Tessa Teevan - Incinerate

Charlie

“CHARLIE, JESUS, calm down. Your leg’s shaking the entire table,” Lucy complains, but I can’t help it. We’ve been at the bar for over an hour and I still haven’t seen him. The only thing that’s making me feel a little bit better is that Kale’s not here either. I’m holding out hope that they’re together. I have no idea what I’m going to say when I see him or if I’ll even be able to say anything.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. You try waking up to that face every morning and then go without it for three days. There’s no quitting Knox Wellington. And trying to do it cold turkey? It’s been pure torture.”

Lucy stares at me like I’ve grown two heads. “You are so far gone it’s not even funny.”

Grinning at her, I take a sip of my beer. “I am. And now that I’ve been without him, I’m itching for my next fix like a fiend.” I know I sound cheesy as hell, but not being with him is turning my brain into mush. I can’t think of anything but him, and if I have to go another night sleeping alone, I’m probably going to go insane.

Lucy reaches her hand across the table and stops my drumming fingers. “I’m sure he’ll be here and you two can get whatever this is figured out. Kale said he’s looked like shit this whole week, and I’m guessing he’s been dying without you just as much as you’ve been, too.”

Is it wrong that I’m inwardly happy to hear that he’s being affected by our time apart? It’s not like I’m doing a victory lap or anything, but I know I couldn’t handle hearing that he was just fine, moving on without me.

Getting up to go grab another drink, I notice that Lucy only has iced tea. “Want me to get you anything?” I ask, but she just shakes her head no.

When I get back with a beer, I scan the room, still not seeing him. Checking my watch, I see that Chris’s band isn’t set to start for another ten minutes. I relax, willing myself to believe that he’ll be here.

“Is your stomach still bothering you?” I ask Lucy as she sips her tea.

She shakes her head, not looking at me as I hear her whisper something. But it’s too low for me to hear. “What? I couldn’t hear you.”

Her head turns towards me and she shocks me with what she says next. “I’m late!” she exclaims, a little louder than I’m guessing she planned because she’s looking around the room, making sure no one heard her.

Leaning in, I narrow my eyes at her. “What do you mean you’re late?”

“I mean I’m late, Charlie.”

Breathing out, I try to wrap my brain around what she’s saying. “Just how late is late?”

Lucy looks me straight in the eyes. “Two weeks. And I’ve been sick every morning since.”

Holy Mother of Shit. “Have you taken a test?” I ask.

She shakes her head, and I lean across the table to take her hand in mine when she answers me. “No, but I’m not an idiot. I’m late, I’m freaking out my morning students by running to the bathroom every thirty minutes, and my boobs are killing me. I don’t think I need a test to tell me what’s happening.”

Knowing Lucy’s sexual history, I’d normally be horrified, but she confided in me a while ago that Kale’s the only guy she’s been with since she broke up with her latest asshole boyfriend last spring.

“Is it—?”

She nods before I can even get the words out.

Falling back in my chair, I say the only thing that comes to mind. “Damn.”

She echoes my thought. “Yeah, damn. But the thing is, Charlie, I’m scared to take the test, but not for the reason you’re probably thinking. I’m afraid I’m going to take it and learn that I’m not pregnant. Because for some reason, the idea of being a mom? It’s as thrilling as it is scary.”

Again, I say, “Damn.”

She laughs, shaking her head. “I know. It’s crazy. Who would’ve thought, right?”

“Well, whatever you do, I’m here for you every step of the way. And I’ll be the best Aunt Charlie ever, got it?” She nods as I continue. “But you’re going to have to find out officially. And you’re going to have to tell him.”

“I know. I will. It wasn’t until I was looking at my calendar today that I realized I was even that late.”

“Late? Jesus, I’m thirty minutes late and you two are already complaining? Give a guy a damn break. I had to make myself look pretty for the ladies,” Kale says as he approaches the table. Lucy’s eyes widen, but I shake my head, pretty sure he didn’t hear anything but the tail end of that conversation.

I look around and my heart falls when I realize he’s alone. He heads to the bar to grab a drink, and I notice Lucy’s pale face.

“You have to tell him, Luce.”

“I will. Let’s just get through tonight, and I’ll do it tomorrow.” I furrow my brow at her, but she insists. “I swear it. I already have tests under my sink, and I figure he’ll be coming home with me. Just…let’s enjoy tonight, okay?”

Nodding, I drop it when Kale returns to the table. A few minutes later Chris’s band takes the stage, and I watch the door during the first couple of sets, but he never shows up.

An hour and a half and few pitchers of beer later, I’ve all but given up when the band leaves the stage—all except for Chris. He settles in behind the keyboard, leaning into the mic.

“We don’t usually do this, but tonight we’ve got a special guest who’s going to be joining me on the stage.”

I’ve realized that Knox isn’t coming. Dejected, I turn around and pay attention to the stage, wondering who the mystery guest is.

The stage darkens as Chris begins to play the keyboard, and I immediately recognize the song as he leads into the intro. Moments later, I can hear a voice offstage begin to sing. My heart’s racing, and the moment he steps onto the stage, strumming his guitar as he plays in unison with Chris, he takes my breath away.

Lucy grabs my hand and gives it a quick squeeze, but I can’t look away. I can see his eyes scouring the audience until he finally sees me, locking his eyes on mine, and I know he’s singing to me. I’m enraptured as I listen to his smooth voice as it fills my ears, but I’m also confused. This isn’t our song. It’s not us. This is a song about giving up, saying good bye. This isn’t right, and suddenly I’m terrified at what he’s trying to convey.

His eyes are penetrating my soul when he sings that I’m the one that he loves, and I lose it because I know what’s coming next. I’m not sticking around to hear him say goodbye in public. I get out of my seat and I’m almost to the door when I hear the next line. He’s changed it up, and I turn, seeing that he’s left the stage and is coming towards me. Instead of saying Can’t Say Goodbye, he’s singing new lyrics, telling me he’ll never say goodbye.

Setting his guitar down, he stops right in front of me. His hand cups my cheek, forcing me to look at him. Chris is still playing the song, and I swear, the bar is silent as they watch Knox and me. He looks down at me, and I want nothing more than to lean up and kiss him, to let him know that everything between us is okay, but there’s something in his eyes that’s telling me not to.

When he pulls me into his arms, I feel his warm breath on my neck and against my ear as he sings only loud enough for me to hear. “You’re the one that I love, and I’ll never say goodbye. So say something, but please don’t give up on me.” It doesn’t exactly flow the way the original song does, but his words fill my heart. I’m overjoyed.

“Knox, what are you saying??” I ask, needing to hear it directly from him.

As Chris continues to play the song in the background, Knox presses his forehead against mine. “These past few days have been the worst of my life. I realized that I can’t live without you, and I don’t want to. But at the same time, I know you were right. I had things I needed to deal with. So I did. I let it all go, sweetheart. Nothing about my past matters when it comes to spending my future with you. And that’s what I want. My future only consists of you, and there’s nothing else for me. I’m sorry it took me so long to say. I’ve been kicking myself for days for being an idiot.”

Sniffing as he pauses, I look up into his eyes. “You want a future with me?”

His thumb strokes my cheek as he gazes down at me. “What I’m saying, babe, is that I love you. I love you more than I ever imagined, and I should’ve told you the moment I knew it. Please don’t give up on me. I know I’ll probably fuck things up in the future, but I’m learning.”

His words penetrate my heart, and I can barely breathe as he makes his confession. “You…you love me?”

Chuckling, he leans down and gives me a kiss. “Sweetheart, I think I’ve been in love with you since the moment you slapped me. I love you, Charlotte Rose Davenport, and one day, I’ll make you my wife. And soon after that, you’ll be the mother of my child. But for now, I need to know. Will you have me back? Will you be my forever sweetheart?”

Knox

MY HEART’S pounding as the band’s set is coming to a close. Kale told me she wanted me there, so I’m hoping that’s a good sign, but I’m not holding my breath. I can’t believe I’m about to do this, that I’m about to go out in public and declare my feelings, but at this point, I’ll do anything to show Charlie how much I love her.

Hearing the intro, I swallow hard and begin to sing. I move onto the stage, my guitar playing in perfect unison with Chris’s piano. I’m trying my hardest to do the song justice, but I’m also trying to locate Charlie. When I finally see her, my heart almost stops. She looks like she’s in a trance, watching me, and suddenly she’s all I see. I hope she knows I’m singing this song to her, that I’ve always sung it to her. But then I see her get up and head towards the door and realize what she’s anticipating. I feel like an idiot for not recognizing how this would come off until the end.

Jumping off the stage, I unhook my guitar and move towards her, not caring that I no longer have my mic. I catch her before she can leave, and when I pull her to me, she doesn’t look at me. It’s not long before I realize that I’m a complete fucking dumbass and that she thinks I’m using this song to get rid of her. Great going, Knox. I go about spilling my heart out to her, finally finishing by asking if she’ll be mine. Because that’s what I need. I need her, and I put myself out there, asking her to be my sweetheart forever.

Instead of letting her respond, I go into a panic, knowing that I need to tell her everything that’s in my heart. “Please don’t give up on me, Charlie. Please tell me you’re still mine. That you’re still my sweetheart.” I need to hear it, to know that I haven’t lost her. As I stare down into her beautiful brown eyes, my own are pleading with her, needing her to forgive me, to say she still loves me.

“You love me,” she whispers, shaking her head as if she doesn’t believe it.

“I love you so goddamn fucking much. I tried to tell you in Florida, but, well, we got interrupted, and there was never a good time afterwards. But, sweetheart, believe me when I say I love you. You’ve been a pain in my ass since the day I met you, but slowly, surely, you worked your way into my heart, and now? Now I can’t handle another day without you. I fucked up—big time—and I’ll kick myself in the ass every single day until you forgive me.”

“Knox, I believe you. I’m yours, wholeheartedly. I’ll be your sweetheart for as long as you want me to be,” she says, all breathy and sexy, making my dick hard. I want more than anything to get out of here and take her home, but I have things I need to say first.

“No, hear me out, Charlie. I need to say this. I need you to hear it. I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. Thinking of my future, all I see is you. And that’s what I want. You by my side forever. Marriage, kids, all of it. That’s what I want, and I should’ve told you sooner. But you’ll have to bear with me. I’m still getting used to this possessive side, but you’re mine, sweetheart.”

Wrapping her arms around my neck, she draws me in. “I like this possessive side,” she admits as she places a kiss on my lips. I deepen it, sealing the deal that everything is okay in our world.

When I pull away, she looks up at me. “You love me, Rugged” she says casually, as if she’s known it all along.

“More than I ever thought possible,” I tell her, and a huge grin spreads over her face. “And I let it go. I’m done being angry about the past. I saw Branson and we talked things out. Hopefully one day we’ll be family again. That includes you.”