J. Huss - PANIC

I look at her again as Ford turns us on the patio. She’s tall, blonde, thin, and wearing an elegant white dress that goes just past her knees but hugs all her curves. Her hair is piled into a sophisticated up-do that even Josie would envy. “What’s her name?”

“She has no name.”

I laugh. “Ford.”

“I’m serious. I never get their names.”

“Is she a call-girl?”

He scowls. “No, I don’t pay for sex, Rook.”

“Hmmmm. I’m not sure what to think.”

“I told you, I do not give a fuck about people. I wasn’t kidding. I use them, they use me. Everyone is happy.”

“But you’re not using me.”

“Of course I am. You’re filling the friend role for now.”

I look up at him and he winks.

“I’m not sure if you’re serious.”

“I am serious.”

My thoughts are racing as we continue to spin slowly.

“But just so we’re clear, I do like you and I’m oddly drawn to what you do with your life. I’m not sure why, but I feel like I need to participate in it. So, I’m sorry, but you’re stuck with me.”

I shake my head as Ronin comes back. “OK, I can see him morphing into psycho Ford in real time, so that’s enough.”

Ford drops my hand and backs off. “I have a present for you tonight, Rook. But I have another one for you as well. I’ll give it to you tomorrow at Spencer’s place.”

And then he just walks away.

I look over at Ronin and he just sighs. “I give up. I can’t predict him, I can’t control him, and I can’t compete with him. He’s your weirdo friend now, Rook. I wash my hands.”

I lean up and kiss Ronin’s soft lips. He responds with his twisty tongue and I melt a little. He does this to me every time. “Ford is weird. He says he doesn’t even know that woman’s name.”

“Well, that I believe. I’m not sure how he even gets them to participate in his—” Ronin stops before he completes the sentence. “Never mind, I’m not sure I want to go there.” And then he literally shakes his head and grabs me by the waist and pulls me close again. “I had the caterers prepare the perfect dinner for us tonight. Guess what it is?”

“Snails and goose liver?”

He laughs. “You peeked!”

I lean up and kiss him one more time because his lips are like the siren’s song, they call to me, they blind me to everything around me. “I don’t care what you ordered me tonight, I’ll eat it because you want me to have it.”

“Ah, that’s a good little Gidget.” And then I squeal as he spanks my ass, drawing the attention of all the partygoers.

My cheeks go hot and I turn back to Ronin. “I will have to punish you for that later, Larue.”

“Promises, promises.”

The terrace is sprinkled with round tables and real white linen tablecloths set with so many utensils I get a little overwhelmed. But Ronin leans in to my ear as he slides my chair in and whispers, “You can slurp your soup with the butter knife if you want, Rook. No one gives a shit, so stop thinking about it.”

Veronica is two chairs down on my left and her boisterous laugh fills the night air. “Too true, Ronin. No one here gives a fuck what fork you use, Rook!” She leans past Spencer who is next to me, picks up my champagne glass, clinks it with her own, and then thrusts it towards me so I’m compelled to take it. “Cheers, sweetie. Since you’re not trying to steal Spencer from me, and I did take a bullet for you a few weeks ago”—everyone groans at her over-exaggeration—“I think we’ll be friends.”

And even though Veronica scares me a little with her perpetual smoking—which isn’t even real, she only smokes e-cigs—and her over-the-top self-confidence, I feel warm inside. I like Elise and Josie, but they have been besties for a long time so there’s not much room for a new girl who’s a lot younger than them. I’d like to have my own package deal, so maybe Veronica and I can be like that. We’re closer in age, she’s twenty-two and I’m twenty now. Plus, she lives up in FoCo, and I’ll be close by at Spencer’s place. I’m sure she’ll be around a lot, so making her my new BFF is probably a smart idea.

Our table has Ronin and me, Veronica and Spencer, and Ford and no-name. We’re going boy-girl tonight, so I’m in between Spencer and Ronin. Ford’s woman is on Ronin’s right, so that puts Ford across from me with Veronica on his right. Everyone seems to be ignoring Ford’s date and I sorta feel bad. “So,” I say, loud enough to draw her attention. “I didn’t get your name earlier.”

Her eyes sweep past me, over Spencer and Veronica, and then rest on Ford.

Ronin leans in. “She’s not allowed to talk, Gidge.”

And this is when I notice the thin diamond choker around her neck. At first glance it looks like a piece of jewelry with a little charm on it. But… it’s not.

It’s… a collar.

“Hmmm. Well, that’s interesting.” I look over at Ford and he looks pretty proud of himself. “Should I drop it?”

All the guys chuckle as Ford nods, then Veronica takes over. “She’s a pet, Rook. If you make her break the rules Ford will have her bark for us, and as fun as that sounds, I’m really not up for it tonight. So just pretend she’s not there.”

“Okaaaaay. I’m ready for dinner.”

The waiters arrive and begin placing silver domed plates in front of us. Ronin stands just as they finish and taps his glass with a spoon. “A toast for Rook.” He pulls me to my feet and when I look around I get a little embarrassed with all the attention. Every face has turned to me. “Rook.” Ronin brings my attention back to him. “Four months ago you literally appeared on my doorstep. And the minute I saw you, I knew—” My heart flutters for a second and I have to take a deep breath because I’m not sure what he’s gonna say. “I knew”—his voice softens as he looks me in the eyes—“that you were something special.”

The whole terrace erupts into a collective, “Awwwww.”

“And this party is just a way for all of us”—his arms spread out towards all the tables—“to show you how much we care.” And then he leans down and kisses me, whispering “I love you,” as he pulls back. “Cheers!”

Everyone cheers as Ronin and I take our seats and then Spencer cries out, “Let’s eat!”

I lift the silver dome off my plate and bust out laughing. “Ronin Flynn, you are a sneak.”

But he’s my sneak, and I love him for it. Because on my plate is the most delicious-looking cheeseburger I’ve ever seen, nestled on top of a giant mound of French fries. 

“What are you laughing about?” Ronin asks later as his hands slip around my waist and slide down to rub my stomach.

I’m standing over by my old garden apartment looking down at the people on the street. It’s Friday night, so it’s really busy. I turn to face him and casually drape my arms over his shoulders. “You know me pretty well, Larue. I thought for sure dinner would be something funky and French.”

He chuckles. “It was either salads with chicken on them or hamburgers. And guess who made the final decision?”

“Um, the pregnant lady over there stuffing her face with strawberry shortcake?”

“That’d be the one.”

We both watch Elise chew and chat with Josie at the same time. Antoine is also watching her from across the terrace and you can just tell he’s dying to say something to her about talking with her mouth full. He hates that. But his hand scrubs his scratchy chin for a moment and he thinks better of it. Wise man.

“I’m falling hard for you, Rook. I hope you know that.”

I look up at this incredible man and I have no words for what I feel. I’m not falling for Ronin, I’m laid out flat on my face. He is the perfect man. He’s put up with so much from me. He’s stood by me when I insisted on making mistakes, and planned an entire con job so that Jon would get his karmic payback. He deserves so much more than the indecision and distance I’ve given him over the past few months.

“I told you a while back that I’d like to belong to you, Ronin. Someday.”

His hand cups my face and his thumb traces the curve of my chin.

“I think someday has come and gone because I think I’ve always belonged to you. From the very first moment we met in the stairwell, I wanted you. And even though it took me a while to understand my feelings, I guess I’m better late than never.”

He laughs and pulls me into a hug. “I’ll take late, Gidget. I’ll take late.”

Clare and Ford walk past us and then enter the garden apartment. It just occurs to me that the lights have been in inside there the entire night. “What’s with those two?” I ask Ronin.

“Exit interviews for the pilot. Ford figured he’d have all of us together tonight, so why not do interviews. Two birds kinda thing.”

“Oh.” No one told me about any exit interview, but shit. No one tells me anything unless I ask. Maybe I should start asking? “But why Clare, then? She wasn’t in the show.”

“Well, technically she was. Since you were the female star and I’m your boyfriend. And I kept leaving you to go see her.”

“Wait, so all that’s gonna be in the show?” Oh, fuck. That sucks. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Most of my angst came from jealousy of Clare. I just didn’t think she’d be quizzed on it at the end. “Did you get interviewed yet?”

“Ford said I’m last. He needs your reactions first or some shit like that.”

“He’s setting us up. We should refuse to do them, Ronin. I’m not gonna do it. My contract is over, isn’t it?”

He squeezes me tight. “Did you get paid yet?”

“You know I didn’t.”

“Then it’s not over, Gidge. Ford likes you, he won’t set you up. Just answer his questions. Lie if you want. No one cares. It’s a stupid reality show.”

But that’s not true. Ford would set me up. Ronin never knew the extent of our conversations while he was busy with Clare last summer. Ford never came out and said he wanted to date me, but he did hint around to wanting something from me. I’m not really sure what, especially after this morning’s conversation about his girlfriends. Not to mention the collared pet he brought with him to my party.

Ronin and I wander back into the crowd and chat casually with people, me leaning into his chest and his arms wrapped around me. He talks with Spencer and Veronica and I nod my head pretending to pay attention, but I’m focused on the garden apartment. The curtains are sheer, but I can’t see any movement in there. He must be interviewing her in the other room.

Clare comes out and Ford calls for Spencer. Veronica claps for this and then looks over in my direction after Spencer walks off. “I get to be interviewed too, Rook! Because I saved your life and took a bullet for you!”

“Cool!” I say, but I’m still thinking about my private conversations with Ford. What if he brings them up on camera? What will I say? I didn’t do anything wrong, I never cheated or anything. But Ronin might see my omission of facts as lying. We circulate around the terrace, talking to different people. I watch Veronica go in after Spencer. Then Antoine, then Elise. Ronin still seems so unconcerned, but by the time Ford dismisses Elise and looks over in my direction, my nerves are shot.

I look up at Ronin but both he and Spencer are laughing hysterically about something. I look back at Ford.

He beckons me with a finger.

Fuck.

I break away from Ronin and he pats my ass and says, “Have fun, Gidge.” 

I walk slowly over towards my old apartment and give myself a little pep talk. He’s not gonna trap you, Rook. He’s not interested like that, he said so this morning. He sees us as friends only.

“Ready?” Ford asks as I approach.

“How come you didn’t tell me about the interview this morning?”

He waves me inside and then closes the door behind us. “Yes, I should’ve said, ‘I’ll see you tonight at your surprise party where I will conduct your exit interview.’ Besides, my payoff in this friendship is getting to watch you react to me honestly.”

I don’t even know what that means, but it sounds very personal. Almost sexual. I look back at him for a moment and catch him smiling as I enter the bedroom. He’s got two plush red chairs set up across from each other and two tripods with cameras. One facing each chair.

“Are you on camera, too?”

“For this interview I am.”

My heart pounds in my chest. “Why?”

“Sit, Rook, and relax.”