Jewel Ann - Idle Bloom

“What makes you think I didn’t go to Harvard?”

I shrug. “Well, probably the leather work boots. Why? Did you go to Harvard?”

Oliver cruises ahead toward Dunkin’ Donuts. “It’s possible.”

I can feel his smirk as I roll my eyes and jog to catch up.

“After you.” Smirking, Oliver holds open the door.

“Why thank you, Mr. Konrad.”

We order doughnuts and iced coffee then take a seat by the window.

“So, are you?”

“Am I what?” He arches a sly brow.

“A Harvard graduate.”

“Ah, piqued your curiosity, have I?”

“A little.” I remove the lid from my coffee.

He stares into his drink as if he’s waiting for his next words to float to the top. “Yes, I went to Harvard.”

“Cool,” I reply, sticking my finger into the cream-filled hole then licking it off.

With cow eyes, Oliver watches me suck the filling off my finger. He clears his throat. “Yes, I guess it is cool.”

Sticking my finger back in the hole to scoop out more filling, I laugh. “I don’t mean it dismissively, I’m just trying to not make a big deal of it. You’re obviously not using your degree, that is if you received one, so I don’t want to make you feel bad for doing something else in life.”

Sliding my tongue along my cream-covered finger, I wait for his response. He’s staring at my mouth again with his lips parted and he takes an exaggerated swallow when his eyes meet mine.

“Uh, that’s um, an interesting way to eat a doughnut.”

I lick my lips and grin. “I like to savor it. You know, the way some people lick the frosting from the center of an Oreo before eating the cookie part?”

He nods and clears his throat. “I graduated with a degree in Law.”

“Really? Did you ever practice?”

His forehead tenses into valleys of lines, almost looking pained. “For a short while, but … life became too demanding so I had to give it up.” He says each word with slow calculated precision.

“Do you think you’ll ever start practicing again?”

He keeps eye contact, but his gaze becomes glazed. “A few years ago I would have said no, but now I hope I find my way back.”

“Sounds like you’re lost.”

Oliver leans back and laces his fingers behind his head. “I think I am.”

I pull the straw from my cup and chew on the end giving thought to his comment. “Lost is a state of mind. You’ll find yourself when you acknowledge you’re exactly where you need to be in this moment.”

He laughs. “At Dunkin’ Donuts?”

“Nope, just alive.” I smile but it falters as I watch the color drain from Oliver’s face. “Did I say something wrong?”

The legs of his chair screech along the floor as he stands. “No, I just should get going.”

I grab my drink, shoving the straw back into it, and stand. “Okay, well, thanks for the late afternoon treat.”

“Yeah, sure. So I’ll see you around.” He doesn’t wait for me and before I can say anymore he’s out the door.

* * *

Now who’s scampering away with their tail between their legs? What the hell just happened? How can Chance be so transparent, as in, “I’d do you in the back of my pickup,” but Oliver such an enigma? I climb the front stairs to my building while fetching my keys.

“Hey, Oliver, how’s it going?”

I whip around and see Oliver waving toward an open window of a condo across the street, then he digs his keys out of one pocket while holding a paper grocery sack with the other. He unlocks the door next to the one with the open window, enters, and closes it without a single glance in my direction.

No way! Oliver is my neighbor?

I have nothing to offer this tall sexy man, yet I feel compelled to march across the street like the welcome wagon with a chip on her shoulder.

Knock knock knock!

He opens his door and his brows sink into a scowl. “Did you follow me?”

I make a fist and point my thumb over my shoulder. “See that red door?”

He nods.

“That’s where I live. I heard your neighbor greet you as I was getting ready to unlock my door. How long have you lived here and why did you drop me like burnt toast then run out of the doughnut joint?”

He jerks his head back. “Um, two months and I didn’t drop you like burnt toast, I had to get going.”

Crossing my arms over my chest I widen my stance, jutting my hip out. “How have I not seen you coming or going? And yes, you did drop me like burnt toast, and then you ran out the door with your tail between your legs.”

He rests his free hand on his hip and bends down to my eye level. “I don’t exactly have a front yard or porch swing to lounge in, so it’s not a big surprise that we haven’t run into each other. And I didn’t run out with my tail between my legs.”

“Well … whatever. Welcome to the neighborhood.”

Turning on my heels, I sally forth down the stairs.

“Wait!”

I stop, keeping my back to him.

“Thank you for the shirt. You said something that hit a little too close to home and I didn’t know how to react so … I left. It was a dick move and … I’m sorry.”

I nod once and continue across the street.

“Hey! Do you want to come in for a drink or something?”

“Not today.”

“Are we good?” he yells.

Unlocking my door without looking back, I flash him the A-OK sign with my left hand.

* * *

Oliver

I pour myself a scotch and collapse on my back deck. Normally I wouldn’t turn to hard liquor before five o’clock, but the black magic my new neighbor across the street weaves requires something stronger than a Sam Adams. I had the upper hand when she nearly choked on her own saliva as I shrugged off my shirt in the middle of Harvard Square. It was completely unnecessary, but I wanted to see how she’d react. I’m not sure why, since I have no intention of acting on any of my dick brain impulses. The impulses she feeds like blood to sharks. The crazy part is I honestly don’t think she has a clue what she does to me and probably every other straight guy she encounters. Seriously, what was that today? Finger fucking her doughnut then sucking it off like she was giving a tutorial on blow jobs?

I don’t even recognize the voice in my head. I’m depressed, agitated, lost, starving, and horny as hell. It’s been over three years since I’ve had sex. Three. Years! Chance thinks I need to get laid, but I’ve never been the guy who easily indulges in one night stands. However, a relationship is not an option, so I guess I’ll keep my Playboy subscription and hand lotion to save the poor women of Boston from falling prey to my selfish needs and lack of ability to ever commit again.

The scotch is numbing, infiltrating my blood with the ease of molasses. In moments like this I feel outside of my body, a stranger observing the mere shell of the man he used to be. I miss that Oliver Konrad. He was full of life, confident, kind, aspiring, and driven. But mostly he was connected, rooted in this world and thriving in his environment, taking all life had to give.

Lost. I’m lost in this moment. I’m lost in every moment, floundering around as one day blurs into the next. I won’t look back, but I can’t see forward. Stuck—that’s it—I’m stuck. Am I waiting to be rescued? Will I dig my own way out and move forward? Or, will I perish in this dark hole?

* * *

I haven’t missed many sunrises in my adult life. It’s my favorite time of the day. It used to be symbolic of living to see another day, but now it’s the reminder I need that time isn’t standing still. For a brief moment I actually feel the earth moving beneath my feet, inching me away from my past.

Several months ago I agreed to move back home under one condition—my family would never mention my time in Portland. It’s asking a lot of my mom, who is a psychiatrist, to pretend her son is not fucked-up in the head, almost to the point of insanity. My dad, however, is a cardiologist and he openly admits the only matters of the heart he cares to deal with are the ones behind the closed doors of a sterile OR.

“Are we still on for dinner, sweetie? Your brother is bringing a ‘friend’ so feel free to do the same. Love you!”

I delete the voice message off my phone with a deep sigh. My family is the best, really. Growing up in Boston our house was the gathering point for all our friends, and when it wasn’t overrun with kids, my parents hosted dinner parties and wine tastings. Now the once Leave it to Beaver house is haunted by the ghosts of my past and the only thing more awkward than the impersonal and random dinner conversation is the blinding pain in their eyes. It says so much more than words ever could.

Me: I’ll be there, no plus one for me. Love you.

I send off a quick text and head to Harvard Square. Leaning against a concrete post in the underground transportation dungeon, I see the doughnut queen come down the stairs. Curious eyes find me as she masks her smile behind the lid of her coffee cup. It should be illegal for someone with legs that long to wear shorts that short. I wait for her to make her usual navigation in my direction, but instead she stares at the MBTA map like she hasn’t seen it a million times before.

Worming my way through the growing crowd, I stand behind her without saying anything.

“Hey, neighbor,” she says, and I think I can hear the grin on her face.

“No doughnut today?”

She turns, both hands cupping her coffee inches from her mouth. “I already ate it. Thought it was in all the other commuters’ best interest.”

I grin and nod. I’m sure I won’t be the only guy disappointed that the 7:30 a.m. doughnut porn show has been cancelled.

We board the subway and stand facing each other again. I look at her coffee with a single raised brow, then at her eyes.

“No worries.” She smiles, securing a firm grip on her hot drink as the train jerks to a start.

“I wasn’t thinking anything.” I chuckle.

“You were thinking I was going to owe you another new shirt. Your eyes say it all. It must be a Konrad family trait because your brother’s eyes don’t lie.”

“Well, you’re wrong. I was actually wondering what you eat when you’re not sucking down caffeine and sugar.”

“If that’s your sneaky way of asking me to dinner, then I’ll stop you right now.”

Glancing over her head I shake mine, rolling my eyes. “I’m not asking you to dinner or looking for a date. I was just making conversation.”

“Good, because I don’t date.”

I shrug. “Neither do I.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Fine.”

“Fine,” I say back as we approach my stop. “Well, see you around.”

She nods.

“Indian!” I hear her call as I maneuver my way to the doors.

I glance back.

She lifts her shoulders with a goofy grin beaming across her face. “Since you wondered … I like Indian food.”

“Me too.” I match her grin and jump off as the doors start to shut.

Vivian

3 Years Earlier

“We don’t have to,” Kai reassures me.

“I know. Don’t you want to?”

“Yeah, of course I do … I just, you know … I don’t want to hurt you.”

I slip off my sundress and wait for him to make the next move. His eyes explore my body and I feel it. Desire. I didn’t know if I would feel it, if I even could, but Kai wants me and when he pushes down his shorts exposing his tented briefs, my hopes are confirmed.

“Are you sure your parents won’t be home until later?” he whispers as if there’s someone else in the house.

“I’m sure. Besides, I’ll be nineteen in another month. What could they possibly do to me?”

Kai nods, shrugging off his shirt. He’s the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome with his olive skin, dark brown hair, hazel eyes, and muscles defined from relentless laps in the pool. I can’t believe the boy I’ve known since kindergarten, the one who used to call me skeleton girl because my early growth spurt made it nearly impossible to keep an ounce of fat on my body, stands before me ready to take my virginity.

It’s taken twelve years for our friendship to blossom into something beautiful. There have been a spectrum of emotions and drama between us. But after years of choosing every girl except me, it’s finally my turn. Kai wants to be with me, not as a friend, but a lover. I push back the thoughts of his jealousy. Whether I need it or not, I don’t want to be reminded that he chose me after I showed interest in someone else. A little competition is good. It’s what he needed to see, the only girl for him has been by his side all along.