Tessa Teevan - Inflame

Even though I know it’s selfish, I hate knowing that our time is yet again limited. I throw a smile on my face, gather up my things, and loop my arm through his.

“Sounds perfect,” I tell him, my heart happier than it’s been in a very long time.

Present, November 2013

Lucy

“SO THERE you go. That’s the down and dirty history of Kale and me,” I finish, but Charlie narrows her eyes at me.

“Wow. I knew something was going on with you two, but I never expected all that. Even the Aidan stuff. Now I guess it all makes sense why you never wanted to actually get serious with him. But wait a minute… You’re leaving out the rest of the story. What happened when he got back from his mom’s? What about the entire summer?” she asks persistently.

I knew she would ask, but a small part of me hoped she wouldn’t. Either way, I decide to gloss over it because we didn’t have some crazy, clandestine summer affair like the year before. Unfortunately.

“Once he got back, we only had a week left before I went to Florida. And well, we kind of fell back into old habits. It was only for a week and one thing led to another.” I shrug, giving her an unabashed smile. “He’d just gotten back into the country, and who can say no to an American hero? He deserved it, and I missed him, and I wanted it to be me who gave him an exciting welcome home. The rest of the summer…we kept in touch, and as you know, he came to visit once.” I don’t inform her that Kale and I fell right back into the comfortable fling when I got home. Charlie’s not an idiot, but she’s been wrapped up in Knox. I’m not sure she’s had time to notice the way Kale and I always end up leaving the bar together—or at least time to care.

Smiling, I remember the day I came back to town and he descended on me before I could even unpack. I rub my stomach, pretending to caress my baby, our baby, knowing that night was most likely the night he was conceived, if I have my timelines correct.

“So you’re telling me that, all that time you were with Aidan, you were harboring secret feelings for Kale? But you never told him?” she asks.

I simply nod, knowing she’s just trying to wrap her brain around it all.

“Damn,” she whispers, looking at my belly.

I protectively wrap my arms around my middle, not wanting to know the implications of that word. “Yep. Damn,” I echo.

“What are you going to do?” she asks. “Are you still excited at the prospect like you were the other night?”

I give her a noncommittal, “I have no idea,” as I’m reminded of the night Kale made me take the test when I told Charlie part of me was ready to become a mom. Now that it’s actually happening and I’ve had time to think about it, I decide to allow myself to feel the excitement that’s wanting to rush out. The hardest part is going to be figuring out what this means for my relationship with Kale, because regardless of what I want or what he wants, things are about to change for us—big time. And right now, that’s the last thing I want to think about.

Getting up off the couch, I decide not to stick around this apartment and wallow in self-pity I shouldn’t even be feeling. Charlie watches me silently as I rush back to my room. I throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that’s lying on the floor, flinching slightly when I get a look at myself in the bathroom mirror. Running a brush through my wild hair, I tame it and put it up in a ponytail before splashing water over my face. I pinch my cheeks, deciding to forgo makeup, and figure this is as good as I’m going to get for now.

“What are you doing, Lucy?” Charlie asks when I walk back into the living room.

I grab my purse and slide my feet into my most comfortable flats before answering her. “I have a baby on the way. I might as well start preparing,” I tell her, causing her to grin widely.

She stands up and crosses the room, pulling me into a hug. “You’re going to be a great mom, and I’m going to spoil my niece or nephew rotten.”

I return the hug and laugh. “Please. With this baby’s genes, he doesn’t need any help becoming rotten.”

“True enough,” she agrees. “Good Lord, help us all. A Dawson-Montgomery baby. Who’d have thought?”

A small smile forms across my lips. A Dawson-Montgomery baby? I like the sound of that. I silently pray that Kale does, too.

CHARLIE AND I spent the rest of the afternoon at the mall, flipping through various books at the bookstore and checking out different cribs, bassinets, and other baby items. At the end of the day, I almost felt more overwhelmed than I had before I’d left the apartment, but Charlie assured me that she’d be there every step of the way with me. I ended up picking up Jenny McCarthy’s Belly Laughs, much to Charlie’s chagrin. She wanted me to get something more serious, but the moment I saw the words “crude” and “laugh-out-loud funny,” I knew this was the baby book for me. Sure, I’ll get some sort of pregnancy guide later on, but for now, I just want something to make me laugh.

Rubbing my tired eyes as I wait for my second graders to come back from P.E., I’m wishing I hadn’t stayed up until two a.m. reading—and cringing—as Jenny detailed (boy did she detail) the good, the bad, the ugly, the sexy, and the funny of pregnancy. It was both enlightening and horrifying, and I can admit that I Googled “How to avoid hemorrhoids when pregnant” late last night. Let’s just say I found some very interesting information and will be adding prune juice to my diet and performing kegel exercises whenever possible. No hemorrhoids for this momma. I make a mental note to discuss this with Dr. Foster, my OBGYN. My appointment isn’t until next week, but I’ve already started making a list of questions to ask her, wanting to make sure I do everything possible to have a healthy pregnancy.

As I’m writing, I hear the door open and look up to see Veronica walk in with a small bouquet of flowers. She has a huge grin on her face when she sets them down in front of me. They’re a mixture of yellow roses and white daisies, and they brighten the room right up.

“Delivery for Ms. Dawson,” Veronica singsongs as she goes to lift the card off its holder. Quickly, I snatch it up from here, even though I know she probably read it before she came in. “Who are they from? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get flowers other than from your mom on your birthday, and that’s not for another two months. Do you have a new man? Have you been holding out on me? Come on. Spill it, Lucy.”

Ignoring her, I open up the card and my heart warms when I see the words. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. I can’t write poems, because I’m lame. Miss you. I meant it when I said we’re in this together, Lucy. Please don’t shut me out. - Kale

After re-reading the card three times, I start to feel like an asshole. Kale’s probably been reeling from the idea of his impending fatherhood, and instead of being there for him through it, I’ve avoided him. It was selfish, and I didn’t even stop to think about my best friend’s feelings about this life-changing event. It’s just that, at the time, I had no idea how I wanted to approach this situation, and I realize that I won’t be able to unless I know what Kale’s feelings are. He says that we’re in this together, but what does that even mean? I won’t know until we actually sit down and discuss this—our baby.

“Don’t worry about it,” I tell her and she huffs off, knowing I’m not going to share.

Glancing at the clock, I realize I have a few minutes before the kids will start to arrive. I pull out my phone and type out a quick text to Kale.

Miss you, too. The flowers are gorgeous and undeserved. I’m an ass. Let me make it up to you. Dinner, 7, my place?

Not even a minute passes before my phone chimes, and I see that I have a text back.

Never undeserved. I promise. And you’re not an ass, but you do have a nice one. Dinner sounds great. And yes, you can definitely make it up to me. You can do that with dessert. ;)

Shaking my head, I put my phone away as my students start to enter the classroom. I try to spend the rest of the day not stressing out about the impending dinner and discussion but fail miserably. I usually pray for three o’clock, but today, it’s different. Every minute that passes, the apprehension gets even heavier on my heart. It’s only been three days since I’ve seen him, but it feels like it’s been so much longer. Our worlds are about to change, and I have no idea what he’s going to want. Or for that matter, even what I want.

Kale

“WHAT’S THAT look for, Montgomery?” Knox asks. “Not that I’m complaining. You’ve been a moody asshole the past couple of days.”

I look up from my phone and realize that I’m grinning like a fool at Lucy’s text message. It wasn’t anything epic, but it’s been three long-ass days without her, and I was beginning to go a little crazy. Now that I know I’m going to get to see her tonight, my mood has improved. Ignoring him, I type out a quick response before placing my phone in the locker so we can go out to do field exercises.

“It’s nothing, man,” I tell him, and he narrows his eyes. “Seriously, it’s nothing. Just a text from Lucy.”

“How is Lucy? It sucks you two had to miss the wedding. Is she feeling better?” Jace inquires, clearly having no idea about anything that happened while he was away on his honeymoon.

“Yeah, Kale. How is Lucy feeling?” Knox asks, raising an eyebrow, and instantly I know that Charlie’s not the type to keep a secret from her significant other. Not that it was ever a secret, but still. The way he’s grinning at me lets me know that he is aware of just how Lucy is.

I glare at him, not wanting to talk about this until I’ve talked to Lucy. Until I know where her head is.

Jace looks back and forth between us. “What the hell am I missing here? Did something happen while I was gone?”

“Well, I wasn’t going to say anything until it was a little later, but thanks to Wellington’s girlfriend’s big mouth, that cat’s already out of the bag. Lucy’s pregnant.”

“And?” Jace asks before it dawns on him what this means. “Oh, man. It’s yours?”

Nodding, I finish lacing up my boots. When I stand up, Jace slaps me on the shoulder. “I didn’t know you two were like that, but congrats, man. That’s awesome!”

Knox snorts and shakes his head. “So much for you not being next,” he says, reminding me of the warning he and Jace both gave me only a few weeks ago. These two ass clowns have both been bitten by the love bug, and they’ve decided that it’s only natural that I’ll be the next one to settle down. I tried to deny it—I still do—but part of me is starting to think they were right, and that’s one ‘I told you so’ I don’t think I’ll mind getting.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going to happen. We aren’t exactly dating, but we also aren’t seeing other people. I care about Lucy, a lot, and the thought of her carrying my child isn’t as scary as I thought it would be. Sure, it’s unexpected, but I want this. I want her. I want our child. I just have to be careful with my approach. I have no idea what I’m going to do, but I’ll figure something out.”

A slow smile spreads over Knox’s face, and it’s a look I’m finally getting used to with him. Gone is the brooding asshole I met in Afghanistan. He’s been replaced with a love-struck guy who will do anything for his woman. “God, we’ve all turned into a bunch of fucking pansy romantic assholes. Well, Jace was always that way, but you get the point.”

Jace playfully shoves Knox at the comment. “You’ll pay for that in the ring later. As for you, Kale, I’m happy for you. Even if it happened when you least expected it, if it’s what you want, don’t stop at anything until you get it. Got it?”

Knowing Jace and Lexi’s history, I decide to heed his advice. There’s no way I’m going to let any type of miscommunication or misunderstanding lead to ten years of separation between Lucy and me, especially not with a child involved. I decide then and there that I need to pick up my balls and finally make Lucy realize that I meant what I said in that email. That I’ve had feelings for her all along, and the baby just helped push me into growing some damn balls and finally admitting it.

As we head out, Jace slaps me on the shoulder once more. “Congrats, again, Dad,” he says, and I close my eyes, remembering the last time I heard those words.

A slight burning fills my nose—and my heart—and I have to swallow hard not to tear up. It’s something I haven’t thought about in a very long time, but I never thought I’d hear those words again. Now that I have, I realize I have to do everything in my power to make them count.