“It’s precisely for that reason that you shouldn’t be around either of us,” Blane said.

“That’s your opinion,” I retorted.

“It’s a fact,” he shot back.

I bit back what I was going to say, the stark paleness of Blane’s face reminding me that this wasn’t about me, not really. He was bound to overreact, given what had happened to Kandi and the guilt he felt.

“When did you last eat?” I asked.

Blane just looked at me, no doubt knowing full well that I was changing the subject.

“Weren’t you just chewing my ass out a few days ago for not eating?” I asked. “Come on. I’m hungry and I’m sure Mona has something in the kitchen.” I got to my feet and tugged on his arm.

“I’m not hungry,” Blane said, resisting my attempts to pry him off the couch.

“If you don’t eat, I don’t eat.”

Blane glowered at me, but I stood my ground. Finally, the corners of his mouth tipped up slightly.

“God, I’ve missed you,” he murmured.

I couldn’t go there, not if I wanted to maintain my composure. Yet I found myself saying quietly, “Yeah, me, too.” I glanced away, my cheeks burning with the admission. I released his arm, but Blane stood and caught my hand in his.

We went to the kitchen, and I could hear Mona’s and Kade’s voices as we approached. The moment we stepped into the room, Kade’s eyes zeroed in on Blane’s and my joined hands. I tried to ease mine from Blane’s without making a big deal of it, but he kept a firm hold.

We sat at the small table, me between Blane and Kade, who sat opposite each other. I managed to free my hand from Blane’s when Mona set a plate in front of me.

“I made sandwiches,” she said. “But I can make something more substantial if you want.”

“Sandwiches are great,” I said quickly, my smile forced. Most of my attention was directed to how Kade and Blane were eyeing each other.

“Mona,” I called as she was about to leave the room, “won’t you sit and visit for a few minutes? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

Mona beamed at me and sat down at the table. “Gerard took your car to get it filled up,” she told Kade.

“That’s nice of him,” I said. I wished I had a Gerard.

“He likes to do stuff for the boys,” Mona said with a wave of her hand and an indulgent smile.

I took a bite of my sandwich to hide my own smile. It was just so funny to hear her refer to Blane and Kade, two dangerous men, as “boys.”

“So what have you been up to, Kathleen?” Mona asked.

I swallowed and took a drink of the water she’d set in front of me, noticing that both Kade and Blane were now looking at me and waiting for my answer. “I decided to go back to school,” I said.

“That’s wonderful!” Mona said. “What are you studying, dear?”

I took a deep breath before answering. “Criminal justice.”

“Why?” Blane asked.

I looked at him, surprised. “Why what?”

“Why would you pick criminal justice?” he clarified. “I thought you didn’t want to become a lawyer anymore.”

“A scum-sucking, bottom-feeding lawyer isn’t the only career you can pick with a criminal justice degree,” Kade interrupted. My eyes widened at his deliberate insult and Blane stiffened. “She can go into law enforcement, private investigation, the FBI—any number of fields.”

“You mean, so she can know exactly how to evade and bend, if not outright break, the law? Just like you, right, Kade?”

“Looks like she won’t have much choice, seeing as how you threw her out of your life and, just to add insult to injury, took her main source of income with you,” Kade shot back.

“What, you didn’t swoop in and save the day?” Blane sneered, leaning slightly over the table. “Didn’t buy her another expensive car or leave twenty grand on her table again?”

Okay, news flash—I didn’t realize Blane knew about that.

Kade leaned forward, too. “At least I did something about it,” he said, his voice rife with anger and contempt. “Unless she dances to your tune and obeys your every whim, you could give a shit what becomes of her.”

“Listen, you sonofabitch—” Blane began.

“Boys!”

Mona’s sharp interjection cut through what Blane had been about to say, making me start in my seat at the tone of her voice. Both Blane and Kade shut up, but their eyes were glued to each other’s and their body language screamed that they were a hair trigger from coming to blows.

Again.

Because of me.

“First of all,” Mona said, her voice quieter but still edged with steel, “language. You know I won’t tolerate language of that sort in this house.”

Kade broke the staring contest with Blane first, glancing guiltily at Mona. Blane sat back in his chair and stared glumly down at the table.

“Second,” Mona continued, “may I remind you that a dear friend of this family has died. I don’t think I need to point out that your behavior is disrespectful to her memory. And last, I was having a pleasant conversation with Kathleen, which you rudely interrupted, and now your bickering has upset her.” She gestured toward me.

The distress I felt at their fighting must have shown on my face, because Blane and Kade both looked at me, their expressions changing to an identical one of chagrin.

I cleared my throat and scooted back my chair from the table. “Um, I think it’s best if I leave. Mona, can Gerard give me a lift home?”

“Of course, dear,” she said a little sadly.

I stood but was stopped by Blane’s hand on my arm.

“Please don’t leave,” he said.

I looked at him, surprised.

“We won’t fight—I swear it,” he continued. “Just… stay. Please.”

It was a bad idea, I could feel it in my bones. But his eyes were pleading with me, saying things his mouth couldn’t, and in the end I couldn’t tell him no. Then again, when had I ever been able to tell Blane no?

“You promise not to fight?” I asked, looking to Kade as well. “Both of you?”

“Oh, am I invited to the sleepover, too?” Kade said, his tone laden with sarcasm and his eyes on Blane.

“Kade,” Mona admonished.

“Of course,” Blane said. He had his lawyer face back on and I couldn’t read anything from his tone or expression.

“Blane,” Mona said, “I would think, given his training, that Kade would be a big help to you in finding out who did those awful things to Kandi.”

“We can talk about that later,” Blane hedged.

“I’ll just call it a night then,” I said. “It’s been a long day.” I was desperate to get away, my nerves shot from too much happening too fast.

“I’ll walk you up,” Blane said.

I caught Kade’s eye but didn’t know what to say or do, if anything. His gaze was cold and nothing at all like the way he’d looked at me last night.

A flicker of the memories I’d been avoiding all day flashed through my mind and I felt my cheeks burn. Kade’s brows drew together and he frowned before I hastily turned away. I felt Blane’s hand settle on the small of my back as we walked toward the stairs.

“I know the way,” I said quietly as we started upstairs. “You don’t have to come with me.”

“I know” was all he said.

It was silent between us the rest of the way to “my” room, but not uncomfortable. When we paused at the doorway, I turned to face Blane, suddenly reminded of the first time I’d stood outside this door with him looming over me.

He stood close, close enough for me to breathe in the scent of his cologne. Close enough that if I made the slightest move toward him, I knew he’d have his arms around me in the blink of an eye. I stayed very still, though the temptation to inch closer was strong. I remembered the kiss from earlier. I was confused and uncertain. What did he want from me? Hadn’t I already given him everything? In spite of that, I was worried about him. Would I ever learn self-preservation when it came to Blane?

“Are you going to be okay tonight?” I asked.

Blane gave a bitter huff of laughter.

I stiffened. “What’s so funny?”

“Even after everything I’ve done, how I’ve treated you, you’re still worried about me,” he said.

I frowned. “And that’s funny?”

Blane shook his head, his expression turning grave. “Not a bit. It’s tragic. For me. For you. For what we had. I knew you… know you… and I let myself believe…” He glanced away for a moment, then back. Our eyes met.

“I’ve wasted so much time,” he said baldly, “made so many mistakes. I’m damn lucky you’re even here at all, that you still care. But then again, that’s the kind of person you are.”

I was also the kind of person who had slept with his brother less than twenty-four hours ago and was desperately trying to pretend it hadn’t happened. I decided not to mention that, but my silence didn’t stop the guilt from rising like nausea in my stomach.

“I’m not a saint, Blane,” I said, looking at the floor because my guilt made it impossible for me to look him in the eye any longer. “I just care about you—that’s all. I don’t like to see you hurting.”

Reaching out, he fingers brushed my uninjured check and I reluctantly lifted my eyes. “You were always too good for me, Kat,” he said. “It just took me too long to see it.” There was the lightest touch of his thumb to my lips, then he was heading back downstairs.

But I wasn’t too good for him. I was a horrible person keeping a painful secret.

My lips seemed to tingle from his touch and I just stood there, rooted to the spot, and berated myself for being too weak. Too weak with Kade, and too weak with Blane.

I took a shower and found the white nightgown I always wore when I stayed. My suitcase was sitting on my bed when I came out of the bathroom. I loved Gerard. I dug through it for my brush, pausing when I came across Kade’s shirt, the one he’d ripped off me last night. I pulled it out. Almost all the buttons were missing, torn off by Kade. I brought it to my nose and inhaled. Kade’s scent lingered on the fabric.

This was the first chance I’d had to be alone since realizing Kade remembered nothing about last night. Now I allowed myself the full range of my emotions. I didn’t know what I’d been thinking, why I’d done what I’d done. Had I thought that just because Kade had said he loved me, that made all the difference? That my life would take a different turn, or that Blane would ever allow it? If so, I’d been very much mistaken, not to mention stupid. And it didn’t really matter what I’d thought last night—all of it was gone, fizzled like morning mist in the unrelenting Nevada sunshine.

A shudder went through me when I imagined what Blane would do if he ever found out.

I refused to cry. It was my own fault for letting it happen. Regret played second fiddle only to the guilt, and on top of that was an overwhelming and unexpected sadness.

And I could never tell Kade. How would I even begin that conversation?

I know you don’t remember any of it, but we made love last night, and it was amazing. Wonderful. A night I’ll never forget. You said you loved me.

I wondered when Kade had last told a woman he loved her.

I should get rid of the shirt, I knew—it was evidence of a night best forgotten. Instead, I found myself carefully folding it, then putting it in my suitcase before setting the whole thing in the back of the closet and crawling into bed. I was lucky Kade didn’t remember anything, I told myself. Seeing Blane and Kade still at such odds because of me was physically painful. Neither of them needed to know about my selfishness last night.

I’d stay here for a few days, do what I could to help Blane through this, then go home. Kade would leave, Blane would go back to campaigning, and I’d… be alone.

The pillow under my cheek grew wet, my self-pity all the worse in light of what had happened to Kandi. A good person? I felt like the good had been rubbed out by all the bad now inside me.

* * *

I didn’t go downstairs the next morning until I had on my full armor: makeup, hair washed and blow-dried, clothes. I’d found a little white denim skirt in the closet and a navy-and-white polka-dot blouse with little straps, both in my size. When Blane and I had dated, he’d been adamant about buying clothes for me to keep at his house, hiring the same man who did his suits to stock my closet. I was glad of it now, as the clothes I’d bought in Vegas were woefully inappropriate for here.

The skirt was maybe a bit too big, given that I’d lost some weight, but I also found a belt to cinch it with. The shirt was made of a sheer, lightweight material, so I wore a thin cami underneath. A pair of strappy white, wedge-heeled sandals fit me perfectly.