Alright keyboard pal (aka KP) I’ve gotta run. Lily and Anna both say their helloes and their I miss yous. Charlie mentioned you being gone, and I think she was fishing but I kept my mouth shut. I never realized how nosy she was until she found out I was with you. And since I shrugged it off, she’s now forcing me on a double date this weekend. Gag. I need my better half back to save me from these things. I miss your face! Muah!

Lucy

P.S. Please tell me that wasn’t Lily’s father who walked in on our naughty Skype session. Also, please pass on that he’s an asshole and I had to use my own personal Kale to finish off. Best. Present. Ever.


Kale’s been gone for over a month, but it feels like forever. Fortunately, school has started, and getting acquainted with my new kids has left me exhausted at the end of the day. I barely make it through my Zumba videos and lesson plans before I’m falling asleep on the couch with the television playing in the background. When Charlie informed me that I was going on a double date with her and Drew, I tried to use my exhaustion as an excuse, but she wasn’t buying it. I think she’s noticed that I’ve been moping around, and she is just trying to be helpful. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s put two and two together, my mood change and Kale’s departure, but she hasn’t said a word about it. Instead, she’s making me go out with yet another one of Drew’s colleagues who will probably bore the life out of me.

The doorbell rings, and I sigh, wishing I’d insisted on driving myself. Checking my reflection in the hallway mirror, I make sure that I’m presentable. With it being a Friday night, I didn’t bother going all crazy with my appearance. My hair’s still in a claw clip, loose tendrils hanging down the sides of my face. It’s my go-to teacher hairstyle because it’s so damn easy to do in the mornings.

When I open the door, I’m surprised at the sight before me. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this guy. Charlie didn’t tell me she was setting me up with Alexander Skarsgård’s hotter twin brother. I have a thing for comparing all guys to hot movie stars, and this one doesn’t disappoint. Shamelessly, I check him out, and I involuntarily lick my lower lip when my eyes rake over his body. He’s wearing charcoal dress slacks that fit him perfectly. A matching charcoal button-up covers his torso, and the sleeves are rolled up, exposing his muscular forearms. It’s possible he was wearing a tie earlier, but now the neck of his shirt is unbuttoned, making the look a little more casual. His blond hair is perfectly styled, and when he smiles, a full set of dazzling white teeth greet me. I watch as his brown eyes roam over me, and I can tell that what he sees is acceptable. With a huge grin, he holds out his hand.

“Aidan Van Buren, and I assume you’re Lucy. It’s a pleasure,” he offers. Jesus, even his name’s hot.

I place my hand in his, and butterflies swarm in my stomach when he gives me a firm handshake. “You’re an astute one. Thank goodness you remembered the name of the girl whose apartment you just showed up at.” I cringe at my brashness, but he smiles, not fazed by it in the least bit.

“I guess I deserve that. I could’ve been a little more suave with that introduction. It’s nice to meet you, Lucy. I imagine you’ll be keeping me on my toes,” he tells me, and I know he’s right.

“It’s nice to meet you, too, Aidan,” I respond before I grab my purse and lock up my apartment. I’m not ready to invite him into my place, even if he is Greek-god-like in stature.

We make small talk as we head toward the parking lot, and he opens the car door for me. When he climbs in, I get a hint of his cologne. It’s manly, sexy, and I want to breathe him in deep.

“So, Lucy, I’m kind of bad on these blind dates. I haven’t been in the dating pool lately, and Drew decided I need to hop back in. I wasn’t exactly pleased when he told me I was picking you up, but now that we’re here, I think this might end up being a much better night than I anticipated.”

Knowing that he didn’t sign up for this makes me feel better about the whole thing, but I still wonder why a guy who is as delicious as he is needs a blind date. Then again, he could be thinking the same about me, so I try to reserve judgment.

“Aidan, trust me. I understand more than most. Charlie’s always trying to set me up and it never works out. I abhor blind dates. I really do. But something about tonight seems like it’ll be okay,” I tell him, giving him a playful smile. He takes my hand, intertwining our fingers, and brings my hand up to press a soft kiss against it.

“I think you’re right, Lucy,” is his response before he settles back in and drives us to the restaurant where the double date will take place.


WHEN I found out that Aidan was Drew’s cousin, I wasn’t even pissed at Charlie. In fact, I wanted to ask why she’d been hiding him for so long. Our double date went off without a hitch, and I was more than eager to see him again. He was charming, sophisticated, and sinfully sexy. I was hoping he’d ask to come in after our first date, but instead, he gave me a searing kiss and then pulled away, promising to see me again soon.

That was four months ago. We’ve been seeing each other weekly since then but haven’t made anything official. Kale still emails me daily, flirting like crazy, and I respond like I always would. It feels strange. My growing feelings for Aidan are real, but at the end of the day, I’m refreshing my inbox seeing if I have anything new from Kale. I know I need to stop, to realize that we’re friends and that’s all we’ll ever be, but some part of me foolishly thinks we could be more.

After hitting refresh one last time, I close my laptop and set it on my nightstand. Turning over, I smile, seeing Aidan in my bed. He’s playing with his phone, but he sets it aside when I snuggle up against his chest.

“All done with your pen pal?” he asks, trying to sound playful, but I can hear the disdain in his voice.

My nightly emails to Kale have been an issue between us, even though I’ve tried to explain it a million times. One of my best friends is in a war zone, and if I want to email him, I’m going to do it. I guess I can kind of understand Aidan’s issues with my signing on every night to see if I have a message from ‘some Army guy on the other side of the world’—his words, not mine. I think if he had any idea the kind of friendship Kale and I used to have, he would try to put a stop to it. Thank goodness Charlie never knew or I’d be screwed.

I cuddle up to him, hoping to change his mood. “Hey, come on. I’m here with you, in this bed, waiting for you to strip me bare.”

His eyes wander over my body and a lone finger traces over my breasts. “Is that enough, Lucy? I know I don’t have all of you, and for now, that’s okay. But eventually, I’ll want you all to myself.”

Chapter 9

Kale


IT’S BEEN a long day outside the wire and I’m freaking exhausted. The heat combined with the stress of conducting our route clearances has been wearing me down, and all I want is to eat, shower, jack off, and check my email. I still hear from Lucy daily, but her messages have become a little less personal, and I’m afraid I know why.

Even though I want to crawl into bed, I want to check my Facebook and email first, so I sign on to my computer. The second I open my web browser, I’m wishing I hadn’t. Like a cruel devil, the first notification pops out at me. Lucy Dawson is in a relationship with Aidan Van Buren. An unfamiliar pain rips through me, and my stomach rolls at the thought. Not my Lucy.

Closing my laptop, I try to ignore it. It’s been almost five months since I left Tennessee, and Lucy hasn’t disappointed as my keyboard pal. We email back and forth every day—or at least every day we can. When I’m out in the field, sometimes I can’t get to a computer for days at a time, but when I get back, my inbox is filled with a message from her for every day, even if I haven’t been able to write back.

I knew she was seeing someone. Not that long after I left, she sent me an email mentioning that she missed having me as a buffer to protect her from Charlie’s double-dating schemes. It wasn’t long before she started dating someone she was set up with. I joked around that I’d fly back from Afghanistan to let him know she was spoken for, but she laughed it off and told me she’d actually had a nice time. And I was happy for her.

I am happy for her. But I won’t lie. Part of me wonders why my leaving seems to have changed her outlook on dating. Five months ago, she’d have scoffed at the idea, but now she’s made it Facebook official. Sighing, I open my laptop back up, check my email, and see that, for the first time since I’ve been here, my inbox sits empty. Knowing I’ve missed days on end before, I try not to dwell on it, assuming that something came up and she’ll make up for it later.


1/31/13

Ms. Dawson,

Five solid months and you didn’t miss a day. I’m wounded. I never thought this day would come. Okay, that sounds wrong. I’m not wounded, promise. At least not physically. But imagine the pang in my poor little heart the moment I logged onto Facebook and saw your dazzling smile shining back at me with the worst news a man can get. Not even a Dear John letter, Luce? Again, you wound me. I’d say I’d punish you, but it seems like those times for us are through. Excuse me while I go cry in a corner for a minute.

Okay, seriously. I’m happy for you, Lucy. Sure, it would’ve been nice if I hadn’t had that glaring surprise when I opened up Facebook, but still. Must be pretty damn serious for I-Don’t-Date-Dawson to make it Facebook official. Again, I’m happy for you, but you better warn him. I’ll kick his fucking ass if he hurts you. Even though I know Charlie will probably beat me to it, I won’t mind giving him beat down #2.

Enough about that. Things here have gotten pretty intense. We’ve been going out on more calls than ever, and each time, the chills increase. The silence, Lucy. That’s the scariest part. The most haunting of the ordeal. You know how they say it’s darkest before the dawn? I think that type of thing works here, too. It’s always the most silent before the biggest blast. Usually, we have kids running alongside the MRAP, delighted that we’re in their area, and I love seeing them. By the way, they love the Laffy Taffy you send me, and watching them chase after it cracks me up. The way their smiles light up makes me feel like I’m doing my part, even if it is just giving candy to a couple of kids. Those smiles? They mean the world. But it’s not all peaches and cream. When we roll up to a village and get nothing? That’s when my blood runs cold. The silence in the air is almost deafening, and it sends a chill straight down to my bones. I don’t know, Luce. I love my job and I love serving my country. But I’m goddamn fucking terrified that one of these days I’m going to lose my shit over here. You know what gets me through the day? That damn freckle on the tip of your nose. The sound on your sweet laughter. The feel of your smooth skin underneath my hands. Any time I start to feel down, I draw up a memory of you, of us, and instantly feel better. I guess I was fooling myself thinking I could see you as nothing but casual. You’re so much more than that. I care about you, Lucy, but I guess I’m a little late to the ballgame.

Like I said, your happiness means the world to me. Just make sure he treats you well. I don’t think he’d appreciate my fist in his face if he doesn’t. Gotta run. Miss you.

JT Kale (He obviously had better timing)

P.S. I don’t care who you’re dating. I’m never deleting those photos. ;)


I hesitate as the mouse hovers over the send button. Do I really want to put it out there that I have feelings for her? I know I’ve hinted at it, beaten around the bush, but I always play it off like a joke, never actually saying the words. I force myself to stop thinking about it and just click send, immediately regretting my decision. I know it’s unfair of me to unload on her now that she’s dating someone, and I pray to God that this doesn’t change or affect our relationship. The last thing I want is Lucy feeling awkward around me or her new man hating my guts. Well, I could really actually care less about that, but if he doesn’t like me, that’ll bleed over into our friendship, and I can’t have some asshole coming between us.

Looking at the calendar, I check off one more day. Only one-hundred and twelve more to go. Until I’m back in Tennessee. Back with Lucy. And call me an asshole, but I silently hope that not only will I be back with Lucy, but that I’ll be with her completely. Not as her friend. Not as her buddy. Not as her fucking wingman. I don’t give a shit who she’s dating. When I step foot back on American soil, it’s going to be my goddamn mission to make Lucy Dawson realize that I’m the only one who should be her man.