I passed the LSATs with flying colors and was accepted into law school at the University of Chicago. A few weeks ago Andie invited me to stay with her and Rick for the weekend and they had Rick’s friend over for dinner. He was a public defender. He didn’t make the kind of money I’m sure my parents would want me to make after paying for such an expensive education, but this guy was so passionate about his job, that aspect of it didn’t bother me. He said it came with good and bad. It was hard to defend people who were guilty of heinous crimes no matter if you were a public defender or working for a private law firm, but it was balanced by the fact that he got to help people in impossible situations and maybe give them a second chance.

It was another viewpoint I hadn’t considered.

And that’s when I really started to think. The smart plan for me was to get a law degree, do the internships, and then decide what I wanted to do with my life. It was three years away, and anything could happen in three years. However, I was also not quite ready to give up on the idea of the academy.

So Andie had accompanied me for moral support last weekend while I discussed the possibility with my parents. They still felt uneasy about it but agreed that they wouldn’t know how they’d feel about it in three years’ time, either, and we could talk about it then.

“How do you feel about that?” Dr. Bremner said. “Does the uncertainty make you uneasy?”

“Not anymore. I’m learning patience.”

She smiled. “Good.” Her eyes flicked to the clock. “That’s time.”

I stood up. “I’ll see you in a few weeks?”

“In a few weeks,” she agreed. “Perhaps we can finally talk about Jake.”

My breath whooshed out of me at the thought. “Okay,” I said quietly.

I felt a little off balance as I wandered down the hall to my sister’s office. The light outside her door wasn’t on, which meant she didn’t have a patient.

She sat behind her desk in the corner of the room, her back to the floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over the Streeterville area of Chicago. Her office was cozy and comfortable compared to Dr. Bremner’s clinical one. Andie had a fat, comfy fabric sofa for her clients while Bremner had a black leather chaise that squeaked with the slightest movement.

My eyes strayed to the framed quote behind Andie’s desk.


It sucks at first. But it gets better.


I thought the words she’d said to me all those weeks ago were so fitting for her job that I’d had them printed on thick white paper in embossed dark gold and framed for her office. I wasn’t sure if she’d actually hang it, but it went up right away. She said it was the first thing her clients saw upon entering, and most thought it funny.

“That time already?” Andie said, looking up from her laptop.

“Yup. You ready?”

“Give me two minutes.”

I visited Chicago every three weeks to talk to Bremner and afterwards, Andie drove us to Lanton to spend the weekend with our parents. It wasn’t a permanent thing but I think we both felt we needed to do it to return our family to some kind of normality.

We arrived in Lanton a few hours later and walked into our parents’ house, greeted by the magical aroma of brisket and steamed veggies.

Sitting at dinner, I noted that the grim quality in my father’s eyes was gone now. There was still something weighty in his expression and I don’t think that would ever go away. He’d come close to losing a kid and I think he and Mom would carry that with them always. But they were both doing so much better, and Mom no longer visited the cemetery to find understanding from her dead mother. I saw that as a plus.

“I’m sorry Claudia had to cancel this weekend,” Mom said after passing around the broccoli.

I almost sniggered at the thought of my love-struck friend. “Well, Beck’s band is playing a popular bar in Evanston and she likes to be at his gigs to keep the groupies away. They’re starting to really make a name for themselves in Chicago.”

Dad frowned. “If they hit it big, she’ll have to learn to deal with that. She better think on it carefully—I don’t want her to get hurt.”

I felt warmth in my chest over my dad’s concern for my best friend. Her parents were never going to provide that for her, but I was glad she had a good substitute. “She has. It makes her uncomfortable, but she’s willing to deal with it for Beck.” I snorted. “He told her she had nothing to worry about. He convinced her with his usual hard-to-say-no-to charm.”

Dad shook his head, smirking. “He should teach that stuff.”

My dad liked Beck. He’d gotten to know him a little when they joined my family for Christmas. Dad liked the way he was with Claudia and was just as susceptible to his easy charm as everybody else was. But it was more than that. The death of his father had made Beck a little grave. He seemed to have an understanding of what was important and how little time we have to appreciate it. An air of maturity floated around Beck that hadn’t been there before, and my dad liked it.

I chuckled. “He’s only speaking the truth. It’s hard to compete with someone like Claudia.”

“Yeah, but if they get famous, they’ll get the crazy girls who don’t care how beautiful a rocker’s girlfriend is or how much in love with her he is. They’ll do anything to get in his pants,” Andie warned.

“I know. And Claudia knows that. But she trusts Beck and so do I.”

And that was a good thing now that he and Claud were a package deal. They alternated weekends at each other’s apartment, so I saw quite a bit of him. When Claudia was in Chicago for the weekend, I hung out with Alex and friends from college.

I didn’t hang out with the rest of The Stolen. For obvious reasons.

I talked to Lowe on the phone occasionally and caught up with the guys’ antics through him and Beck. And also through Jake.

Jake and I emailed one another now. We hadn’t spoken on the phone and we hadn’t seen each other since San Francisco, but we hadn’t completely let go of one another yet, either.

It started with me. I knew I wasn’t ready to deal with our relationship or lack thereof, but I also didn’t want us to be strangers. So I sent him an email, telling him about my reconciliation with Andie and asking him about the rest of the road trip.

And so we became pen pals. I received and sent an email once a week, and I looked forward to Jake’s email like I was waiting on a million-dollar check to arrive. I even sent him a birthday present last month. It was an imported seven-inch red vinyl of Pearl Jam’s “Daughter.” I thought it would look cool on his wall, and Jake seemed to agree when he emailed to thank me.

I wish I could’ve seen his face when he opened it.

“Your mom and I were thinking it might be nice to rent a place in Grand Haven this summer. Thought the five of us could spend a long weekend up there.”

Andie grinned. “Sounds good, Dad. Just let me know what dates so I can schedule it, and so Rick can get time off.”

Dad turned to me. “Charley?”

“I’m there, definitely.”

Pleased, he nodded and returned to his brisket.

I felt Mom’s eyes on me and I looked up to meet her gaze. She gave me a small smile that I wasn’t quite sure I understood. It didn’t matter what it meant. There was peace in it and comfort in the air around us—not an ounce of brittle tension to be found.

I was finally getting my family back.

* * *

My phone had vibrated in my pocket over an hour ago, but I hadn’t wanted to be rude and bail on my family to check my email. I waited impatiently until Andie called it a night and I quickly did the same. Once in my old room, I shut the door and hurried to my laptop.

The email from Jake was waiting in my inbox.

I felt a flutter of nerves in my belly as I sank into my desk chair and clicked the mail open.


Charley,

My mom asked me home for dinner tonight. Sounds innocent enough, huh? Well, let me tell you it wasn’t. I expected a home-cooked meal and watching sports with my dad. Instead I walked in on my little brother having sex with his shy little librarian.

I’m scarred for life.

Let’s just say shy librarian has a kinky side and I now know more about my brother’s sex life than anyone should ever know, let alone a blood relative. I went back to my apartment as quickly as possible to try to rid myself of the image. I think if I return to therapy sessions, I’ll somehow get back on track with my life.

Speaking of, I got accepted into the University of Chicago graduate school for molecular engineering. The parents are very proud. I’m crapping myself. The guys are finished with school after graduation, and I’m going to continue to be a student for the next however many years. I still feel like I’m deliberately prolonging the inevitability of adulthood. Knowing you’ll be going to law school makes me feel better about it, though.

On that subject… are you ever going to tell me which schools you got accepted into? Are you deserting the Midwest for Stanford like you said you probably would?

Inquiring minds would like to know.

It’s going to be weird next year without the guys. I know they’ll be there, but they’ll be doing their band stuff and whatever manual labor they can find until the day they hopefully get signed. Our worlds are going to be different. All of our worlds are, I guess. I didn’t realize how much I depended on them. Don’t tell them that, though. Matt gets clingy when you show him too much affection.

Claudia is here at the apartment. She said you’re home with your parents this weekend. That’s good. I take it that’s good, right? You, Andie, and your folks are finally back to normal? Claudia seems a whole lot less worried about you and you sound better in your emails, so I’m guessing things are starting to pull together for you. I’m glad to hear it. I know what it’s like to be where you are and it’s not great. But you’re strong, Charley. I knew you’d get through it.

As for Claudia, it’s cool to see how much she’s changed since Barcelona. I thought we’d fucked up majorly taking her to meet that dick, but it’s all turned out okay. Beck’s crazy about her. It’s a little unsettling but I’m learning to live with it since Claud’s happy and deserves to be. Although I would like it if she’d stop making soup. Our apartment reeks. Maybe you could casually mention it to her for me?

I gotta go now. Denver’s yelling at me to get my ass out the door to some party. Have a nice weekend with your folks.

Talk soon.

Jake


I stared at the screen, feeling a whole bunch of emotions I wasn’t sure I had any right to feel. Jake’s emails always made me laugh and this time was no exception. Yet there was panic upon hearing we’d both be at U of C next fall. There was the stupid jealousy I felt over the fact that Claudia got to spend time with him when I didn’t. There was anxiety over him going to a party and possibly meeting someone. That question plagued me all the time. I didn’t know if he was seeing anybody. I didn’t know if he’d meant it when he told me that he’d wait for me. All I knew was that as much as I loved reading his emails, they also kind of devastated me. He never flirted. He never alluded to his feelings, our broken relationship, or if there was a future for us. So I didn’t, either.

That emotional distance was crippling.

Yet I couldn’t give up those emails. While I floated in limbo over Jake, those emails kept me tethered to him.


West Labayelle, March 2014

The Brewhouse was packed, bodies crammed together at the bar, around tables, but mostly around the stage. And most of those bodies were girls.

A friend of Denver’s worked at WCCR, the college radio station here at Purdue, and he’d gotten The Stolen some serious air play over the last few weeks running up to their gig at The Brewhouse. Claudia and I pinned posters of the band everywhere. All the marketing seemed to have paid off.

I smirked as a girl tried to grab Lowe’s leg and he somehow managed to avoid contact while wearing a wickedly sweet smile that placated her. I shot a look at Claudia and was surprised to see she looked calm about the girls panting over the band and over her boyfriend.