Sherry Ficklin - Losing Logan

I bite my bottom lip, looking away. “I know.”

“No, you don’t. I look at you, and you say you’re half dead inside, but all I see is this fire all around you, this burning passion—this life. It’s like you’re a sun in the sky, when everything else is darkness. I feel you. And when we touch, it’s like a little bit of that life is rubbing off on me. So you can say you’re tired and you can say you’re going to accept your fate, but believe me when I tell you that you’re too strong for that. You have too much fight in you to just let go. So, don’t let go, okay? Promise me you’ll keep fighting.”

I smile weakly. “I promise.”

We spend the next few hours going over the printouts while Logan keeps watch from my window. I catch myself staring at him from time to time, thinking about his words and the promise I’m not sure I can keep.

My phone vibrates on my dresser and I get up to check it.

“Who is it?” Logan asks.

I frown. “It’s Kyle. He wants me to meet him. He says…Logan, he says he needs to see me right now. That he found out something about the person who killed you.”

I look up, my eyes locking on to Logan’s. It could be the break we’ve been waiting for, but something feels off. Deep in my gut, something is wrong and I can’t put my finger on what it is.

“He wants to meet me at The Tower.”

Logan strides up beside me, reading the text over my shoulder.

“Why The Tower?” he asks.

I shake my head. “No clue. Unless…Logan. What if he found something? Or what if Becker said something? Whatever it is, we need to know.”

“Try calling. Maybe he will just talk to you over the phone.”

It’s a good idea so I dial him up. It goes straight to voice mail.

“No dice, Frodo. I’m gonna have to go meet him.”

“I’m coming too.”

I nod. Of course he is. Let’s just hope things don’t get quite as intense as the last time Kyle and I were alone together.

“And Zoe,” he pauses pointing to my bed, “Take the poker.”

I grab the iron poker and my messenger bag and head for the car.

It’s dusk by the time I pull into the gravel parking area beside the radio tower. The last glowing rays of sunshine are burning orange and red in the sky. There’s no sign of Kyle’s truck so I shoot him a quick text which he returns immediately.

“I’m on my way.”

The gravel crunches under my boots as I walk through the dense woods to The Tower. The police have taped off the bridge and the base of the tower itself. Without hesitation I rip it away, climbing to the top to get a better view of the sunset across the river.

“It’s really beautiful,” Logan whispers in my ear.

“Yeah, it is.”

There are so many things I want to say to Logan in that moment, as I watch the sun disappear behind the horizon. But it all seems so empty. What could I say that I haven’t already said? What can I tell him that he doesn’t already know? The truth is, I’m ripping myself to shreds. Part of me is dying to be with him, part of me is aching to set him free. It’s like being lost and not knowing which way will take you home.

I check the time on my phone. It’s been almost forty minutes now. What is taking Kyle so long? I shiver, wishing I’d thought to grab my jacket. I text him but he doesn’t respond. The uneasy churning in my stomach grows.

“Logan, will you go check on Kyle for me? See what’s taking him so long?”

He nods. “Sure. Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

Yeah, just in case I get the homicidal need to run off into the dark, cold woods alone. I salute him and he vanishes. I switch my phone to flashlight mode and take a seat on the cold diamond steel floor.

A few minutes pass before I hear the tell-tale sound of tires on gravel. Climbing down carefully I decide to meet him at the parking area and retrieve the spare jacket I know he keeps in his truck. I walk through the brush, surprised to see the person standing in front of me.

“Mr. Mason?” I ask, shining the phone light in his face.

“Zoe, what are you doing here?” he asks, confused.

I point behind me. “I was just meeting up with someone. What are you doing here?”

He holds up a bunch of roses. “I come up here sometimes to think. Where’s your friend?”

I open my mouth to tell him that Kyle isn’t here yet when I realize what’s behind him. A brand new black Honda with a silver medal dangling from the rear view mirror. The blood turns to ice in my veins. Of course, as the team coach, he’d have gotten a medal too. The puzzle pieces start clicking together in my brain. Kaylee’s mystery man, the one who ‘doesn’t go to our school’. If Logan found out about them, he would lose his job. His family. He has a wife and a little baby for Christsake.

Baby.

Oh my god, he was the father of Kaylee’s baby. He must have freaked out when she told him and he killed her.

“Yeah, um. Kyle is just down the road. He should be here any second so…”

“Is that so?” he asks casually.

I nod. “Yeah, I’m just getting a sweater out of my car. It’s getting cold. But I can leave you to your…whatever.”

I try to slip past him to my car, but he grabs my arm.

“Bruno isn’t coming, Zoe. I’m sorry to break it to you. But no one is coming.”

I swallow. That isn’t exactly true. He holds up Kyle’s cell phone. I recognize the case, it’s got the superman logo on it. “He misplaced this today at practice. But don’t worry. The police will find it, here with you.”

It only takes me a second to process what he’s saying. He’s going to kill me and let Kyle take the fall for it. And if they think he did this to me, they will find some way to pin Kaylee’s murder on him too. Pushing me against the back of my car he releases my arm and goes for my throat, his big, sweaty hands choking me. Rearing up I kick him in the nuts, hard. He loosens his grip just enough for me to break his hold and roll to the side. Getting my feet under me quickly I run off into the darkness.

“Logan,” I scream as I run to the tower.

He appears in a flash.

“Zoe, Bruno is at home doing a report on the computer he’s not—“ I trip, landing at his feet.

“Yeah, I got the memo.”

Mr. Mason bursts through the trees, flashlight in hand.

“Come on, Zoe. Let’s not make this hard.”

“Yeah, right,” I scream, picking up a large tree branch and holding it like a baseball bat.

“Zoe, I have an idea, you need to get him talking, okay? I’ll be right back.”

I barely have time to breathe before he’s gone again.

“Damn it, Logan!”

Mr. Mason freezes, tilting his head to the side.

“You really see him don’t you?”

I lower my chin, “What do you know about it?”

He nods, “I heard you talking to yourself after class. It didn’t take me long to realize who you were talking to. I didn’t believe it at first, but I saw you with Bruno and the others—a group you’ve never had any interest in before—and I thought to myself, why would a smart girl like Zoe join that crowd. So I started watching you, watching them. You put on a good show, but I could see it. The vague detachment. You were trying to figure out what happened.”

“How could you do it? Logan trusted you. And Kaylee…” I trail off. I was going to say that she loved him, but I’m not actually sure that’s true. So I settle for the next best thing. “She was carrying your baby.”

He laughs out loud. “Yes, what a wonderful surprise that would have been for my wife. Not to mention the fact that I’d be out of a job—forever. No school would ever hire me with a scandal like that on my record.”

I snort, “Wow, you are like, king of the douche fairies, you know that?”

“Put the branch down and let’s talk about this.”

I swing the stick just a little, “Oh, I’m sorry do I have ‘stupid’ tattooed to my forehead? You’ve already killed two people. You really think I’m going to be number three? Guess again.”

Logan reappears beside me. I glance over.

“And where did you run off to?”

“Relax, I called in the cavalry.”

I laugh dryly. “You wanna explain that one to me, because seriously.”

“You’re talking to him right now, aren’t you?” Mr. Mason asks, his face amused.

“Yeah. He says being dead is great, you should try it. Maybe just go,” I jerk my head back, “jump off a cliff or something. I won’t try to stop you.”

“Oh,” he smiles, “I don’t think so.”

Logan walks over to Mr. Mason, circling him slowly.

“I remember now. I remember him begging me not to say anything. Kaylee even tried to plead his case. I told him he was a pervert and that I was going straight to the police. When I turned around to leave, he hit me in the back of the head with something. Then he grabbed me by the shirt and dragged me onto the bridge.”

“You hit him in the back of the head and dragged him to the bridge. You threw him over, and let the rocks and the water do the rest,” I repeat and Mr. Mason pales. “What, you weren’t really sure were you? Until right now you thought I might just be some crazy girl seeing things that aren’t there. But guess what? You’re only half right.”

I throw the branch at him, nailing him in the side of the head, and run. Ducking into the trees I sprint through the woods. It’s dark, too dark to see anything and I must have dropped my phone back at the car. I trip over a branch, flying forward to my feet. Logan is there in an instant.

“Follow me,” he says offering me a hand up. I grab it and he’s solid, as solid as he’s ever been. I let him lead me through the forest, off a narrow path into a bunch of tall ferns.

“Here, Zoe. My phone is there,” he points to a large hollow tree. Taking a deep breath I lunge for it. Grabbing the device I hold down the power button, waiting for it to turn on.

“Come on you stupid thing, come on.”

I hear Mr. Mason scrambling through the brush behind me just as the screen flickers to life. I have a split second to hit 911 and send, throwing the phone as far as I can in the darkness before I feel his hand tangle into my hair, yanking me to my feet. He warps the other arm around me and I’m stuck. I kick and scream, but I’m no match for his strength.

Logan lunges for him, but only manages to move right through us, falling to the ground. Mr. Mason drags me away, kicking and thrashing. I manage to get loose once, but he has me again, this time with both arms squeezing across my chest so tightly I can’t scream, I can’t even breathe. Black spots form in my sight, driving away the little bit of light the moon is providing. He half drags half carries me back to the tower, tossing me to the ground at his feet. Climbing on top of me in a way that’s violently intimate he stuffs my arms under his knees and leans down hard, pressing all his weight down on me.

“You really are a pretty girl, Zoe. It’s a shame I couldn’t add you to my collection. We could have had a lot of fun you and me.” He runs his hand down the side of my face and I bite at it. Drawing back he punches me in the face. Pain explodes like dynamite. It feels like every bone in my cheek shatters on impact, my teeth crashing together, blood instantly pooling in my mouth, threatening to drown me. I spit it up in his face.

He draws back to hit me again and I feel his weight lifting off me. The relief is swift, cold air flooding my lungs. I roll to my side, coughing and spitting out blood onto the dark grass. Glancing over I see The Reaper. It’s hovering there in the moonlight, staring at me. Looking over my shoulder I see my rescuer. Kyle and Mr. Mason are grappling over by the bridge.

Logan drops to his knees beside me.

“Told you I called the cavalry.”

I shake my head slowly, “How?”

“I will explain later, right now you need to get out of here.”

I struggle to my feet. Mr. Mason has Kyle in a headlock. Grabbing the branch off the ground as I go, I run toward them, swinging the branch and nailing Mr. Mason in the side of the head with a very satisfying crack. He falls to the side and Kyle gasps for air. I wrap my arms around him, trying to help him up. But Mr. Mason is quick to recover, his face covered with blood as he grabs me, spins me to face him, and pushes me backward. I miss the bridge by inches, reaching out and grabbing the old cable before I tumble helplessly off the side. The last thing I see is Kyle bum rushing him, head down, and spearing him in the gut. I slip, my feet scrambling to find some kind of foot hold in the dirt of the cliff face. My arm is on fire, clutching with one hand to the cable of the bridge. I look up and see The Reaper leaning over, looking down at me. It reaches over, holding one stark white hand out to me. I struggle, screaming for help.