“She's my mother, for chrissake!” She had tears in her eyes as Liz sat down next to her and put an arm around her.

“What if she'd reacted like that when you told her you were gay?”

“She did!” Jane laughed through tears. “She threatened to kill herself. For about two days. And then she told my father, and he was wonderful about it. I think they were disappointed, but they were always very supportive after that. You're right, I guess. But shit, Liz, why does she have to do this? What if the guy is just after her money and is making a fool of her?”

“What if he isn't? And even if he is, what if he makes her happy for a while? It's not easy getting older. She's all alone in L.A.”

“She has millions of fans. She sells a zillion books every time.”

“Her fans don't keep her warm at night, or hold her when she's sad. What if we didn't have each other?” Liz said pointedly as Jane wiped her eyes.

“I would die. My life would be a wasteland without you, Liz. You're all that matters in my life. You're my family.”

“Try imagining life without that. Your father was her whole world. She doesn't have that anymore. Now she has him. Maybe he's a bad guy or maybe he's a good one. Either way, she has a right to figure that out, not to be alone, and to share her life with whoever she chooses.”

“What makes you so wise at such a young age?” Jane asked, and blew her nose on the tissue Liz handed her as she laughed.

“She's not my mother. But she's a good woman, and I love her. I want the best for her too. Let's give her a chance on this. I think she deserves it.” Jane hung her head as she thought about it, and then put her arms around Liz and hugged her.

“I think my mother is a nutcase, but you're terrific.” Liz smiled at her. The bond between them was growing stronger every day.

“Okay. So now you get two days to tell her you're going to commit suicide over this, like she did when you came out. But maybe after that, you can suck it up, for her sake. See what you think.”

“I'll think about it,” Jane said quietly, and then she called Coco. It was one of those times when sisters needed each other and blood was thicker than water.

Coco had been laughing hysterically with Leslie when the phone rang. He had been telling her a story about a series of mishaps on the set of one of his first movies. She loved those stories, and he told them well. She was still laughing when she answered and heard Jane at the other end, with the voice of doom.

“Our mother has gone insane” was how she opened. And Coco instantly suspected what was coming next since she had seen it with her own eyes. “She's having an affair with a man my age.” Coco was relieved to hear that he was no younger. She had been afraid, after seeing him, that he was closer to her own age.

“Who told you?” Coco asked calmly.

“She did. You don't sound surprised,” Jane said accusingly.

“I suspected something like that might be going on.” She'd been pretty happy for a while. And lately, she'd been leaving Coco alone. She hardly ever called. That was new. In the past, she had called several times a week to tell Coco everything that was wrong with her, and her life. Recently, her calls had been rare and brief and very superficial.

“So what do you think?” Jane asked her.

Coco sighed, thinking about it. “I don't know. Part of me thinks she has a right to do what she wants. Another part of me thinks it sounds crazy and all wrong. What do I know? I live like a hippie in a shack in Bolinas because it suits me. I almost married a diving instructor and moved to Australia. You're gay, and practically married to a woman. What right do we have to tell her what's right for her? Maybe the guy is okay. She's smart enough to figure it out if he isn't. Our mother is nobody's fool.”

“When did you get so grown-up and philosophical?” Jane asked, sounding suspicious. “Did she put you up to this?”

“No. This is the first I've heard about it, from you. But who knows, maybe Daddy would have done the same thing with someone younger, maybe even a real bimbo. Once people that age are alone, they do that kind of thing. No one wants to be alone,” she said, and smiled at Leslie as he gave her a thumbs-up.

“You don't seem to mind it,” Jane said with an edge to her voice. “And at her age, you wouldn't think it would make a difference.”

“Why would that be? Why would she want to be all alone after all those years with Daddy?”

“Why would she want to be with a much younger man at her age and make a fool of herself?” It didn't make sense to Jane.

“Maybe it makes her feel young. I think she's lonely.”

“We should visit her more often,” Jane said, frowning.

“That's not the same. You know that. I don't know, Jane. I don't like it either. But it's not a crime.”

“It's in incredibly bad taste. And mortifying for us.”

“She never says that about your being gay.” Coco scored a point with that one, and Jane fell silent for a moment. “She's always been supportive of how you live.”

“It's not a choice. It's what I am.”

“She could object anyway, and she doesn't. She's always been proud of you.” And not of me, Coco wanted to say, but didn't. Neither her mother nor her sister had been supportive of her, and yet she was willing to champion them. It wasn't fair, but it was the way their family worked.

“She's proud of you too,” Jane said softly, sensing what her sister was thinking, and suddenly embarrassed by her own criticism of her. Coco never did that to them.

“No, she isn't,” Coco said simply, with tears in her eyes. “And neither are you. That's not a secret. But I think we owe her something now. Some kind of respect, or at least acceptance of what she's doing.” For a long moment, Jane didn't answer. She was thinking of all the times she had told Coco everything that was wrong with her, and what a failure she was. It made her feel terrible, and want to share something with her now.

“I have something to tell you too,” Jane said, as she glanced at Liz, and her partner nodded. “I'm twelve weeks pregnant. I got inseminated before we came to New York. We didn't want to tell anyone till we were sure it would stick. We did it last year and I had a miscarriage, but this time everything is fine.” Coco was stunned. They hadn't told her last time, and Coco had had no idea that was their plan. But when she thought about it, she remembered that Liz had always wanted kids. It seemed ironic to Coco that Jane was having the baby, when Liz was by far the warmer and more maternal of the two, but Jane was a few years younger so maybe that was why.

“Congratulations!” Coco said, smiling and still surprised. “When's it due?”

“Beginning of February. I still can't believe it's happening. It doesn't show yet. I'll be six or seven months pregnant when we come home, depending on when we do.”

“I can't wait to see that!” Coco laughed. And then she thought of something. “So maybe you should be a little nicer to Mom. If you can have a baby with a woman. And I can drop out of law school and live like a 'freak,' according to all of you. Maybe she has a right to have a boyfriend your age. Who are any of us to judge each other and tell each other what to do?” Jane knew in her heart of hearts that what her sister said was true. There was a long silence at her end as she thought about it, and she reached out and took Liz's hand. Liz ran her other hand gently over Jane's belly, and their eyes met and held.

“I'm sorry,” Jane whispered to Coco and meant it, “for all the stupid things I've said. I love you, and I hope this baby looks just like you,” she said as tears rolled down her cheeks.

“I love you too,” Coco said. And for just a minute Jane was the big sister she had always dreamed of and never had.

They hung up a few minutes later and Coco wiped her eyes and looked at Leslie with a wistful smile.

“I'm proud of you,” he said gently, and took her in his arms.

“She apologized to me. She found out about my mom, and she was furious about it.”

“You said all the right things,” he praised her, which meant the world to her.

“So did she, in the end.” And then she looked up at him with a smile. “She's having a baby.”

“That's interesting. Maybe motherhood will mellow her a little.”

“It sounds like it already has,” Coco said, thinking of the sweetness of her sister's words. And with that, Leslie kissed her and she closed her eyes.

“I'd like to have a baby with you one day too,” he whispered, and she nodded. She liked that idea too, although she never had before. It was hard to absorb all of it sometimes. So much had happened in such a short time.





Chapter 8

Both Coco and Jane spoke with their mother several times in the next few days. Jane was still upset about her so much younger lover, and although both Liz and Coco had convinced her that her mother had a right to go out with whomever she wanted, Jane still thought it was incongruous and mortifying that her mother was involved with a man Gabriel's age. And she still wasn't totally convinced he wasn't after the money. But she agreed to at least meet him and give him a chance when she and Liz got back to the West Coast. It wouldn't be for several months. Jane hadn't told their mother about the baby yet. She said there was still plenty of time. Liz finally convinced her a few days later and she relented, and told her that there was a grandchild on the way. Florence was thrilled and amazed.

“You know, one of the things that upset me, when you told me you were gay,” she admitted, “was that I thought you'd never have children. It never occurred to me that you'd do it this way. Does it bother you,” she asked candidly, “not knowing who the father is?”

“Not really. We selected the sperm donor from some very thorough profiles. We know his family history, national origins, health history, education, personal quirks. He and his father both went to Yale.” Like her parents, Jane was an academic snob, and wouldn't have selected anyone who hadn't gone to college, and even graduate school. He was a medical student, healthy, young, of Swedish origin. They knew everything about him but his name.

Jane told her mother that she was planning to do amniocentesis, to make sure that the baby was genetically healthy, and it would be fun to know the sex. She and Liz were both hoping for a girl. Florence couldn't believe she was going to be a grandmother. And when she thought of it, she wondered if Gabriel would feel any differently about her. Her daughters had shaken her up badly in the last few days.

Coco was easier on her, but it was obvious that she was upset too. She had had a little more time to get used to the concept of her mother being involved with a much younger man, since she had seen them at the Bel-Air.

“Thank you for not being angry at me,” her mother said softly. In the end, as she always was, Coco had been kind to her.

“I'm not angry. I just worry about you,” Coco explained. It felt strange to have a parental role with her mother now. And Florence seemed more inclined to confide in her now than in Jane, which was odd too. Her mother and older sister had been much closer to each other over the years. It was partially due to Jane's age, and that Florence and her elder daughter had enjoyed the relationship of mother and only child until Coco was born. As a result, Coco had always felt that Jane had a head start on her, and that they shared a bond that rarely, if ever, included her. They just wouldn't let her in. Their way of thinking was similar, they were equally critical, opinionated, and shared many of the same ideas. Even as a child, Coco had been different from either of them. She had felt like an outsider in their midst almost since birth. As long as she could remember, her mother and Jane had been best friends.

Jane had left for college when Coco was six, and instead of becoming the favored only child after that, Coco had remained an outcast, brought up and entertained by nannies, while her mother worked. Florence had been far more interested in writing her books than in spending time with her younger child. It was Jane she would always drop her work for, whom she spent time with, went on trips with, who was more interesting as an adult. Somehow, whatever the time or the season, Coco always felt as though she never made the grade. And now, for once, it was the always perfect, irreproachable, knowledgeable about everything, arbiter of right or wrong, famous Florence Flowers, who felt as though she was in disgrace. It was an unfamiliar feeling for her. And she was leaning on her far gentler daughter for comfort.