“Halt!” Master Cho called.

Immediately, Drew and Sean stopped and faced each other.

“Bow to your partner!”

They did so, and as they raised their heads, they were both laughing.

“Good work, Sean,” Drew exclaimed, rubbing her ribs.

“Thank you, ma’am.”

Master Cho couldn’t decide whether to admonish them for their laughter or to overlook it. They had both fought well, and the genuine pleasure on Drew’s face was perhaps reason enough to allow a little lapse in discipline.

After Master Cho formally dismissed them, she said, “We will go out for dinner now, yes?”

Sean wasn’t sure the invitation included her, so she remained silent. Drew was silent as well.

“All of us, yes?”

They took one car to avoid parking problems and drove to a small women-owned restaurant not far from the dojang .

“You did well tonight,” Drew said to Sean as they rode in the back seat.

“Thank you, ma’am.”

“Where did you learn that leg sweep?”

“I’ve been watching you.”

“Have you now?” Drew said softly.

Sean looked at her and nodded. “Yes.”

The meal was pleasantly relaxed. Master Cho spoke of her training as a child, and what it had been like for her as a woman in the martial arts. Sean was captivated, and it was only Drew’s presence across the table from her that distracted her from her teachers stories. Whenever she would glance at Drew, her blue eyes were upon her. And she was certain she recognized what she saw in them. She only wished she knew what to do about it. She couldn’t forget the way she had felt with Drew’s arms around her, with her hands upon her, with her mouth claiming her, she had lain down to sleep with her body on fire too many nights to forget any of it.

“What? I’m sorry,” she said.

“I said, would you like to walk back? Its really not that far,” Drew said from across the table.

“Yes,” Sean said, “yes.”

They bid goodnight to Janet and Chris in front of the restaurant and began walking.

“How’s Susan doing?” Drew asked.

“She’s hurting, but she’s better. She’s been sober for six weeks.”

“You okay?”

Sean sighed. “When she hurts, I hurt. But I think shell be okay. I’m not so sure about her and Ellen, though. I think Ellen is still seeing Gail.”

“That’s tough. I’m sorry.”

Sean smiled. “Thanks. You helped, you know.”

Drew looked uncomfortable. “I don’t know what to say about that night”

“Well, I do,” Sean said in frustration. “You held me, you comforted me and then you kissed me. And I don’t know any other way to say this, but I want to kiss you again.”

Drew stopped in her tracks and stared at Sean. She refused to allow her head to rule her now. “What I want to do, I cant do here,” Drew whispered hoarsely. “My apartment its not far. Will you come?”

“Oh yes,” Sean said.

Sean ran her fingers over Drew’s chest and rested her hand upon her breast. She turned her cheek where it rested on Drew’s shoulder and pressed her lips to the soft skin.

“I knew you would be like this,” Sean murmured.

Drew shifted and slipped one thigh between Sean’s legs.

“How?” she asked as her hands began to stroke Sean’s back and buttocks.

“Fierce,” Sean said with a gasp, turning so her breasts were against Drew’s, “gentle oh god.” She lost her voice as Drew pulled her harder against her thigh.

“I want you so much,” Drew cried into Sean’s hair, “so much!”

“Oh, Drew” Sean moaned, pulling Drew over onto her. “Please, please, now.”

At first the strokes were so tender it was like a whisper against her. Her hips arched, seeking more, her breath rasped in her chest. When she thought she would scream with need, she felt her inside, strong, demanding, filling her. Her hands clutched the strong shoulders above her, her teeth sank into the tender flesh of Drew’s arm. As the rhythm increased, a cry tore from her.

“Don’t stop, please don’t stop. Oh god, Drew”

Drew dropped her head to Sean’s neck, whispering, “I’ve got you, Sean come to me.”

Sean sobbed out her pleasure, dimly aware that Drew was groaning as she thrust against her.

Finally, they both lay spent and gasping. Drew moved her fingers gently, starting to withdraw.

“Don’t,” Sean gasped, covering Drew’s hand with her own. “If you leave me now, I wont be able to bear it.”

Drew began thrusting slowly. Her voice was close to Sean’s ear, teasing, “Can you bear it if I stay?”

Sean turned her head, capturing Drew’s lips, her tongue seeking. When she pulled her head back, they were both gasping. “Just take me, Drew. Take me!”

“I will,” Drew groaned, fighting back her own desire. “I will.”

Drew awoke, sweat-covered, crying out in the aftermath of the nightmare.

“Oh god,” she gasped, shaking her head frantically to dispel the image.

“What is it?” Sean asked, sitting up amidst the tangled sheets, one hand stroking the wet and trembling back.

“Just a bad dream,” Drew muttered through clenched teeth. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” came the soothing voice. “Can you tell me?”

“No.”

Sean kept silent, continuing her gentle strokes until the tight muscles under her fingers began to relax. Finally, Drew lay back down beside her, reaching for her hand.

“Its almost morning,” Drew said.

“I know.” Sean laced her fingers through Drew’s and raised the other woman’s hand to her lips. Her skin was soft, slightly salty. Sean loved the taste of her. Following her instincts, she moved to kiss the swell of breast, lingering over the sensitive pinnacle. She was rewarded with a gasp from Drew as she nipped gently, then continued her exploration over the sweep of abdomen to the hollow above her thighs. She kicked the covers away as she settled herself between Drew’s legs, her fingers massaging the firmly muscled thighs. She pressed upward, seeking, searching, unconsciously following the subtle rise of Drew’s hips that led her inward, deeper. Her first taste of another woman was indescribable intoxicating, addicting so rich, primordially female. Drew tangled her fingers in Sean’s hair and pulled her closer, guiding her with her hands, urging her to feast. And feast she did joyously, powerfully, humbly awed by the ability to give such pleasure. She gripped Drew’s hips, preventing her from pulling away at the crest of her orgasm, wanting the connection to last eternally. When finally Drew forced her mouth away, gasping, “I cant take anymore,” Sean felt bereft severed too quickly from the heart of ecstasy.

Sean rested her cheek against Drew’s leg. She felt incredible she had never imagined such beauty, such exquisite, tender power. To give such pleasure at once thrilled and amazed her. She felt utterly satisfied, wordlessly full.

“Come here,” Drew whispered, drawing her up beside her. She pressed a kiss to Sean’s forehead, enfolding her in her arms.

Sean settled into the curves and planes of Drew’s body, one hand reaching to stroke her face.

“Are you all right?” Drew asked.

Sean laughed. “All right? I am so completely all right, I may never stop smiling. I have never experienced anything like that in my life.”

Drew turned her head in surprise. “Never? I thought” her voice trailed off.

“It may run in the family, but I’m a slow starter,” Sean admitted. “But, now that I know, you’re in trouble.”

Drew laughed shakily. “No regrets?”

“Regrets?” Sean said, suddenly serious. She leaned up on one arm to face Drew. “You are beautiful, and making love with you has easily been the most beautiful experience of my life. My only regret is that I didn’t meet you fifteen years ago.”

“Fifteen years ago,” Drew murmured, her eyes distant. “No, it would have been too soon.”

“Probably,” Sean answered. “Maybe now is exactly the right time.”

“Maybe,” Drew said quietly.

“Oh god,” Sean uttered, “I never even thought are you involved? I never asked”

“No,” Drew said abruptly, “that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what?”

“Nothing.”

Sean knew there was something, and she had an intuition that that something was the source of Drew’s nightmare, and the pain Drew tried to hide. She didn’t probe, hoping there would be a time when Drew would trust her enough to share that pain with her.

It was five A.M. when Sean entered the still house. Susan was asleep on the library couch. Sean attempted to cross to the stairs without awakening her, but a sleepy voice called to her.

“Can you still walk?”

Sean laughed, flopping into the chair before the fireplace.

“Barely.”

“Did you spend the night doing what I think you’ve been doing?”

Sean blushed. “If you mean did I spend the night making mad, passionate love with an incredibly beautiful woman the answer is yes.”

“Drew?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Wow holy shit! oh my god! my sister, my sister has come out!”

“Come out is not the word for it reborn? Yes, that might begin to describe it. How in gods name has the world managed to keep this a secret? Why isn’t every woman a lesbian?”

Susan’s laughter, her first laughter in weeks, rang through the room.

“Oh Sean you’ve caught it. Lesbian psychos is in full bloom already!”

“Oh, shut up! So what if all I can think about is getting her into bed again? God all I have to do is think of her and I’m”

“Enough! You’ll embarrass me!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sean shrieked.

“What?”

“How incredible it is?”

Susan grew suddenly still. “It is, isn’t it?”

Sean rose to sit beside her.

“Hey I’m sorry. This isn’t a great time for you, and here I am swooning.”

Susan hugged her. “That’s okay. One of us should be getting some,” she tried to joke. “So tell me really what’s going on? Besides the great sex, I mean.”

Sean grew quiet. “I’m a little afraid to think about it, Suse. This is all new to me. I’ve been really attracted to her for weeks, and when she invited me to her apartment, all I could think was that I wanted her to touch me. I didn’t think about what it meant. And now all I can think about is touching her again. I think I might have skipped a few steps.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, you know dating, discussing things like monogamy, views on world peace that kind of thing.” Nightmares, secrets, barriers she thought to herself.

“There’s still time for all of that, Sean,” Susan said.

“I hope so,” Sean murmured.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Sean spent the day in a haze. The only time her mind was clear was the fifty minute intervals she spent with her patients. Between sessions she sat at her desk and aimlessly rearranged the pens and pencils. Every few seconds she would be ambushed by a kaleidoscope of images Drew’s eyes, her hands, the sounds of passion, the taste of her. And Drew leaning over her the night she was hurt panicked, terrified and clearly somewhere else. Her professional instincts told her that whatever Drew was fighting, it was serious. Serious enough to keep them apart, and that was something she passionately did not want.

It was more than just Drew’s physical appeal, although, god knew, that attraction was powerful. But she had admired physical beauty in other women before and had never been drawn to them the way she was drawn to Drew. It was the woman herself who captivated her the contrast of fierce discipline, commitment, and self-control combined with caring and compassion. What moved her the most, she was forced to admit, however, were the glimpses of suffering Drew revealed in her unguarded moments. That’s what made Sean ache to hold her, not with desire, but with love.

She chose the work she did because the pain of others compelled her, touched her deeply, made her ache with emotion more intense than any pleasure. She was drawn to pain because, inevitably, it was pain that bound all creatures in their valiant struggle called life. In our pain we are most human, and often, most alive.

She sighed and pushed back from her desk. She needed to get ready for class.

Chris was surprised to find Drew at the door when she answered the bell late in the afternoon.

“Drew!” she cried.

“Hello, Chris. Is Master Cho in?” Drew asked quietly.

“In the garden. Go on back.” Chris didn’t attempt to follow. It was clear from the tone of Drew’s voice and the dark look on her face that she was here on a private matter.

Janet looked up from the chair where she sat reading and closed her book gently. She had been expecting Drew’s visit for some time now.

Drew bowed formally. “Forgive me for interrupting”

“I am glad you came. Sit down, please,” she answered, pointing to the chair beside her. She waited patiently while Drew searched for words.