Tessa Teevan - Inflame

“See ya, Daddy,” she says flippantly, and Xavier rolls his eyes.

“She’s getting way too old.” And I nod in agreement. “You kids have fun.”

Once Xavier leaves, I turn to Lily and ask what she wants to do for the day. Naturally, she wants to explore the nursery, and she tells me at least three times how much she wishes we were having a girl. When I show her the bassinet, she decides that it’s the perfect place for Winnie, and I have to agree. After she inspects nearly every baby item, toy, and article of clothing we have, she finally gets bored with it.

“Let’s go play outside,” she suggests, and I’m happy for the warmer late March weather we’ve been blessed with this weekend. I’ll do anything to keep her entertained.

We head to the backyard. As I look around, I realize that it’s pretty empty. Making a mental note to check out outdoor toys for kids, I turn to Lily. “Well, what do you want to do?” I ask, and she mulls it over.

“Let’s play catch,” she says, and I grin as she pulls her small mitt and softball out of her backpack. She’s definitely her father’s kid.

“Sounds good. Just give me a second to get my glove,” I tell her, running inside to get it.

We spend time throwing the ball back and forth, but as much as she tries, we end up chasing the ball more than either of us catches it. I don’t mind though, and I imagine doing this same thing in a few years with my son. I can’t freaking wait.

“I suck at this,” Lily huffs after she misses another catch. “I don’t even know why I play.”

I pause and give her an encouraging look. “Hey. You keep playing because it’s fun. And if you quit, you’ll never improve. Plus, I’ll let you in a little secret.” She eyes me warily. “When Kalli was your age, she couldn’t ever catch the ball. Ever. So you’re already doing much better than her.”

Lily giggles and I smile, knowing that I helped put her at ease. “Kalli’s good at everything though.”

“Everything but playing catch. So keep at it, kid, and you’ll be catching and throwing like a champ in no time.”

She sighs heavily but then gives in. “Okay. I’ll keep trying.”

The next pass I throw to her is way too hard and it sails over her head and into the front yard. “I’ll get it,” she yells as she runs around the side of the house before I can stop her.

“Lily, wait!” I yell as I run after her. When I round the corner, I see the ball rolling across the street and Lily following it without looking. “Lily!”

“Don’t worry! I’ve got it!” she yells back at me without looking.

She darts into the street at the same time that a car flies down the road, and I feel like my whole world stops as I watch it hit her. In what feels like slow motion, she’s launched into the air, and I feel like I’m having a flashback to the explosion. My breath stops as I remember the aftermath and I struggle to believe what I’m seeing. With a loud crash, Lily’s body lands on the pavement, and even from twenty feet away, I can tell she’s not moving. My brain kicks into overdrive and I sprint to her.

I let my basic Army medical skills take over as I make sure she has a pulse and is still breathing, and I let out a sigh of relief when I feel her breath on my cheek. She’s unconscious, and a small trail of blood is oozing out of her nose. Giving her a once-over, I can’t see any broken bones, and I silently thank God for that small triumph. I tear off my shirt and ball it up, slowly lifting her head to place it under her. When I pull my hand away, I’m frozen as I see the sticky crimson liquid covering my fingers.

The driver, a young male, gets out of the car. “Man, I didn’t see her. I swear to God I didn’t fucking see her,” he repeats, and right now, I don’t care. All that matters is Lily, and without knowing the extent of her injuries, I know I can’t move her.

I turn to look at him, and I can tell he’s scared out of his mind. “Call an ambulance!” I shout, and he scrambles to his car get his phone. I vaguely register him explaining to the 911 operator what happened.

Time seems to stand still as I kneel next to Lily, my goddaughter, my saving grace, and the thought of losing her is overwhelming. Running my hand along her forehead, I whisper encouraging thoughts to her, but every minute that passes without her waking up, I become more and more afraid that I’m about to lose the one thing that kept me together for all these years.

Sirens sound in the distance, but I don’t move until I feel hands pulling me up from her. A paramedic starts asking questions as two others slowly, carefully, transfer Lily to a stretcher.

“Sir, can you tell me what happened to your daughter?” the young woman asks, and I have to choke back a cry as I pick up the shirt that has been a pillow for her. It’s speckled with her blood, but I don’t care.

“She’s…she not my daughter. She’s my goddaughter.” Clearing my throat, I struggle to continue as I watch the crew load her in the ambulance. “We were playing catch and the ball went into the yard across the street. She ran out into the road to get it before I could stop her. And then, she was hit.”

“Did she lose consciousness right away?”

As we climb into the back of the ambulance, I tell the paramedic everything that happened after she was hit, but I can’t take my eyes of Lily. She looks so pale, so lifeless lying on the stretcher, and as I watch one of the paramedics wipe away the blood from her nose, I realize what that could mean. Closing my eyes, I lean my head back and beg the Lord that Lily will be okay. That Xavier isn’t going to lose her. And that it didn’t happen on my watch.

Once we pull up to the emergency room, I hop out quickly and follow behind as they wheel her into the hospital. I try to follow, but a nurse stops me in the waiting room before I can go past the doors.

“Sir, you can’t go back there right now. I assure you, she’ll get the best care, but for now I need you to help her by filling out these forms so we can properly treat her.”

My eyes races to meet hers as I sink into a chair and take the clipboard. “You’ll keep me informed on her condition?”

“Are you the father?”

“Yes.” The lie rolls right off my tongue, and I know I should take it back, but I can’t sit out here without knowing what’s going on.

“Then of course. Now please fill out the paperwork and get it back to me as soon as possible.”

Swallowing hard, I nod and begin to fill out everything I can. Having known her all her life, I know most of the answers, but there are some that I need Xavier for. Panicking, I realize I haven’t called him. After setting the clipboard down, I grab my phone and head outside, ready to make the most dreaded phone call of my life.

I’M ABOUT to start pacing the waiting room when Xavier runs in. “Where the fuck is she?” he demands as he grabs my shoulders, looking at me with wild eyes.

Just as I’m about to admit that I don’t have any information, the doors open and we both turn towards them. A doctor consults with the nurse and she points to me. He makes his way over and holds out a hand to me. “Mr. Cruz,” he begins, and I clear my throat.

“This is actually Lily’s father. I’m just her godfather,” I admit, and he doesn’t bat an eye as he turns to Xavier.

“As I was saying, Mr. Cruz, I’m Dr. Simon and I’ve been assigned to your daughter’s case. Upon initial x-ray, we can tell that she has a couple of broken ribs, most likely from the impact of hitting the ground. At this point, what we’re concerned with is traumatic brain injury. We don’t know how hard she hit her head against the pavement, but she does have a small hairline fracture on her skull, with a pretty deep gash, indicating there was some force when she landed. We’re going to take her for a CT scan so we can check for any brain swelling or hemorrhaging. Once we’re done with that, I’ll have a nurse come out and get you so you can see her.”

Xavier closes his eyes and swallows hard before reopening them. “Thanks,” is all he says before he turns around and slides down in one of the chairs.

The doctor gives me a tight smile and then turns and walks away.

When I sit next to Xavier, he leans forward, placing his elbow on his knees. “I can’t lose her, man. She’s all I’ve got.”

Guilt flows through me as I place a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, that’s not going to happen. She’s going to be fine.”

He turns to look at me, and I can see the fear that mirrors my own in his eyes. “You don’t know that, Kale. What if she doesn’t wake up? She’s my whole world. I don’t know what I would do without her. She’s everything to me.”

As I sink back in to my chair, I have no idea what to say. No words of consolation will ever be enough. “I’m so fucking sorry, Z. I should’ve had the gate shut or been watching her better. I’m so fucking sorry.” I can barely choke the words out as the guilt creeps in and wraps around my heart like a vise.

“Don’t. Don’t fucking blame yourself for this. You told me what happened, and it could’ve happened with anyone. It’s not your fault, and don’t make this harder on yourself by feeling like it is.”

I have no idea how he can be rational about it, but I appreciate his words, even if they do little to assuage my guilt. After handing the unfinished paperwork to Xavier, I watch as he loses himself in filling it out, and I’m thankful for the distraction. Once he finishes, he makes his way to the nurses’ station and hands it over.

I don’t know how long we sit in silence, both of us nervously shaking our legs in anticipation of hearing some news, any news, about her condition. Out of nowhere, Dr. Simon approaches and we both quickly jump to our feet, eager to hear the news.

“Mr. Cruz, the results from the CT scan show there is a slight swelling in Lily’s brain.” I hear Xavier’s sharp intake of breath as my heart starts rapidly beating. “That being said, it’s a minor cerebral edema, and we’re treating it with painkillers and corticosteroids. It doesn’t appear to be severe enough to require surgery. She has a concussion, but she is awake and appears to have full function of her motor skills. She’s been asking for you,” he tells Xavier.

“So, she’s going to be okay?” Xavier asks for clarification.

“Well, brain injuries can be tricky, but it appears that Lily’s going to be just fine. She’s going to be sore for a while, and like I said, we want to monitor the swelling, but all in all, she’s a lucky little girl. It could’ve been much worse. Now, if you’ll follow me, I’ll take you back to her.”

“You comin’?” Xavier asks, and I shake my head, not sure I’m ready to see her. To see what I did to her.

“You go ahead. I’m going to call Lucy and tell her what’s going on. Whenever Lily’s ready for more company, I’ll be out here waiting.”

He gives me a perceptive nod then follows the doctor, and I watch as they disappear down the corridor. I head outside, not wanting anyone to hear me freaking the fuck out as I call Lucy to tell her the news. That Lily’s in the hospital and it’s all my fault.

Lucy

I’M SURPRISED when I come home to find the house dark after an exhausting, albeit fun day of wedding shopping with Charlie. I knew Kale was watching Lily today, and I was hopeful she’d still be around when I got home. Glancing at the clock, I realize it’s dinnertime and wonder if they went out to grab something.

As I make my way back to the bedroom, more than ready to change into my stretchy yoga pants, I check my phone and see that I don’t have any messages from him. I shrug it off and enter the bedroom, stopping in my tracks. Next to my side of the bed is the most beautiful white bassinet. As I move closer, I smile when I see a bright green fleece blanket folded up inside. A small stuffed animal rests where the baby will go, and I pick it up to study the Winnie the Pooh, which clearly isn’t new. I guess it’s from Lily, and I grin as I remember her excitement when she found out she was getting a ‘cousin’, even if she did try to play it off like she wanted it to be a girl.

Taking advantage of the quiet, I quickly change my clothes and then prop myself up on the bed to get some grading done. I’m nearly seven months along now and I can rest my papers on my belly for easy access. Even though it’s getting harder to shave my legs, the shelf it creates is actually quite useful. I’m knee-deep in spelling tests when my phone goes off, the special ringtone for Kale playing.

“Hey, baby. Are you out with your other girlfriend?” I tease playfully, but my mood drops when I hear him inhale sharply on the other end of the phone. “Kale? Everything okay?”