Kristen Ashley - Jagged

“Looks like you do it, like, five times a day,” Zander noted, his eyes moving to Ham’s wide chest.

“Only need to do it once, boy, just do it right,” Ham replied.

“You know,” Aunt Wilona broke in, “if… erm… Uncle, uh… Reece would be okay with it, maybe you could, I don’t know… go running with him or something.”

My eyes went to my aunt and for the first time in my whole entire life, I wanted to hug her.

Then I looked to Zander as he bounced in his seat, completely oblivious that Trudy had arrived with a tray full of drinks and plates of cake.

“That would be so cool!” he cried.

“I run five miles every day, Zander. Can you keep up with that?” Ham asked.

“Totally,” Zander answered, then looked at me. “Are you going to run with us?”

I really wanted to say yes. I really, really did. But I also didn’t want to drop dead of a heart attack trying to run with Ham and Zander when I’d never run for exercise in my life. In fact, I couldn’t even remember the last time I ran at all.

“I’ll get the protein shakes ready for your arrival home,” I offered.

“Awesome,” Zander whispered and finally looked at the cake that was sliding in front of him.

It was then he burned a whole straight through my heart.

Because Trudy got too close to the picture of Xenia with the plate of cake.

So Zander’s hand darted out, snatching it up, taking it to safety, and doing this by pressing it face-first to his chest.

I dropped my head, stared at my lap, and deep breathed as my eyes filled with tears.

Ham wrapped his hand around the back of my neck.

I kept doing this until I heard Zander say, sounding like his mouth was full, “This is really good!”

I looked up and saw his mouth was full and getting fuller as he was shoving more cake into it.

The picture of Xenia was propped up on the table by the wall, face out and out of harm’s way.

I swallowed, pulled gently away from Ham, and grabbed my fork.

I took a bite and looked to my aunt.

She was concentrating on her cake so it took a minute before she felt my eyes, lifted her head, and caught them.

I swallowed cake and mouthed, Thank you.

Tears brightened her eyes as relief washed through her face.

Then she nodded and looked down at her cake.

Ham gave my thigh a squeeze and then picked up his fork.

Zander looked at me and, still with mouth full, announced, “I get all A’s in science but don’t get excited, I get C’s in English. It used to drive Nona nuts but finally she said as long as I can speak it, it isn’t necessary for me to live and breathe it and scientists are way cool so I’m good.”

I smiled as he went on talking and I experienced something very weird as he did.

The weird part wasn’t falling in love with my nephew. I knew I’d do that.

The weird part was falling in love with my aunt.

That was something I never thought I’d do.

* * *

We were on the sidewalk outside The Mark, Aunt Wilona and I a bit away from Zander and Ham, who’d walked down to take a look at his truck.

But not too far away that we didn’t hear Zander yell, “That truck is huge!”

I watched Ham smile down at him and my belly felt weird. Like I had butterflies. And it hit me that this was because, at that moment, I understood in a visceral way that Ham would be a good father. And that would mean a good father to our kids.

And a good uncle to his nephew.

Holding that feeling close with the warmth of sharing a mud pie with my nephew, I turned to Aunt Wilona and did what I had to do.

I reached out, touched her forearm, and stopped.

She looked down to her arm where my hand had touched, looked at me, and stopped, too.

“Does he ask about his dad?” I asked, bracing for her answer because Xenia had narrowed it down to two guys. Only one was still in town but Zander didn’t look like either of them.

She gave a brief nod. “Started asking about his parents a year or so ago. Being careful with it. Xavier didn’t want me to say anything so I danced around it until, of course, after the, uh…”

She trailed off and I nodded to let her know I understood.

“I don’t know who his father is, Aunt Wilona,” I admitted. “And neither did Xenia. Not for certain.”

She looked toward Zander and murmured, “My niece had demons.”

I was grateful she understood that. In the coming years, sharing with Zander about his mother, it would be important.

“I’ll need to understand how Dad is with him,” I said quietly.

“You know your father,” she replied and my eyes sharpened on her.

“Yes, Aunt Wilona, I do and I’ll need to understand how Dad is with him,” I repeated firmly.

She held my eyes and whispered, “He doesn’t hurt him.”

“Zander seems very high-spirited,” I noted. “Except when he’s talking about Dad. Then he seems confused.”

“Your father is a hard man,” Aunt Wilona said. “Zander is a nine-year-old boy. He doesn’t understand hard.”

“Abuse comes in many forms,” I returned. “And all of them are hard.”

“I wouldn’t allow that to happen,” she retorted quickly and sharply. “We’d disappear before that happened. Zander hasn’t been alone in your father’s presence since he was six months old.”

I let out a relieved breath for a variety of reasons.

It was coming clear that Aunt Wilona was not like my mother. She was a lioness with my nephew. She raised him. She obviously loved him. And most important, when it came to my dad, she protected him.

“It’s very difficult living under this cloud, especially since I have to keep it from Zander,” she went on and I focused on her. “Do you and Reece know what you intend to do?”

“About Zander, not yet,” I answered, then gave her a hint of the relief she gave me. “We’re concerned about him gettin’ caught in this storm. We’d like to avoid doing that and we want to find ways to work with you to accomplish that. But you should know, the clouds are gathering and, tomorrow, Dad is not going to be very happy.”

Her eyes narrowed on me but she simply nodded and didn’t ask questions.

“You seem to have done well with him,” I noted carefully.

“He’s my life,” she replied.

“Aunt Wilona—”

Her face twisted with emotion and she turned fully to me.

“I know I didn’t get him the right way but that doesn’t mean a thing. I told your man and I’ll tell you, Zander wants you in his life. I want him to have his aunt. You were close with Xenia. You can give her to him in a way I can’t, and you did that tonight, seeing as I don’t even have any pictures of her. And a boy should have his mother however he can get her.”

She stopped and I nodded so she continued.

“And I want to mend fences with you. Having him, he’s taught me a few things, and I’ve learned you’re never too old to learn. So, I’m saying this because I want to keep him, I want him safe, I don’t want his life disrupted, but nine years under Xavier’s thumb, nine years with Zander in my life, I’ve learned what’s important. And doing everything I can to give that boy the life he needs to build a good one when he gets older is the only thing that’s important. And that includes family.” She leaned into me. “The right kind.”

That meant so much to me, of course, I went flippant.

“If you’re not careful, I might start liking you.”

“Same goes for you,” she replied instantly and Aunt Wilona even being minutely funny shocked the shit out of me so I burst out laughing.

When I started to get control of it, I was shocked further to see Aunt Wilona smiling at me.

“What are you guys laughing about?” Zander asked and I looked down to see him come to a jumping halt close to my aunt.

He’d obviously run there because Ham was still down the way, sauntering toward us, eyes on me, assessing.

“Your Nona was being funny,” I told Zander when I looked away from Ham to him.

“She’s like that all the time,” Zander surprised me by replying.

“Good,” I whispered and looked at my aunt.

“Get this!” Zander started, grabbing Aunt Wilona’s hand for a quick tug before letting it go. “Uncle Reece has a Harley.”

“Oh God,” Aunt Wilona moaned, looking up to the heavens.

“I know!” Zander replied, interpreting her reaction as only a nine-year-old boy would. “Isn’t that cool?”

Aunt Wilona looked to Reece and shocked the hell out of me yet again.

“He gets on the back of that with you, he wears a helmet.”

“Of course,” Ham murmured.

“No way!” Zander shouted. “Tough guys don’t wear helmets!”

“Tough kids mind their aunts or they don’t get a ride,” Ham commented and Zander looked up at him, scrunched his nose, and then looked at his feet.

“Whatever,” he muttered, then he looked up at me. “Do you ride with him?”

“Yes,” I answered.

“Do you wear a helmet?” he pressed on.

Stupidly, I hadn’t seen that coming.

“Well…” I started, trailed off, and Ham saved me.

“My bike, my rules. And my rules are, you follow your aunt’s rules. Yeah?”

Zander looked to Ham then my aunt and I followed his eyes.

Aunt Wilona was staring at Ham with what might have been respect before she looked down at Zander and said, “We should go, honey.”

Zander nodded and looked up at me. “Nona says you can come over for dinner. You wanna do that soon?”

I wanted to do that that night.

“Whenever you want us, we’ll be there,” I said.

“Awesome,” he mumbled.

“Say good-bye, sweetheart, we should get going,” Aunt Wilona urged.

“Right,” Zander said, looked at Ham, and waved. “Bye.” He did the same to me and repeated his “bye.”

“Bye, kid,” Ham rumbled.

“Bye, darlin’,” I replied, grinning at him, and then I grinned at Aunt Wilona. “Bye… Nona.”

She rolled her eyes before she gave her farewells and they moved away.

Ham moved to my side and curved an arm around my shoulders as we watched them go.

Then, suddenly, Zander turned around, raced back, and wrapped his arms quickly around my hips, giving me a barely there hug before he jumped back and looked up at me.

“Thanks for the picture,” he whispered.

I wasn’t breathing, too moved by his touch, his words, but I still opened my mouth in an effort to speak but before I could, he turned and dashed back toward Aunt Wilona, stopped again, looked to Ham, and called, “I’ll wear a helmet!”

Then he ran back to Aunt Wilona. She gave us another wave and I stood in the curve of Ham’s arm as we watched them get in their SUV then I returned Zander’s wave as we watched them drive away.

“How’s my cookie?” he muttered as I continued to watch the street where they’d disappeared.

“He’s a great kid.”

“Yeah, he is.”

“Did you see that with the picture?”

His arm curled me closer to his side. “Yeah, baby.”

“Aunt Wilona doesn’t let him alone with Dad,” I told him.

“That’s good,” Ham replied.

“I’m in love,” I declared and Ham curled me even closer, fitting my front to his side, and I tipped my head back to catch his eyes.

“I figured that’d happen,” he noted.

“Aunt Wilona’s done a good job,” I whispered.

“Seems so,” Ham agreed.

“I miss her more right now than I have in nine years,” I shared.

He knew I was talking about Xenia and I knew he did when his eyes warmed, his face got soft, and his lips murmured, “Baby.”

I shoved my face into his chest.

Ham wrapped his other arm around me and I wrapped both around him.

We stood there on the boardwalk for a long time, holding on, saying nothing.

Eventually, I broke the silence.

“I want nine kids,” I declared, my voice muffled by his chest.

“Seems I’m done with condoms,” was his reply.

I tipped my head back, caught his beautiful, intelligent, smiling eyes, and burst out laughing.

Show and Tell

The next morning, I was woken up when Ham dragged his thumb over my nipple.

My eyes opened slowly as that scored straight from nipple to between my legs and I whispered, “Ham.”

The second I said his name, his heat left my back, he rolled me, rolled over me, and his mouth took mine in a deep, soft, sweet kiss.