J. Huss - PANIC

I turn my head and stare out the window, ignoring the phone, and Vic tells Spencer we’ll see him in thirty minutes. I have no idea what to think right now. I just need time to process all this information, make sense of it. Vic talks to me constantly as we drive down the dark and deserted road. I hate this road at night. It’s curvy and when it’s wet, like it is now, you can’t see the lines painted on the road. One side is the damn river and the other side is just forest. It creeps me the fuck out.

I catch Vic eyeballing the rear-view the entire way there, but the only other headlights behind us are his brothers. When we pull into the driveway Spencer and Ford are already outside waiting in the carport to stay out of the rain. Ford opens my door and pulls me out as Spencer talks to Vic.

“What happened?” Ford asks.

I’m not sure I should reveal all the FBI stuff, so I just say, “Wade.”

“Oh.” That’s all Ford says.

“Did you know who he is?”

“I know, Rook. I saw him hanging around up in Sturgis and Spencer filled me in on the missing pieces. Did you talk to him?”

I nod. “Yes, but I never want to talk to him again. Ever.” I push Ford away and go inside, wanting very badly to hide away in my room, but there’s no chance of that until I talk to them, so I just grab a beer from the fridge and sit on the couch. They come in a few minutes later and I catch the crunch of gravel as the Vaughn brothers leave. They must think I’m crazy. And they probably told Spencer I was just at their shop asking questions about him and Ford.

Great.

Ford sits down next to me and Spencer flips off the TV, taking the chair across from the couch. “So what’s up, Rook? You got something to tell us?”

I shake my head. “Nope, nothing. Wade showed up, I sorta lost it, end of story. I don’t want to see him again.” I stop to look up at Spencer. “Ever. I’m going to call the police if he comes near me again.”

“I thought this guy was your old flame or something?” Spencer asks in a low voice. “You sorta sounded like you’d like to see him again when we talked about it.”

“I was just depressed that day, reliving the past. Thinking about the good things when the only ones that count are the bad. I’m over it. I want the past to go away and stop fucking up my new life.”

“Rook, I’m not sure you’re telling us the whole story. Let’s start from the beginning, OK?”

“Fuck the beginning, Ford. The beginning starts with my life back in Illinois, and I’m not reliving that shit with you, no matter what. I’m done talking about it, I’m done thinking about it, I’m done answering questions, I’m done with secrets, and fucking Jon, and everything else.” I stand up. “I’m done.” I step over Ford’s legs to get past when Spencer’s phone rings.

“Antoine. Hmmm, wonder what the fuck this is about? Yeah,” Spence barks into the phone.

I stop in the middle of the living room and listen to the frantic French that is almost fully audible even though the phone’s not on speaker, that’s how loud Antoine is talking. “What? What is it?” Spencer ignores me, just listens and shakes his head. When I look down at Ford he’s wincing. “What happened?”

Spence ends the call and looks over at me. “Ronin just got arrested. They’re booking him into Denver County right now on felony obstruction charges.”

I collapse back into another chair near the hallway. “Why?” But as soon as the word leaves my mouth I know why. Wade. And that FBI shit. And Gage. They did just what Wade said. They took someone I love. I lean over and prop my head in my hands and then Ford and Spencer each have me by an arm and they’re dragging me outside. “What the fuck?”

Ford leans down into my ear and says, “Shut it, Rook. Just shut up for once and do as you’re told.” He jerks on my arm a little to make his point and I’m powerless to fight.

Spencer leads us across the backyard and towards the woods and then I really start to freak out. “Why are we going in the woods?” I struggle but they hold tighter, say nothing, and by the time we make the tree line they’re dragging me through the mud. I start kicking and screaming, but Ford’s hand clamps over my mouth and I have to use all my energy just to breathe. They drag me down towards the river and I swear, I am so fucking stupid for trusting these guys. They’re gonna kill me and throw my body in the river.

“Rook,” Spencer says this time. “Just calm the fuck down. We need to get away from the house to have this conversation, OK? Just relax.” We stop next to the river and he pushes me to sit on a rock.

“Are you gonna be quiet and listen?” Ford asks in his most businesslike voice. “Because I’m not in the mood to baby you tonight, got it? We need to talk.”

I nod, but my body is trembling badly, the adrenaline still rushing through my bloodstream. Ford removes his hand. “I’ve tried to tell you this several times but…” He stops and runs his fingers through his hair and looks away. “But you never wanted to hear it, so I let it go. But you need to know now, because this shit with Ronin is big time, got it? We’re playing in the majors right now, Rook. This is real fucking shit, serious shit, and you have to follow the rules now because you’re on the team. Do you understand this?”

I look over at Spencer. “The team?”

Spence nods. “It’s got a lot of perks, Blackbird. But it’s got a lot of rules too. So you need to know the rules. Because it’s gonna get ugly and the only way we all stay out of jail is by following the rules.”

Ford kneels down next to me and Spencer sits on the rock, squishing his body into mine. “First of all, you know what I do on the team, right?”

“Computer stuff,” I say in a small voice.

“Yes. And Spencer here is our logistics guy, OK? But he’s also the muscle. So if we need someone roughed up, that’s Spencer’s job.”

I look up at Spence and he shrugs. “Can’t help it, Blackbird. I’m the biggest guy here, I got the job by default.”

“Did you guys murder that businessman, like all the papers say?”

“Rook.” Ford pulls my attention back to him before Spencer can answer. “Look, we don’t go looking for trouble and we’re not violent. You shot Jon, not us. We had no intention of physically hurting him. But as you saw firsthand, things don’t always go as planned. Veronica showed up and as good as that was for you, it almost got her killed, right? Even though we never intended for her to be involved, let alone get hurt, or God fucking forbid, killed. Sometimes shit happens and the plans just disintegrate.”

“Did you guys murder that businessman?” I ask again.

“Well,” Spencer says. “Look, it wasn’t meant to happen. It was not meant for him to die, all right? I did what I had to do to prevent him from involving another innocent party.”

“I need to hear this whole story. Like now. I never signed up for this, Ford. I never wanted to be a part of this shit.”

Ford opens his mouth to speak, but Spencer’s words are the ones that come out.

“I killed him, Rook. We were stealing his money, money he used to fund too many dirty things to even list off the top of my head. Shit like drugs, embezzlement from non-profits, porn. Just filthy shit. And we needed to get inside the house for some codes and it just all went down wrong.”

“How did you find that out? The bad stuff he was doing?”

“His daughter told us,” Ford says. “Told Ronin, actually. She never knew we were involved until after and the papers got a hold of the story. But this isn’t what you need to know. We’re telling you about that because you’re already in and we need you to trust us, to cooperate, and to understand what it means that Ronin is in jail.”

I have a very bad feeling about this.

“You see, what I do has risk. I hack into very secure databases and networks. Some of them very high-level. I’m risking a lot of prison time, possibly even a treason charge when I do some of this. Do you understand?”

“OK.”

“And Spencer’s job has risk. He killed that man. He’s guilty as fuck, Rook. He’s got a murder charge all over him. Do you understand this? Spencer’s job has risk.”

I nod but I’m not liking how often he’s repeating the word risk one bit.

“Ronin’s job also has a risk. Ronin’s job is to be the front man, the face of the operation, to clean up the mess. Lie to the police, take the heat, and get the rest of us off. Ronin’s job is to lie, Rook. He’s a very, very gifted liar when he’s working.”

“Oh, God,” I moan. My boyfriend is a professional liar!

“Ronin is the only one of us allowed to talk to the police. He’s the only one allowed to give a statement. If Spencer and I are brought in or questioned for any reason—for anything—we are to exercise our right to remain silent. And if we ever get to court, we are to plead the Fifth and not testify. We are not allowed to be involved, Rook. We cannot in any way make a statement in favor of or against ourselves or each other. Only Ronin is allowed to talk. Do you understand this?”

“No. I don’t get it.”

“Oh, I think you do,” Ford says in a cold voice. “You get it, because you’re not stupid. But I’ll spell it out for you anyway. Ronin is the fall guy, Rook. If Ronin gets picked up and we don’t, we do not help him. His job is to get himself off. And we won’t be getting involved in this mess right now, either. I’ve got no idea what he’s in for—it reeks of that Boulder job, but it’s got Jon written all over it as well. So we can’t take any chances. We will stay up here, shut our faces, and sit tight. Do you understand?”

I nod, because what choice do I have? I’ve got a psycho hacker on one side and an admitted murderer on the other. I’m out-gangstered on both ends. But as we walk back to the house, the guys still holding on to my arms—I’d like to think to prevent me from falling in the moonless dark, but that’s wishful thinking—the only thought running through my head is that I need to grab my shit and go. 

“Sit.” Ford’s words come out as a command. My training kicks in and I sit the fuck down in the nearest chair and keep my mouth shut. Spencer takes the couch and Ford stands in front of the TV. “Who’s hungry?”

Who’s hungry? I roll my eyes at him but I ask permission before I get up. “May I go downstairs and take a shower? You guys dragged me though the fucking mud.”

Spence mumbles out a, “Sure, go ahead.”

“I’ll go with you, Rook. Spencer, you sweep the place and lock us up.” Ford grabs my arm and pulls on me until I stand. “Come on. I don’t like the basement, I don’t want you down there. There’s no escape except for the window well in the bedroom.”

“You know what I don’t like?” He doesn’t answer, just walks me through the kitchen and waves a hand at the stairs. “Well, I’ll tell you anyway, since you’ve suddenly found your mute button. I hate being treated like I’m weak and stupid. If you’d told me to follow you outside I would’ve gone, you didn’t need to try and suffocate me as I was being pulled through the mud.”

“Well, Rook,” he says as we enter my little apartment. “You are pretty weak and you do a lot of very stupid things. So”—he stops to look me in the eyes—“you can expect to be treated like a liability until we know what part you’ll play and where your loyalties lie.”

“Ha! Where my loyalties lie?” Oh, I am so angry. “That really pisses me off, you know that? I trusted you, I—”

The hand clamps over my mouth again. “No talking. Just get in the shower and I’ll wait here.” His hand is still firmly pressed against my mouth as he stares at me. “I expect an answer, Rook. So nod, or give me the sign language version of a yes, sir.”

I nod, but what I really want to do is bite his hand.

He releases me, huffs out a long breath of air, plops down on my couch and turns on a hockey game.

I go into my room and throw open my closet door, grab a clean pair of jeans, a long-sleeve white thermal, and a Shrike Rook t-shirt.

The backpack is calling my name before I even get the shirt off the hanger. I peek out my bedroom door and listen. Ford is still watching hockey and the announcer is screaming “Goal!” so I figure he’s pretty wrapped up in it. I turn the shower on and then go back to my closet.

This backpack is the only thing besides my Converse shoes that I have left from my other life.

I can’t help it, I fall to my knees and slide the drawstring cord to open it up, then check the little side pocket for the key. I took it from Jon’s office before I left. The other stuff inside is everything I need to make a quick escape. I packed it up the day I shot Jon in the knee because I figured even if I wasn’t arrested, I might still get in trouble. Maybe not from the cops, but eventually someone would come looking for me. It was a given.