Molly McAdams - Needing Her

“Fine.”

“Maci!”

I choked back a sob and walked faster.

Once we were in my car and I was reversing out of my spot, Amber spoke again. “Okay, I saw him follow you, what happened? What did that fucker say? I’ll go shank him!”

“He didn’t . . . didn’t. Son of a bitch!” I yelled and blinked back the tears. I couldn’t figure out if I was more upset or angry. “Gah, he didn’t say anything bad. He . . . we made out, it was actually really hot. This girl approached me after; obviously it was someone he’s been with, because she knows that he calls me ‘sweetheart.’ She was warning me, she said how he’d treat me and then how he’d leave me.”

“Well, Maci, you knew he’d fucked random girls before. This isn’t news, and he said you weren’t one of them, didn’t he?”

“That’s what he said, but he called them all sweetheart. That’s what he calls me.”

Amber was silent, but kept watching me, until we made it to Aaron’s apartment complex. When I pulled to a stop in front of his building, her voice was careful. “Maybe he just—­”

“Amber, I know for a fact that he called his random hookups that, because he didn’t want to bother remembering their names. I just don’t know why I’d forgotten that until tonight.”

“But he knows your name.”

“He’s also known me for years. Those girls he’d just picked up at bars.”

After a few silent minutes, she squeezed my hand and opened the door. “Call me tomorrow. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Almost immediately after I’d gotten home and started undressing, my front door flew open, and I could hear Connor charging through my apartment.

“Maci!”

I’d only taken my shoes off, and I really wanted to throw them at him.

“What the hell was that?”

I turned on him and threw my arms out. “ ‘Sweetheart’? Really?”

Connor’s head jerked back. “Wait, what?”

“You call me ‘sweetheart.’ ”

“Yeah . . . and? Maci, you’re really fucking confusing me right now.”

“I was stopped in the hall by one of your random fucks, and she was so kind as to remind me that you call all your one-­night stands ‘sweetheart,’ and that you’d say all the right things and make me feel special for a little while before leaving me, like you’ve done all the rest.”

“Maci—­”

“I can’t believe I was fucking stupid enough to forget that you called them all ‘sweetheart.’ I was so happy that you and I were finally together, that I didn’t even realize it when you called me that. In fact, I loved it.” Connor opened his mouth, but I kept talking. “I’m not going to be one of your random hookups!”

“You’re not! When have I ever treated you like one? I’ve told you from the beginning that you weren’t like them. Did I ever let one of them stay over? No! And you know that. I’m sorry calling you that made you think that, but you have to know by now that I would never do to you what I did to them. I was an asshole to them, and, granted, I’ve been an ass to you so many times. But, Maci . . . can you really not see that you’re everything to me? I can barely make it through a shift because all I want to do is get home to see you. I’ve been going out of my mind all day knowing you were mad at me, and I just—­you know what? Fuck it. You’re never going to believe me. This is what you’ve been waiting for. You’ve been waiting for something to give you a reason to get pissed at me again. So now you have it.”

Laughing loudly, I ran one hand roughly through my long hair and tried not to start crying again. “You found me out. Congratulations! Obviously you know your way out. So, have an awesome fucking life, sweetheart.”

Connor had started walking out of my room, but stopped, and turned back toward me. Quickly closing the distance between us, he grabbed me and crushed his mouth to mine. I pushed against his chest, but he didn’t move away.

His lips only left mine long enough to say, “I’m not letting you do this to us.”

“Connor—­”

“Maci, I know I took a long time to finally realize what you mean to me, and I know it’s only been a week and a half. But I know you’re in this deep . . . just as deep as I am. Do you think I’d risk my friendship with my two best friends for some random fuck? No. You know I want you, and, Maci, I want you so goddamn bad, it’s all I think about. And don’t say it’s just about sex with you, because you know it’s not. I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t wake up with you in my arms tomorrow morning. I hate watching you walk away from me, I hate getting out of bed when you’re in it with me, and I know you feel the same.”

“I don’t.”

“Then why are you crying?”

“Because I seriously fucking hate you right now,” I choked out.

Connor’s thumbs brushed back my tears and he shook his head. “No you don’t.”

His mouth fell onto mine again, and it was all I could do to hold onto him. He moved us until my back was pressed to my bedroom wall, and his tongue teased my lips until I opened them for him. A whimper rose up my throat when our tongues met, and I moved my hands over his broad shoulders and up his neck so I could run my fingers through his hair.

Slowly, his hands ran over my waist and dropped to my hips. Usually we were ripping each other’s clothes off, but the controlled way he rid me of my jeans—­his mouth leaving mine to make a trail down my bare chest as he took them all the way off—­had my breath accelerating. Lazy, openmouthed kisses made a trail back up my body, and his hands went to the scrap of fabric covering my torso. With movements just as slow and calculated as before, he pushed the fabric up over my shoulders and down my arms, pushing the rest of the shirt past my hips so it fell to the ground.

Gripping the backs of my thighs, he pulled me up against the wall, pinning me there so I had no option but to wrap my legs around his still-­clothed body. But the moment my legs locked around his hips, he was turning us and walking us toward my bed. My hands went between us to grab at the bottom of his shirt once he’d laid me down and stayed hovering inches above me. With help from him, his shirt was thrown over the edge of the bed, and my hands eagerly went to the belt on his jeans. I barely had the belt and jeans undone, and down to his thighs, before he was already pushing against my entrance. The second they hit the floor, Connor was slowly sliding into me, and I couldn’t stop the erotic moan from leaving me.

Every movement against each other was slow, and in sync. Every movement had my blood rushing through my veins, and my stomach tightening in a delicious way. Every movement had the tears falling faster down my face and into my hair as I finally accepted that I’d fallen in love with him.

He hooked a hand behind one of my knees and brought my leg to rest on his back as he gently made love to me for the first time; and his lips met mine briefly before going to my wet cheeks to kiss away the tears. When our movements quickened, nothing about the passion that was flooding my room changed. Everything still felt like it was going in slow motion, and every time his body moved against mine, I struggled with not telling him the three words that were repeating themselves over and over in my mind.

I gasped, and my body felt like it burst into a million pieces seconds before Connor stilled above me.

He’d been rough, he’d been intense, he’d finally lost control with me, and he’d exuded raw power every time we’d been together. I’d craved more, and loved every second of us together the last week and a half. But he’d never been like this. He’d never been gentle; he’d never been this loving; it had never felt like this; and I wanted it again and again.

My eyes opened when his thumbs rubbed lightly against my cheeks, and I found bright blue eyes directly above me. In them, I found everything I was feeling being reflected back at me. I wanted to tell him that I was done pretending. That I was in love with him, but I ached to hear him say those words and knew I would wait until he did.

“Never doubt what you mean to me,” he murmured, and watched me until I nodded before kissing me slowly and thoroughly.

Pulling back the comforter, he helped me slip under before sliding in next to me and pulling my back up against his chest. Curling around my body, he grabbed my hands and held them tight as he pressed his lips to my shoulder.

“You’re everything,” he said against my skin before I felt his body relax as he fell asleep.

Everything.

That word continued playing in my mind, and I decided right then that I was done hiding. I was done protecting myself from a heartache that may or may not happen with Connor, because all I’d been doing was pushing him away. I was done pretending that he didn’t matter, and that I didn’t care. And I was ready for anything and everything with him.

Connor

I TOOK THREE deep breaths in, and tried to tell myself that this would go in my favor. Because it would. They knew me. They trusted me. They would trust me with their sister.

Right?

Opening the door, I walked into the sports bar and looked around for Dakota and Dylan. Looking to the right, I faltered and almost walked right back out of the bar. One of their other brothers, Sam, was at the table too. It was one thing to tell my best friends first, to get a feel for how the rest of the family would react; but to have Sam there too?

But I knew I had to do this now; we were all going to Mammoth tomorrow, and there was no way I could stay away from Maci while we were there. And in case it went bad, I really didn’t want Maci present for whatever went down.

I’d thought I was in deep when Amy had tried to give me an ultimatum last week, but after making love to Maci that night . . . I knew that what I’d felt for her had been nothing compared to now. I craved her constantly. When she wasn’t near me, it felt like I’d go crazy waiting until I could be near her again. A week of not being able to look at her or touch her would drive me insane.

With another deep breath in, I straightened my shoulders and walked over to where they were already drinking.

“Connor!” Dylan yelled, and Dakota sent off a girl I had no doubt he’d be going home with later. “Aw, come on now. You couldn’t even take off the detective getup to have a beer with us?”

I just smirked. Honestly, I couldn’t have gone back to my place. Because if I had, I would’ve seen Maci and then I would’ve never made it out again.

Sam grabbed my arm and pulled me in to clap my shoulder, and I flinched out of his grasp. Jesus, when did I become such a bitch?

“Good to see you, Sam,” I forced out, trying to make up for how awkward I’d just acted. “How’s the family?”

“They’re really good. Caden is almost two, and Jessica just found out she’s pregnant again . . . which is why I am here,” he joked, but held up his empty beer glass, looking around for a waitress.

“Congrats, man. I’m excited for you.”

His smile showed how happy he really was when he turned to look at me again. “Me too, so what about you? I know these two aren’t settling down anytime soon, but I always thought you were an old soul. Figured you’d find a girl and settle down early.”

I had to be careful how I answered, because what I said in that moment could determine how they reacted later. Before Cassidy, I would’ve sworn up and down I would’ve never gotten married because I was terrified of having children and what I might do to my future family. Then she’d come back into my life, and Cassidy had been like an antidote to my fears, or at least had blinded me from them . . . making me want to have it all. Even though I wasn’t ready to think of marriage with Maci yet, since it hadn’t even been three weeks since we’d actually gotten together. I knew with my life that was exactly where Maci and I would eventually lead.

There was still one problem, though. She wasn’t Cassidy. Don’t get me wrong . . . I was glad she wasn’t. I knew now that Cassidy hadn’t been the girl for me; she had just been someone who would understand me, with absolutely no judgment. Finally finding that in someone had been the one thing that triggered my want to keep her in my life forever. Of course she had been sweet, brave, and strong. But sweet, brave, and strong weren’t what I needed or wanted.

I wanted feisty. I wanted obnoxious. I wanted stubborn. I wanted Maci . . . needed her. But a part of me felt like I needed that piece of Cassidy that understood everything I had gone through as a child. And I still hadn’t brought myself to tell Maci about my past and my fears of the future because I couldn’t know what her reaction would be.