Jill Shalvis - Instant Temptation

“Yeah?”

“Then I guess it is entirely possible that I love you.”

He tripped over his own feet, something she’d never, ever, seen him do, and she smiled. “In the way I loved watching those bears,” she continued. “With a healthy respect and a good amount of distance for my well-being.”

“Now who’s the funny one?” he asked.

TJ followed Harley to the broken surveillance equipment on the ridge. She’d put on a pair of sunglasses and some ChapStick, both having taken her a good long time to find in her backpack, which made him shake his head.

But God, he loved to watch her.

“What?” she asked.

“Nothing.”

“You’re smiling.”

“All right. Maybe”-he stroked a finger over her temple-“maybe I love you, too.” He heard her breath catch. “In the same way that we both loved that hungry, grumpy bear.”

She let out a low laugh. “So we’re even.”

“Even.”

At the ridge, Harley sat next to the nonfunctioning camera equipment and got to work while TJ accessed his messages. Stone had two client calls for him to return regarding new upcoming winter trips. Good. Cam needed TJ to go for a tux fitting before Katie killed him-not good. And Nick had a question for Harley. “Nick wants to know if you’ve kicked my ass yet.”

“It’s still a possibility.”

TJ grinned. “Do you want to check in with anyone?”

“Most definitely not.” She shrugged at his unspoken question. “The joys of family.”

There were plenty of times he and his brothers drove each other halfway to the insane asylum, but they had each others’ backs, always.

Harley’s parents weren’t together, but they got along. They didn’t get drunk and beat on their kids, they’d always managed to put food on the table, and yet he knew, sweet and kind as they were, that Harley absolutely did not get the same support from her family that he got from his.

Her parents let their whims drive them. Whatever happened, happened. Harley had always needed more than that whimsical existence, and her hopes and dreams baffled her family. They loved her but didn’t understand her.

In spite of that basic lack of understanding and support, Harley had grown up incredibly strong, solidly grounded, and was the most softhearted person he knew. Not that she’d thank him for that assessment. She didn’t like to be soft, and she didn’t do need. Ever. “I know you’re working so hard to help out your parents,” he said. “And Skye. If you ever need-”

“I don’t.” She glanced over and sent him a smile to gentle her tone. “And you’d do the same thing if you had to for your family. You have done the same thing.”

So she remembered. Remembered what it was like for him to be the oldest, to put everything in his teenage life aside to make sure Cam and Stone were cared for. “That was all a long time ago.”

“You don’t talk much about growing up,” she said quietly. “Even though I know it was bad. Especially when your father was still alive.”

Everyone in Wishful had known his father and his infamous temper. He’d been a pro bull rider who’d been rough on his animals and rougher on his sons. Mostly the youngest, Cam, who TJ had stepped in to protect whenever he could, usually at his own peril. “Like I said, it was a long time ago.”

“And yet you make sure to spend as much time away from here as you can.”

“I’m an expedition and adventure guide,” he said. “By the very definition, I have to be gone.”

“Your brothers are guides, too. But they don’t do the three-month Alaska trips, one right after another. They don’t traipse across Canada or wherever. They stick.”

“And because they do, I go,” he said. “Look, someone’s got to do those trips. They’re high-end, big-bucks trips that provide us with the majority of our income.”

“TJ,” she said with terrifying gentleness. “Now who’s the liar?” She held his gaze, letting that sink in. “You and I both know that there’s plenty of business right here. At home.”

Since that happened to be true, he said nothing.

“So what are you running from?”

Well, hell. How she’d turned this around on him, he had no idea. “I’ll tell if you tell.”

“You will not.”

“I will,” he said, and waited while she gave him a long, considering look.

Finally, she blew out a sigh. “I’m running from the poverty on my heels and a possible lifetime of dirty fingernails.” She flashed him a tight smile. “I don’t want to be like my mom, always needing to depend on others, always in a bind, always unhappy. I want to have a job that fulfills me and pays the bills.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” he said.

She nodded her agreement of that, then gestured to him. “Now you.”

“The camera…”

She patted it. “It’s going to make it. It’s motion-and air pressure-sensitive, and calibrated to allow for winds up to fifty miles per hour. But that windstorm we had last week, with the gusts up to seventy-five miles per hour, knocked it out of whack. I’ve reset it.” She arched a brow. “Now you,” she repeated.

Fuck. “Okay, it’s like this. When I was young and I needed to escape, I’d hit the trail.” He didn’t go into what he’d needed to escape from. “Depending on the season, I’d grab my bike or my skis and I’d vanish.” No drunk-ass father, no school, nothing but his own wits. “Now I no longer need to run from anything, but…”

“It’s still your go to,” she said softly, understanding in her warm eyes. “Your escape.”

“Yeah.” He let out a long, slow breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and lifted a shoulder. “It’s where I feel the most…alive,” he said simply. “But now, lately…” He shook his head. “The lodge is all weddings and babies and kittens. I’m surprised there’s not a fucking rainbow hanging over the roof. Cam took flowers to Katie at her office.”

She laughed. “That’s sweet.”

“He’s done it every day this week. It’s some sort of an anniversary thing. You can’t even see Katie at her desk anymore. It’s like she’s working in a florist shop. And then there’s Stone. He’s still trying to rope Emma in, so he’s doing all this shit to impress her, and getting himself hurt so she has to treat him. The guy is a walking Band-Aid.”

“It’s love, TJ. Not some lesser degree of love, but the real deal.”

“It’s a little over the top.”

She was quiet a moment. “You don’t believe in the real deal love?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then what? What about the real deal love gets to you?”

How about it hurt like hell? “Like I said, there are all kinds of love,” he said carefully. “Something different for everybody. This kind, this ‘real deal’ as you call it, I’m not sure it’s for everyone, that’s all.”

She looked at him for a long moment. “I know this will shock you, but I happen to agree with you.”

Once again he found himself letting out a long breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding. He couldn’t help it. She kept surprising him, kept worming her way into his heart.

And making him rethink his stance on just about everything, including the whole love thing. He took her hand and ran a thumb over her fingers, enjoying the contact in a way he rarely did with anyone else. “Did we just agree on something?”

“I think we did.”

“I hope it’s a trend.”

“Ditto.”

Cupping her face, he pulled her up against him for the sheer pleasure of it. “You were right before. You scare the hell out of me, Harley.”

“Again,” she said softly. “Ditto.”

“You might have been the one with a crush on me growing up, but I’ve had a crush on you for several years,” he admitted. “I don’t know why. I think it was all that bickering we did, it always made me”-he flashed her a grin-“hot.”

She rolled her eyes and made him laugh.

“Every party, every get-together, every pool game, it all drove me crazy,” he said.

“You never said.”

“I hid it behind a helluva lot of long trips.” He smiled grimly. “And a lot of cold showers.”

She stared at him, her eyes soft. “I never knew.”

“I never meant you to. You’re not the only one who can hide their feelings.” He nudged her in even closer. “The truth is, Harley, what I feel for you could slip right past lust into uncharted waters if I let it.”

She swallowed hard. “If you let it?”

“Don’t worry. I’m working on it.”

“Okay.” She nodded, but then shook her head and closed her eyes. “Maybe we should go back to the bickering. Bickering was so easy.”

“Think we can?” He nudged her with his knee, slid a hand up her back, and felt her practically melt into him, which was more than a little gratifying. “Really?”

She left her eyes closed and dropped her head to his shoulder. “We can try like hell.” The doubt was heavy in her voice. “We’re both tough, we’re fighters. We can do this.”

“Yeah.” But a small part of him wondered if they were fighting a battle that had already been lost.

“So what now?” TJ asked after Harley had finished with the camera.

“The next camera.” She consulted the GPS and her maps. “I think I can hike to it and be back by nightfall.” She looked up and found him watching her.

They were still sitting side by side. Their thighs were touching. Purely by accident, she decided. The log they were sitting on wasn’t all that big.

But when he leaned close and offered her a bottle of water, there was nothing accidental about the zing that went straight through her body, making her thighs clench together. She looked up into his face to see if he noticed.

His eyes were on hers, deep and steady. And heated.

He’d noticed.

Fighting this, she reminded herself. Be tough. “Thanks,” she said quietly and set the water down.

“You need to stay hydrated.”

“I’m tired of peeing in the woods.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“Says the guy who gets to pee standing up without exposing vital parts.”

He slid her a look.

“Okay, so you have to expose one vital part.” One really vital part. “Big deal.”

He grinned and offered her dried mangoes and beef jerky from his pack.

“Thanks.” She dipped her hand into the bag.

TJ leaned forward to grab another water for himself and the length of their thighs pressed together again. She could have pulled free but she didn’t, and when he straightened back up, opening the bottle of water, his biceps brushed her arm and the side of her breast.

Her breath caught.

He drank long and deep, his throat working. He stopped when he sensed her staring at him and licked a drop of water off his upper lip. A small insect landed on his shoulder. Without thinking, Harley leaned in, pursed her lips, and blew.

TJ’s eyes went to her mouth. “What was that?”

“You had a bug. I blew it away.”

His eyes seemed to darken at the word “blew.” “Do me a favor.”

“I already owe you a…favor.”

His eyes smoldered at that. “There’s no debt between us, but don’t blow on me like that again unless you mean it.”

Okay, good to know. Suddenly parched herself, she drank some of her water, but not nearly as gracefully as he had, managing to dribble several drops down the front of her.

Both their gazes went to her chest. He made a noise, low in his throat as he exhaled.

“I’m messy,” she whispered.

His eyes lifted back to hers, heated. “I like messy.”

She took a gulp of air.

“What now?” he murmured.

Um, we forget the being tough thing and have wild sex against a tree? “We should find something to bicker about and fast.”

He laughed softly. “I meant regarding your work.”

Oh. Right. She struggled to concentrate. “East ridge.”

“There and back before nightfall, and then…”

“And then I hike home in the morning,” she said.

“You’re not a you. You’re a we.”

Until they get back. While they were out here. After that, it was back to real life. Suddenly she wished all the cameras were down and she had an excuse to stay out there with him for longer.

“What will you do when you get home?” he asked quietly.

She lifted a shoulder. “Keep working the research internship until spring.”

“And work long hours at the garage?”

“Yes.”

“And worry about your parents. And your sister.”

“Yeah, and stress about whether or not taking the Colorado job is the right thing to do. It’s called life, TJ. You work long hours, you worry about your family. It’s what we do.”

“You’re questioning taking the Colorado job?”

Trust him to anchor in on the one thing really bothering her. “No.” She squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them. “Yes.”

“Tell me.”

“Maybe…maybe the research position is the wrong angle. Maybe being out here fulfills me like it does you.” She met his gaze. “What do you think?” she asked, honestly wanting to hear what he’d do, even though a part of her already knew. He’d do what was right, not necessarily what was easy. Taking the job, if it was offered, was the easy route. Figuring out what would fulfill her, what would make her happy, would be better.