Jill Shalvis - Long-Lost Mom

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right,” he assured her, shutting the door, “especially when you mean it.” He leaned back against the wood and gave her a look so divided between sizzling passion and annoyed fury, she didn’t know if she was excited or terrified.

He didn’t waste time on pleasantries, although he did pause to glare at Kristen. “Well, now your being here makes sense.” He shook his head. “Hope you had a good laugh, both of you.”

“No,” Kristen said quickly. “We never did that.”

He looked at Jenna, and whether he realized it or not, his expression softened slightly. “However it happened, I’m glad you have her. Family is everything.” Voice grim, he crossed his arms. “It’s time, ladies.”

“For what?” Jenna asked, her pulse hammering ridiculously.

“To tell Sara.” He stalked with a sort of lethal grace over to the teapot and poured himself a cup, which he brought unsweetened to his lips.

“It’s too soon,” Jenna protested weakly, forcing her gaze to his. “She doesn’t like me. If you tell her now, she’ll like me even less.”

“You started this, Jenna. You came here without being honest, and now we have no choice but to finish it.”

“Well, that’s not exactly fair…” Kristen started, only to pinch her mouth closed when Stone shot her a dark look.

“Fair?” he questioned evenly. Despite his obvious anger, his voice was polite to a fault. “And it’s fair, I suppose, Kristen, to let my child think her mother ran off without a care. To let her think I’m falling for a woman named Cindy, which has her worrying about what will happen when her mother does come back, because I won’t be available.”

Kristen’s mouth opened, then closed at the look of barely contained fury on Stone’s face.

He said he was falling for her. Jenna stared at Stone unblinkingly. She was afraid to close her eyes even for a second, or he’d go away. “What do you mean?”

Stone’s jaw was clenched tight, his eyes hot and furious, as if he wished he could snatch back his words.

No one spoke in the charged silence, but Jenna’s heart raced.

“I think I should leave you two alone.” Kristen grabbed her purse, kissed Jenna’s cheek and left.

There was more silence while Jenna endured the unrelenting glare of the man who’d held her heart for so many years.

“I don’t know what the hell I meant,” he finally snapped.

Jenna sagged in disappointment.

“We’re ruining Sara’s life, Jenna.” Wearily he set down the cup and folded his body onto the couch. “Much as I hate to think about it, she has to know the truth. Today.”

“Is that wise?” she asked quietly. “I haven’t been back all that long. Maybe-”

“Maybe you should stop thinking of yourself,” Stone interrupted her in an equally quiet voice. “Think of Sara and how she’s being affected by our emotions, no matter how hard we try to keep them to ourselves.”

It wasn’t often Jenna experienced a surge of temper. But now, facing an irritated, hurting, unbearably sexy Stone, she lost it. “How dare you suggest I’m being selfish!” she cried. “I’m thinking of her-and you. It’s what’s kept me silent.”

“No. That was for yourself.” He rose to his feet to face her, eyes blazing. “You didn’t know how to tell me the truth. It was easier not to.”

“You’re judging me again, Stone. You’re judging me on what you remember of that frightened young Jenna. I’m telling you-I’m not the same person anymore!”

“Then stop acting like her.”

“If I was acting like her, I’d have run by now.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t.”

They stared at each other, breathing hard, hands clenched at their sides. And Jenna realized he still believed she could leave. In his own way, he was testing her. Could she blame him? He had Sara to protect, so there was no way he could tell her the truth unless he knew Jenna was going to stick it out.

“I didn’t mean to disrupt your life,” she said, her words barely audible.

“Little late for that.” His cool tone made her flinch. “And now Sara is reacting to what she senses between us.”

“And what exactly is it between us?”

His chest rose with the deep breath he took, but he didn’t speak. His hands ran through his dark hair, the gesture betraying his uncertainty. It was so unlike him she stepped closer.

“Stone?”

He stilled, then took another deep breath. “You can trust me, Jenna. That’s what’s between us. Always.”

“But will you ever trust me again?”

He lifted his head, staring at her for one endless beat in time.

“Forget it,” she said quickly “It’s too soon-”

“I’d like to think I can. But I don’t know.” He grimaced. “You confuse the hell out of me, if you want to know the truth.”

“I’m sorry.” Cupping the stubble-roughened line of his jaw, she sent him a bittersweet smile. “I know how I’ve hurt you. I’d hate me, too.”

“I don’t hate you,” he said. “I never could.”

Her brain could hardly soak it m. He was clearly frustrated. In her world when people were angry, they turned from her. Forever.

“Jenna.” He tipped up her face with achingly gentle hands. “I don’t hold anything in, you know that. When there are problems or when I don’t agree about something, you’re going to know it because I’m going to tell you. There have been a lot of conflicting emotions here. It doesn’t mean I’m not proud of you and what you’ve done with yourself.”

“You’re…proud?” The last word came out a bit strangled because she had to speak around the huge lump in her throat. His approval shouldn’t mean so much, but oh it did.

“Yeah.” His eyes were warm and full of things that suddenly didn’t terrify her so much anymore. “I’m damn proud of you.”

“Okay,” she said, clutching at him a little because she had to know this was real. “Here it goes, then. Trust and honesty. Are you sure you’re ready?”

“Yes.”

“I’m staying forever and I want you and Sara in my life. For always.”

His eyes glittered. “Come on,” he said suddenly, taking her hand and pulling her toward the door.

“Where?”

“To Sara.”

Panic and hope warred within Jenna, and panic seemed to be winning. “But…”

Turning back to her, Stone stared deep into her eyes. “It’s simple, and it shouldn’t have taken me so long to see it. You want her to know. She needs to know.”

Stone tugged Jenna out of the office toward his vehicle.

“Stone-”

He opened the passenger side of his truck for her. “She can’t wait. She shouldn’t wait. I realized that this morning.”

He drove with his usual intense single-mindedness, and Jenna found herself staring at his strong profile in wonder. He seemed relaxed, driving with calm skill. The strength she always sensed in him was there, an innate part of the man. But she could see beyond that strength now to what lay beneath.

He wasn’t sure of himself at all, at least not in this circumstance, not when it came to possibly hurting Sara. But he believed that his daughter deserved to know, and that was enough for him. Never mind how difficult or painful it would be for him. He didn’t look at it that way.

What mattered was doing the right thing by Sara.

Same thing with allowing his parents back into his life. They’d deserted him when he’d needed them most, yet he’d done everything in his power to ensure he made Sara available to them. Because it had been the right thing to do.

Just looking at him humbled her. He was strong and wonderful and compassionate and caring, and she knew the truth-whether or not he loved her, she loved him with every fiber of her being.

All this time she’d been busy trying to prove her worth to him, yet that hadn’t been the answer at all. He already knew her, and he’d told her how he felt without hesitation.

In return all he’d wanted from her was two things. One, for her to be happy in her own skin, and two, he’d asked for trust. It was terrifying.

She glanced upward at the mirror over the passenger seat. She’d already fulfilled his first request-in spite of the flaws, she’d accepted herself.

And she didn’t need to look at Stone again to feel that warm fuzzy burst of emotion she knew had to be love. She felt it just sitting next to him. Hell, she got it from just thinking about him.

It was almost too much, knowing Stone and Sara were within her grasp, knowing she could have everything her heart had secretly desired, if she just believed in herself enough to take it.

The school loomed in front of them. No panic this time, Jenna thought, not even a little bit. She and Stone got out of the truck and he reached for her hand.

With an ease that no longer startled her, Jenna took it, squeezing his big hand with hers.

They waited outside Sara’s classroom for the recess bell. When Jenna pressed her fingers to her nervous stomach, Stone reached for her. “It’ll work out,” he promised. “Just believe in yourself.”

“I do.” Surprised, she looked at him. “I really do.”

“I know.” He shot her an approving smile. “It’s nice to see.”

But still, when the bell rang for recess and the kids poured out of classrooms, surrounding them with laughter and shouts, Jenna had to remind herself to breathe.

With the practiced ease of a dad used to such things, Stone nabbed Sara as she ran by. Snatching her close in a quick hug, he grinned at her squeal of delight. “Thought I’d come in person to buy you a snack today,” he told her.

Sara beamed-until she saw Jenna. But she went along willingly enough while they bought doughnuts. The three of them sat on a relatively secluded curved concrete bench beneath a cluster of trees. Stone sat in the middle, but because of the arch of the bench, Jenna and Sara faced each other, their feet practically touching. With the sun shining in her eyes, Jenna watched Sara wolf down two doughnuts and two chocolate milks down with practiced ease, and her heart swelled with love.

“Sara,” Stone said gently, sending Jenna a quick glance of silent support, “we need to talk to you.”

“You and Cindy?” Sara gulped down her last bite and dusted her hands off on her jeans, making Jenna smile when Stone rolled his eyes. “Why?” she demanded. “You guys getting married?”

Jenna held her breath, meeting Stone’s gaze.

“Or are you gonna live together?”

Stone let out a short laugh at Sara’s words. “Well, that’s not quite it. Honey-”

“I thought you were going to tell me about Mommy today.”

“I am,” he said patiently. “At least I’m trying. Sara, Cindy’s name isn’t really Cindy.”

Sara stared at Jenna. “Why not?”

“Well, it’s complicated.”

“Why?”

Stone looked at Jenna. “When she was young, a bunch of bad stuff happened to her.”

“Like what? Someone stole her report, too?”

Stone’s smile was sad, but his gaze never left Jenna’s face. “Worse,” he said, holding the connection with such easy warmth Jenna was overcome with emotion. “Lots worse,” he added quietly. “And she went away because of it, although a part of her, the very best part, stayed here.”

“What part?”

“Her heart and soul.”

Jenna swallowed hard, her love for him so strong she thought she might die of it. “Stone,” she whispered, “tell her the rest.”

Stone reached for Sara’s hand. “Cindy’s name is Jenna, sweetheart. And Jenna is-”

“My birth mother.”

Both Stone and Jenna blinked at the flat grown-up term.

“I knew it,” Sara whispered, her eyes huge and focused on Jenna. “I didn’t want to know it, but I did.”

Jenna couldn’t keep silent. She reached for Sara’s free hand. “I’m so sorry for keeping it from you, Sara. I just didn’t know how to tell you. I think a part of me wanted to make sure you liked me first.”

“Or maybe you wanted to make sure you liked me,” Sara responded in a tiny little voice.

God, she looked so young, all bravado gone. Jenna shook her head. “That was never it. I knew I would love you on sight. And I did. Oh, God, I did…” Her voice hitched, caught on a sob she couldn’t contain. “I’ll never forget that first time I saw you.”

Sara’s head whipped up. “Really?” The word was torn from her in a sudden burst, as if she didn’t want to show interest but couldn’t help herself. “I mean, I bet it was no big deal,” she said with a shrug.

“Oh, it was a big deal all right.” Jenna smiled even as a few tears fell. She looked at Stone, who was smiling, too, with both acceptance and assurance, giving her courage. “You were this tiny little thing-” she lifted her hand from Stone’s to show Sara how big “-and you were the most precious baby I’d ever seen.”

“And red. You were really red,” Stone added with a wide grin. “And ugly.”