Jennifer Crusie - Manhunting

“White wine, please.” Kate sat on the barstool in front of her, and the redhead poured her drink. Penny stood with her back to the bar, surveying the room.

“I’m Nancy,” the redhead said. “You want anything, just holler my name. Everybody else around here does.”

Kate smiled. “I’m Kate. And this is Penny.”

“I love your bar,” Penny said, turning around. “It’s just too authentic.”

“Thanks,” Nancy said. “That’s definitely the ambience we wanted.”

Kate looked at her with more interest than before. “Exactly how do you achieve this authentic ambience?”

“Oh, it’s not hard. We just hire a couple of guys in plaid shirts to come in and play pool and spit on the floor.”

“You hired them?” Penny asked.

“It’s a joke, Penny,” Kate said.

“Actually, the guy in the blue plaid shirt back there is my husband.”

Kate looked back to the pool table. The guy in the blue plaid was blond and stocky. He was staring sadly at the table where a big man in a cream-colored cowboy hat was knocking balls into the pockets with disheartening precision.

“Isn’t that Jake?” Penny asked.

“You know Jake?” Nancy shook her head. “He’s beating Ben at pool. They’ve been playing off and on for about five years now. Ben’s never won once.”

“Why does he keep playing?” Kate asked.

“He says he’s getting better.”

“Well, you have to admire a man who doesn’t quit.”

“Jake says he’s getting worse.”

“Jake’s dreamy,” Penny said.

“Go tell him,” Nancy said. “Maybe you’ll distract him and Ben will win.”

“Maybe later,” Penny said. “We want to scope out the action. Right, Kate?”

“What do you want to drink, Penny?” Kate asked hastily. “I’ll buy.”

“Strawberry daiquiri,” Penny said.

Nancy sighed.

“How about a beer?” Kate suggested. “Men in places like this love women who drink beer.”

“Are you sure?”

“Did you ever see Urban Cowboy?”

“No,” Penny said. “Beer, please.”

“Thank you,” Nancy said to Kate and went to get Penny’s beer.

Over by the pool table, Ben looked up. “Check out the talent at the bar.”

Jake glanced over his shoulder and stopped for a moment to stare. Then he turned back to the table. “The one in white is Kate.”

“The killer?” Ben took a longer look. “That’s some dress.”

“Yep,” Jake said. “I think you just lost this game, son.”

Ben looked at him skeptically. “You said she was a nice kid.”

“She is.” Jake studied the table. “Aside from the damage she does to her dates.”

He leaned over to take his shot, and Ben looked at him and shook his head. “That is no kid.”

Jake pocketed the last ball. “No, but that is the game. You got time for another?”

“Hell, yes. My winning streak is about to start.” Ben looked back at Kate. “She’s not a real blonde.”

“The hell she isn’t.”

“Twenty bucks says she isn’t.”

Jake looked at him in disgust. “And how do you propose we settle the bet?”

“I propose you find out,” Ben said, grinning.

“Find out for yourself.” Jake moved around the table to rack the balls. “But make sure I get the twenty from your estate. Death is no reason not to pay off your bets.”

“This is a wonderful place, Penny,” Kate said. “Thank you for bringing me. In fact, I like it so much, I’m going to buy the next round, too.”

“Oh, shoot,” Penny said. “We won’t have to buy any more beers. That’s what guys are for. Look at that guy in the black Stetson.”

The guy in the Stetson was ersatz cowboy, right down to his spurs. Expensive ersatz cowboy. He was probably a dentist from Detroit. Still, if Penny liked him, Kate wasn’t going to be a snob. “He’s very attractive, Penny.”

“He’s smiling at us.” Penny smiled back. The dentist ambled over.

“Howdy, little lady.” He touched the brim of his hat “Could I buy you a drink?”

“Sure could,” Penny said. “This is my friend, Kate.”

“Just leaving.” Kate backed away a few seats, taking her wine with her. The dentist smiled his appreciation.

Why is it, Kate thought as she backed up, that Jake and Penny can look honestly charming in their cowboy hats and yet this man looks like such a loser? And those spurs. Those spurs would make me very nervous.

She stopped with a bump when she backed into someone. She turned to apologize and got a good look at the man she’d bumped-he was tall, rangy, blond, and devastatingly good-looking.

Hello, she thought. He wasn’t exactly part of her plan, but then her plan was obviously not working anyway.

“Lemme buy you a drink, honey,” he slurred, grabbing her arm.

The moment of her temptation was gone. She didn’t like grabbers, especially drunk grabbers.

“Thanks but no thanks.” She smiled sweetly and tried to move away from him, but he blocked her way, holding on to her.

“Back off, Brad,” Nancy said from behind the bar. “She’s not interested.”

“She will be. Just got to give her a little time.” Brad tried to kiss her but Kate ducked and all he caught was her ear. From the corner of her eye, she saw Nancy wave to somebody, and then she concentrated on getting away from Brad.

Across the room, Ben looked up at Nancy ’s wave and saw the minidrama unfolding at the bar.

“Uh-oh,” he said. “Brad’s putting the moves on your kid. Want to go save her?”

Jake looked up. “No.” He sighed and put his cue down. “But I’ll go save Brad. He’s kind of obnoxious, but he doesn’t deserve what Kate will do to him.”

“I’m warning you,” Kate told Brad. “Let go of me or you’ll be scarred for life.”

“I like ‘em spunky.” Brad pulled her close again.

“Well, Brad, how’s it goin’?”

Kate turned around and Ben was there, smiling at them, with Jake behind him.

“You don’t want to mess with her, Brad,” Jake said. “Trust me on this one.”

“I saw her first.” Brad shoved Kate behind him.

“I think the lady wants to go home,” Nancy said.

“She can go home with me,” Brad said.

“I don’t think so, boy.” Ben took a step forward.

Brad moved into karate position, bunching his fists and glaring at the two men.

Jake sighed. “You’ve been watching TV again, haven’t you, Brad?”

Kate could feel Brad tense. “Oh, hell,” she said. She picked up a long-necked beer bottle from the bar and broke it over Brad’s head, and Jake supported his weight as he sagged.

“You had to do it, didn’t you?” Jake said to Kate.

“He was going to hit you,” Kate said. “I saved you, you big ingrate.”

“Where’s the blonde?” Brad asked dazedly.

“I don’t think she’s really your kind of girl, Brad.”

Jake helped him into a chair at the nearest table. “Those tough blondes, they’ll hit you from behind with a bottle as soon as look at you.”

“Very funny,” Kate said.

Jake raised his eyebrows at her. “Well, you may have noticed that I’ve never turned my back on you.”

“Anytime you want a job, lady,” Nancy said, “you come to me.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Kate said. “This is a great place. Allowing for the drunks and the wimpy bouncers.”

“I’m not a bouncer.” Jake looked indignant. “You a bouncer, Ben?”

“Hell no, I just like a fight. And if there’s not gonna be one, I’m gonna go shoot pool. My winning streak’s starting any minute here. You coming?”

“In a minute.” Jake sat down at the bar. “Beer, please, Nan. And another drink for the lady with the broken bottle in her hand.”

“Thank you,” Kate said and joined him, putting the bottle neck on the counter.

“This is to show you that I’m grateful to you for saving me from Brad,” Jake said. “I’m drinking beer, but of course you’ll have juice.”

“Beer, please.” Kate ignored her wimpy white wine, and Nancy swiftly removed the evidence along with the broken bottle.

“I know I didn’t save you from Brad,” Kate said when the beers came. “I don’t know what you were going to do, but you weren’t worried.”

“Oh, Brad’s not a bad guy. He was just showing off for you.”

“Very flattering.”

“Oh, it is.” Jake drank some of his beer. “Brad only makes passes at the best-looking women.”

“Does he ever succeed?”

“Most of the time. I think that was his problem with you. He couldn’t believe you were turning him down. Course he didn’t know about your plan.”

He grinned at her lazily, and Kate ignored the invitation to battle.

“You must have a resting pulse of about twelve,” she said.

“I used to move a lot faster,” he said. “It’s age.”

“No, it’s not I haven’t figured out what it is, but it’s not age.”

“Well, when you figure it out, let me know so I can get it fixed.” Jake took a drink. “You want me to drive you back to the cabin later?”

Kate frowned for a minute, assuming he’d changed his mind and was trying to pick her up, and then she realized he was asking if she was afraid to go home alone in the dark.

“No, thank you,” she said. “I can handle it.”

“I don’t imagine there’s much you can’t handle,” Jake agreed. “So how’s the plan going, anyway?”

“Oh, I’ve retired it for the night,” Kate said. “As I said this morning, it all seems rather stupid here.”

“I’m relieved to hear it I thought you might have looked on Brad as a potential candidate.”

“I was trying not to be a snob,” Kate said, remembering Donald. “He was friendly, so I was friendly.”

“Well, your heart was in the right place. Just try to restrain your friendliness. You’re giving the boys ideas.”

Kate glared at him. “So this was my fault.”

“No,” Jake said. “But a little ‘friendly’ from you has a big impact. Particularly in that dress.”

“What’s wrong with this dress?”

“It has no back.” Jake looked over her shoulder. “Not that I’m complaining. We’re just not used to seeing that much naked flesh in these parts. Sort of starts a man’s blood moving, if you know what I mean.”

Kate tried to look over her own shoulder. “What are you talking about? This dress has a back. It’s just draped.”

“Well, the drapes are open.”

“Listen…”

“Hey, I’m not complaining. Just stop smiling at drunks.”

Kate controlled her temper with an effort. “Thank you for the sound advice,” she said finally. “I shall certainly keep it in mind.”

Jake grinned. “A man who didn’t know better would tell you that you look real cute when you’re mad. Fortunately, I know better.” He finished his beer, tipped his hat to her, and ambled back to the pool tables.

“Has he always been like that?” she asked Nancy when she came to clear their bottles.

“Like what?”

“Catatonic.”

Nancy snorted. “He’s not catatonic. That guy doesn’t miss a thing.”

“Well, he sure moves slow.”

“Conserving energy. You interested?”

“No,” Kate said. “Not my type. I’m not his, either.”

“I don’t think he has a type,” Nancy said. “He pretty much just likes everybody.”

Kate looked back and saw one of the college girls from the hotel, the pretty brunette, leaning on the pool table talking to Jake. He didn’t seem to be annoyed by the attention. She was too young for him. Honestly. Men.

“Have another beer,” Nancy said. “On the house.”

Kate said, “Thank you very much,” and settled down to talk to her for the rest of the night, ignoring the several hopeful men who offered to buy her drinks.

She and Nancy talked on through the evening as Nancy tended bar, comparing life stories and falling into the kind of friendship that women with the same outlook on life can form easily and permanently. It wasn’t long before she told Nancy all about Jessie and the plan.

“I know it sounds stupid,” Kate said.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Nancy said. “It beats sitting home and waiting for somebody to drop by.”

“And I’ve made some big mistakes, too,” Kate went on. “I was so fixated on ‘successful’ that I forgot to watch out for jerks. You should have seen my golf date.”

“Is this the one that fibrillated on the hill course?” Nancy said. “I heard.”

“And then there was the man I took shopping this afternoon.” Kate shook her head. “I’ve never met such a snob.”

“I heard about him, too,” Nancy said. “I also heard you were very nice, and everyone wondered why you were with him.”