Finally Ellen’s pain reached Sean. She moved to the couch and gathered her into her arms. She pressed Ellen’s face to her shoulder and rocked her.

“What a mess!” Sean muttered. She forced Ellen to look at her. “Are you in love with Gail Driscoll?”

Ellen lowered her eyes. “More like seriously in lust.”

“Terrific. And how do you think you’ll feel in six months when you’ve finally stopped fucking each others brains out?”

“I hope well still have a relationship,” Ellen said hollowly.

“Will you stop seeing her long enough to talk this all out with Susan in therapy?”

Ellen laughed bitterly. “You know as well as I do Susan wont go to therapy.”

Sean raised her hand to stop her. “If she would, can you put a halt to this affair and try to sort out the issues?”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“Ellen, please! Susan loves you, she needs you. Please!” Sean cried desperately.

Ellen rose despondently. “I have to think about it, Sean. I feel like I’m at the end of the road with Susan.”

“Just think about it, please. For all of us.”

CHAPTER SIX

Drew knew there was a problem as soon as Sean entered the dojang . She went directly to the rear of the room, stored her gear, donned her uniform and began to warm up. She hadn’t greeted anyone or even looked at anyone not even Drew. Drew considered speaking to her and then thought better of it. Whatever it was, it was none of her concern. Drew was running class that night while Master Cho and Sabum Roma were at a seminar. After calling the class to order, she spent a half hour going over sparring drills. Sean seemed fine, although withdrawn.

“Get your sparring gear on,” Drew called.

The class hurried to comply, and they lined up for further instructions.

“I want you to concentrate on techniques hand combinations, double kicks, moving out of your opponents kicking range and into your own. Use this opportunity to practice the things we’ve been doing in class.”

Everything went well with the lower ranks. Drew watched them carefully, urging the more reticent under belts to make body contact and to accept being hit.

“The point of practice is to learn to accept pain in a controlled situation. You cannot afford to be overcome by pain during a real attack. You have to absorb the pain let it flow through you and be gone. When you let it in, it loses its power. Try again!”

“Gail, Sean. You’re up. Black belt rules remember to guard your faces.”

Drew was surprised by the reluctance that showed in the two students as they bowed to one another. Neither of them attempted eye contact.

“Free spar positions. Begin!”

Sean looked unusually tight moving stiffly, without her usual graceful transitions. Gail, on the other hand, was uncharacteristically timid. When she had the opportunity to make contact, she didn’t. Finally, Drew stopped the fight.

“You’re fighting like beginners, both of you. You wouldn’t last two minutes in a real fight. Now I want you to fight the way I know you can I want body contact, I want head strikes, I want crisp, focused attacks. Face each other!”

Sean faced Gail for an instant and then stepped away. Facing Drew she bowed and said, “Id like to be excused, ma’am.”

“Sit down, Sean,” Drew said quietly. “Anne, you’re up with Gail.”

Drew waited until the last student had left before speaking to Sean, who still sat at the rear of the room. She sat down across from Sean, her legs folded beneath her.

“What’s up?” she asked quietly.

Sean looked up, her eyes betraying her misery. “I couldn’t fight her,” was all she could manage. She didn’t want to say more, she was too close to tears.

“Why not?”

Sean passed her hand across her face and swallowed hard. “I was afraid I would hurt her. I was afraid of my anger.”

“What’s going on between the two of you?”

Sean looked away. “Its private.”

“Not anymore. You brought it to the floor of this dojang . Now it concerns me.”

Sean stood up suddenly. “No, it doesn’t,” she said tightly, turning away.

Drew rose swiftly, reaching instinctively for Sean’s shoulders. She had heard the tears. She turned Sean to face her and suddenly Sean was in her arms. When she felt the sobs, she pulled her closer. Drew held her silently, stroking her hair gently, cradling her against her body.

“I’m sorry,” Sean managed at last, her head tucked beneath Drew’s chin. The solidity of Drew’s body felt like a haven.

“Tell me,” Drew said, not releasing her hold on the woman in her arms.

“Gail and Ellen are having an affair,” Sean said at last. “Susan is heart-broken, and she’s drinking again. I know its not really Gail’s fault or anyone’s fault but I’m so worried about Susan she was all I could think about when I looked at Gail. I wanted to kill her.”

Drew massaged the tight muscles in Sean’s neck as she spoke. “You did the right thing in recognizing your anger, in refusing to fight. I’m sorry about Susan. I’m sorry for Ellen.”

Sean began to relax as Drew’s words reached her. She was so frightened for Susan, and so exhausted. Without thinking, she tightened her arms around Drew’s waist, drawing solace from her nearness. Slowly she became aware of Drew’s fingers in her hair, of Drew’s chest and thighs pressed against her own. She slid her hands higher on Drew’s back, following the urgent demands of her body. She felt the heat of Drew’s body against her face and the slight tremor in the arm that encircled her.

Instinctively she tilted her head up, eyes searching for Drew’s. The blue eyes that met hers were unguarded, and what she saw in them brought a soft moan to her lips. There was wanting there and need.

Their eyes locked and held as Drew lowered her head slowly. Sean moaned again as their lips touched.

And then there was only sensation heat, liquid softness, muscles straining to fuse, hands grasping. Two forms melding, legs opening, intertwining. When Drew’s hand dropped to her buttocks and pulled Sean roughly against her thigh, Sean stumbled on weak knees.

She clutched at the strong shoulders and pulled her mouth away from the fierce kiss. “Ill fall,” she gasped.

Drew groaned deep in her chest, burying her face in Sean’s neck. She held Sean, her breath torn from her, shaking. Sean clung to her, every cell on fire.

“I’m sorry,” Drew mumbled, her face still hidden, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you dare be sorry,” Sean warned, gasping, “Don’t you dare!”

Finally Drew stepped away, her hands at her sides.

“Sean, I”

Sean stilled her words with gentle fingers to her lips.

“Please, please don’t apologize,” Sean said softly. “It was too wonderful to spoil.”

Drew stared at her, a million conflicting emotions boiling within her. She wanted to run, she wanted to take Sean in her arms, she wanted time to stop so she would never see another thing except the flush on Sean’s face and the desire in her eyes. All she could do was stand mute as Sean gathered her things and quietly left the room.

CHAPTER SEVEN

It was midnight and Sean was frantic. Susan’s car was gone, and Sean was terrified she had gone out drinking. She had been drinking steadily for three weeks, despite Sean’s efforts to keep alcohol out of the house. At least until now she hadn’t drunk while driving. At the sound of the front door closing she leapt to her feet.

“Susan?”

“Yeah, its me.” Susan made her way tiredly into the library and slumped onto the couch. Sean reached for her hand.

“Where have you been?”

“I went to a meeting.”

“Thank god,” Sean sighed in relief. “How was it?”

“Pretty awful. I just loved standing up and saying, Hi, I’m Susan; I’m an alcoholic and I’ve been sober six hours.”

“Six hours, six minutes you’re sober! Oh, Susan, I’m so glad.”

Susan turned to her, tears in her eyes.

“What am I going to do, Sean? I miss her so damn much. I don’t think I can stand the pain sober!”

Sean pulled her close. “Talk about it, Suse talk about it. Let me carry some of the pain for you. I love you, Susan let me help you.”

Susan cried and Sean cried with her.

“What should I do, Sean,” Susan asked at last. “How can I get her back?”

“Do you want her back?”

“God, yes. I cant imagine my life without her. I miss her laughter, I miss her crazy humor, I miss how safe she made me feel everything aches for her! Can you understand wanting someone that much?”

“Yes,” said Sean softly, “I can.”

“I don’t know where to start.”

“You’ll have to start with yourself, Susan. You need to ask yourself how much you’re willing to give not give up but give, for what you want. When you know, tell her. If its what she needs too, you’ll have a place to start.”

Susan looked down at her hands. “What if she doesn’t want me anymore?” she asked in a small voice.

“She does, Susan. She does.”

“Good evening, Master Cho, good evening Master Clark, Sabum Roma,” Sean said as she entered the dojang . As usual, she was the first student there. Each of the black belts returned her bow, but Drew’s eyes lingered on her as the others turned away. Sean met her gaze and held it, searching for a flicker of welcome. As was happening more often in the last few weeks, it was there. A softening of her features, the hint of a smile, a heaviness to her hooded stare Drew might seek to hide it, but Sean felt it like a caress. And she knew that Drew remembered.

“Class will be only one hour tonight,” Master Cho announced. “We will have a black belt workout for an hour after the regular class. Sean, you will join us, yes?”

“Yes, thank you, ma’am,” Sean replied eagerly.

After the other students were dismissed, Sean, Drew and Chris lined up for forms. These were a series of choreographed movements designed to simulate defensive and offensive movements against imaginary attackers. As one progressed in rank, the forms became more complex. When Sean completed all the forms she had been taught, she stood at attention while Sabum Roma and Master Clark completed theirs. Sean watched Drew avidly, taking pleasure not only in the beauty of the forms, but in the beauty of the performer.

Janet Cho watched Sean watching Drew, as she had done for many weeks, seeing the attraction grow. She was surprised by Sean’s patience it was an unusual trait in Americans. There were instances of unmistakable desire that she was sure would have embarrassed Sean had she known they were visible to others, but just as often the look was one of simple, pure pleasure, as if Drew’s presence alone were enough to satisfy her. Such unselfish appreciation was a rare form of love. She hoped that Drew would find her way to accepting it.

Sean stood to one side of the room as Sabum Roma and Master Clark prepared to spar. Drew was the more experienced sparrer, but Chris Roma was agile and spirited. She managed several hits before Drew backed her into a corner and proceeded to pummel her with rapid hand flurries. At last, Drew spun three hundred and sixty degrees and launched a spinning back-kick at Chris’s head. Chris missed the block. At barely an inch from Chris’s temple, Drew stopped the kick that could easily have killed her.

“You cant stop that kick with an arm block, Sabum Roma. Not without a broken arm and a good deal of damage to your head. If you’re trapped in close like that, the best you can do is drop to the ground and attempt a knee or groin strike.”

Chris Roma bowed deeply. “Thank you, Master Clark.”

“Sean,” Master Cho called, “now you will spar Master Clark.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And, Sean”

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Guard your face.”

Sean almost smiled. “Yes, ma’am.”

When she faced Drew, Sean’s eyes were shining with anticipation. When she raised her eyes after their bow, the calm focus was once again apparent. Drew’s face, as always, was expressionless.

“Begin!”

Immediately Sean dropped to the floor, swinging one leg around to catch Drew behind the knee. Drew went down, tucking one leg under her into a back roll and came up again smoothly. As Sean followed her, preparing to jab, Drew snapped a front kick that Sean only partially blocked. It landed with enough force to rock her backwards, and that was the opening Drew needed. Again came the rapid hand flurry, the overpowering forward momentum of a ferocious fighter, and Sean did the only thing she could do. She retreated until her back was to the wall. And then she blocked one blow after another until she realized she couldn’t win. She would block until she couldn’t raise her arms again, and then she would lose. On the street, she would die. With a tremendous effort, Sean began to punch back until she cleared enough space to get a leg up. And then she kicked at the only target she could reach she lashed out with an angle kick that skirted under Drew’s guard hand and caught her just under the ribs. She knew better than to kick full power while sparring, but it landed with enough force to cause Drew to grunt and back up another step. Sean slipped out of the corner and back to the center of the room where she could maneuver.