Katharine Ashe - How to Be a Proper Lady

He had not felt fear in so many years, he had forgotten he could.

Blindly he walked his horse along the cliff, the blustery gray above presaging the storm that would come when the heat rose later in the day, like the heat he found in her. He wanted her sharp tongue and foolish arguments and courageous defiance and sheer lunacy. For years he had been searching for forgiveness from a higher power, imagining that was his single desire: to atone. But now he only wanted her, and he was terrified.

Riding until his horse dropped, however, wouldn’t solve anything. He stroked the animal’s neck, then turned it inland. The outbuildings of Savege Park sprawled amid scrubby trees and hedges set back from the coast, the stable a massive complex of paddocks, stalls, and carriage buildings. Jin entered through the rear of the wing farthest from the comings and goings of guests, dismounted, and pulled off his hat and gloves.

There wasn’t a stable hand in sight. He dragged the saddle and blanket off his horse’s back, then slid the bridle over its ears. The bit jingled as it came from between the animal’s teeth. When it quieted, he heard the sound.

Prickling heat spread in his belly.

Muffled sound. Not the muffled scuff of hooves in straw or an animal’s whinny.

Muffled screams. A woman’s cries beneath a heavy hand. In a stall not far away. Seven-eight stalls along the row.

He snapped the halter to the door latch and broke into a run. Horses turned their heads. At the seventh doorway he reached for his knife, but his palm flattened on his empty waistcoat. He’d come out unarmed. But his fists had never failed him before. He pushed the door of the eighth stall open.

The man’s white shirt was stained with blood at the hem, like the insides of her white thighs. His hand over the lower half of her tearstained face held her head to the straw while his other buttoned his breeches.

“Shut up, or I’ll do it again tomorrow.” He pushed her face away. “And if you squeal like a pig, I’ll tell your master you begged me for it.”

“Her master would be unlikely to believe you. He is a just man.”

Seamus Castle swung around.

Jin advanced into the stall. “But I am not.” He looked at the girl. “Go find Mrs. Tubbs and tell her what has occurred.”

She didn’t move. He held out his hand.

“It will be all right. Come now.” With a sob she grasped his hand, and he pulled her to her feet. “Now hurry and find Mrs. Tubbs. Tell her I sent you.”

She fled.

“Touching, Seton.” Seamus sneered. “I knew you had a soft spot for slaves, but I didn’t take you for a nursemaid to serving wenches.”

Jin’s fist collided with the Irishman’s jaw so hard the crack reverberated through the stable. Seamus slammed to the straw. He clutched his face with both hands, slurring a curse. Jin came toward him. The Irishman’s eyes shot wide. He scrabbled back like a crab, blood-his own now-staining his chin and shirtfront. But he still managed to sneer.

“What’s got you ruffled, Seton? Not satisfied getting into Violet’s drawers, after all? Want that little maid all for yourself, too, do you?”

Jin’s gorge rose, his fists tightening. The Irishman laughed and started to push to his feet. So Jin hit him again.

And then he beat him.

Jin paced the floor of Alex’s study, but the sound of his footsteps did not drown out the memory of Seamus Castle’s shattering bones. He could not be still. He had washed the Irishman’s blood from his hands and changed clothing, but it mattered little. The animal inside him could wear a diadem and ermine and he would still be nothing more than an animal.

Alex entered and closed the door behind him. His brow was sober.

“He will live. Barely.”

Jin turned his face to the window beyond which the sea stretched beneath a curtain of rain.

Alex crossed the room. “The doctor has nearly finished. He stitched the wounds and set what bones could be-”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

Behind him, glass clinked against glass. “I told you to have a brandy.”

“Damn you and your brandy. How is the girl?”

“Frightened. The doctor says she will heal. Mrs. Tubbs and Serena are caring for her now.” Alex came to his side and pressed the glass into his hand. “Drink it. Then I will pour you another and you can drink that as well. Drink the whole bottle.”

“Don’t patronize me, Alex, or you will find yourself the doctor’s third patient today.”

“I’d like to see you try.” The earl settled back against his desk, a massive mahogany piece topped with marble, fit for a lord, like everything in this house. A house in which Jin did not belong.

He set down his glass. “I nearly killed him. I might have killed him.”

“That you could have, yet did not, is telling.” Alex folded his arms loosely across his chest. “I know why you did it.”

“You do not.”

“I suspect I am the only one that could know. I met Frakes, if you recall.”

Jin locked his jaw. “You don’t know the half of it.”

“I know what he did to those girls aboard ship while he had them chained up.” Alex spoke simply of the gruesome memory. “You told me. I was only twelve years old and I’d never heard such a thing. But at nine you had seen it, and chained as you were too, could do nothing to stop him. I understand what that must have done to you.”

“More to the point, however, is what I did to him.”

“To Frakes?” Alex’s gaze shot to him. “When?”

“Four years later.”

A lengthy pause.

“You hunted him down, didn’t you?”

Jin’s jaw hardened.

Alex knew him. Perhaps not as well as Mattie did. But well enough.

“I hunted him down. I found him.”

“You killed him in cold blood.”

“Him? No.” Rain speckled the windowpanes. “Him, I castrated.” He looked beyond the rain. “I thought it fitting.”

“Good God, Jin.” Alex hissed in a breath. “You were only thirteen.”

“A strong, clever thirteen. And indeed the animal Frakes said I was. I merely proved him right.”

“You were young and angry. You could not have fully understood what you were doing.”

“I would have done the same to Seamus Castle today if I’d had a knife on me at the time.”

“You wouldn’t have.”

“Goddamn it.” He covered his eyes with his hand and dragged in breath, fighting the wave of nausea that came upon the fury and despair. “Indeed I would have.” But he could not hide from himself. He had never been able to, no matter how many seas he crossed or how many slaves he set free. No matter the perfection of the woman in whom he lost himself. He pulled his palm away. “It is the man I am.”

“You are a good man, Jin.”

“And you, my friend, are living in a fantasy world.” He moved away, to the window. “Will Castle bring charges?”

“I doubt it. His uncle and cousin are furious, and ashamed, as well they should be. And since Carlyle is the magistrate-”

“Not you?”

“No. But Carlyle will take your word and the girl’s over Castle’s. No concern there.”

“I am not so certain of that.”

“You can be. Carlyle is a reasonable man.”

“I mustn’t remain here.” Jin spoke the words to make himself enact them, though nothing in him wished to go. Nothing but the fear. “I should not remain, and I have business elsewhere.”

“In London?”

“Elsewhere.” He went to the door.

“Frankly, I’ve been surprised you remained this long. I don’t remember a time when you have before.”

Hand on the doorknob, Jin paused. He met his friend’s gaze.

“Alex, I am in love with Viola.”

Slowly the earl leaned back. “Ah. That would explain it.” He frowned. “Carlyle is protective of her now, of course. Have you given him reason to-”

“No.”

He nodded. “All right. It’s your business. But I don’t see how leaving here will suit your purpose.”

Rapid knocks sounded on the door, then it opened. Jin stepped back and Viola came flying through.

“Where-?” She halted before him. “There.” She glanced aside. “Hello, Alex. Serena is looking for you.”

The earl pushed away from the desk and came forward. “Then I’d better not keep her waiting. Do bid my wife adieu before you depart, Jin. She will be sorry to see you go.”

The door clicked shut.

“Go?” Viola’s cheeks paled. “Go, as in go over to Avesbury to buy yourself a new waistcoat that is not soaked in blood? Or go, as in go?”

“It is time I leave here, Viola.”

Her dark eyes swam with distress. “Setting aside for the moment that you said mere hours ago that you would not leave if I did not wish you to, tell me that you can beat a man to a bloody pulp, then feel comfortable saddling up your horse and riding off the very same day? You cannot be serious.”

“He took a serving girl by force.”

“I know that! I just heard the story from Jane, who heard it from the third upstairs maid, who heard it from the scullery maid, who heard it from Cook, who heard it from Mrs. Tubbs, who heard it from the poor girl herself. And do you know why it had to pass through so many people before I could hear it? Because everybody in this house except you believes I am a bloody virgin because that is all unmarried ladies in this society are.” Abruptly the hysteria seemed to slide from her, her shoulders sagging. “I’m sorry. I am upset. Everyone is upset. Aidan and his parents, and Serena of course, because she invited them thinking that I-”

“You have a right to be upset. You have known Seamus many years.”

She screwed up her brow. “When Aidan wasn’t looking, Seamus used to push me into corners and fondle my breasts-uninvited. Someone should take him out to a barn and give him more than a beating. For what he did to that girl he deserves to be castra-”

“Don’t, Viola.”

“Don’t what?” She stepped forward. “I regret that it was you who came upon them. I regret it for your sake. But Seamus Castle is a very bad man. I could never tell Aidan what I thought because they were always so close. But that family would be far better off washing their hands of him. Or better yet, sending him off to the navy where he could get a real education in misery.”

“You know nothing of such misery.”

Her eyes flickered. “What?”

“You know nothing of it. Nothing.” He spoke quietly, a burning in his gut urging him on. “And you do not wish to. You never have. You kept your hands clean while Fionn and your crewmen ensured your safety.”

“What?” She blinked. “What are you talking about? You have no idea what my father and crewmen have done.”

“I spent a month aboard ship with men who have known you for years. Do you think I did not learn a thing or two about Violet Daly and her father?”

Her eyes darted over him, twin red blotches staining her lovely cheeks. “What are you saying?”

“Do you know that Fionn wanted you to return here? He did everything in his power to protect you from the harsh realities of his life and to return you to this life from which he had stolen you. Where you belong. But you-goddamned stubborn, quarrelsome woman-would not oblige him. Every time he threw opportunity before you, you refused it.”

“You cannot know this. Who told you these lies?”

“Not lies. Truth from men who were loyal to their captain to the moment of his death. He wanted what was best for you. They all did.”

“If you stand here and try to tell me that I took so few prizes the past two years because my crew was bamboozling me, I swear if I can’t find my dirk I will find a prawn fork and stick you with it somewhere it will hurt you quite a lot.”

“Your father made Castle promise that after he died he would wed you and bring you back to England. He believed that were you finally here again, you would voluntarily return to your family.”

Her mouth dropped open. “He did not. That is positively ridiculous.”

“I have a letter in my possession from your former quartermaster. Your father left him with instructions to tell Aidan the truth about your family once you were married, with the request that he encourage you to come back here. Is Mr. Crazy typically a liar, Viola?”

“A letter? Why on earth would you have a letter from Crazy? What have you been doing, spying on me?”

“It is one of my many talents,” he said, but it passed her by.

“Crazy must have misunderstood. My father liked to invent stories. He was a sailor.” But she looked like she was struggling not to believe it. Behind her rich violet eyes he could nearly see her recalling the moments Fionn had encouraged her to return to England, and her willful choice to defy that. It sufficed for Jin. But driving her away was even more painful than he had anticipated. He could not have her, but he did not want to throw her into Aidan Castle’s arms either.