E. Montes - Perfectly Damaged

I stand but keep my distance. I don’t want to set her off. Maybe she just needs to get some stuff off her chest. I remain quiet, silently giving her permission to go on. She turns away from me, faces the home, reaches her hands out, and points at each item she describes. “It’s flawless on the outside. Every brick neatly stacked, every corner properly secured. Every shutter handpicked. Every rose planted in its rightful place. It’s fucking perfect. But what happens when the walls can no longer hold up, when they can no longer contain all the demons inside? Do they just explode from the pressure, finally setting free everything that’s been imprisoned inside?”

She turns to face me. Her brows draw closer and her face tightens as she shrugs her shoulders. “Or do they crumble into dust, taking all of the secrets, all of the monsters hidden within, everything—including the truth—down with them?”

Wow. Before me stands a girl who seems to be dealing with more issues than just a broken heart. I give it my best shot. “Jenna, I think you have to decide whether to let it break free or bury it. If you want it to break free, you just have to let go and allow it to. What’s the worst that can happen?”

She shakes her head. “No. Not when you’re not normal.”

“No one’s normal.” I raise my arms and gesture at myself while holding her gaze. “Take me for instance. I’m far from normal.”

She carefully scans her eyes over me as one hand fidgets at the edge of her camisole. Her other hand combs through her hair as she asks, “Oh. How so?”

Shit. I toss my hand in the air, blurting out, “I take people for granted all the time. I’m a loose cannon. I take advantage of girls, who I’m sure don’t deserve it. But I’m a dick, so I don’t give a shit half the time.” I walk in closer to her, and she doesn’t move, which is a good thing. “I’ve been walking around trying to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life, but instead of actually doing something, I stand around and sulk about it.” I have no fucking clue why I’m telling her all of this, but I keep going. “Ever since my brother, Sean, passed away a couple years ago, I’ve been at a standstill, just waiting for something to happen.”

“Like what?” she asks in soft voice, and I notice that her eyes have softened dramatically.

“Life. I’m waiting for my life to happen, but I’m not actually doing anything about it.” Whoa. I didn’t even realize I felt this way. I mean, sure, it’s been stuck in my head, but I’ve never said it out loud. I don’t know what to make out of this.

“Oh.” She breathes out, looking down at the ground. Her arms rest languidly at her side as she stands there quietly.

“The point is, Jenna, no one is normal or perfect like that house you see across the street. Everyone suffers from their own struggles, whether they’re big or small. There’s no such thing as having a flawless life.”

With her head bowed, she whispers, “Not according to my mother.”

I suck my teeth. “Well, no offense to you or your mother, but she obviously doesn’t know shit.”

A soft chuckle escapes her. She’s actually laughing. It’s a soft laugh, but it’s a laugh nonetheless. Jenna looks up at me, and her moist cheeks slightly lift as a small smile spreads across her delicate features. “You should do that more often,” I say.

Baffled, she asks, “What?”

“Smile. It looks good on you.” And just like that it disappears. Her eyes tear away from mine to look anywhere else but at me. It’s like smiling is frowned upon or illegal or some shit. I shift uncomfortably. “Want a lift home?”

She shakes her head. “No. I don’t want to go home.”

I look around. It’s just the two of us out here, but I don’t want anyone seeing her like this. “Would you like me to drive you anywhere? I don’t mind.”

“No. Well…” she hesitates. “Do you think I can use your phone to call Charlie? I mean if you have one, of course.”

“Yeah, of course.” I dig into my jean pocket and remove my cell, reaching out to hand it to her. She grabs it and turns her back to me. Seconds later, she has my phone against her ear and she’s talking to her friend. I wait patiently as Jenna tells Charlie where she’s located, and then she ends the call.

Jenna turns back around and hands over my cell. “Thank you. She’ll be here in fifteen minutes.”

I take a look at the time. I have ten minutes before my shift starts. There goes being early. “I’ll wait with you.”

“Oh no, it’s fine. Please, I’ll be okay.”

I’ll be damned if I’m going to leave a girl by the corner alone. I mean I can be a dick sometimes, sure, but my mother taught me some manners, dammit. I walk to the corner and sit on the curb. “Nah. Like I said, I’ll wait with you.”

“Okay.” She takes a seat beside me. I hand her the napkins in my hand again. This time she takes them.

“Thanks.” She wipes her cheeks.

“No problem,” I say. And then it’s quiet, too quiet. I clap my hands together and rest my elbows on my knees. “So what were you doing out here?”

“I went for a run.”

I look at her, flashing a half smile. “You usually run in socks and pajama pants?”

“I just needed to get away.”

My smile falters. “Can I ask you something?” She nods at me. “Without you getting offended?” She scowls, hesitant at first, but then she relaxes and nods again. “Why did your friend say you’re not too keen on hanging out with us guys at the party this weekend? Is it because we’re not on the same level as you are?”

“Same level?”

“Yeah, you know, wealth, education, shit like that.”

“W-what? No. That has nothing to do with it. I just don’t know you guys and to spend an entire weekend with strangers is not very safe, in my opinion as a woman.”

I nod, understanding. Well at least I think I do. “Oh. So you won’t be going?”

“No. I’m sorry. No offense or anything, it’s just not my scene. The partying, drinking, and socializing…all of it, it’s just not me.”

“It’s more than just that. It’s a chance to escape, to be free for a couple days.” I shake my head, remembering the memories of the past few years. “I guess because I grew up at the lake house, it’s a bit more than just a party place to me. Look, all I’m saying is if you need a break from your own head, the lake house is probably the best place to go. So if you end up changing your mind, you’re more than welcome to come.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.”

Just as I’m about to ask another question, her friend pulls up. Jenna stands and dusts herself off hastily, walks over to the car, and jumps in the passenger side. After buckling her seatbelt, she looks out the window at me. I sweep my hand up and wave at her once. She waves back with a small grin on her face, and I think she mouths, “Thank you,” before the car pulls away.

* * *

“Are you kidding me, Logan?” Uncle George yells out. Yep, I’m late—by fifteen minutes, to be exact. Fuck my life. I walk past him, ignoring his glare. I grab my tool belt and wrap it around my waist. I nod at Santino who flicks his brows up in return. His expression is scared shitless for me. “Logan!” I take a deep breath.

“Yeah, George?” I ask, turning to face my uncle.

“Get over here. Now.” He points a finger down.

So I’m going to get fired today. Sweet. Fired on a day that I was planning to be in early, a day that I woke up early for. The same day I tried to be a nice guy and help a girl out.

I approach him as he scowls at me something brutal. I’ve seen this look before, plenty of times, especially when I was a kid and got in trouble with Bryson and Sean. “Give me a damn good reason why I shouldn’t let your ass go right now!”

I straighten my shoulders. “Because I was doing a good deed.”

“And what was that? Screwing a girl you met at a bar, who may or may not have some type of STD?”

I tighten my jaw. “No. Helping a girl who was stranded a few blocks away from here.”

“And what makes you think I’d believe that bullshit?”

I shrug. “It’s the truth. You can accept it and allow me to get to work, or don’t and let me go.”

His eyes narrow. “Get your ass to work. But the next time you’re late—”

“I know. I’m fired,” I finish for him. Then I turn and walk toward the rest of guys, breathing a small sigh of relief as I go.

Jenna

“Charlie, I asked if you could pack a bag for me, not bring along my entire closet.” I grunt as I drag my large suitcase up her stairs.

“Well, I wanted you to have options.” She shrugs.

“Thanks,” I sass. I do appreciate that she took the time to pack my things. There was no way I could stay in my house tonight. My mother would’ve driven me beyond mad. Thankfully, Charlie stayed after I ran off, waiting for me to come back. When she pulled up at the corner where Logan and I sat, I felt a huge sense of relief, but I also had to explain to her why Logan was there with me.

I lug my suitcase into her room, shutting the door behind me. Charlie sits down on her desk chair and stares expectantly at me. “What?” I ask.

“So are you going to tell me what’s going on between you and this guy?”

I roll my eyes. “There’s nothing going on. I don’t even know Logan. He’s just a guy who works for my parents that just so happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.” I tread over to her bed; tossing myself backward, I land on top of her pink sheets and comforter. I’m exhausted. This has been the morning from hell.

“He seems to be arriving at the right place at the right time if you ask me.”

“No one’s asking you. Seriously, can we drop this? My morning has been rough enough.”

“Fine.” She taps her nails hard once on her desk, and then huffs. “You know what? No, it’s not fine. Come on, Jenna. He pulled you out of the pool.” I wish I never told her about that. Thank God I didn’t tell her about the damn kiss. “Then I found the two of you in the shed, practically eye fucking each other. And this morning he just happens to be there after your mom goes into bitch mode and practically runs you out of the house?” I stare at the ceiling fan with no strength to fight back.

“We were not eye fucking,” I respond lamely.

She snorts. “Whatever. If I didn’t interrupt, I would’ve orgasmed with the stare the two of you were giving one another. That’s not the point.” Her chair squeaks. Five footsteps and a dip in the bed later, she’s lying beside me and staring at the ceiling fan as well. “There’s nothing wrong with having a little fun,” she says softly.

“I don’t want to have fun. I don’t need to have fun. I’m happy not having any fun at all. You remember what happened when Brooke wanted to have a little fun?” I ask, deadpan.

“Low blow, Jenna. Low. Fucking. Blow.” It takes a lot to make Charlie upset, and I just did. I feel terrible. She shifts to move off the bed, but I grab her arm and bring her back down, all the while keeping my eyes glued to the ceiling.

“I’m sorry. It was a low blow,” I say.

Her heavy sigh fills the air between us. “It’s fine. I just thought this party might help get you out of that shell of yours. Loosen up a bit. Be free. But I understand why you wouldn’t want to go. It’s still too soon. I’m a terrible friend for even thinking it would help. So…I’m sorry.”

Be free. Logan’s words repeat in my head. It’s more than just that. It’s a chance to escape, to be free.

I want that. I really do, more than anything. I need a chance to just clear my mind, to relax without a worry in the world. A chance to break away from any thoughts of my mother, from any memories of Brooke. For just one day, at least, I want to be free.

“You’re not a terrible friend, far from it. You’re just looking out. And you know what? You’re actually right. I need to let go a bit, be able to have some fun. I’m entitled to have fun. So all right, Charlie. Let’s go.” I can’t believe I just said that out loud.

Charlie instantly sits herself up on her elbows. “All right?”

“Yes. All right.”

“Eeeek! All right!” she squeals. Charlie jumps to her feet and starts bouncing happily on the bed.

* * *

The rest of the morning, Charlie and I shopped. Somehow she managed to drag me to the mall, much to my dismay. When she texted Santino to ask if we should bring anything to the party, he seemed extremely excited to hear that she was going. I’m sure he expects her to give him a little extra attention tonight.