Jewel Ann - Idle Bloom

There is no response to that. I stare out the window, releasing a deep breath.

“What did Oliver do?”

I roll my eyes. “Nothing, everything … I don’t know. He’s hiding something, but I have no clue what it is.”

“Hiding what? Like a wife or something.”

I laugh. “No, more like something from his past that haunts him. I’ve met his family. They wouldn’t welcome me with open arms if it were some deal breaker.”

“Why don’t you ask him?”

“I can’t. Whatever it is feels like the line between Jekyll and Hyde.”

“You’re afraid of how he might react if you ask him?”

“I’m afraid of everything—his reaction, mine, losing him, losing us. He has this door down the hall from his bedroom and it’s locked with a dead bolt … a freaking dead bolt. Who has a deadbolted door to a bedroom or closet or whatever the hell it is?”

“Did you ask him about it?”

I shake my head. “He’s caught me more than once staring at it, but I’ve never asked. That’s when I see a slight glimpse of Hyde in his eyes. Well that, and given my own secret-filled past, I have trouble prying into his. I think he’ll tell me, hopefully sooner than later.”

Alex pulls into a parking spot. “Sean and I dated a year before he told me about his uncle.”

A sad smile pulls at my lips. Sean and I give each other shit all the time, but I genuinely like him and his past breaks my heart. His uncle sexually abused him for over ten years before anyone found out. I’ve met his parents and they are the best. I can’t even imagine what it must have done to them when they found out.

“I’ll give him time. As much as I’m dying to know, it has to be on his own time.”

We get out of the car.

“Maybe he has a weird fetish like a collection of porcelain-faced dolls, or teddy bears. Maybe he’s into some kinky shit and he’s hiding his whips and canes behind that door. I bet he has one of those sex swings suspended from the ceiling. Seriously, he did say he wanted to spank you.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s it.” I laugh and at the same time the spanking threat lingers like a neon light in the back of my mind.

* * *

Oliver

I hate her. I fucking hate her. It feels like a one-night stand with HIV as the parting gift. She’s the poison in my veins. A poison that will infect everyone I ever touch.

“Hey, there’s some drinks in the fridge and maybe a few cereal bars on the counter. The women should be back soon with some grub. Alex just texted me and said they’re on their way back, but Viv wanted to stop for her doughnuts.”

“Thanks, Sean, I’m good right now.” I sit in the lounge chair next to him on the deck not giving Kai so much as a glance.

“So Alex said you graduated from Harvard Law.”

I nod. “Yes, I did.”

“But you’re working with your brother right now?” Sean tips back his can of Red Bull.

“I am. How about you?”

“I’m getting my MBA just like Viv.”

“What are your plans when you’re done?”

“Wait for Viv.” He laughs. “You do realize she plans on conquering the world? I can think of worse coattails to ride.”

I chuckle. “Yeah, she’s definitely driven.”

“How would you know? You’ve known her for what … two seconds?” Kai decides to open his piehole and add his two worthless cents.

Sean looks at Kai and shakes his head with a warning glare. I’m missing something, but right now I couldn’t care less.

“My relationship with her is none of your damn business.”

Kai stands and smirks. “Whatever. She gives good head, doesn’t she?”

I see red, hear my thundering pulse, and feel nothing but Kai’s face against my fist.

Sean helps him up as Kai uses his shirt to catch the blood flowing from his nose.

“Thanks for the invite, but I think I’ll head back to Cambridge. You’ll bring Vivian home on Sunday?”

“Fuck, I think you broke my nose!”

Sean looks at me and nods once before tending to his asshole of a friend. I grab my bag from upstairs and pull out of the drive without a second thought about it. Vivian’s lips wrapped around Kai’s dick is an image I’m not going to forget all too soon—not without a little help from Jack Daniels.

Vivian

Oliver’s car is gone. Maybe he took the guys for some lunch. I shouldn’t have insisted on stopping for doughnuts, but we left early and didn’t stop on the way.

“Did Sean say they were going somewhere?”

Alex hands me two bags of groceries from the back. “No, but they’re guys, you know, forgetful and unpredictable.”

“True.”

We carry the bags into the kitchen.

“What the heck?” Alex says.

Kai sits at the kitchen table, holding an icepack to his bloodied nose, and Sean leans against the counter.

“What happened? Where’s Oliver?”

Kai glares at me behind his icepack. “Real nice, Viv. I’m sitting here with a busted-up face and all you can say is ‘Where’s Oliver?’”

I set the bags down on the table. “No, I also asked what happened.”

“Kai stuck his foot in his mouth and got a bloody nose.” Sean smirks.

I look from Sean to Kai. “What happened?”

“Hey, babe, maybe we should take a walk and leave these two to talk.”

“Then hurry up and help me put away these groceries,” Alex replies.

“Kai?” I step closer looking down at him.

“He hit me.”

“Why?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. He just lost it.”

Sean clears his throat.

Kai glances at him and sighs. “I may have said something.”

“What?”

He continues to look over at Sean, then finally back at me. “I said you give good … head.”

Smack!

“FUCK! My nose!”

Kai’s icepack crashes to the floor and I stare at his blood on my palm.

“Yeah, let’s go, Sean.” Alex grabs his hand, leaving the rest of the groceries on the counter.

I toss a roll of paper towels at Kai. Eyes watering and hands shaking, he struggles to tear off a wad.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Me?” he questions in disbelief.

“Where is he?”

Kai eases down to pick up his icepack with one hand while holding the paper towels to his nose with the other. “He went home.”

My heart shatters. Oliver left thinking … God knows what, and I can’t get to him. I huff toward the stairs.

“Viv, wait!” Kai follows me. “You don’t understand.”

“You’re right, I don’t.” I shake my head. “Friends don’t do this.” I start up the stairs.

“I love you, Viv.”

I stop.

“I know the timing seems wrong, but I love you. I think I always have and I’ve just been too blind to see it … to see you.”

Tears flood my eyes as I turn around. “Why? Why now? Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say those words? God … I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember.” I sniffle and wipe my tears. “It’s too late, Kai.” I shake my head.

“No, Viv, it’s never too late. You know we belong together. I know you feel it in your heart.”

I can’t even see Kai, all I see is Oliver. All I want is Oliver. All I need is Oliver.

I love Oliver.

“I’m not your toy, not anymore. You only want me when you think you can’t have me. But I don’t love you that way, not anymore.”

“He doesn’t deserve—”

“Don’t! Don’t you dare say that to me. You don’t deserve me, Kai. You broke me and I let you.”

“Viv, you promised—”

“I don’t care!” Tears of anger replace my tears of sadness and they’re like dripping acid. “I don’t care that I promised never to blame you. I do! I blame you for my fucking lot in life. You were drunk off your ass that night and if those other campers wouldn’t have been watching I might have died. Do you get that?”

Kai looks at me with a world of remorse in his eyes, but it’s too late.

“Do you, Kai? Do. You. Get. That?”

He nods once and swallows with renewed tears in his eyes.

“I can’t do this anymore. At some point this…” I wave my hand in the air “…us, what we had, became toxic and we’ve been too blind and stubborn to see it. But it’s over … we’re over. Stop calling me, stop coming over, just … stay away from me.” I turn and walk the rest of the way up the stairs.

“Viv?”

I keep going, even as I hear the foreign sound of a rare sob from Kai. I’ve seen him cry once before—when I woke up in the hospital after the accident.

Where are you?

I text Oliver and wait, but he doesn’t respond so I call him. It goes to his voice mail. “Oli, I’m so sorry. Kai had no right to say that to you. Please call me back.”

Next, I text Alex.

Come back. I need a ride to the train station.

Alex arrives back within minutes and follows me to the car. She refrains from saying anything right away, but finally breaks the silence as we get closer.

“Sean said Kai was an ass.”

“I don’t want to talk about Kai.”

Alex nods as we pull into the train station.

“I’m sorry. Hope you can still have a nice weekend.”

Alex hugs me. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll get Kai drunk until he passes out and then we’ll go do our own thing.”

I smile. “Thanks, Alex, for everything.”

“Good luck, Flower.”

“Thanks, I may need it.”

* * *

The train ride back is emotionally draining as I grieve the loss of my best friend. I never dreamed the moment Kai would declare his love to me would be the moment I would let him go. It shouldn’t be this way. Friends shouldn’t have to choose. As angry as I am with him, I feel a painful emptiness inside. Will the man I love fill that void … will he love me back?

His car is here and so is he. I feel it like my own heart beating in my chest. My hands tremble. I can barely make a fist to knock on his door. I’ve never wanted to rip myself open so completely to another person. If Oliver doesn’t love me back, I’m certain I will die.

I knock.

No answer.

I knock again.

No answer.

I text him.

I know you’re home. Please let me in.

No response.

Oli, PLEASE!!

No response.

I knock again then rest my cheek on his door. The tears fall hard. “Oli, please.” I knock again. I’m not sure how much time passes, but I eventually peel my face off his door, and lug my bags across the street. Before I reach the top step I glance back.

Oli.

He’s standing in his door way. If it’s even possible to feel more pain today, I do. Looking at Oli with a glass bottle in one hand and his face somber … eyes vacant, I die a little more. I reach into my purse and grab my phone. A moment later Oli pulls his out of his pocket and holds it up to his ear. He doesn’t say anything, but I hear his breath and I swear I can feel it on my skin as a tingling chill spreads over me.

“I love you,” I whisper.

He doesn’t move, doesn’t speak. My heart beats out of my chest and I feel like I’m falling.

The line goes dead. He puts his phone back in his pocket and steps outside. Taking a shaky step down, he sits on the top step. We stare at each other, but standoffs are for stubborn cowboys in westerns. I’m a hungry woman desperate for her man. I make the trek back across a distance that’s too far between us. Tossing my bags on the step next to him, I straddle his lap. I can see the missing half of Jack Daniels glossed over in his eyes.

“You love me?” His words are slow with a soft slur.

I wrap my arms around his neck. “Completely.”

His brow tenses as he tips his head to the side. “Why?”

I shrug. “I can no longer do the impossible.”

“The impossible?”

“Not love you.”

He closes his eyes and smiles.

“I’m not expecting you to say it—”

“I love you.” He opens his eyes.

“I mean it. You don’t have to say it.”

“I love you.”

“I’m serious.”

He laughs and rests his forehead on my shoulder. “So am I.”

“You’re drunk.”

“I am.” He chuckles some more.

“So if in the morning you regret saying it then—”

His lips press to mine. He tastes like Jack and Oliver, the perfect cocktail. Releasing me, his forehead falls to mine. “No take backs.”

With those three words, I do the only thing a girl in my shoes can do: I cry tears of joy in the arms of the man who loves me.