“Sorry,” I muttered.  “He’s just…he’s always taken care of me, dealt with my messes when I fucked up, and been more of a father to me than anyone else ever has been, okay?”

“I understand,” Lia replied.  Her fingers traced my arm, causing little goose bumps to form on my skin.  “It’s all right.”

She sat down next to me on the bed, and I turned to look at her.

“You’re really going to stay?”  I didn’t know why I was opening the door for this conversation.  Maybe I just needed the reassurance.

“I told you before,” she said. “I didn’t spend all this time looking for you to just turn around and go home.  I don’t like this at all though, Evan—don’t think for a second that I do.”

“I didn’t think you would.”  I wanted to grab her and kiss her and fuck her senseless again, but I knew she wasn’t going to put up with any of that until she got the rest of her answers.  I just hoped I’d be able to provide them all to her satisfaction.

Living up to what I said, that would be a whole separate challenge.

“I need to understand what happens after,” Lia said.  “What do we do once you’ve…well, once you’ve done whatever it is you need to do?  Explain that first, and then we need to figure out what comes later.”

I rubbed my fingers into my eyes and thought for a minute.

“I half considered just making a run for it,” I told her, “but the more I think about it, the more I know that isn’t going to work.  Ask me how many people tried to run from my boss, and I’ll give you the same number of people I caught on the run.  No one ever got away from me, and I’m the kind of guy they’d send after us.”

“Jesus,” she muttered, “I don’t know how I’m going to deal with this.”

I cringed a bit, closed my eyes, and tried to focus.  When I opened them again, I reached out and took her hand.

“I know this is really fucked up,” I said.  “I know this isn’t what you bargained for when you came to find me, but I’m glad you are here.  I’m glad you’re staying.  I…I…fuck!”

“What is it?”

I let go of her, stood up, and ran my hand over my face and head.  I hadn’t gotten a haircut yet, and the length was starting to annoy me.  Without being neat and orderly, I felt like I was totally off my normally collected game.

“I’m not usually like this!” I bellowed.  “I’m not used to…to…to needing someone else.  It’s always been…just me.”

Lia pushed away from the bed and stood in front of me while I shoved my hands in my pockets and tried not to look embarrassed over my outburst.  Her hands came up and lay gently on the sides of my face before they ran down my shoulders to my chest, and I relaxed at her touch.

“It’s okay to need someone,” she told me.  “Everyone needs someone.”

Her lips brushed mine.

“I never have,” I argued.

“You just didn’t know who you needed yet,” she countered.

She kissed me again but only briefly.  As I collected myself, she put an end to the intimacy and pulled me back to sit on the bed for the rest of the discussion.  I sighed, complied, and started thinking out loud.

“I’ve got to come up with a way of getting Greco to trust me.  He’s got to let me deep into his organization so I can get enough information on him to turn over to Trent.  The thing is, the last time I saw Greco wasn’t the friendliest of encounters.”

“What happened?”

“I held a gun to his head and threatened take him out.  I doubt he’s forgotten.”

“Are you serious?”

“He started it,” I shrugged.  “If it makes you feel any better, there were three guys with guns pointed at me, and I didn’t end up shooting any of them.”

“It really doesn’t,” she said.

“The point is, getting into his org isn’t going to be easy.  I don’t even know where to begin at this point, and I’m going to have to move fast.  Before any of that, though, I need to make sure you’re safe.”

“Why wouldn’t I be safe?” Lia asked.  “I haven’t done anything.  I don’t even know who these people are!”

I looked at the clock and rubbed my hands against my thighs.

“We need to move,” I said.  “It’s checkout time, and I only brought us here to get us out of Trent’s line of sight.  We can’t stay another night.”

“Where are we going?”

I reminded myself that she wasn’t asking me to take her to the airport, but I still decided we weren’t going anywhere near O’Hare.  I didn’t want to be too far from the city—I needed to be able to get to public transportation easily and quickly.

“Another motel,” I said.  “Maybe something up north.  We just need to stay moving for now until I figure out how I’m going to do all this.  We can talk more when we get to another location.”

“I can’t believe I’m having this conversation at all.”  Lia put her head in her hands.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“You’ve said that a lot,” she reminded me.

“I know.”

She went silent, and I went tense.  I waited for her to say something—anything—to give me an idea what she was going to do.  I probably should have reminded her that if she wanted me to get her a ticket back to Phoenix, I would, but I wasn’t going to make that offer again.

“Well, Mom was right.”  Lia sat back and looked at me.  “I had no idea who you really were.”

I looked down at my clenched hand and the veins pulsing in my arm.  Everything about her posture told me she had just changed her mind.  She was going to leave, and I was going to have to figure out some way to accept that and move on.

Or do something far worse.

“Do you like it?” she asked.  She placed her hand on my thigh and started moving it up and down, her touch relaxing the muscles there.

“I like that,” I said, indicating her hand on my leg.

“That’s not what I meant.”  Her hand stopped moving, and she started to pull it away, but I grabbed it and held it in place.  My fingers stroked over hers softly.

“Do I like what, then?”

“Killing people.”

“It’s a job.  I’m good at it.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

I didn’t see any point in lying to her now, so I just spit it out.

“Yeah, sometimes.  Some people deserve it.”

“But not all of them?”

“Everyone’s done something wrong,” I said with a shrug.

“And they deserve to die for it?”

“I don’t really think about it much, you know?”

“No,” Lia said as she raised her eyebrows and looked at me pointedly, “I do not know.”

“People die,” I stated.  “They might get a disease, or get hit by a fucking bus, or get hit by me, but they all die.  Sometimes no one even gives a shit, and the kind of people I kill mostly fall into that category.  I definitely don’t care if they die, so I don’t think about it much.”

Lia was silent for a long moment.  I struggled with wanting to give her a little time to process all the shit I’d thrown at her.  I also needed to deal with my own nervousness at being in the same location as long as we had been.

“What are you thinking?” I finally asked.

“I’m trying to figure out how you can be so nonchalant about it,” Lia said.  “I don’t understand how you can reconcile what you’re doing.”

“Like I said, I don’t think about it.  It’s usually from far away, and I only see my target through the scope.  It’s just like playing a video game.”

“It’s not a game,” she said quietly.

“I know it isn’t.”  I took in a long breath and let it out slowly.  “Really, I swear we can talk more about it later, but we have to move now.”

Lia nodded and silently gathered up her belongings from the bathroom and shoved them all into the overnight bag she’d brought with her the night before.  I asked the motel guy where I could get a cab, and he directed me to a convenience store a few blocks away.  I bought a pack of cigarettes while Lia gave me a bit of a look.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing,” she said.

“Don’t give me that shit.”

“In light of everything else, I’ve decided not to complain about your smoking,” Lia informed me.

“I don’t usually do it.”

“You’ve had a cigarette in your hand pretty much the whole time since the last time you made that statement.”

“I’m trying to remember what it’s like.”  I gave her a goofy smile, and she shook her head again.

Lia was quiet while I smoked, glared at the gang-bangers as they went in and out of the store for cheap liquor, and waited for the cab to show up.

“I was thinking I might retire,” I said.

“What does that mean?” Lia asked.

“You know—like you were saying before.  You asked what we were going to do after all this.  When I was in jail, I thought maybe…well, maybe I’d just see if you wanted to...um….”

Shit, I sounded like a fucking idiot.

“I was thinking maybe you and I could leave Chicago, you know—together.  Go someplace where no one is likely to try to track me down.  I have to take care of all this other shit first because Trent will definitely be on my ass until it’s done, but afterwards, we could just leave.  I’ve got plenty of money to get us by for a while.”

“What?  Someplace like that cabin where I first met you?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

“And do what?”

I gave her a half smile and a raised eyebrow.

“Alternate between taking you up against a wall and taking you from behind.  We could throw in a few other variations, of course.  Those are just my top picks.”

She didn’t seem amused.

“I’ve missed a whole year of school tracking you down,” she said.  “I still have two years left before I get my degree.”

I was struck again with how little I knew about her.  I hadn’t even been aware she was in school.

“What are you studying?” I asked.

“Nursing,” Lia replied tersely.  “Don’t change the subject.”

There was a sudden burst of a memory from a couple Christmases ago when Rinaldo’s wife got ticked off at him for sneaking cookies from a tray she was preparing.  She had shaken her finger at him as she yelled, and all his attempts at diverting the topic had been unsuccessful.

I smiled.

“Is this funny?” Lia snapped.

“No,” I said, but I couldn’t stop the grin on my face.  “Would you hit me if I said you were beautiful when you’re angry?”

“Maybe.”

“I won’t say it, then.”

“Good call.”

I leaned in to kiss her, and she let me though she didn’t open her mouth or push for more.  I stopped after just a couple of light touches to her lips and then leaned back a little to look at her.

“You wouldn’t have to go to school,” I told her.  “I can take care of you.”

“I want to go to school,” Lia said.

Her tone left no room for discussion even if I was a little inclined to try to persuade her to try the easy life.  She would never have to work as long as she was with me, and the places we were likely to end up weren’t likely to have a lot of universities in the area.

“Can’t we work out the details later?”

“If you are saying that when all is said and done, we’re not going to stay here, and you aren’t going to continue with your current occupation, then yes, the details can wait.”

I nodded, hoping the gesture looked sincere.  I wasn’t completely sure if I could live up to the whole idea—there were too many uncertainties.  I didn’t even know if I’d survive this little endeavor into Greco’s organization, and even if I did, there was no way to know if Rinaldo would just let me walk away afterwards.

Lia didn’t need to know that though.  If she did—if she even suspected it—she might change her mind and walk out.  I still wasn’t sure how politely I was going to respond to that, and I needed to stop it from happening.

“You’re not going to leave?”  I needed the confirmation.  I needed to hear it.

“Do you want me to?” she asked.

“God, no,” I said with a sharp breath.  “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you.  I don’t want you to go anywhere.  I want you to stay with me.”

“But after all of this,” Lia said as she waved a hand around in the air, “all this shit with the federal agent and all—after all of that is done, we leave, right?  Just take Odin and head to wherever you want to go.  Then we’ll figure the rest of it out when we get there.”

“Yeah,” I said with a nod as I stared straight into her eyes.  “We’ll leave—just you and me and Odin.”

Nothing was going to stop me from making good on that statement.

Chapter 12—Developing Plan