“You’re right. Id better do it before we completely lose everyone’s attention!” She looked regretfully at Drew, not wishing to end their conversation.

“Excuse me.”

Drew nodded. “Of course.”

Sean circled through the crowd, informing the students that she was going to get Master Chos gift. The ten women gathered in a semi-circle before Master Cho, who was flanked by Drew and Chris.

Sean stepped forward with a large rectangular object. She bowed, as did the other students in the group.

“Happy birthday, Master Cho,” she said, a sentiment the others echoed.

The gift was a hand-painted golden tiger, done by one of the students. The frame was also handmade and gilded by another student. The idea had come from all of the students, and they had all helped pay for the supplies.

“Ah, yes” Janet Cho said as she surveyed her gift. “You have captured the spirit of the tiger well may you all carry a little of the tigers tenacity and power in your hearts. Thank you.”

As the students wandered back to their friends and partners, someone, probably Susan, dimmed the terrace lights and turned the music up. People began to dance in earnest.

Sean saw Ellen emerge from the house looking upset.

“You okay?” Sean asked.

“Fine,” Ellen replied abruptly. “How’s the party going?”

Sean motioned with her arm toward the laughing, milling crowd. “Great. Suse is having the time of her life. I think she’s insulted every one of my friends.”

Ellen remained curiously silent. At length she said, “Is Drew here?”

“Yes,” Sean said, “she’s over by the stairs.”

Drew was sitting on the broad stone wall that enclosed the terrace, watching the dancers. Even Janet Cho and Chris were dancing in one dim corner.

“Why don’t you ask her to dance?”

“Oh I couldn’t!”

“Why not?”

“It wouldn’t be appropriate.”

“Excuse me?”

“You know she’s my teacher”

Ellen cut her off with a rude snort. “Oh, please she’s what? All of five years older than you? You’re not in the dojang now, Sean. This is just the real, old fucked-up world out here.”

Sean was taken aback by Ellen’s rancor. Ellen could always be counted on to see the humor in every situation.

“Are you sure you’re all right? Is it Susan?”

“Must everything be about Susan?” Ellen snapped. “Go ask the woman to dance, for gods sake!” At that, Ellen pushed her way through the crowd and disappeared.

Sean remained just outside the doorway, paralyzed by uncertainty and uncharacteristic self-doubt. She had never done this before, never even Imagined doing it. But when she asked herself honestly if she wanted to, the answer was yes. Finally, she willed her legs to move.

It was fully dark now, and Drew was only a silhouette against the sky as Sean approached. Drew sat with her arms out to either side on the wall, her legs lost in shadow. The dancing bodies seemed to fade into the background as Sean moved closer, until all she could see was the woman before her. When she finally faced her, she was at a loss for words.

“Would you like to dance?” she asked at last.

It was the last thing Drew expected, and she was momentarily stunned. Before she could think, she answered, “Yes,” and pushed herself off the wall. Her hand moved automatically to Sean’s back as they moved to a space near the edge of the crowd.

As Sean turned to face her, the music slowed, and before she knew it, she was in Drew’s arms. She slid one hand to Drew’s shoulder and rested the other on her waist. Drew covered the hand on her shoulder with her own and encircled Sean’s waist with her other arm. They moved naturally together, and Sean felt the light pressure of Drew’s body against her own. She trembled, and hoped that Drew didn’t feel it. The places where their bodies touched felt electrified. Without thinking, she leaned her cheek against Drew’s shoulder, and the arm about her tightened. She felt Drew’s heart pounding against her breast. Drew’s body felt at once strong and soft. The muscles under her hand rippled as they moved, but it was the softness of another woman’s breasts against her that stunned her. She wouldn’t have believed how exciting it felt to be this close to a woman. They danced in silence, each listening to the sounds of the others body. When the music ended, they stood with their arms still enfolding each other, each reluctant to break the hold.

Finally, Drew stepped away. “Thank you,” she said huskily.

Sean nodded, unable to speak.

Drew took another step back, putting distance between them.

“I must go.”

“Yes,” Sean said numbly. “I understand.”

Drew shook her head. “No, Sean, you don’t.”

And then she was gone.

CHAPTER FIVE

When Janet Cho opened the dojang two hours before class, she was not surprised to find Drew there before her, working out. Her uniform was soaked, and Janet knew she had been there for hours. She returned Drew’s bow and moved in silence to one end of the room. She watched Drew practicing a weapons form, noting that Drew, if possible, appeared more intense than usual.

“You have something on your mind, yes?” Janet asked when Drew stopped for water.

Drew looked at her old friend in surprise. “No, why do you ask?”

Janet shrugged, “You have that look that says you want your head to be quiet.”

“There is nothing,” Drew said firmly.

Janet did not press. Instead, she joined Drew, and they practiced black belt forms together. As the students began to arrive, Drew turned to Janet saying, “I cannot stay for class tonight.”

“We will be here when you are ready.”

Drew bowed. “Thank you.”

She stayed away two weeks, and during that time, class continued as normal except for Sean. She had lost her focus. She forgot forms she knew by heart, her balance was bad; she was frustrated and self-critical. Finally, after class one night, Master Cho called her aside.

“What is troubling you, Sean?”

Sean was acutely embarrassed. She knew she wasn’t doing well in class, and the added pressure of her approaching black belt test weighed on her mind.

“I’m sorry, Master Cho. I’m trying but I cant seem to concentrate.”

“That is because your mind is elsewhere. You must learn to use your training to center your mind feel only your body, listen only to your body. Let your mind surrender to your body. Trust your self the calm is there within you. Let it out.”

Sean nodded. “I will try.”

“Good. You will succeed. Be patient with yourself.”

“Master Cho,” Sean asked before she could stop herself, “is Master Clark coming back?”

“She will be back,” her teacher said.

When Drew returned, Sean settled down. Just seeing her helped. When Drew hadn’t returned to class after the night of the party, Sean had been afraid she would never see her again. Even though there was no way to bridge the distance between them, it was wonderful just to see her. Drew behaved toward her as she always had, although every now and then, Sean could feel Drew’s eyes on her from across the room. When she looked over, there was that same searching stare she had first seen the night of her test. In an instant it would be gone. By the same token, Sean took every opportunity she could to watch Drew. When Drew would demonstrate a technique for the class, Sean watched the way her body moved, the crispness and efficiency of her techniques, the focus in her eyes. When she imagined the woman within the warrior, she remembered how Drew’s body felt against her, and her cheeks would flush unbidden.

What neither of them realized was that their secret glances did not go unnoticed. While they both sought to keep their interest from the other, Janet Cho watched in silence.

Sean pulled up to the dark house, surprised that Susan had gone out. Usually she worked week nights at home, preferring to sleep at Ellen’s on the weekends. She frowned as she parked beside Susan’s car in the car port. If she was home, why was the house dark?

“Suse?” she called into the eerily empty house. “You home?”

She flicked on the kitchen light and caught her breath. There was an open bottle of vodka on the table, and it was nearly empty.

“Susan,” she cried, running for the stairs to Susan’s room. “Are you here?” She pushed Susan’s doors open but the bedroom was empty. Sean began to panic. Something was not right really not right.

She searched Susan’s wing of the house, then her office and the library. Finally she headed for the terrace. She found her on the wall overlooking the garden. She had a glass in her hand.

“Susan,” Sean said calmly, “what are you doing, Hon?”

Susan looked over her shoulder and took a swallow from her glass.

“Hi, Sis. Care to join me in a drink?”

Sean’s heart plummeted. “What happened, Suse? What’s wrong?”

“Ellen left me,” Susan said.

Sean’s jaw dropped. “No! You mean you had a fight, right?”

“No, Sean,” Susan said, enunciating each word carefully. “I mean, Ellen left me for someone else.”

“Ellen? Ellen is having an affair?” Sean couldn’t get her mind around it. Ellen, her friend and partner, the woman she saw every day of her life was having an affair?

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“Yes! I’m sure. She told me. Somebody named Gail.”

Sean had a sick feeling in her stomach. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t have been Gail Driscoll and Ellen in the library the night of the party. It couldn’t be.

“Where are you going,” she cried, as Susan moved unsteadily toward the house.

“To get another drink.”

Sean grabbed her arm. “Oh, no you’re not. Not after six years of sobriety, you’re not!”

Susan shook her arm off roughly. “Leave me alone, Sean.”

“Not on your life. You’ll kill yourself with this much alcohol!”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine! You’re coming inside with me. I mean it!” She spun Susan around and barely ducked her head in time to avoid the glass Susan flung at her. They both stood in stunned silence.

At last the tears came, and Sean gathered her twin into her arms, holding her tightly.

“It’ll be okay, baby. Ill talk to her. Well sort this out.”

Suddenly Susan pulled away.

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

Sean got her inside and held her head while she vomited until her stomach was empty, and then some. She crooned soothing words to her, brushing the tangled hair from her eyes, fighting the desire to kill both Gail and Ellen for hurting her sister like this and for putting a drink in her hand after six years.

Sean was waiting in the office the next day when Ellen arrived. She was happy to see that Ellen’s face was pale and drawn.

“We need to talk, Ellen.”

“So you know?” Ellen said tiredly.

“I don’t know your side of it. And I want to. Susan was drunk last night, Ellen. I want you to explain to me why.”

Ellen closed her eyes. “Oh god! Is she all right?”

“Of course she’s not all right!”

“I didn’t think she would drink believe me, I didn’t. I would have stayed with her until you got home if I had.” Ellen sank onto the office couch, tears streaming from her swollen eyes.

“Tell me what’s happening.”

Ellen shrugged helplessly. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just did. Isn’t that how these things always happen?”

“Is it Gail Driscoll?”

“Yes.”

“My god, Ellen!” Sean snapped, “Are you crazy? She’s twenty years old! What could possibly have possessed you?”

“She’s not twenty! She’s twenty-two. And, she’s crazy about me and I needed that. I needed to feel like I was really wanted.”

“And you think Susan doesn’t want you? Do you think she drank herself into oblivion because she doesn’t want you?”

Finally, Ellen got angry. “Six years, Sean. We’ve been together six years, and I get to sleep with her two nights a week. I get to wake up with her if I’m lucky two mornings a week. She’s kept me at arms length all these years, and I’ve finally had enough! I want a full-time lover, a full-time life!”

“And you think you’ll have that with a woman ten years younger than you? Ten big years younger?”

“It happens,” Ellen said defensively.

Sean stared at Ellen, her emotions in turmoil. She knew how much pain Ellen had been in, and how Susan’s resistance to living with her had continued to distance them. But all she could see at that moment was the naked anguish in her sisters face.

“What about Susan? Have you stopped loving her?”

Ellen began to cry again, racking sobs that shook her slender frame.

“Oh god I don’t want to love her! I keep praying Ill wake up and I wont anymore.”