Bingley wanted to have done with the disagreeable task so he could get on with the important business of ... Well, as a gentleman of leisure, he really did not have any important business with which to get on; but he still wanted to have done with such an unpleasant episode. Then, perhaps, I shall … hmm … pay a visit to … the … Bennet family. Yes, that is it. I will pay another visit to Miss Bennet and her family and reserve sets for the ball.

After several minutes, the servant returned to report Miss Bingley had left half an hour ago to spend the afternoon shopping. Bingley was secretly relieved and champing at the bit to go visiting. “Too bad. Well, I might as well go out myself, then. But please tell Caroline it is imperative I speak with her when we both return this evening.”

It seemed to be quite the thing that particular day for young ladies to be seduced by the lure of London’s fine shops, because Bingley was informed Miss Bennet, Miss Elizabeth, and Miss Lucas had departed an hour ago to do just that. The young man was then at a loose end and ordered his driver to take him to one of the clubs in which he held membership. When the coachman looked askance at him, Bingley testily said, “I am apparently in no mood to make wise decisions today, so you shall decide for me. Quickly man! Where shall I spend my afternoon?”

Ellis Fleming encountered the same situation when he called at Darcy House to pay court to Miss Darcy. Georgiana had accompanied her mother, sister, and aunt on a shopping expedition to purchase some last-minute feminine frippery for the ball. Fleming then ordered his carriage driver to take him to Whites, where, to his astonishment, he found his friend, Fitzwilliam Darcy, uncharacteristically quite in his cups.

“Flemin’, what are you doin’ here, man? Why are you not payin’ court to my shishter … sishter … shi … Georgiana? You should not washte a minute, you know; or shome bracket-faced, bottle-headed braggart might shteeeal her away. Whoosh! Jusht like that.” Darcy flung out his arm and knocked over his empty glass.

“Good God, Darcy. What are you doing here alone, dipping rather deeply? I have not seen you on the cut since Cambridge. What troubles you, my friend?” Fleming took a seat next to Darcy and shooed away a servant about to fill another glass.

“Did you not hear me jusht now? Go find my shish … Georgiana, and do not allow her to be shwept away by shome shmilin’, shwaggerin’ shwine of a shoulder … sholdjer … shol … ”

“Darce, are you trying to say some smiling, swaggering swine of a soldier has been sniffing around your sister?”

“Mosht certainly not! I would never shtand for it. I am merely shpeakin’ hypo … hypo … er, … theo - ret - ic - a - lly.”

“And you are doing a very poor job of speaking thusly, my friend. Plus I rather doubt whether you are able to stand at all. Let us get your intoxicated self home, shall we?”

“No. I wanna go shee Missh Libazith.”

“I beg your pardon? You want to go do what?”

“Not what, who. Whom? What wash the queshtion?”

“Darce, why are you in such a state?”

“Brraaandy.”

“Who?”

“Not who, Flemin’, what. Braaandy is a what, not a who. Well, I shupposhe Braaandy could be a who, but … ”

“Darcy, why have you been drinking?”

“Missh Bizzy Lennet … Missh Libbaziff … Lizzabiff … LisshyBit ... DeeeelisheyBit … ” Ellis Fleming rolled his eyes, took his friend by the arm, and discreetly escorted him out of the club and into his waiting carriage. The fresh air revived Darcy somewhat. He took a deep, cleansing breath and exhaled stale brandy. “Flemin’, you are an intelligent bloke. What, exactly, ish a hanson barberin?”

“Darcy, you are usually quite an articulate fellow. Nonetheless, when you are tap-hackled, your speech becomes rather unintelligible. What, in blazing hell, do you mean by ‘hanson barberin’? Can you use it in the context of a sentence?”

“Shhhure. Um. Ah, yesh. Mr. Darshy, are you sho-and-sho’s hanson barberin?”

Ellis knit his brows and shrugged. “Well, I suppose the first part could be the name Hanson; and the other obviously means barbering. What else could it be? So in your example, perhaps the person is asking whether you are somebody’s barber by the name of Hanson. But I would certainly not trust you to braaandish a razor just now.”

“Extraordinarily shtrange. I am shure my name wash mentioned during the introduction to the poppet. Cute ash a button, he wash. Bizzylith and I could have had adorable shildren together.”

“Now whatever are you going on about, Darcy?”

“The delightful wee tot.”

“Darcy, my friend, as delightful as the brandy might have been, I wager you drank much more alcohol today than just a wee tot.”

“Good God! Shurely one so young ash Mashter Robert ish not allowed to conshume shpiritsh!”

“Darcy?”

“Yesh, Flemin’, my dear old friend?”

“Please be so kind as to shut your gob.”

The Bennet carriage sat outside No. 89 Pall Mall. Miss Bennet, Miss Elizabeth, and Miss Lucas had been inside for well over an hour browsing through each of the four departments of Harding, Howell & Co.

“Lizzy, look at these beautiful ornamental combs. They would look very well with your dark hair and nicely complement either one of your new ball gowns.” Jane and Charlotte had both attempted to cheer up the uncharacteristically glum Lizzy Bennet all afternoon.

“Oh, Jane, what does it matter? I no longer even wish to attend the ball if he thinks I am engaged to marry Lieutenant-Colonel Dun. I still cannot believe Mr. Darcy overheard us. Are you certain it was the reason he departed so hastily?”

“I am afraid so, my dear sister. During one of the many lulls in our conversation, everyone heard your suitor’s happy exclamation. A stricken expression overtook Mr. Darcy’s face, he muttered some nonsensical excuse, and then fled the room. Regardless, Lizzy, we can very easily clear up any misunderstanding when we see Georgiana and Anna at the ball.”

“Yes, I suppose you are right … about both the solution and those lovely hair accessories. I may even consider the matching beaded reticule.” Elizabeth smiled rather unenthusiastically and joined her sister and friend as they made several purchases and then exited the department store.

When they stepped through the front door, Jane said, “Lizzy, are those not the two ladies we met at the Royal Academy?”

Elizabeth glanced in the indicated direction and saw Miss Caroline Bingley and Miss Sarah Dalrymple walking toward the entrance. The two women were dressed in their usual gaudy finery, quite inappropriate for daywear. It was obvious they had already spotted Jane and Elizabeth, because Miss Bingley pointed and began to whisper in her friend’s ear. By the store’s front door, the Bennet sisters waited to exchange polite acknowledgments with their acquaintances; and they fully expected to introduce Charlotte to the ladies. To their surprise, however, the Misses Bingley and Dalrymple lifted their noses, looked the other way, and blatantly pretended not to notice them. As they passed by, Miss Bingley was heard to say, “We may have to find another place to shop, Sarah. I believe this establishment’s standards have dropped to an unacceptable level.”

Jane and Elizabeth were mortified and hurt. As much as they disliked London society, they had never before been subjected to the cut indirect. They hastily made their way to the waiting carriage and asked to be driven home; yet it would not be the home Lizzy craved at that moment. She desperately wished to leave the city and return instead to Hertfordshire and their beloved country estate. Nevertheless, Elizabeth was the first to recover from the shock. “What have we done, Jane, to deserve such treatment? Charlotte, I am truly sorry you had to witness that rebuff.” She shook her head and looked to her sister. “I admit I do not at all understand why we were snubbed in such a manner.”

Jane took her hand and gently said, “Lizzy, darling, you do know why. Georgiana and Anna told us that day at the shoe shop. Remember? Miss Bingley has set her cap for their brother. You have his admiration, and she does not. It is merely envy and jealousy on her part, so please do not take her foolish renouncement personally. You are usually such a confident person. Please do not allow such misplaced snobbery to cast any doubt on your own mettle. You and I are certainly not to blame for another’s rudeness.”

Elizabeth regained her spirit and managed to smile and arch a brow. “Really, it is of slight consequence, Jane; and I shall simply put it out of my head … at least until my dream of a cottage on a cliff becomes reality.” Charlotte just had to ask how that was relevant and laughed when her friend flippantly replied, “I shall invite Miss Bingley to drop over, of course.”

Caroline Bingley crowed, “Oh, Sarah, that was just priceless! My only regret is, in looking the other way, I could not see the expressions on their faces. Hopefully I shall never have to suffer another encounter with those intolerable Bennet chits again. Still, if I do, I shall take great delight in giving that upstart Miss Eliza the cut direct by staring her fully in the face and pretending not to know her. Ooh, merely the thought of it makes me wish to have such an opportunity. It would be just what she deserves. Imagine having the gall to curry favour with the elite Darcy family. Who does she think she is, Sarah? If I get my way, that daring dairymaid will never set foot at Pemberley again; and when I marry its heir and am that grand estate’s Mistress, … What? Why are you giving me that look, Sarah? What is that supposed to mean? Oh.” She whispered, “Is there someone behind me?” Her friend nodded; and Miss Bingley mouthed the words, “Who is it?” Miss Dalrymple turned white and then red and was quite speechless. She only managed to shake her head and continue to stare, bug-eyed, past Caroline’s orange-clad shoulder.