Tessa Teevan - Incinerate

“Get out,” I growl, my voice sounding strange after not having spoken in what I’m guessing has been weeks. Her eyes widen when she hears my voice. She starts to move towards the bed, but Cohen holds his hand up to stop her.

“Knox, I made a mistake,” she whispers, her eyes pleading with me to listen to her, but I feel nothing but pain and anger where she’s concerned.

“Too bad you didn’t realize that before you made the drive from Belle Meade,” I respond, wishing she’d leave before I fucking lose it.

Her head drops, and I can barely hear her when she says, “That’s not what I meant.”

I exhale deeply and my chest begins to feel like a weight is sitting on it, forcing the air from my lungs. Eleven years ago I would’ve been dumb enough to let those words penetrate my heart, but the vault it’s locked in now is indestructible, and there’s no way I’m letting her get to me ever again. Not just her. Any woman. I’m never putting myself through that again.

Before I can say anything, Lexi walks over to Megan and places her hands on her shoulders just as the doctor walks in.

“Come on, Megan. I’ll walk you out. I’m sure the doctor needs to speak with Knox.”

When they get to the door, Megan turns and takes one last look at me, a single tear falling down her face. Our eyes meet for a split second, but I’m quick to turn away as the memories rush in from the last time I saw her cry, the day she told me she was leaving me for Branson. Shaking my head, I turn my attention towards the doctor, anxious to know what the hell has been going on.

AFTER A lengthy discussion with the doc, I’ve learned that my injuries were more severe than I realized. I’d figured that with Cohen’s comment earlier, but I’m honestly shocked at how close I came to death. I know my job’s a dangerous one, but I’ve always been a cocky motherfucker who thought he was invincible.

I find out that I’ve been in a medically induced coma for three weeks after I was initially treated on scene and then at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany. The brain swelling was a major concern, so the doctors found it necessary to go this route to ensure no permanent damage was done. Apparently, I had been thrown about thirty feet or so from the blast and hit my head pretty damn bad on the concrete, resulting in the skull fracture that had led to the brain injury. I’d also broken two vertebrae in my lower spine due to the impact of hitting the ground.

The surgery they did is what the doctor calls a lumbar fusion. I make a mental note to look that up later on. My left arm has fractures in several places, hence the bulky cast on my arm. To top it all off, I lost my spleen in the process, and I’m sure I’m covered with yellowing bruises all over my body. All I can say is thank the Lord for a morphine drip.

After he finishes discussing my injuries, the doctor closes my chart and stands up from his stool. “Okay, Sergeant Wellington, we’re going to keep you here for observation and do another CT scan, but if all goes well, you’ll be able to head back to Ft. Campbell by next week. You’ll need some help though, so make sure you get something lined up so you have someone to take you to and from medical appointments and that kind of stuff. You’ll probably be on pain medication for a while, and the state of your injuries will prohibit you from any driving for some time.”

I scoff, knowing that I’ll probably be off meds by the time I leave here. I’m a tough son of a bitch, and I’ve never needed them before. Like hell am I going to be a burden to anyone else once I get back home.

Cohen picks that moment to chime in. “I’ll stay with him for a while. You don’t have to worry about that.” I shake my head, but he just smiles at me. I know it’s going to be a pain in the ass to get him to go back to the University of Tennessee, where he’s in his third year of pre-med school. The doctor dismisses himself and Cohen follows him out, presumably to discuss my treatment plan once I’m released.

Lexi gets off Jace’s lap, and he struggles to stand. She hands him two crutches, and he slowly makes his way over to the bed, where he steadies himself before placing a hand on my shoulder. “Nice to see you awake, man. You had us worried for a while.”

I look him over and spot the freshly pink scar running across his forehead before my eyes look down at the cast I can see peeking out from under his shorts.

“Man, you’ve been trying to get rid of me for eleven years, and I keep getting sent to the same post as you. You really think I’d let a couple of terrorists get the best of me? Hell no, J. Mac,” I joke, trying to keep things from getting sentimental. Jace may be my closest friend, but we’ve always had this thing where we’ve never bothered to really cross any emotional lines. Except for that night in Germany, but booze was involved so I gave him a pass on that.

Jace laughs and agrees. “You’re right, you’re right. You are definitely too stubborn for that. But seriously, Knox. Glad to have you back.”

I nod at him, quick to change the subject. “What about you? Taylor and Montgomery? The other team? How is everyone?” Knowing that Jace and I were closest to the blast, I’m hoping the other guys are okay, but you never know when it comes to shrapnel. And since I blacked out, I have no idea what happened after the explosion.

He launches into the story, as he was told because he also blacked out. He’d only been a few feet from me, so that doesn’t come as a surprise. Taylor and Montgomery, as well as the perimeter team, were all far enough away that they escaped with minor injuries, cuts, and bruises. They requested medical assistance immediately, and as soon as we were able, Jace and I were both transported to Landsthul and then subsequently here to Walter Reed. I’m thankful that Jace and all the other guys are fine. It’s never easy to lose a fellow soldier, and even though I put on a mask of a hard exterior, I’ve shed private tears for my lost brothers in arms.

The entire time he’s talking, Lexi sits quietly in the chair, playing on her phone as she lets us catch up. Every so often I catch her looking at Jace—concerned, I’m guessing, because he’s been standing for a while. Eventually she gets up and drags a chair over to the bed, forcing him to sit down. She leans down and gives him a kiss on the lips, and I look away when he deepens it.

“I’m going to go grab some coffee. Want anything?” she asks, and Jace shakes his head. “I’d offer to get you something, Knox, but I don’t need any angry nurses biting my head off. I’ll see you guys in a bit.”

We both watch her leave, and I must have a strange look on my face because when he turns back to me, Jace immediately asks, “What?”

I raise my eyebrows before responding. “That. Last I heard, you guys were in some weird in between stage, and here she is, sitting on your lap, you doing the PDA thing by my bedside, which, dude, is kinda weird.”

He shakes his head and laughs. “When I woke up in Germany, she was there. Flew across the ocean to admit that she was in love with me. We’ve been together ever since, and let me tell you, man, there’s nothing better than having the girl I’ve been in love with for nearly half my life finally be all mine.”

Jesus, he sounds like such a sappy sucker. Women don’t just randomly wake up one day and decide they love you after they’ve been fucking with your heart for months on end. I know it’s an asshole thought, and I won’t say it out loud. Hell, I hope more than anything that this girl really means it, but I won’t hold my breath. As easily as they decide they love you, they can also wake up the next morning and kick you to the curb. Fuck love.

“So you’re telling me that it took you getting blown up for her to realize she loves you? I don’t know… Sounds convenient—a little too convenient.”

Sighing, he just stares at me for a moment. “I know that girl messed you up, but one of these days you’re going to meet someone who will make you stop being so damn cynical all the time. I can’t wait for that day to come.”

“Never gonna happen,” I tell him, because it’s not. I’ve never let anyone in since Megan and I don’t ever plan on doing it again. Suddenly, I recall the way it felt to think I was going to die alone when I was on the brink of unconsciousness, but I quickly push the thought out of my mind before Jace just shakes his head at me again.

“Famous last words, Knox. Famous last words.”

Charlie

“OH, COME on, Charlie, go out with us Friday night. You haven’t gone dancing since you and Drew broke up. It’s about time for you to get off your ass and have some fun again,” my best friend Lucy whines into my ear.

I shake my head, even though she obviously can’t see me through the phone. She’s right, but I’m finally just starting to get over my jackass professor ex-fiancé. The one I lived with for the past two years since I’d moved from Knoxville to Clarksville with him so he could take a teaching position at Austin Peay State University. The one who proposed last Christmas, even having asked my dad for my hand in marriage. The same one I walked in on two months ago screwing one of the janitorial staff workers on his desk. Yes, you heard me. Not the cliché teaching assistant, not the hot colleague, not the sexy, seductive student looking to get an easy A by being an easy lay. He was fucking the woman who cleaned his office.

Don’t get me wrong. I respect the profession, and I love the ladies who clean my office, conveniently across campus from his, but it’s not exactly a sexy position, because around here they’re definitely not wearing French maid costumes.

The worst part was that when I opened the door, he looked up and our eyes locked, his widening at my presence. Instead of pulling out to chase after me and grovel at my feet, begging for forgiveness, he pumped a good two more times before he got off, grunting in the process.

Lucy’s voice pulls me from my thoughts, and while part of me wants to get out, the winning side of me is satisfied with staying home and drowning my sorrows. “Sorry, Luce, but I can’t. I have a new volunteer assignment starting on Saturday and I have to be there bright and early.”

She sighs, annoyed that yet again I’m using my volunteer work as an excuse to be a recluse. As the Veterans’ Affairs liaison at Austin Peay, I’ve met many soldiers from Ft. Campbell and the several National Guard bases located around the state. About a year ago, a young airman brought a flyer to the office with him when he was filling out his paperwork. It was for a local veterans group that was taking volunteers to help out wounded service members. Being an Army brat to a single father, I’ve had random people helping me out in various ways all of my life. I decided that I’d use this as a way to give back and help those who need it, just like so many did for Dad and me. I called the number on the sheet of paper, and since then, I’ve been able to meet and assist some amazing people who just needed a helping hand. Drew always hated it, not so secretly jealous of my spending one-on-one alone time with other men, but I always told him he was being ridiculous. There were women, too, and it’s not like every single soldier is a beefcake.

“Charlie, you always have another assignment. Throwing yourself into helping solve other people’s problems isn’t going to fix your own.” I know she’s right, but it’s been almost a month since I’ve been assigned a soldier, and I’ve been itching to get my mind off things by doing exactly what she said—ignoring my problems by dealing with someone else’s.

“It’s been weeks since I volunteered. And this guy sounds like he needs me. From what Cheryl told me, he almost died when a roadside bomb detonated. This one is going to take more time, which is why she asked me. Something about needing the right personality. He has broken bones in his spine and his arm, so he can’t drive and probably can’t do too much else. I’m supposed to be his ‘companion’ of sorts while his brother finishes his finals at UT,” I say, relaying the information the organization coordinator had given me.

She snickers. “His companion? Hmm, maybe you’ll luck out and he’ll look just like Channing Tatum in G.I. Joe. God, I love a man in uniform. Maybe I need to start volunteering, too.”

Laughing, I shake my head. “I don’t do it to meet men, Lucy. And I have no interest in having a rebound right now.”

“Oh, come on. A roll in the hay with a hot soldier is just what you need to get over Drew and his use of the university’s custodial services.”