Tiffany Snow - Out of Turn

Kade moved closer and I instinctively stumbled back, the menace in his eyes making me afraid of him for the first time in a long time.

“So now you expect to go back to Blane?” he hissed.

“He’s going to be governor,” I forced out, “and his wife will be the First Lady of Indiana. Why wouldn’t I go back to him?”

“Oh, I don’t know—how about because you fucked his brother?” Kade spat. “Twice.”

“Blane loves me,” I said through lips gone numb. “He’ll do whatever it takes to get me back.”

My eyes were dry now. Forever leaving Kade with the idea that I was the type of person who’d do those things was an agonizing ache in my gut that made me want to double over.

Kade didn’t speak for a moment, his blue eyes studying me. Then he snorted in contempt. “You fucking bitch.”

And those were the last words Kade Dennon said to me before he got in his Mercedes and tore off down the empty street.

I didn’t sleep. I couldn’t. Kade’s face as I said those things to him kept replaying inside my head. I stared at the ceiling and tried to breathe. Every time I thought of what I’d done—realized that I’d never see Kade look at me the way he had just hours earlier when we’d made love—I felt as though I couldn’t get enough air in my lungs.

I had yet to see if the play I’d made had worked.

I was up early, seeing no sense in lying in bed any longer when I wasn’t sleeping, and was trying to get a cup of coffee down when the news came on. I watched, hoping Kade had been right last night about James.

Blane’s face flashed on the screen and I grabbed the remote to turn up the volume.

“Charges have been dropped by the district attorney’s office against gubernatorial candidate Blane Kirk in the murder of Kandi Miller. Though the DA’s office denies any political motivations, Charlotte Page, attorney and spokesperson for Blane Kirk, says otherwise.”

A video clip showed Charlotte speaking to a bevy of reporters. “It’s obvious this was nothing but a smear campaign against my client as we’re heading into the heavy campaign season,” she said. “It’s reprehensible that the death of Miss Miller has been twisted and used for political backstabbing.”

A knock sounded on my door and I muted the television as I got up to answer it, wondering who could be here this early and hoping it wasn’t Mike.

When I saw who was outside my door, I thought maybe Mike would have been the lesser of two evils.

“Hey,” I greeted Blane warily after I’d opened the door. “I just saw they dropped the charges against you. Congratulations.”

“Kade was able to convince James that it was in his best interest to do so.” He paused, then seemed to force out the next words. “Thank you, for letting us use that video rather than you bringing charges.”

I shrugged. “Nothing would have happened to him if I’d charged him, I’m sure, and I would have been dragged through the mud.”

“Speaking of Kade,” Blane said, “he told me what you said last night, about us.” He paused. “But I don’t buy it, the whole First Lady of Indiana thing. Why would you say that to him? The Kathleen I know doesn’t give a shit about my money or title.”

I panicked, thinking fast. “Did you think none of this would change me?” I asked. “I’m not the same naive, stupid girl I used to be, Blane.”

“I don’t want to marry you if you don’t love me,” Blane said. “And I think you feel more for Kade than you’re letting on.”

“Maybe you’re the one who’s naive.”

“You’d never hurt Kade like that. You’d never hurt me like that. This isn’t you—”

“It is now,” I interrupted. I was desperate to get him to leave before I broke. “Why does it have to be about love? Don’t you think you owe me, Blane? Or should I go to the press and do a tell-all? Or maybe to the cops and tell them how William Gage really died.”

Blane’s lips thinned, his face like granite. “I don’t respond well to threats, to me or my brother.”

I was counting on that.

“Then go,” I said, stepping back inside my apartment. “I never want to see either of you again.” I jerked the ring off my finger and threw it at him. Blane caught it, clenching it tightly in his fist

“Kade means everything to me,” he said. “You hurt him in a place he’s never allowed anyone to touch.”

I swallowed, the knife twisting hard inside my belly, and shut the door in his face.

My chest felt tight enough to strangle me. My knees gave out. I sank to the floor, sobs I couldn’t control ripping me apart from the inside out. Destroying my own character in the eyes of the two men I loved most was the hardest thing I’d ever done, and it had taken a massive amount of will not to say anything to defend myself, not to explain.

But I’d done it. I’d managed to put Blane and Kade back together at the expense of losing both of them forever. They wouldn’t even remember me fondly, but only with loathing and disgust.

Now I just had to learn to live without them. Again.

* * *

I went by the bank later that day to deposit my paycheck and tips, which was when I got another shock. I’d completely forgotten that Kade had “paid” me for the job in Vegas, and despite my telling him not to pay me much, he’d deposited over two hundred thousand dollars in my bank account.

I sat in the drive-thru, staring in shock at the ATM receipt. Of course Kade would do that, though now he might regret it.

A car honked behind me and I hurriedly pulled forward. At least I had the money to pay Mike, which I did later, sticking the check in an envelope addressed to him.

Guilt ate at me, not only about the money but also for what I’d said. Telling Kade the truth hadn’t been an option. He and Blane had been at each other’s throats because of me, and choosing one over the other would do nothing but drive the wedge even deeper. They were both amazing men, and I kept telling myself how lucky I’d been to be a part of their lives, even if it had been temporary.

Which didn’t help a whole lot when I lay alone in my bed at night.

* * *

The day of Clarice’s wedding dawned sunny and beautiful. She was having an outdoor wedding at an old, historic mansion on the outskirts of Indy. The wedding wasn’t until close to sunset, to beat the heat, but that didn’t stop me from having a severe case of anxiety all day long.

I knew Blane would be there, he was Clarice’s boss. And I didn’t doubt that Kade might show up, too. He’d known Clarice as Blane’s secretary for a long time. She was one of the few who knew of their relation.

I studied myself in the mirror. The bridesmaid dress looked perfect. I’d decided to wear my hair half up and half down, the sides pulled up and back in a cascade of waves. The cut from James had healed, only a few marks remained on my neck from the collar, and I’d used makeup to disguise those. I wore four-inch sandals the same pale pink as the dress, and even my short legs looked long with the combination of the shoes and the short skirt.

I had a drink to calm my nerves, then headed to the wedding, both hoping I’d see them and terrified that I would.

The mansion was beautiful in the late afternoon light, dapples of sunshine breaking through the shade provided by the large oaks that grew by the house. I parked the car and took a deep breath before getting out.

The members of the wedding party were on the second floor, which is where the wedding planner sent me. When I stepped into the dressing room provided for the bride, my breath caught.

“Clarice! You look beautiful,” I said, moving forward to give her a careful hug. I didn’t want to mess her up. Her dress was a simple white gown with lace adorning the bodice. The same pale pink as the bridesmaids’ dresses accented hers. Her face was wreathed with smiles.

“It turned out great, didn’t it?” she asked.

“Absolutely!”

Clarice’s sister was there as her maid of honor and we got to know each other while Clarice finished her makeup. The florist came by to give us each a bouquet.

“Have some champagne,” Clarice said, handing me a flute filled with the bubbly golden liquid.

“Where are the kids?” I asked.

“My mom has them corralled downstairs, to keep them from messing up their clothes,” Clarice said, taking a sip from her own flute. “So who’d you bring to the wedding?”

“No one,” I said, draining my glass.

Clarice frowned and started to say something, but I gave her a tiny shake of my head. I really didn’t want to talk about it, especially in front of her sister, who I didn’t know. Clarice seemed to get the message, because she changed the subject.

The three of us laughed and chatted while we waited, finishing the champagne. I tried hard to just be happy for Clarice and not think about how, if Blane and I had not broken up, I’d have been getting married soon, too.

The wedding planner came up to get us when it was time for the processional, and I checked my makeup in the mirror before following Clarice out into the hallway and down the stairs. I was really glad of the champagne. My head was a little fuzzy and I could smile, both of which would make it much easier to walk down that aisle as a bridesmaid instead of a bride.

The sun was setting and the garden where the pristine white chairs were set up was aglow with strings of lamps. The air was thick with the scent of hydrangeas and roses. Music started playing—they’d hired a string quartet—and the soft strains of a violin meant it was time to begin.

The groomsman who was to escort me was a nice guy named Neal who taught with Jack. He said he had a girlfriend, which was a relief because I certainly didn’t want to have to deal with anyone hitting on me tonight. A head taller than me, he was a nice-looking guy who coached the high school baseball team. I took his arm and he grinned at me, oblivious to my jangling nerves.

I pasted a smile on my face and walked down the aisle, trying not to look on the left side. Unfortunately, there were only about a hundred people in all and my eyes were drawn unerringly to Blane and Kade.

Both were dressed immaculately in suits and neither of them gave even a flicker of recognition when they saw me, their expressions blank. My smile turned brittle and I glanced away, but not before I noticed Charlotte sitting between them.

The surge of anger and jealousy I felt didn’t surprise me in the slightest.

My hand resting on Neal’s arm started to tremble. He caught my eye and gently laid his hand over mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze. He probably thought I was nervous. I clutched his sleeve and concentrated hard on putting one foot in front of the other. When Neal deposited me at the end of the aisle, I breathed a sigh of relief.

The rest of the processional and ceremony was a blur, as I tried not to feel the weight of their stares on me. Maybe they weren’t staring, who knows, but it felt like they were. My entire body was as stiff as a wooden statue and I prayed for it to be over. Someone got up and began to sing a song after Clarice and Jack exchanged vows, and I squeezed my eyes shut in dismay.

My skin was warm, then cold, and I couldn’t seem to feel my feet any longer. I stared at the candles directly in front of me, their flames gently flickering in the warm twilight breeze, and didn’t even notice when everything went dark.

* * *

I opened my eyes and immediately realized what had happened. I’d passed out in a wedding, for crying out loud. This was a new low. Thank God that girl was still singing the song. Hopefully, I hadn’t been out long.

“Are you all right?” Blane asked softly, crouching down next to me.

I nodded, mortified. “Help me up, please.”

He helped me to my feet and I saw Clarice watching me with worry in her eyes. I smiled to let her know I was okay.

“Sit down for a moment,” Blane said. He didn’t wait for an answer, but led me to the front row where there were several empty chairs.

I sank into one and was surprised to see Blane take the seat next to me. He had my bouquet in his hand and set it on the chair beside him.

Blane looked at me, leaning close to whisper in my ear, “You’re as white as a sheet, Kat.” He took my hand, squeezing it in his much larger grip. “You haven’t eaten today, have you.”

I avoided answering the non-question, though why he cared, I had no idea. He should hate me now. “Shhh,” I hushed him, keeping my eyes on the bride and groom. They looked so in love, gazing into each other’s eyes. My own eyes stung and I refused to blink as the figures of Jack and Clarice gradually grew more and more blurry. The man holding my hand had almost been the one to stand at my side and pledge his life and love to me.