Eliza Jane - In Too Deep

I stretch out in bed and try to shake the image of Taylor from my mind. She’s off limits, which makes keeping my thoughts clean right now even more difficult. I replay the way she drank from that flask. Determination burned in her eyes, as she licked the amber-colored liquor from her very kissable lips. That image is seared into my brain whether I like it or not.

But a girl like Taylor would never be happy with a once-and-done type of a guy. Which I remind myself doesn’t matter. I enjoy my lifestyle and I’m not looking to change that, no matter how bad I’d like her in my bed. I had it made – a different girl every weekend, more money than I knew what to do with and adrenaline pumping assignments. I wasn’t about to throw that away for a girl who would want commitment and romance. No thanks. That shit never works in the end anyways.

I’m not looking for a relationship, but figure there’s nothing wrong with a little flirting, especially when it seemed to have such a profound effect on her. Showing her the slightest attention left her flustered and pink-cheeked. And call me masochistic, but I liked provoking that response in her.

If I was smart, I’d ignore Taylor. Which shouldn’t be difficult, given there are several other girls I can and will entertain myself with. Then no one would get hurt, especially me. But somehow thoughts of her creep in before I can block them out.

I absently twirl the leather strings on my right wrist, which I caught myself doing whenever I felt anxious, which for some reason this girl makes me. She keeps me on edge.

I pick up my phone, scanning through my contacts, trying to put faces to the names of girls I’d bothered to enter. I scroll through and pick one at random, and wait while it rings.

“Hey. It’s Colt. Come over and keep me company?”

When I hang up the phone, a pang of regret claws inside me. I shake the feeling away. This is the only way, even if I am starting to have mixed feelings about it. I lay back against my pillow, knowing I have time to wait before she gets here. I close my eyes and try to relax. I hate how on edge I’ve been since Taylor arrived here. I haven’t felt this off in a long time. I run my hands over my face, remembering back to a time I don’t often think about.

My mom died my freshman year of high school.

That first year was hell. I returned to school two weeks after her funeral and I wasn’t prepared for the sad looks everyone gave me, and the fact that every teacher seemed willing to cut me endless breaks. I wanted to hide, to forget everything that had happened, but everywhere I looked, everywhere I went, there were constant reminders, both at home and at school.

I eventually got that chance to hide from all that sadness. At a party one weekend I met a pretty junior named Jess, but instead of pity over my situation, she took mercy on me and said she was going to help me to forget. The first time I came that night, I pretty much forgot my own damn name. I had been a shell, a walking broken shell my entire freshman year, and that night I found a way out. A way to forget about all the sadness and sorrow in my life, if only for an hour. Being with her that night was like a revelation. I’ll never forget it.

Of course at the time, I’d been stupid enough to think that our night together meant we were going to start dating. When she realized I was only a freshman, she’d laughed and patted my chest. She told me I was fun, but in no way dating material. That’d stung, but when I realized it was better that I didn’t get attached to anyone, I knew she’d actually done me a favor. She’d woken me from a long and tortuous depression and showed mI could actually be happy again.  Well, if not truly happy, at least distracted from the aching sadness.

I spent every weekend after chasing after girls. It wasn’t hard. I’d grown to well over six feet by then and looked much older than fifteen. I never really examined my actions too closely. And now I’ve been doing it for so long, it’s just part of my survival instincts. Sex was the only closeness I got, and I couldn’t give that up. And I couldn’t risk love when it had the probability of ending so badly. 

After turning in the Russian assassin assignment to McAllister, I receive my next assignment.

Wil-tech has been contracted by the descendants of a royal family in Lithuania. Their once-trusted financial advisor Lars stole priceless artifacts and jewels from their bank vault and disappeared. He’s now surfaced in Germany, trying to sell the stolen goods. My job is to figure out who his buyers are and where they plan to meet. McAllister says once we know the rendezvous point, he’ll send Colt and a few members of the team in to take him down, stolen goods in possession.

I’ve worked for hours trying to break into the network he’s using, but it’s no use. They have some type of firewall that I might be able to infiltrate only if I was operating under the same network, but that’s not going to happen. He’s in Germany. I’m in Connecticut. I even used MJ’s translation skills, but it didn’t help.

I may have to break the news to McAllister that this one is beyond me, but I want one last go at it in Independent Study today.

When I walk into the computer lab, McAllister is waiting for me. Colt is with him. They’re talking in low voices and stop abruptly when I enter the room.

I sit down in the chair across from them. I assume McAllister is here to give me my next assignment, but Colt’s presence confuses me.

Once I’m seated, McAllister pulls a black envelope from his jacket pocket, but he makes no move to hand it to me. “I trust you know Colt?”

My eyes flick to Colt’s. He’s watching me too. I can tell by his flushed cheeks and by the pulse jumping in his neck that they’ve been arguing about something. I don’t think I’d have the guts to argue with McAllister about any subject. It makes me even more curious about why he’s here.

McAllister clears his throat and hands Colt the envelope, but looks over toward me. “The two of you will team up on this assignment.” While that’s still sinking in, McAllister turns to me.  “This case hasn’t gone as expected, so you’ll be getting field experience earlier than anticipated.”

I’m not sure how I feel about this news. This is all still so surreal.

“But I’m sure you know you’re our only computer programmer here,” McAllister continues.

I nod.

Colt is quiet.

“You leave in the morning.”

“Leave?” I question.

“I’ve received a tip from an informant and Lars is in Cleveland for the weekend. You’ll be traveling there for the job. Shouldn’t take more than a day or two.”

Huh. Me and Colt? Alone. In Cleveland. Well this is an interesting development.

A moment later Colt stands. “Meet me at nine out front.” Without waiting for me to respond, he leaves.

I break the news to MJ and Logan that I leave in the morning. They’re shocked that I’m already assigned field work. But MJ helps me pack.

MJ holds up a pair of my jeans and makes a face, tossing them aside.

I snatch my jeans back. “These are my comfy jeans.”

“Oh yes, and comfort is the key spending a couple of nights on the road with the hottest instructor in school.” She smirks. “These are cuter.” She thrusts a pair of skintight black jeans inside my bag.

What am I getting myself into?

In the morning, I head downstairs, backpack slung over one shoulder and step outside into the circle drive in front of the school. Colt’s leaning against a sleek, black BMW that gleams in the sunlight. He looks smug and perfectly unkempt in a wrinkled button down shirt and jeans.

As I head toward him, he doesn’t even try to conceal that fact that he’s checking me out. I keep my chin high and pretend not to notice that he’s visually molesting me. You can look all you want, buddy, but you’re not getting any of this.

I walk past him, and open up the back door, tossing my backpack inside, then set my laptop bag on the seat beside it.

He opens the car door for me. But before getting in, I turn and face him. “We need to get something straight.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“This will be strictly a business arrangement. Understand?”

His lips slip into a smile. “Obviously. What did you think it was?”

Oh, right. I sound like a complete jackass. “Nothing, never mind. Let’s go.” I slip on my sunglasses and slide into the car. The interior is sleek and black, trimmed in shiny silver. Classy. As I pull my door closed, I notice it smells good in here. Like cologne. Well that’s distracting.