But I managed it.

Lynette was beside herself with glee, informing me (repeatedly) she told me so as to the fact I was so a Ten Point Five.

“You might even be an Eleven!” she’d shrieked.

I couldn’t say I believed her (definitely not about the Eleven part). But that didn’t mean Mitch tearing my cocoon wide open and helping me fly didn’t mean I wasn’t (mostly) convinced I was at least a firm Eight.

But it wasn’t Lynette who convinced me of that, it was Mitch.

She was planning a trip out to meet Mitch, Billy and Billie in August and her parents were considering coming with her. I hadn’t seen her in three years, since her last trip out, and I hadn’t seen her folks in thirteen.

I couldn’t wait.

* * *

Third Bill was broke, incarcerated and had obviously played his trump card first. He was awaiting trial, a public defender preparing his defense, something Mitch told me would not go well. Firstly because he was guilty, secondly because he already had two strikes and thirdly because he was stupidly refusing to plea bargain.

I never heard from him, the kids never heard from him but I had visited him once and only once and I did this with Mitch standing at my back (Mitch’s decree) so this visit didn’t go well. Still, it probably wouldn’t have gone well even if Mitch wasn’t there.

It lasted long enough for me to pick up my phone, Bill to pick up his phone while his angry eyes stayed glued through the glass to Mitch then they dropped to me, he said in his phone, “Fuck you, Mara. Fuck you.” Then he hung up the phone, got up and walked to the guard.

I walked out trembling and trying not to cry while Mitch held me close with an arm around my shoulders. When I got out, I was trembling and trying not to shout when it hit me I was looking after his kids, kids I intended to raise until they were old enough to build their own lives; my apartment had been ransacked because of him; he’d set Mom and Aunt Lulamae on me and he had absolutely nothing to be pissed about but I had a lot to be pissed about.

I shared all I was pissed about with Mitch in his SUV. I did this in detail and at length and I included family history that went way, way back, something I never shared with anyone but I was on a roll. I only stopped when we got to his apartment, he handed me a glass of wine, kissed me hard to shut me up, lifted his head and I focused on him (finally) to see his eyes were dancing.

Then he muttered, “Gotta go to Bray and Brent’s to get the kids. You gonna tear my place apart in the two minutes it’ll take me to do that or are you gonna light a fuckin’ candle, take a sip of wine and get your shit together?”

I glared at him.

Then I mumbled, “Door number two.”

“Right,” he mumbled back, kissed me again, this time not hard but a lot longer. Then he went to go get the kids.

In the two minutes he was away, I did what I promised him I would do but I also took that time to freak out that during my rant I’d shared family history with Mitch. Ugly, revealing family history and he might take that two minutes to realize I was a Two Point Five.

He didn’t. He came back with Billie over his shoulder in a fireman’s hold, squealing; Billy following, grinning up at them and Mitch declaring he was going to teach Billy how to man a grill.

Then he’d made hamburgers while Billie and I sorted the fixin’s. Billie and I fried French fries and made salad (well, I did, she watched, sitting on the counter and babbling) while Mitch was out on his balcony teaching Billy how to man a grill.

I cancelled my freak out, sipped my wine, ate dinner with my family, got the kids to bed and forced Mitch to watch a Cubs game on TV with me (Cubs win!) before I gave him his reward for being a really nice guy and I did this when we were in his bed.

* * *

The police freed my apartment for clean up which I was dreading not only because it was going to be a big job but also I didn’t want to get elbow deep in the proof that all that I’d worked so hard to build had been destroyed.

Mitch, being Mitch, dealt with this too.

When I had a day off, he sorted his mother getting the kids from school then he sorted it so LaTanya, Tess, Penny and the women of two other buddies he had on The Force, Jet and Roxie, came over.

I was kind of in awe of Jet and Roxie, seeing as their stories had hit the paper then they’d had books written about their love affairs with their current husbands. But they were really cool, a little crazy and with the five of us working, it didn’t take very long at all regardless of the fact that, upon getting into it, it was worse than I thought and there was very little that could be salvaged.

But those five being the five they were actually made it kind of fun. This was especially considering Penny had brought along brochures and catalogues and spent a liberal amount of time explaining her “vision” which was a vision I liked a whole lot.

Therefore, Penny ordered needed furniture and a variety of other trimmings the next day. She, Sue Ellen and I went shopping twice (once with LaTanya) to sort out the rest (dishes, sheets, etc.) and Mitch (once with Derek) watched the kids while we were out so Billie wouldn’t be let in on what had happened. Then Mitch took Billy to do what I decreed was the “man stuff”, in other words, they bought my new TV, DVD player, PS3 and stereo while Billie and I stayed home which meant she got her finger and toenails polished and I got to watch Finding Nemo.

We stored the purchases at my place but stayed at Mitch’s until Penny’s order fully arrived a week and a half ago. Mr. Pierson scheduled the delivery of the new mattresses the same day. While I was at work, Penny (with Sue Ellen’s help) had come in and personally “styled” it, furniture, lamps, pictures on the walls. They’d even put the sheets on the beds, the dishes in the cupboards and Billie’s teddy bear on her made up bed.

It looked awesome.

That night after school, the kids and I moved back in.

Billie had totally bought the story that we were with Mitch because my apartment was getting redecorated. Billy knew better but, as usual, to protect his sister, he kept her in the dark.

* * *

When we moved back to my place, so did Mitch (kind of). Without asking (but I was not going to argue), he put a toothbrush in my (new) toothbrush holder, shave cream, razors and deodorant in my medicine cabinet and a variety of sports jackets, shirts and jeans in my closet, shoving my stuff aside to put underwear, tees, pajamas and socks in my drawers.

After he did this, I rearranged my drawers so he had two of his own. I did this while fighting back tears. Not tears caused by Mitch being invasive but tears caused by Mitch making a statement I liked and that was, he was in my life, my kids’ lives and he intended to stay there even if there was now a breezeway separating us.

Mitch walked into the bedroom with me mid-rearrange and mid-sniffle.

And this was when Mitch finally tore away the last hints of my cocoon at the same time he managed the heretofore impossible task of convincing me I was at least an Eight.

He unwittingly started on this mission when he heard the sniffle, walked to me, straightened me away from a drawer, wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.

Then he dipped his head and locked his eyes with my brimming with wet ones.

He studied the wet then he spoke quietly.

“Kids need stability. The stability necessity pushed us to is them having two homes that are across a breezeway. So our play is, the stability Bud and Billie are gonna keep havin’ is home is here and my place. Circumstances mean you’re in my bed, they’re in theirs in the second bedroom and I’ll deal with decent beds for them soon as I have a chance. Most of the time, though, I’m in your bed so they’re in theirs here. I moved some of my shit in here. I want you to double up on what you and the kids need and move some of your shit to my place. Wherever they are and you are, home will just be home, not runnin’ back and forth to get shampoo and clean t-shirts.” His arms gave me a squeeze, his face dipped closer and his voice dipped lower. “My thinkin’ is, they should ride this right along with us, baby, they’re used to an us that’s together and I don’t think we should shake that up now seein’ as there’s a physical reason to be apart. They’re comfortable both places and we’ll go all out to keep them that way. Bud is clued into what’s goin’ on with you and me and Billie doesn’t care as long as the people she loves are happy. It’s all good.” His eyes held mine, his arms tightened and he asked gently, “You with me?”

“Yeah,” I whispered.

“Baby,” his arms gave me another squeeze, “this is a big decision to make for those kids. You sayin’ ‘yeah’ means you’re expecting to stay in my life so I’ll be stayin’ in theirs. You can suggest another play and, this soon with what we got, I swear, I’ll be cool with that. I’m tellin’ you what I think but askin’ you if you’re with me and I’m not expecting a quick ‘yeah’.”

“Mitch, honey,” I gave him a squeeze back, “the answer is…yeah.”

“Sweetheart –”

I pressed closer, he stopped talking, I slid my hand to curl around the side of his neck and I whispered, “Kids need stability, sure, but it’s not the where that needs to be stable it’s the who. I know that. I lived in the same trailer all my life and it wasn’t a healthy place to be. They lived in the same place with Bill all their lives and that wasn’t a healthy place to be either. I don’t think they care where they sleep as long as you and I are there and since you and I will be there then the answer to the play you’re suggesting is yeah.”

He held my eyes then slowly closed his, drew in a deep breath, let it out and opened them again. It was then I realized my answer was both important and the one Mitch wanted to hear. The former, I knew and the latter meant everything to me.

And, incidentally, that was the first time I felt my soul sigh and it felt freaking great.

As I was experiencing just how great that felt, Mitch went on, “Right, then, you’re cool with that, we’ll talk about the rest.”

Oh boy.

I was pretty happy right then, happier than I’d been my whole life. I wasn’t sure about “the rest”.

Then Mitch gave me the rest.

“I talked to the office and they got two three bedroom units opening up. One in August, one in September. My lease is up in November. They told me yours is up next January. They also told me, we move into a unit in this complex and give them plenty of advance notice, they’ll waive the penalty for jumping one of our leases.”

We move?

We move?

I was nowhere near coping with that when Mitch kept talking.

“I’m not thinking that’s our play.”

I didn’t know if that was a relief or a disappointment.

I didn’t get the time to decide, Mitch wasn’t done.

“It’s a buyer’s market,” he announced. I sucked in breath at these words and he kept speaking, “I’ve been considering finding a place. The time has come for me to quit pissin’ away my money on rent and I’ve had enough for a down payment for awhile. The kids already need to move to a different school, it’d be good they made a move, any move, those moves are permanent ones. I’m thinkin’ about buyin’ a place and I’ll want your input ‘cause, come January, all stays this good, you, Bud and Billie will be movin’ in it with me. We find someplace, we get them in a school close to it.”

My chest was moving rapidly and this was because I was near to hyperventilating.

Mitch continued, “Not big on Bud and Billie sharin’ a room for another six months but they’re used to it, they’re both still kids and, one way or another, on the horizon they’ll have their own space.”

I was hearing him but I was stuck on what he said earlier.

“You want us to move in with you?”

“Yeah.”

“You want us to move in with you.” I repeated but not in question form this time.

His brows drew together and he repeated too, “Yeah.”

“But…uh…Mitch,” I started. “We’ve been together just over a month.”

“I look like a man who doesn’t know what he wants?” Mitch asked and I blinked.

No, he not only didn’t look like that kind of man, he didn’t act like that kind of man and this was because he wasn’t that kind of man.

“No,” I whispered.