Sean’s face set with determination. “I don’t know but its time I found out.”

“Now may not be the best time,” Ellen began.

“Its way past time,” Sean said flatly.

Drew groaned and tried to sit up. Sean was at her side instantly.

“Take it easy, Drew,” she said gently, supporting her shoulder so she could sit up. She pulled a hassock over and rested Drew’s leg on it. “You’ve taken quite a beating.”

“Are you all right? They didn’t hurt you, did they, Sean?” Drew demanded anxiously.

“No. They hurt you!”

“Thank god,” Drew whispered, closing her eyes. “I was so afraid”

“I’m fine, love.”

Drew smiled wanly. “That was quite a sidekick you landed. Very good.”

Sean was relieved that Drew remembered, and that she seemed like her old self. She took a deep breath.

“Drew, who is Dara?”

Drew jumped at the name and looked away.

“Its time to talk, Drew,” Sean said, unwilling to accept the silence.

“Dara,” Drew said finally, “is the woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.”

Once the words were out, there was no turning back. “We met in our senior year of high school, Dara had transferred from another school. She was everything I wasn’t popular, outgoing, creative, she was an artist. She had been painting since she was nine, a child prodigy. I was a rebel, an out lesbian with a chip on my shoulder rough, uncultured, angry.

“Every boy in the entire school wanted to go out with her and she chose me. She followed me everywhere turning up at karate tournaments I was a black belt by the time I was fifteen bugging me with her friendly chatter, refusing to let me shut her out.

“Finally, I gave in and then we were inseparable. We always said we were each other’s first and last lovers. We got an apartment together her parents disowned her when they found out about us.” She paused for a moment, her face lost in memory.

“The first few years were tough she was in art school, I was working whatever jobs I could find. That’s when I began training with Janet Cho. She befriended us paid me a little to teach a few of her classes. It was Janet who pushed me to go to college I never wanted to. I wanted to support Dara and myself. While I was in college, I joined the army reserves it paid some, and they wanted women combat instructors. That’s how I was finally offered the job in Virginia it was the first job I ever wanted. I could teach what I knew best martial arts to women. And I got paid for it.

“We were thirty when we moved to Virginia. Dara hated it there. There was nothing but the base and the little town that grew up around it. She missed the city, and her friends, and the intellectual world she loved. We were only supposed to stay a year, then I could transfer somewhere else.”

“Somehow, I kept putting it off. I was happy there, and I tried not to see how unhappy Dara was.” She stopped and stared at her clenched fists. “God, how I wish I could take it all back.”

Sean was so relieved to finally know the mystery of Drew, she found she wasn’t jealous. This was Drew’s past, what made her all she was today. To know a little of where she had been allowed Sean to love her more fully. Her heart filled with compassion.

“What happened? ” she asked gently.

Drew’s eyes filled with tears, but she continued, determined to finish.

“We had been there nearly two years, and Dara had reached her limit. We were fighting constantly about it if I stayed one more year I could name my next location. I wanted to come home to Philadelphia a year didn’t seem so long to me. But, for her, it was like a life sentence.

“One night it really blew up between us. We had gone to the bar in town it was the only place lesbians could relax. It was late, and we started fighting. I got angry, and so did she. Finally, she stormed out and I was so pissed off I let her go. I sat finishing my beer, fuming. Finally, I realized it was one o’clock in the morning, and Dara was walking alone. I was frantic I rushed out, but I didn’t see her. The streets were empty, so I headed for home”

She stopped and turned anguished eyes to Sean. Then she continued, “I heard a noise from an alley. It was dark, but the shadows were moving. I started down the passageway I don’t know why. I just had this empty, horrible knowledge that she was there.

“There were five of them they must have followed her from the bar. I didn’t have much of a chance, but I did some damage I don’t remember much. I got kicked in the head, and my wrist was broken. The noise of the fight finally scared them off. I guess I crawled down the alley my hands and knees got pretty torn up. That’s when I found her. They beat her before they raped her. She was already dead when I got to her.”

Sean covered her mouth to suppress her cry. Her mind tried to hold the pain Drew must have felt, but it was too much.

“Oh god, Drew, I’m so sorry!”

“I never told her I was sorry, Sean. I never got to tell her that she was my whole life, the best part of me oh god, I never even said good-bye.”

Finally, finally, Drew cried. Deep, soul-wrenching sobs that doubled her over. Sean rushed to her, pulling Drew’s head onto her shoulder, sheltering her heaving body. She murmured softly, useless words that couldn’t begin to make up for the horror of that night, or all the lonely years that followed, but she gave what comfort she could. Drew clung to her, broken, bereft.

After what seemed like hours, Drew quieted, exhausted. Sean continued to hold her.

“Do you hate me?” Drew asked, her face still buried against Sean’s breast.

Sean gripped her even more tightly. “Hate you? No, Drew, I don’t hate you I love you. I wish it had never happened I wish you had never suffered such a terrible loss I wish I could take all your pain away. I wish I could do something, anything to make it all right, but I can only love you.”

“Last night,” Drew began haltingly, “last night was like that night. Only this time it was you and I was there. I wanted to kill them, Sean for threatening you, for trying to take it all away from me again. I couldn’t stand to lose you.”

“You wont lose me, Drew. I promise, we will have a future together. I promise.”

“I love you so much,” Drew whispered, at last able to say the words. “I love you.”

Sean cupped Drew’s face and kissed her. “I know.”

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Sean laid her starched, crisp uniform over the chair and methodically arranged her gear in her bag. She didn’t look up as Susan entered and sprawled out on Sean’s bed.

“Are you ready?” Susan asked.

“Yes,” Sean said.

“I wish I could come watch you test,” Susan pouted.

“The black belt tests are private, Suse no one will be there except the black belt test board.”

“Will Drew be there?”

“Of course,” Sean replied, smiling at the thought.

“Is her leg okay?”

Sean glanced at her sister. “Her leg is fine. And so is the rest of her. Not one single nightmare in three months. And she finally showed me pictures of her and Dara.”

“Were you jealous?”

“No” Sean said thoughtfully. “It was like looking at family pictures. Drew was so young, and they were so innocent. It made me sad. But, its what she’s needed to do all these years she needs Dara in her life; she needs the memories. And, I need them too because now Drew is whole. And that’s what I need.”

Susan fussed with the pillows, not looking at Sean. Sean knew her sister well.

“What is it, Suse?”

“Um this might not be a good time to tell you this” her voice trailed off weakly.

“What?” Sean asked exasperated.

“Ellen and I are buying a house.”

“Susan! That’s wonderful!”

Susan’s face lit up. “You don’t mind?”

“Are you kidding? I’m so happy for you both of you. Ill miss you like crazy, but its great!”

“Will you keep the house?”

“Yes, I think so if Drew wants to live here.”

“You and Drew? Living together?”

Sean suddenly looked shy. “We’ve talked about it some.”

“Now I can really stop worrying you’ll have a black belt in the house to protect you!”

Sean drew herself up and said archly, “No, my dear sister two black belts, and well protect each other!”