Sherry Ficklin - Losing Logan

“Oh. Good idea.”

“I know.”

He claps as Bruno saves a particularly nasty looking goal.

“You okay?” I ask, watching as his face goes from proud to sad. His smile slips and he drops his hands.

“Nope. Not even a little.”

A pang of grief drives into my heart like a spike. My hand twitches, the instinct to reach over and take his hand is so strong I barely catch myself. Then I laugh dryly.

“What’s funny?” He asks, his voice irritated.

I shake my head. “I was just wishing I could hug you or something.”

He stares at me for a second, then he laughs too. “Probably not a good idea. You don’t want to look like a crazy person in front of all those witnesses.” He jerks his head, indicating the small crowd sitting on the metal bleachers.

Fair enough.

I put my phone away and cross the sidelines, taking a seat on the lower bleacher. Leena sits down, scooting beside me.

“Since when do you watch practices?”

“I’m meeting up with Bruno after,” I say, squinting against the bright sunlight.

I can feel her appraising me. “You know, I always thought you had a thing for Carson.”

“Carson? No. No way.”

She snorts, “You say that like he’s beneath you.”

I take a deep breath, trying to actually consider my words before they fly out of my mouth.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just that Carson is a friend. Besides, he was totally head over heels for you.” There. Maybe a little flattery will appease the beast.

She flips her hair, exposing the long line of her neck. “Well, that’s over now. So, are you going after him?”

That surprises me enough that I turn to her. “No. I’m not.”

She looks at me, weighing my words. “Okay. Not that I care but, you know.”

No. I have no idea why she’s trying to get into a pissing match over a guy she’s not even seeing anymore. I almost say as much too, but she cuts me off before I can.

“I still care about him. And the way you walked into the room today, it was like you were a tiger on the prowl.”

I make a face and she rolls her eyes.

“Trust me, I’ve perfected that strut over the years. It’s the I’m a hot piece of woman and every male in this room is going to want me walk.”

I shake my head. “Well, that’s not what I was going for.”

She leans back like she’s sunbathing. “I get that now. You really don’t know what your little sashay did to those poor helpless boys. But you better learn, and quick. Before you have more guys barking up your tree than you can handle.”

She lowers her head, “And do me a favor, keep Carson in the friend zone, okay?”

I’m tempted to tell her exactly what I think of her weird, bullshit request, but from the corner of my eye I see Bruno watching so I just smile and nod.

She nudges me. “Cool. You know, maybe we should hang out sometime.”

“That sounds great.” I almost choke on the words.

Turning back to Bruno I see that tryouts are winding down.

“Wave at him and smile,” Logan demands. He’s sitting behind Leena, staring down her shirt.

Obeying, I wave as subtly as I can, making Bruno break into a grin like nothing I’ve ever seen. You’d have thought I just gave him a million dollars and the key to my chastity belt.

“You’re a natural,” Leena says, sounding remarkably pleased, probably glad I’m flirting with Bruno and not Carson. She stands up, wiping off the butt of her short white shorts with a seductive wiggle and heads over to the field where the team has gathered in a large bunch while Coach Mason makes announcements.

Mr. Mason is also the Advanced Calculus teacher and by far the hottest teacher in the world. He kind of reminds me of Captain America. All muscles and boyish grins. He even does the perfect comb to the side hair thing. Basically, he is the reason our school has such a high number of females in advanced math classes. At the end of every year he has a big pool party at his house for the graduating seniors. I’m secure enough to admit that I really hope to score an invitation this year, if, for no other reason than to ogle him in a pair of board shorts.

He says something and the team cheers and claps.

“They just named him captain.” Logan says from behind me.

I clap as Bruno stands and takes over the rest of the meeting. I can’t hear his words, but at the end everyone cheers and heads for the locker room. Everyone except the guys with girlfriends in the stands—and Bruno.

I climb down and meet him half way. Beside me, Leena takes a run and a flying leap into the hands of her tall, sweaty boyfriend Daryl.

“So,” Bruno says, blushing, “They made me captain.”

I smile warmly. “I told you they would.”

“I…probably need a shower. Do you want to hang out or meet up somewhere?”

Beside me I can hear Leena and Daryl making out loud and wet. I almost gag.

“Why don’t we meet up?”

He nods. “James Creek Park?”

I know the place, it’s not far from the school, across from Starbucks.

“Cool.”

“Offer to bring food.” Logan says.

“Um, how about I drive through somewhere and grab some sandwiches?”

His eyes light up like a tree on Christmas freaking morning.

“That’d be great.”

I wave goodbye and head for my car. I glance around, making sure no one is in earshot.

“Why am I bringing food?” I ask Logan who is trailing behind me.

“It’s a guy thing. You offer to feed us, and we will agree to just about anything.”

I laugh.

“No really, it’s a psychological thing. You offer a guy food and he feels like you are taking care of his needs, like it shows you care. Psychology 101.”

I stop outside my car door.

“So the way to a man’s heart really is through his stomach?”

Logan chuckles. “Basically. Though there are other parts that will get you there too.”

I roll my eyes, get in, and start the car. “Great.”

Somehow Bruno manages to get to the park before me. Probably due to the fact that the drive through worker at the SandWitch was a total moron who couldn’t get my order straight until I finally wrote it out for him. It also didn’t help that Logan was in my ear the whole time telling me over and over that Bruno doesn’t like onions or tomatoes.

Finally I’d just yelled, “I know. No freaking onions or tomatoes.”

The cashier was appalled and a curt, “Yes, I heard you ma’am,” crackled through the ancient speaker. I proceeded to slam my head into the steering wheel until my food was ready.

Now, as I pull to a stop beside Bruno’s truck, I look at Logan sternly.

“You can’t keep talking in my ear like that. It’s too distracting.”

He raises an eyebrow.

I point, “I mean it Logan, either stay here or stay quiet.”

He makes a lip zipping gesture and I climb out of the car, bag of food in one hand, drink carrier in the other.

Bruno is sitting at a picnic bench, staring at his phone.

“Hey,” I call and he looks up, relief flooding his face. He jumps to his feet and rushes over, taking the drinks for me.

“Hey,” he says as we walk back to his bench with Logan lagging behind.

Opening the bag I pull out his sandwich and dill pickle potato chips.

“Oh yum. I’m starving.”

He unwraps the sandwich and spreads the bread, looking for the innards.

“No tomatoes, no onions, right?” I offer and he grins.

“How did you know?” he asks, reassembling his sandwich and taking a bite.

Oh shit.

I try to play it off with a shrug. Just when I’m afraid he’s not going to drop it he smiles at me and I feel the tension leaving my body.

“Fine. Be mysterious,” he jokes and takes another bite.

I dig in to my own sandwich, not realizing how hungry I am until I’ve devoured half the sub in five seconds flat.

“So how was your meeting?” he asks, taking a drink.

I swallow and set my sandwich down.

“Good. Productive.” I grin and take a sip, “I didn’t even fight with Leena today.”

He chuckles, “So, are you applying for sainthood?”

I nod, “I’m considering a run. We just scheduled the stuff for Homecoming so I can turn it over to the Dance Committee.”

He stares at me blankly so I continue.

“We decided on a Venetian masquerade. Very 007, you know. Suave.”

“Sounds cool.”

“I hope so. The Dance Committee are the ones who really make it happen, all the decorations and stuff. I go in to help sometimes, just with the setup. It’s fun to see it all come together.”

“So are you going?”

I pause mid sandwich pickup. “To the dance?”

He laughs lightly. “No, to the moon. Yes, to the dance.”

I shrug, “I dunno. Probably not. I usually don’t.”

He balls up his wrapper and dusts the crumbs off the table. “Why not?”

I don’t look up when I answer. It’s so pathetic I can’t even meet his eyes.

“I guess…no one’s ever asked me.”

“Seriously?”

Great. Now I feel like a total loser. And it’s not entirely true, Carlos asked me to be his date last year, but it was a pity ask, and I felt like going with him was no better than taking your cousin to prom, so I declined. I feel the flush rising into my face and I have to physically swallow back the smart ass quip fighting its way out my throat.

I hear Bruno laughing dryly so I dip my head lower.

“Freaking Logan.”

“What did you say?” he asks, making my face snap up.

I tilt my head. “I said, ‘This is all Logan’s fault.’”

“How so?” He looks genuinely confused and I want nothing more than to crawl under a rock somewhere and die. I knew this was a stupid plan and now I’m going to throw Logan under the bus—remorse free.

“It’s just that, Logan mentioned that you asked for my phone number once. I never thought much of it since you didn’t call, but I saw you today and I thought…Never mind. It’s stupid.”

He reaches out, covering my hands with his. It’s an alien sensation, the physical contact with someone not Mom or Carlos.

“Hey. I did call. Like a dozen times.” He takes a deep breath, “But I just kept hanging up.”

“Why?”

“Because I was never quite sure what to say to you. You were always so uninterested. I only asked you out today because you seemed so…different. Relaxed.”

I nod. He didn’t call because he thinks I’m a total ball-buster. Or at least he did.

“But if I’d known you even wanted to go to those dances, I would have asked you to every single one.”

I shake my head in disbelief.

“No really. Just like I’m asking you now. Zoe, will you go to Homecoming with me?”

I suck in a breath. This is happening a lot quicker than I expected.

I narrow my eyes, “You aren’t just asking because you feel sorry for me, right?”

He laughs again and it’s a deep belly laugh. “Zoe, I promise you, I do not feel sorry for you. If I did you’d probably kick me in the junk.”

That’s probably true. I grin. “Sure. I’d really like to go to the dance with you.”

Now it’s his turn to smile. “It’s a date.”

Out the corner of my eye I see Logan head back to the car with a snort.

Logan isn’t around much for the next few days, leaving me in relative peace. He shows back up the night before school starts, appearing in my room while I’m on the phone with Carlos, rehashing his most recent date with the guy we are now referring to as Mr. Perfect. Logan just pops in and I nearly jump out of my skin. Wrapping up the convo quickly I put my phone onto charge and curl up in my chair.

“You ready for tomorrow?” he asks coolly.

I shake my head. “That’s all I get? You disappear for a week and I get a ready for tomorrow?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“How about starting with where the hell you’ve been for the last few days. Then work your way into an apology. Groveling wouldn’t be out of the question.”

He sighs, flopping down on my bed.

“I was around.”

I fold my arms and glare. I’m pretty sure if looks could kill, he’d be dead. Again. Deader at least.

“I thought I saw someone.”

“Who?”

He pauses, taking a deep breath. “Someone like me.”

“Another ghost?”

“Not exactly. Something else. I’ve seen him a few times. It’s like, he’s following me.”

I sit forward, irritation almost gone.