calling me crazy.

The last few months feels like I’ve been living in someone else’s body. Who the hell have I become? God knows I’ve slept around more times then I care to think about but that’s not who I am. Not after I started dating Hailey. I never even gave a girl a second glance unless it was to get something I wanted and even that was wrong, but I never cheated on Hailey and I never would.

I’m bound and determined to set myself straight and kick my own ass if I have to. Screw everything and everyone who gets in my way.

I see something I want vividly now and I will stop at nothing to get it.

Stage six of my breakup: Rebuilding and Hope.

Life gets easier with every day that passes. I don’t cry nearly as much, only when I’m drinking, which I barely do nowadays because I don’t want to be sad anymore. I’m healing; I’m stronger and finally feel like I have my two legs back under me. I have Logan to thank for a lot of that. He tells me every day how beautiful I am, how strong I am, how much I’ve changed in these past few months. Logan’s been like my crutch, getting through this mess. I’m getting over this by myself but it’s nice to have him to help fill Mason’s void a little bit.

I walk out of the door from work and the sun immediately hits my face, it’s too beautiful outside to call for a lift so I decide to walk. My phone rings and I dig around my huge purse until I find it. “Hello?”

“BFF!” Jaylinn’s cheerful voice greets me.

“So …”

Oh boy.

“So …”

“Wearehavingapartyforthetwinsyouhavetocome.” Jaylinn spews out quickly.

I shake my head, what the hell did she say?

“Jay, I have no clue what the hell you just said.” I chuckle.

Jaylinn groans, “Can’t you just say that you’ll come?”

“Come where?”

“MacKenzie and I are having a party for the twins, nothing big, just the family.” Jaylinn rushes the last part out.

Their birthdays are next weekend. I’ve secretly been hoping that they would be on the road so that this wouldn’t come up.

“Hailey, please.” Jaylinn begs. “We miss you.”

My heart beats faster at the thought of seeing Mason.

“You’ve been telling Kenzie and me that you’re over it. Prove it Hailey. Come. Plus, Ryder misses you.” Jaylinn challenges.

Jaylinn: 1

Hailey: 0

“You fight dirty.”

“Yeah but it works so it’s worth it. Party is next Saturday at three at the Cahills’. Love you.” Jaylinn says happily and hangs up before I can tell her I love her too.

Shit! How the hell am I going to get up there? I can’t ask Logan to drive me; that would be too weird. Cole has already done so much for me. Bentley works on Saturdays as does Zeke.

My phone rings in my hands, startling me. “Yeah?”

“I forgot you don’t have a car. I’ll come down Friday night. Can I crash there and then we can head back up here Saturday morning?” Jaylinn asks.

I think for a minute. I’m afraid to sleep without Logan; he’s my rock at night. Would he be pissed that I was going home? Did it matter if he was? No, I pushed that thought away. Logan and I are friends, nothing more.

“Yeah sure that’s fine.”

“Love you, Hails.”

“Love you too.” I hang up this time before she can.

I get home and begin cooking baked ziti. I start a pot of water. Pull a bowl out from the cabinet to mix the sauce, ricotta and mozzarella cheeses.

Logan sneaks up behind me, trapping me between his back and the sink. “Hails.” Logan greets me.

I twist around so I’m facing his handsome face. “Hey Logan.” I place a kiss on his cheek.

Logan backs away and leans his back against the cabinet and crosses his ankles. His arms fold across his chest and they ripple. Playing football keeps Logan in great shape. Practice starts next week and Logan’s been hitting the gym in preparation. I get butterflies in my stomach from the heat in his eyes. Logan and I have only kissed a few times since that morning he made my coffee for me, but it made everything more intense.

“Smells good. What are you cooking?” Logan asks, still looking at me with sexual tension buzzing between us.

“Ziti. Can you make the salad up?” I need him to do something. I can’t have him watching me the way he is.

Logan doesn’t answer; he goes about getting the salad ready while I finish up cooking the pasta and mixing the sauce in. I pick up the dish and place it in oven. When I close the oven door and turn around I’m right against Logan’s hard chest. I look; he reaches down and picks me up like I weigh nothing. I wrap my legs around him.

Logan presses his forehead against mine, his breathing shallow. I bite my bottom lip, waiting, watching to see what his next move is. Logan normally doesn’t touch me unless we are in our rooms with the doors closed.

“I’m gonna kiss you.” Logan’s voice slithers around my butterfly filled stomach.

The front door slams open. My legs drop from around Logan’s waist. We quickly separate. I’m breathing heavy, Logan is too.

“Damn, what smells so good?” Bentley’s voice bellows from the front of the house.

“Ziti.” Logan and I answer at the same time.

I glance over at Logan to see his jade eyes lose the heat that was in them just moments ago. This is good. Logan and I need some distance. Yes, I was slowly getting over Mason but I wasn’t ready to have sex with anyone else just yet.

Zeke comes home shortly after Bentley. I excuse myself and run upstairs to change. When I come back down dinner is out of the oven and Logan is dishing out our plates. I take mine and place a kiss on his cheek.

“Where’s our kiss, sugar lips?” Zeke asks.

As I walk around the table to sit, I kiss Zeke and Bentley on their cheeks. Everyone is chatting away about their days and then Bentley asks about mine.

“Same old same old. But Jaylinn is coming down tomorrow night.” I answer.

Logan’s eyebrows raise, in question about our sleeping arrangements I’m sure.

“You girls want to go out to the club this weekend while she’s here?” Zeke asks.

I take a bite of food, trying to avoid answering his question, but it’s no use; three sets of eyes are waiting for me to answer. “Um, no. We are actually leaving Saturday morning. I’ll be home on Sunday at some point.”

Zeke and Bentley go back to eating but Logan’s eyes bore questions into me. I shake my head no. I’ll explain it to him later.

After dinner has finished I go upstairs and try to finish the book that I started. Jaylinn got me addicted to a series and I can’t stop reading them. A knock sounds from the door.

“It’s open.” I yell from the bed.

Logan walks in and shuts the door behind him. He comes over to the bed and lies down next to me.

He cuts right to the chase. “You want to tell me the real reason Jay is coming this weekend?”

I turn off my Kindle and set it aside. I sit up and cross my legs. “Yeah. Um, they are having a party for Mason and Cooper this weekend for their birthday. Jay begged me to come.”

Logan nods his head. I can’t read his thoughts. Is he mad?

“I miss them, Logan. Ryder is crawling all over the place now. I feel like I’m missing so much.” I explain.

He nods again. “I get it. I’m sure you do miss them. But are you going for everyone or just Mason?”

“Logan …”

Logan gets up from the bed and leaves without another word. I throw myself back on the bed in frustration. Why is he pissy about me leaving for the weekend? Logan and I aren’t in a relationship so it shouldn’t matter, plus I am coming back. It’s not like I’m leaving for good, all my stuff is here. Am I not allowed to have a life and get away for a weekend? Besides, Mason and I are done.

I grab for my cell and give MacKenzie a call but Hunter answers the phone and tells me MacKenzie is throwing up and must have caught a bug. She’ll call me back when she’s feeling better.

Later that night I’m lying in bed, waiting on Logan to come in. It’s Thursday night and we normally spend Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday in my room and the rest of the nights in his room downstairs. Another hour ticks by and there’s still no sing. Finally, growing tired of playing games with Logan, I throw my covers off and go in search of him.

I knock on his bedroom door. I hear his TV on so at least I know he’s at home and awake. I knock again and wait.

“Oh Logan.” I hear a girl moan.

My stomach drops and I feel sick. I run back upstairs, when I reach the top I take a few deep breaths. What an asshole! He gets pissed off because I’m going home. Wait, home? I am home. I’m going to visit my family. It shouldn’t bother me because Logan and I aren’t a couple and we never talk about what we do behind closed doors.

I grab a bottle of Malibu rum from the fridge and run back to my room. When I shut the door a lone tear runs down my face. I angrily wipe it away. Logan’s all over my room. I can’t sleep in here. I grab my pillow and my bath robe, along with the Malibu, and go into the bathroom. There is nowhere else to sleep. I’m not sleeping in my room. I’m not sleeping in the living room and risking having to see that girl walk out. I’m not bothering Bentley and I am sure as hell not sleeping with Zeke. I shiver at the thought of all the girls he’s screwed on his bed.

I dry the tub with a towel, throw my pillow in and then climb into the cold porcelain to drink my sorrows away. Tomorrow is a new day. I can get through anything. I don’t need anyone.

I enlist my sister and Jaylinn to help me win Hailey back. Both girls had little hope since Hailey insisted that she was over me, but after making some amends I have all the girls on board.

Jaylinn suggested throwing us a birthday party and inviting Hailey. It was a long shot because the party was for us. MacKenzie said she had something else up her sleeve if that didn’t work. I didn’t know what that other thing was but she was convinced it would bring Hailey home.

Cooper and I are home for a few days before we have to leave and go on the road again. My days home are packed with seeing houses. Mom walked through a few for me but she said they weren’t my style. I was really hoping the few that Mom had seen would work but I didn’t want to jump into something until I was hundred percent sure it is the house for us.

Early afternoon comes and I’m starving. I need to meet the realtor at one, which gives me about a half hour. I pull into Scotto’s pizza shop to grab a few slices.

I order two slices of plain cheese and a bottle of water. I reach into my pocket to pay and I hear someone clear their throat behind me. I turn slightly, thinking I am in their way.

Lily’s blonde and brown hair is tied over her shoulder, her eyes look tired and her cheeks are sunken. She looks like shit. My gaze drops to her stomach, which is sporting a tiny belly. My fucking heart drops, along with the money in my hands. My world starts spinning and my breath comes in shallow pants.

She’s pregnant.

“Can we talk?” Lily asks. She looks scared and uncomfortable.

I nod because I’m not sure I can talk. Lily walks to a table in the back of the shop, away from prying ears. I feel like the whole world has stopped and is watching the Lily and Mason show. I reach down and pick up the money I dropped. I slap some bills on the counter and follow after Lily.

“So,” Lily starts.

I cringe. She’s going to tell me this baby is mine I know it. What the fuck am I going to do? I don’t want this kid with her. I can’t stand to even look at her. What did I do? This was supposed to be Hailey and me.

“Mason stop.” My eyes shoot to hers. “It’s not yours.”

I let out the breath I was holding and take a couple of deep breaths. The elephant that was standing on my chest has now stepped off. I saw my life crashing around me.

“It’s not?” I ask, needing confirmation one more time, just to be sure I heard her right.

Lily confirms, “No it’s not.”

Lily rests her hands on top of the table playing with the salt shaker. “What did you want to talk about, Lily?”