Alexa Hoffman - Outcome

"What’s wrong?" The arms pulled away, and I turned to see Haley staring at me.

"Did you have fun?" I asked, my words far more biting than I’d intended. I crossed my arms over my chest. Haley took a small step back.

"What? Fun? What are you talking about?"

"I heard you went shopping with Kelly. Guess my time is up, huh?" Haley’s head cocked to the side, her mouth opening a bit. I could tell she was surprised by this.

"I don’t understand. I told Kelly we’d go Christmas shopping. We go every year. What’s the problem?"

"Nothing."

"Don’t give me that, Andi. What did I do?" She put her hands on her hips, trying to read anything from my face, but I gave her nothing.

"I guess our friendship isn’t enough." I looked down, feeling dejected, but doing my best to hide it.

"Andi, Kelly and I have been friends since birth, basically. She and I will always be friends. I don’t get what’s wrong." She stared at me, I looked back up at her, my face stern and stone. She brought her hand up to her face and began to chew on her thumbnail, looking at me the entire time, then began to pace around the room, not looking at anything, just moving. I didn’t understand it, and I hated the silence. I watched her every move, trying to see what she’d do. I felt anxious, fidgety. Then Haley stopped, turned to me.

"You know what, Andi?" I didn’t answer. My pride was still flying entirely too high at that point. "You set me up to fail. Because of some asshole who decided to pick on you two years ago, I have to pay. Yeah, Jimmy is an ass, and yes, what he did was wrong. But I didn’t do it. I never made you any false promises, I never made fun of you, and I never used you. The only thing I did was like you for who you are. That’s a hell of a lot more than you can claim for yourself." I stared at her, now my mouth hanging open. She ran her hands through her hair, walking around my room as I imagined she got her emotions under control.

"I have spent so much time with you in the past couple of months," she continued before I could even get a word in, even if I had wanted to. "Not because I had to, but because I wanted to. I like you, Andi. But I do have other friends, and I cannot, and will not just drop them to the wayside because you don’t like them, or want to monopolize all my time. I want to spend time with you. Hell, I’m here right now, aren’t I?" I said nothing. "Aren’t I?" I nodded. She took a deep breath before continuing.

"You know something?" Haley turned to me again, standing by my shelf of Beanie Babies. "You’re doing the same thing to me that my friends have done to you. You’re just as prejudiced of the quote, unquote, popular people as they have been of you." She walked toward me, kneeling down next to the chair I sat in. "Don’t do that, Andi. You’re far better than that. I like you for who you are, and I sure as hell thought I got the same from you." She stared at me, but I said nothing. I had an overabundance of stubbornness, usually to my own detriment. This time was no different. "We have a good thing going here. Please don’t ruin that, or throw it away." I wouldn’t even look at her. Inside me was a tempest of emotions and knotted thoughts. "Do you have nothing to say?"

Speak, Andi! Speak! The voice inside my head was so loud, so clear, yet my pride kept me from saying anything. I didn’t want to lose Haley, and I wasn’t sure how to keep her.

"Nothing at all, huh?" She stood, and I shrunk even more. "Guess not." I heard her footfalls as she walked across the bedroom, opened the door, then shut it behind her.

Fuck!

I stayed where I was, my mind screaming at me for being such an ass, possibly ruining a great friendship. God, when had I turned into everything I had ever hated about those people at school? Haley hadn’t deserved what I had done or said. She was one of the only people, except for Tracy, who had accepted me for me, all of me. Cynicism, stupidity, all of it. Why had I pushed her away like that? Where did I get off treating the one person I cared more about than any other, outside my family?

I felt paralyzed with regret. I had done some stupid things in my life, but I think this just about topped the list.

The day began to fade into night as I sat on, berating myself, and finally just going numb. I heard a knock at my door. No matter how much I wished it would be Haley knocking, so we could replay the entire scene, I knew it wasn’t.

"Come in." I said quietly.

"Honey?" my mother. "Do you want some dinner?"

"No." I continued to stare out the window.

"Okay. If you do, just holler."

"Okay."

I closed my eyes.

Ring, ring, ring

My eyes shot open, and I looked back toward my bed where the phone sat, and I waited with nearly bated breath. I wanted to hear my name being called out as I was called to the phone. It never happened. Glancing at the clock on my computer, I was stunned to see it was nearly nine-thirty at night.

Feeling like I could move for the first time in many hours, and knowing I needed to so I could get some blood circulating to my butt, I stood and stretched. I looked out the window and saw my baby. Without another thought, I grabbed my keys, my thumb caressing the smooth, cold metal of the key chain, and headed out. I had to fix this.

Haley’s house was lit up when I pulled up to the curb, my heart beating a thousand beats per minute. What if she threw me off her porch? She’d have every right. Gathering my courage for the second time that day, I opened my door, and headed to the Corregan’s front porch.

I rang the doorbell, and waited, my breath coming quickly in little white bursts as the temperature dropped even further now that the sun was down for the night. I heard the locks open on the other side of the door, and it opened. Haley looked at me, surprise on her face.

"I’m sorry," I muttered, barely audible to my own ears. She leaned in toward me a bit.

"Whaaaaaat?" My head lifted defiantly, and a smirk spread to my face.

"I am sorry." She stared at me, then smiled. My heart lifted, and I wanted to dance.

"So, you going to give me a ride, or not?" She indicated my car with her eyes, then looked at me expectantly. I nodded vigorously.

"Come on!" I grabbed her hand, and tugged, but she pulled back.

"Wait, let me grab a coat, you nut." She grabbed one, and didn’t even get a chance to put it on before I pulled her outside and toward my car.

Once inside, she took her time going through all the gadgets and gizmos the car came with.

"Really like that sunglasses holder up there, don’t you?" I asked, as she pushed it open and closed again and again. She grinned.

"Actually," she paused, looking down, "I like the height of your console."

"My what? Why?"

"It’s perfect, really, if you’re on a date, and you want to," She reached over and put her hand on my thigh, making my throat catch, "you know, do a little touching." An evil grin lit her face as she patted my thigh before taking her hand away.

I missed it.

* * *

I breathed deeply, as I tied my ti, making sure it looked good. This was a huge day for me, and I was so glad that I had asked Haley to come. She sat in the audience with my mom and Chris, ready to watch me try and defend my title for the third year in a row. The first time I had won, it had been difficult, as it was my first championship, and I had been so nervous. Then last year had been a joke, my opponent obviously having no place here. But, this year I wasn’t so sure. I had heard that Jared Bell, a 20-year-old third-degree from Indianapolis, was very good, and very tough.

I’d just have to be tougher.

"Round one!"

The announcement was made, and the crowd cheered as Jared and I took our places in the center ring. He was large, but not ridiculously so. But then, compared to me, most men looked large. The command was given, and we began.

As the fight went on, I realized that this would not be easy at all. I knew my lip had already been sliced open, and I could taste the coppery taste of blood starting to fill my mouth. I spit a bit of it out, and continued to fight. I flipped him, trying to pin him, but he managed to get out from under me, the crowd cheering wildly. I so badly wanted to look up and see my family and Haley, to gain support from them, but I didn’t dare.

My eyes squeezed shut as I was slammed to the mat, the air knocked out of me, but somehow, I managed to find that hidden vat of strength that I had heard about, but never had to tap into. I was determined that this son of a bitch was not going to take my title away from me.

The fight was nearly over, and we were nearly tied with our points. If only I could get just one or two good moves in, trip him up. Concentrate, Andi, concentrate.

He went to give me a roundhouse, missed, and I saw my opportunity. I brought my fist up, pounded him under the jaw to daze him, then flipped him. I could tell he was tired, and just as bloody as I was, as he squeezed his eyes shut when he landed. I took the chance, and pinned him with every bit of strength and endurance I had, until the count was made, and I felt myself being pulled up by the arm, my hand raised high above my head.

"Andrea Littman, reigning champion for the third year in a row!" The crowd was on its feet, the sound deafening in the gymnasium used for the matches. I searched the faces of the crowd until I saw Chris, his hand pumping in the air, his mouth open as he hollered his excitement. Next to him was my mother, doing much the same thing, and then finally Haley. She had her hands cupped around her mouth, yelling and cheering. She looked at me, her hands fell away from her mouth, and she smiled, giving me a thumbs up. I smiled back, wiping my hand across my forehead telling her I didn’t think I was going to be able to do it. She smiled wider, and I could see she was yelling my name.

"Come on, Andi. Just listen. Please?" I looked at her, those blue eyes that had been beckoning me for months now, that full lower lip sticking out in a pout. I stared at the lower lip, then up to the eyes again, and finally nodded. How on earth could I possible refuse that? "Yay!" Haley clapped her hands together, slid the CD into the player, and pushed play.

"So, what is this again?" I picked up the jewel case and turned it over, reading the song titles.

"This is called ‘A Little Bit of Heaven’."

"She’s kind of cute," I said absently.

"Who, Linda Eder?" Haley asked, pointing to the CD in my hand. Realizing what I’d said, I slowly looked up at her to see she was smirking.

"Yeah."

"Good. I think she is, too. Her voice, though. That’s what I fell in love with. And," she took the CD case out of my hand, "she’s a Minnesota native."

"Wow. That’s cool. So how did you hear about this chick?" I laid back on the floor, staring up at the ceiling in Haley’s basement. We were coming off of Spring Break, our last official day before the weekend where we’d be getting ready to go back.

"I first heard her on my ‘Jekyll & Hyde’ soundtrack. God, I love that show." She sighed, eyes staring off into space as she thought back.

"I’ve never heard music from a musical before, and don’t really care to."

"Andrea Littman! I’m surprised at you." I glared at her for using my full name. She hit play on the stereo then laid next to me, her leaning on her elbow, looking down at me. "Did you have fun this week?" she asked. I smiled and nodded.

"Oh, yeah. I had no idea I could spend so much time with one person, you know?" I looked at her to see she, too was smiling.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I’m really glad I didn’t go with Kelly and her folks to ski."

"Yeah? Why?" I needed to hear what I hoped would be the answer.

"Well," she brushed some hair off my forehead with her fingertips, tickling my skin with the soft touch. "I wouldn’t have been able to spend so much time with you, now would I?" I shook my head. "You have such gorgeous hair, you know that?" Again I shook my head. "Well, you do." She looked at me for a few minutes more, my stomach roiling at the up-close attention.

Since my championship, we had become even more closer, impossibly so. Haley was so attentive to me, always talking with me, even in school she’d hunt me down from my usual isolated haunts, to chat or to give me a hug. I’ve even had to kick her out of my house so she could go out with Kelly. I had realized back in December that I had been very wrong, and didn’t want to put her in that kind of position again. She meant too much to me.