Teresa Mummert - Honor and Betray

“You are so beautiful.” I couldn’t resist touching her delicate face. She shied away from my words, looking down at the floor between us. I tipped her chin up so she would look me in the eye. “You really are.”

She tucked her hair behind her ears nervously as her eyes scanned my face for any trace of deception. I rubbed over her silky strands. “You really don’t know, do you?” I placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “My beautiful, broken girl.” I took her hand and turned her toward the tub. She dipped her toe in, testing the temperature. “Good?” I asked.

“Perfect.” She smiled as she slid down into the water. I turned off the faucet and lowered my body in behind hers. She relaxed her body against mine, her arms resting on my knees as I grabbed the liquid soap and poured it into my hands. I rubbed my slick fingers over her breasts, but I couldn’t get my mind off the sadness that was still waiting outside of my door. She noticed my hesitation.

“What?”

I absentmindedly began to rub my palm over the peak of her breast. “We need to start thinking about funeral arraignments.” I hated having to bring her down. It broke my heart to know that my words caused her sadness. She nodded, but did not reply, and I continued to hold her tight against me and wash away her pain. It was one of the few moments that touching her wasn’t about giving me pleasure. Slowly, I was beginning to learn that loving her wasn’t about how she made me feel, but how I could make her life a little bit easier. A lesson I wished I had learned weeks ago.

When her body was sufficiently clean, she turned around to return the favor. Her soapy hands slid over my chest and down the ridges of my abdomen. My body reacted like it always did under her touch, and I grew hard. I grabbed her wrist, not sure if I would be able to control myself once her fingers brushed against my cock. Her stare was unwavering, and I let her slide from my grip. She wrapped her fingers around my length. I let my eyes close and enjoyed the touch of her for a moment before forcing her to stop. I didn’t want her worrying about satisfying me when I was the cause of all of her pain.

“That is enough of that.” I gave her a small smile before slipping out of the tub. I wrapped a towel around my hips and reached out to take her hand and pull her from the chilly water. She shivered as I grabbed a towel and draped it around her body.

“Thank you,” she whispered as I turned to walk out of the bathroom. I nodded. “I mean it. For everything.”

I stopped in my path, unable to resist the pull of my heart to her. I spun around, lifting her in my arms to kiss her. “I love you, Emma. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” They were the most honest words I had ever spoken. I would walk away from Emma if I needed to, but I also knew I wouldn’t survive the loss of her.

She slipped her fingers into my hair and pressed her lips softly against mine. I lowered her back down and made my way into the kitchen. My mind was only on her and making all of this right. I grabbed the phone and held it out to her.

“You need to call the police and see if her body is able to be released.” Her smile faltered, and I hated myself for forcing her to do something that would cause her more pain. “Emma, you need to do this. I would do it for you if I could. I would take all the pain from you if it were possible.” She nodded, taking the phone from my hand and grabbing the detective’s card from her purse.

I busied myself making something to eat as she spoke quietly on the phone. I cooked up some grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. I figured some comfort food might make her feel a little more at ease about the situation. Honestly, I had no idea what would help her. I was the last person to give advice to someone with a broken heart. Until I had met Emma, I wasn’t sure I had one at all.

She hung up the phone with an audible sigh and slid into her seat at the counter. I slid a bowl of soup in front of her and a plate with her sandwich.

“What did they say?” I asked as she looked over her meal, tears clouding her eyes.

“Thanks,” she mumbled quietly.

“What did they say?”

“They said her death was…insulin overdose.” She tore off a corner of her sandwich and dipped it into the creamy liquid.

Whomever Stephen had hired knew what he was doing. It was a dark secret of the fetish world. A little insulin play could quickly turn into a murder. I never personally understood the urge to render a partner catatonic. I preferred a willing participant or even a little struggle.

“That’s a good thing, right? You don’t have to worry about someone coming back to hurt you.” I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth. What if she didn’t want to stay with me anymore because she was safe? I took a large bite from my sandwich as I thought over how I would keep her with me now.

“I guess. I never realized being diabetic was that serious. I just don’t believe she is gone.” I could feel her eyes on me, and I knew I should say something to comfort her, but I was at a loss. “They said I could make arrangements”

I finished my meal and began to make calls to arrange the funeral.

We had decided to hold the service at Jacoby’s Funeral Home just down the road from my place. Taylor Jacoby was a frequent visitor of the club.

As we pulled up outside of the modest brick building, I squeezed Emma’s hand, bringing it to my lips for a kiss.

“I’ll be there with you. You don’t have to worry about anything.” She nodded in understanding, and I reluctantly released her hand and got out of the car. I made my way to the passenger side and held out my hand again for her to take. I needed to have the contact with her. I needed to know that through all of this, she was not doubting us. That nagging voice in the back of my head replayed Stephen’s words, and I knew he was right about how selfish I was. But he was wrong about love. This had to be it. I planned every detail of the funeral, making sure Emma agreed with my decisions. She looked so small and frail, and I wished I could have left her at my place while I took care of everything. Death was not an emotional experience for me. People died, some peacefully and some violently. In the end, we would all die, and the world would continue to turn.

Emma was nothing like me. She would carry around the pain, the guilt. I knew she was probably blaming herself for not having had a better relationship with Judy. And although we hadn’t spoken about it, it was more than obvious Judy had not been a saint on the night she had died. Luckily, the police seemed convinced that her nudity was unrelated to her sudden demise.

“Let’s get you back home.” I pulled her body against my side as I walked her back to my car. As soon as she was safely inside, she cranked up the radio and stared out of the windshield, her expression blank.

I turned the volume down slightly as I watched her.

“Do you want to talk…about anything?”

I watched as her expression changed, but she quickly shook her head and reached for the radio to drown out her thoughts. I tried not to take it as a personal slight. It was difficult for most to come to terms with the loss of a loved one, even if that person was less than loving. It made people question their own mortality.

I sped home, just wanting to hold her in my arms again. As we pulled into the first floor of the old warehouse, she pushed open her door and took off for the stairs. I had to take the steps two at a time to catch her. She stood with her forehead against my door, eyes closed. I wrapped my arms around her tiny body and pulled her into my chest. I fumbled with my keys and unlocked the door to the apartment behind her back.

I lifted her and carried her inside, setting her gently on the couch.

“What is it?” I asked as I brushed a few wisps of hair from her face.

“I’m going to lose you, too, aren’t I?” I wasn’t sure if she meant that I would one day die or that I would leave her. The thought of ever being separated from her made me sick to my stomach.

“Never, Emma. You are my everything. I could never leave you. You would be impossible to forget. Why would you even think that?” My fingers slid into her hair, gripping the strands as I searched her eyes. She nodded, not responding to my question.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you too. So much.”

“Wait here.” I placed a small kiss on her forehead and forced myself to release her. I wanted normal. I grabbed a Yahtzee box from my closet and brought it out to her. A smile flashed across her face.

“What is that?” She laughed as she cocked her head to the side.

“This, my dear, is a distraction.” I sat down in the center of the living room and motioned for her to join me. She quickly joined me, folding her legs under her body.

“Yahtzee. Really?”

“What? You were expecting Parcheesi?”

She rolled her eyes and grabbed the dice. We played for hours and forgot about all the things that haunted us. Emma put the impending funeral in the back of her mind. I focused on trying to please her without gaining something in return. Just seeing her smile made me feel better, and I didn’t know if it were truly possible to be selfless. I was still gaining something from her.

She yawned as she stretched her body out across the floor.

“Quitting already?” I asked as my eyes travelled down her body. She propped herself up on her elbows as my eyes finally found hers again.

“Thank you…for everything.”

I winked and pushed myself to my feet. Did it matter that I enjoyed making her happy? I was still doing something for her, and wasn’t that what love was about? I held out my hand to her, and she slipped her slender fingers into my palm. I pulled her to her feet, and her body slid against mine.

“One more day to go.” I kissed her on the top of her head. As long as Emma was in my arms, I knew there was hope for me yet.

Emma consumed my every waking thought, but even the night gave little refuge from my obsession. I had watched her sleeping beside me peacefully for the last hour. Every once in a while, her brow would furrow, and I resisted the urge to reach out and smooth the wrinkles that marred her delicate features. Her lips parted, and her tongue ran out to wet her lips, causing my thoughts to turn darker. I ran my hand over her waist and over the slope of her hip, letting my fingers glide over her bare mound. She stirred as a quiet moan escaped her. She was already damp between her thighs.

I knew the last thing I should’ve been doing was thinking of fucking her, but I couldn’t help myself.

“That was the best wakeup call I have ever received.”

“It’s not over yet.” I took a nipple between my teeth, gently, before rolling my tongue over its peak. I dipped my hand lower, sliding a finger inside her wet entrance.

“Aah…” she moaned as I began to fuck her slowly with my hand and kissed her breasts. She looped her arms around my neck, and I grabbed her wrist with my free hand and kissed it before forcing it against the pillow above her head. I put my lips against the shell of her ear, loving how she struggled against me.

“I like it when you fight.”

She lifted her hips to push my finger deeper inside of her as she moaned. I slid another finger inside of her pussy as I rubbed my palm hard against her clit. She pushed her free hand against my chest, and I slammed my body down on hers, unable to contain my grin.

“Bad girl.” My mouth claimed hers, hard and full of wanting. I pulled her lower lip between my teeth, struggling not to bite down so she wouldn’t cry out. She continued to buck against me, begging to find her release. I withdrew from her and grabbed her free hand, securing it above her head with the other.

“I want to hear you beg for it.”

Her mouth clamped shut as she struggled not to give the control over to me. I already had it, and it was between her thighs, throbbing against her entrance. I knew she wanted me just as badly as I wanted her. I pushed against her and she moaned loudly, her lips parted.

“Do you want me?” I asked as I slipped my free hand between us and over her folds.

“Yes.” She lifted her head from the pillow to kiss me, but I pulled back out of reach.

“Tell me you want me.” I kept my mouth out of reach as I tightened my grip on her wrists under my hand.