“That was a hell of a game, wasn't it?” he said to Alice, and she nodded, as tears stung her eyes. And a few minutes later Charlotte joined them, looking happy and excited to see her father.

“Thanks for coming, Dad,” she said shyly.

“You did a great job, Charlie,” he said, standing up and putting an arm around her shoulders. “I was really proud of you!” he said gruffly, as he shook her gently like a bear playing with a cub, proud of some new achievement of his offspring.

They followed her out of the gym, after she had changed, and she couldn't see him, but Johnny had his arm around her, and she looked pensive as she silently thought about him.

“You know, Johnny played a game like that once,” her father reminisced as they drove home, “he won a trophy for it.”

“I think we have a good chance to be in the division finals this year,” she said with a look of gratitude for his interest. It was all so new to her, but she was reveling in it.

“If you do, I'll come see them,” Jim promised. He had been vastly impressed by the game he'd just seen her play She had real athletic talent. More than he'd ever dreamed.

They stopped to buy groceries on the way home, and by the time they got back, it was time to start dinner. Alice busied herself in the kitchen, and Bobby went outside to shoot baskets with Charlotte, as their father watched them and coached Charlotte, and Johnny went along to watch them. A few minutes later, he walked back into the kitchen, to talk to his mother.

“That was pretty cool of Dad to come, wasn't it?” he said, sounding as pleased as he felt. He knew what it had meant to Charlie. Even their father had seemed to “get it.” And he had been blown away by the way Charlie played. He was already talking about going to the next game.

“I think you have more power than you think,” Alice said softly, so no one else would hear her. “What you do has an effect on all of us…. Look at Bobby. And Dad going to the game. It's like magic.” His gentle, loving touch was improving all their lives, one by one.

“Bobby was just ready, Mom. Five years is a long time not to talk.” She knew it all too well. Jim had been drinking heavily on a daily basis ever since Bobby had become silent.

“When are we going to tell Dad about Bobby talking?” Alice asked. She had been wondering about it ever since she had discovered their secret, and hoped it would be soon. She knew just how much it would mean to Jim.

“Not yet,” Johnny answered. “Bobby's not ready. But he will be, soon, I hope. We still have a few twists and turns in the road here.”

“What does that mean?” She looked puzzled.

“To tell you the truth, I'm not sure, Mom. I just feel things. I don't know why, and I'm never sure how they're going to work out. I just think things, and they come, kind of on their own. But they happen the way I thought. But I do know that Bobby needs to practice talking a little bit, and he has to be prepared to tell Dad.” Alice knew what a gift of freedom it would be for Jim, it would free him from the guilt, and it might change his life, and theirs, to know that Bobby could talk again. She was anxious for that to happen. But Johnny insisted it was too soon to tell him, and she somehow knew she had to respect that, and so did Bobby. Johnny seemed to know what he was doing. The results were good so far. For the moment, only their mother could share their conversations with them. Johnny wanted their victories to be more solid, he didn't want Bobby to feel like he failed if anything went wrong, or to be so nervous, he stumbled when he talked.

She had dinner on the table for them half an hour later, and Jim talked at length to Charlotte about the game, and how she could score even more points if she tightened up her game. The suggestions he made were good ones, and Charlotte was momentarily impressed. It was all she had ever wanted from him. A door had finally opened between them, and her father had taken a giant step into her world. The love and approval she had always wanted from him was finally hers.

“I'll try, Dad,” she said, excited about the attention he was giving her, and glowing from it. It was almost like the conversations he used to have with Johnny. He was suddenly respectful of her, and he could see how well she played. And he had to admit for once, she was a damn fine little athlete. His approval shone in his eyes, and listening to him, Charlotte looked like she had been given the Hope diamond. She was the happiest girl in the world.

The next day, after Jim came home from work, he offered to take her out for a soda at the drive-in, and for once it didn't seem like he had been drinking before he got home. Alice smiled as they left, and Charlotte hurried out to the car with her father. She asked him a number of questions about the sports he'd played as a young man, as he turned the key in the ignition. And a moment later, Alice saw them drive off, and she went outside to watch Johnny shoot baskets with Bobby. What they had just seen was like a miracle to them. It seemed as though Jim had never paid a moment's attention to Charlotte, but he was making up for lost time now.

Alice waited for them to return before starting dinner, but she was startled when she glanced at the clock, and saw that it was after seven. They should have been home long before. They had been gone for nearly two hours, and at eight o'clock she was panicked. But she was even more so, when the hospital called her at eight-thirty. They said that Charlotte and Jim were there, they were both fine, except that Charlotte had a mild concussion.

“What happened?” Alice was horrified as she listened to the voice on the phone explain it to her. They had had a minor accident in the car. Jim had hit a parked truck, but had suffered no injuries. Charlotte's head had hit the dashboard, and after they watched her for a while, they were going to send her home with her father. And as soon as she hung up, Alice told Johnny about it. She had long since fed Bobby a sandwich, and afterward he had gone to his room to do some homework. So she didn't have to worry about frightening him when she told Johnny about the accident. And he whistled long and hard when she told him about it.

“Was he drinking, Mom?” Johnny asked her, and she looked confused.

“I don't know. He seemed okay when he left,” she said honestly. But they both knew that he might have stopped somewhere for a couple of beers or more. He could have gotten just drunk enough to hit another car. And at that exact moment, Alice knew she'd had enough. He had just endangered a child for a second time. The risk he presented while drinking was suddenly intolerable to her.

She was still angry at herself, and at him, when Jim came home with Charlotte two hours later. She was too angry to even speak to him. All they had told Charlotte to do was rest and take it easy for a few days. They thought she could be playing basketball again the following weekend. But that was beside the point to Alice. She knew Charlotte could have been killed.

The look on Jim's face, when he walked in, told its own story. He was ashen. He said nothing to his wife, but poured himself a cup of coffee, and looked long and hard at her, trying to gauge her reaction, when she came downstairs after putting Charlotte to bed. Alice was livid, as Johnny quietly withdrew and went back upstairs to Bobby. He'd been waiting in the kitchen with his mother when Charlotte and Jim came home. “Do you realize you could have killed her?” she said furiously. He didn't answer. They both knew the consequences of accidents like the one he'd just had with Charlotte. “I'm not going to let you drive the kids anymore, if you can't be responsible,” she said, looking angrily at him. “You can drink all you want, but don't get in a car with my children,” she said firmly, and he sat down at the kitchen table, looking like a beaten man. He had scared himself, and Charlotte, to death.

“I know, you have every right to say that, and to be very angry with me.” If there was one thing they both knew, it was the price of accidents like the one he'd just had. They had lived through it all too vividly with Bobby. Jim himself had never recovered from it, nor had their son.

“I'm never going to be able to forgive you, and neither are you, if you have another accident with one of our kids,” Alice said, looking right at him, and he had tears in his eyes when he turned away from her.

“Look. I get it. I feel awful. You don't have to say anything, Alice. I said it all to myself after it happened.” And she could see that he meant it. “I just had a couple of beers before we came home.”

“I'm going to say a lot, Jim, if you do it again. If you drink, don't drive our kids. If you do, I'm going to leave and take them with me.” She had never said anything like that to him before.

“Are you serious?” He looked horrified by what she was saying. He could see that she meant it. Something in her had snapped when the hospital called.

“Look,” Jim insisted, “I told you it won't happen again.” She gave him a long hard look, and then silently walked out of the kitchen, went upstairs to their bedroom, and closed the door.

Jim came up a few minutes later, and said nothing to her. Alice was already in bed, and in no mood to talk to him. And as he slipped quietly into bed and turned off the light, Alice could hear Johnny and Bobby moving around in the next room. But Jim was so exhausted from the emotions of the evening, he seemed to hear nothing, and within minutes, he was asleep.





Chapter 9


The tension in the house the day after Jim and Charlotte's accident hung over them like cement. Neither Jim nor Alice spoke at the breakfast table, Bobby was silent as usual, and Charlotte was in bed, asleep. And after Alice cleared the dishes, Jim stood watching her for a minute, trying to get up the courage to talk to her. But it was obvious she didn't want to talk to him.

“I'm going to the office today,” he said, as though expecting a reaction from her, but he got none. She turned around and looked at him in silence. “Will you be all right here with the kids? I mean, with Charlotte and everything….” His voice drifted off as he saw the pain and accusation in her eyes. It was obvious that she felt he had betrayed her. “Look, dammit, I didn't do it on purpose.”

“You didn't need to drink when you took her out. You could have waited till you got home.”

“I know,” he said in a choked voice. “I was excited about the game. She's going to be all right, Alice. I didn't kill her.” He tried to defend himself, but it was futile. They both knew he was wrong.

“If you want to risk yourself, I don't like it, but that's your choice. You have no right to make those kinds of decisions with our children.” What it told her was that she could no longer trust him with their children. Neither his driving nor his judgment could be relied on anymore.

“I won't do it again,” he said weakly, feeling rotten. He hated knowing that he had upset her, and Charlotte had gotten hurt.

“No, you won't,” she said with a different tone than he'd ever heard before, “because I won't let you.” He said nothing, and a few minutes later, he left, and Johnny walked into the kitchen and looked at his mother's face with concern.

“I hate it when you guys fight,” he said sadly.

“Do you blame me? He could have killed your sister.”

“Maybe this time it'll teach him a lesson.” But if he hadn't learned the lesson five years before, when Bobby nearly drowned, Alice was beginning to think he never would. Maybe his drinking was now a permanent part of their existence, and there was no hope that he would change it. For the first time, the night before, she had begun to accept that. And she didn't like what it meant for their future. She had always thought he would stop drinking eventually, or cut down dramatically, but he never had. If anything, he'd gotten worse over the years, since Bobby's accident. They had lost Johnny, and she had no intention of losing either of the others. Or him, if he decided to drive while he was drunk. “I'm sorry, Mom,” Johnny said sadly. It pained him to see her so worried.

She went upstairs to check on Charlotte then, and after a while, she came back downstairs to cook her breakfast. And Pam came over to visit her that afternoon. She had a date again that night with Gavin, and she had dropped in just to say hi, and was horrified when Alice told her what had happened to Charlotte.

Alice was still upset when Pam arrived, but she didn't tell her she had threatened to leave Jim over it. They talked for a while, and when Pam left, Alice took Bobby out for an ice cream, and then came home to fix dinner. And at seven, Jim still wasn't home, and she called him at the office. But he wasn't there either. She assumed he was on his way home, but an hour later, he was still out, and she was frantic. She couldn't help wondering if he had lied to her, not gone to the office at all, and was seeing someone on the side, or perhaps he was too drunk to come home. She had never suspected him of cheating on her before, but there was no telling what he might do, she realized now, when he'd been drinking. It felt as though their life had sunk to a new low.