“Ryan, you’re going to be late for your flight if you dick around too long—no offense, Bri.”

“Get out.”

Avery grabbed Drew’s arm and jerked him toward the door. “Fine. We’ll go. But he’ll wait in the car.”

Ryan barely waited for the door to shut behind them when he rounded on Bri. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop it.”

Instead of addressing that, she asked, “What’s emergency protocol?”

A muscle in his jaw ticked. “It could be any number of things.”

She’d spent enough time with him to know when he was holding something back. “But you know what this is, don’t you?”

He sighed. “I don’t know anything for sure.” When she just stared, he continued, “But they wouldn’t be keeping things so locked down without a reason. I’m probably being sent to replace a PJ overseas.”

It didn’t take much to connect the dots. “Someone got hurt, didn’t they?” Someone doing the job he did. Someone he was being sent over there to replace.

“Maybe. Probably.” He shook his head. “I won’t know for sure until I’m back on base.”

“Oh.” She took a step back, mentally flailing for something to hang on to before she flew apart. End things with him. End things now. “Well, I guess this thing between us has reached its expiration date.” She spoke quickly, because she had to get this out while she still could, before she lost her nerve. Or started crying. “I mean, it was a fun little fantasy until reality intruded. It would have never worked anyway.”

“Don’t do this. I know the timing is shitty, but it’s not the end of the world. I’ll call you as soon as I know what’s going on, and we’ll figure this out.”

Despite the way he’d said all the right things up to this point, he really didn’t understand. “Ryan, you’re leaving.”

“It’s not forever. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“For how long? A week? Two? Maybe even a whole month? Then you’ll turn around and leave again. You will always leave.” She hugged herself tighter. “And right now, you’re going off into certain danger.”

“I’m a PJ.”

“Which is exactly my point. The guy you’re replacing might be dead.” Her eyes burned, threatening to betray her. She cleared her throat, determined to remain in control—at least until she could make it to the safety of being alone to break down. “I lost the two most important people to me when my parents died. I can’t go through that kind of pain again. You can’t expect me to sit back and wait while you risk your life.”

He ran his hands through his hair, looking like he wanted to rip it out. “What am I supposed to say to that?”

There was nothing to say. Against all reason, she’d half hoped he’d reassure her that he wouldn’t always leave, that he would come through this tour okay—and the next, and the next. But he couldn’t do that without lying, and she’d rather have a hard truth today than a pretty lie that hurt even worse in the long run. “Let’s face it—we’re barely more than strangers, Ryan. The sex was great, but that’s all we have between us.”

The hurt on his face almost made her question if she was right, but then the all-too-familiar glare took its place. “So that’s all this was to you? Sex.”

Despite her best efforts, a single tear slipped free. “It was nice while it lasted.”

He shook his head. “You’re pulling away because you’re scared and protecting yourself.”

It was so incredibly tempting to agree, if only to give herself the illusion it wasn’t over. He’d reassure her and hold her and maybe she’d feel better for a little while. But it would only hurt to prolong this torture by pretending there was a way to make it work. “No. This is how I feel. I never—” Her throat threatened to close, but she forced the words past it. “I never cared about you like that.”

He stared at her and for one hopeful, terrifying moment, she thought he might tell her she was being crazy and he wasn’t leaving forever and they could make it work. But then he shook his head and the moment passed. “You know what? You’re a goddamn liar. You know good and well this was a hell of a lot more than sex to you, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise. But that’s okay. Go ahead and keep lying to yourself. I hope it keeps you warm at night.”

…

Ryan didn’t say anything as he and Drew drove out of town. He was so pissed and hurt and twisted up inside, he didn’t trust himself to speak without spewing that poison.

There was one subject he needed to deal with before he got on a plane. “You’ve been telling tales.” The only way Old Joe—or any of them—would know about the cat, let alone what he’d been up to for the last ten years, would be because his brother told them.

“What are you talking about?”

“Bri and I were at the Diner yesterday morning, and ran into Joe. It’s amazing what that old man seems to know about me.” When Drew stayed stubbornly silent, he continued, “And right after that, Marcy Travis mentioned that she’d love for me—a genuine hero—to come talk to her class at the grade school.”

“I’m not surprised. You’re a fucking inspiration.”

Even all these years later, his brother was proud of him, and he’d let Drew down by avoiding Wellingford. Ryan shifted, looking out the window, not sure how to approach this subject. “I’m sorry I haven’t been home much. I’m going to work on that.” He paused. “Thank you. For all of it. I know I never said that before.”

“You’re welcome.”

They drove in silence for the next several minutes. Finally, just when Ryan started to think the tension in the cab might actually choke them both, Drew slapped the steering wheel. “Okay, enough with the sentimental shit. What the fuck happened with Bri?”

What happened? What happened was that Bri shot him down more thoroughly than anyone else ever had. It felt like a vicious repeat of their first night together—she patted him on the head, told him she had a nice time, and slammed the door on any future they could have built together. All because she was scared of what might happen when he left. That was her MO, though. She got scared or hurt and lashed out, keeping everyone at a distance. He’d thought they were past that shit, but she seemed more than willing to let this whole damn thing go down the river.

“Ryan, spit it out before you choke on it.”

What could it hurt to talk about it? It wasn’t like it’d make anything worse. “She’s running scared.”

“Bri’s like that when people get too close.”

Exactly. While he’d been so sure he was getting closer to her heart and having her actually open up to him, she was just reinforcing her barriers and locking him out. “She’s being a goddamn coward. Instead of talking through it, she’s hiding.”

“Sounds like someone else I know.”

Ryan glanced over. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Maybe not the hiding shit, but running and hiding are two sides of the same coin.” Drew looked out the windshield, but there was an odd tone in his voice. “You bolted out of here after graduation like your ass—not the high school—was on fire.”

Of all the people in the world, he’d expected Drew to understand. He thought he had considering what they’d just talked about. “I couldn’t deal with it anymore. Everywhere I looked, all I could see was the past. I thought I was going to die under the weight of it.” Or start drinking daily, which was a scarier option considering their father.

“And now?”

“Things are different now. I’ve grown up—grown past it.” Yeah, it had only happened in the last few days, but he was seeing this town in a different light. “What the hell does this have to do with anything?”

Drew shifted his grip on the steering wheel and took the turn onto I-99. “What it has to do with is the fact that you and Bri aren’t that different. She’s afraid of being abandoned the same way you’re afraid of always being thought of as Drunk Billy’s pyro kid.”

“Those things are nothing alike.” He’d wanted people to see him as he was now instead of the boy he used to be. Bri didn’t want people to see her at all.

“Jesus Christ, Ryan, I know they aren’t the same thing. My point is that maybe instead of condemning Bri you should try to be a little more understanding.”

“It’s impossible to be understanding when she’s shutting me out.”

Drew snorted. “Then you don’t deserve her.”

“You’re the shittiest advice-giver I’ve ever heard.” He didn’t deserve her? Not fucking likely. They’d created something special while they were together in that cabin, and he’d worked his ass off to convince her to open up enough to give him a chance.

“What do you want me to say? I saw your face when we walked in that room. I’ve never seen you lose your mind over a woman—any woman. So either you’re going to prove her right by making it a temporary thing, or you’re going to fight for her. Is she worth fighting for?”

It wasn’t even a question. He’d told her the truth before. Ryan had never met a stronger, more intelligent, more beautiful woman. Being with her made him feel as if a piece he’d never noticed was missing had fallen into place, as if he were finally whole.

But how was he supposed to fight for her when she was so busy fighting him? He rubbed his chest. There was only one right answer to that. He had to convince her he wasn’t like the string of people in her life who’d left. He wouldn’t walk away, not while he still had the breath to argue. “You’re an ass—even if you might be right.”

“I’m your older brother. It goes with the territory.” Drew finally looked at him. “What are you going to do?”

“First, I need to get back to base and find out what’s going on. Once I have that settled, I’ll figure something out.” Because his brother was right. He’d never lost his mind over a woman before, and he’d be damned before he let her walk away without a fight.

Chapter Eighteen

Bri spent the next twenty-four hours in a fugue. She had no illusions about what she was doing, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop. Nothing interested her—not her books, not her library, not even the kids she made an effort to smile at despite how terrible she felt. All she wanted to do was curl in bed and sleep until her chest stopped hurting.

She picked up a book from the shelving cart and set it back down without opening it. God, what was happening to her? She couldn’t possibly have had her heart broken by a man she barely knew.

But no matter how much she tried to convince herself otherwise, she couldn’t lie to herself. She knew Ryan. She felt for the kid he used to be—the child who had sought refuge from his horrible father in the middle of books, just like she had. The teenager who’d accidentally set fire to his school while saving a kitten. She felt for the man he’d become, too, but even more than that, she felt for the common thread between them she couldn’t ignore.

It didn’t matter. No matter which way things played out between them, it’d never work in the long run. It couldn’t.

So why was she having such a difficult time convincing herself she shouldn’t track him down?

The phone in her hand rang, startling a scream out of her. Bri pressed her hand to her chest and stared at the caller ID. Avery. Again. Her best friend had been calling ever since Drew took Ryan to the airport. She hadn’t been ready to talk then, and she sure as heck wasn’t ready now. With a sigh, she pressed the ignore button and set the phone aside.

“It’s rude to ignore your best friend’s calls.”

Bri screamed for the second time. “What the hell, Avery? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

She hopped onto the counter next to Bri and swung her long legs out. “That depends. How long are you planning on avoiding me? Because I’d hate to have to take drastic measures. I mean, I’m in a library right now. That’s pretty drastic.”

“I haven’t decided if I’m angry at you for the cabin thing. I need time.”

Avery rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. If you don’t know if you’re mad, you’re not.”

“That’s not how real life works.” In reality she’d let a man who could very well have been her Prince Charming walk away without a fight. The very thought, no matter how absurd, made her want to cry.

“Will it make it any better to know that Drew and I spent three hours picking through the damn place, making sure we found all the condoms we’d stashed? Because that was a giant pain in the ass. Also, informative. You guys used quite a few of them.”