Lucy Gordon - Plain Jane in the Spotlight

‘What I can see-’ he said slowly ‘-is something I never saw before. I didn’t understand-but I do now.’

‘You know I’m right,’ she said. ‘This is your big moment. I won’t let you lose it because of me.’

He moved away from her. ‘You’d better get ready while I make the arrangements,’ he said. And walked out.

While she threw some things together in a small bag she concentrated fiercely on the task in hand. If she let her thoughts get out of control she feared she would break down. Travis had said the right things about wanting to come with her, but he’d let her talk him out of it more easily than she could have dreamed.

And that was how things were between them. She’d told herself that she was willing to settle for second best, but she hadn’t expected the reality to become so brutally clear so soon.

She changed into sensible clothes, taking just enough to manage. When she emerged, Travis was sitting at the table hurriedly writing something.

‘It’s all settled,’ he said, folding the paper into his pocket. ‘I’ve called the airport and fixed your ticket. Rick will take us.’

‘Us?’

‘I’m just coming to see you off.’

He opened the door, ushering her out before she could protest. She was struck by how cool and businesslike his manner had become. This was a practical man who’d dealt with the emotion, brushed it aside and was ready to get on with the important things in life. She felt a chill run through her.

The car was waiting, with Rick at the wheel. Once inside, she dropped her head in her hands and sat motionless. Travis put his arms around her, drawing her close. She reached out slightly, trying to respond, but she felt abandoned in another world, one that he wasn’t part of, no matter how much he pretended.

‘We’re nearly there,’ he said.

She pulled herself together. In a few moments they would part. She would return to her world, he would return to his, and who could say if they would ever meet again? At this moment she doubted it.

Now the rest of her life stretched ahead, empty because she would lose him, but even emptier because he would no longer be the man she loved and believed in.

As he helped her out of the car he called to Rick, ‘Wait for me in the car park. I won’t be long.’

‘Perhaps you should go back now,’ Charlene said.

‘No, I’ve got time to see you into the Departure Lounge. Sit over there while I collect your ticket.’

He returned a few minutes later, handing her the ticket.

‘Luckily you’ve only got hand luggage,’ he said. ‘So we can go straight to Check In.’

Closer and closer, the final moment approached. At the Check In desk she showed her ticket, received a boarding card and turned to say goodbye. But Travis wasn’t looking at her. He was leaning over the desk, showing another ticket, receiving a boarding card.

‘Travis, what-?’

‘You didn’t really think I’d let you go alone, did you?’ he said.

‘But you can’t- The awards-’

‘They’ll have to do them without me.’

Joy and horror warred in her: joy at his generosity, horror at his sacrifice, rendering her speechless. While she floundered he urged her forward, brooking no resistance, and by the time she could think clearly they were in the Departure Lounge.

‘Travis, how did you-?’

‘A little bit of stage management. When I booked your ticket I booked one for me as well. Then I called Rick, told him what I was doing. He’ll be halfway back to town by now.’

‘But you told him to-’

‘To wait in the car park, yes. But he knew I didn’t mean it. It was just to fool you, so that you wouldn’t suspect until it was too late.’

‘Travis, please, be sensible. The studio bosses will be furious-’

‘Let them.’

‘Your family-’

‘I called Darius. He said I was doing the right thing and he’s going to explain things to the others.’

‘And your father?’

‘I’ll have to call him separately. In fact I’ll do it now.’

But he was saved the effort by the ring of his phone. It was Amos, speaking in a voice so sharp and loud that Charlene could hear it from several inches away.

‘Have you gone mad?’ Amos raged.

‘Father, I’m sorry to let everyone down like this, but I had no choice.’

‘Of course you had a choice. You’ve risked everything you’ve worked for, you’ve insulted me. What kind of a fool do I look now, turning up to see you win prizes and you can’t be bothered to be there?’

‘I never meant to insult you. I hoped you’d understand.’

‘I understand that you’re doing something criminally stupid. That any son of mine-’

‘Right this minute I don’t feel like your son,’ Travis interrupted him. ‘And that makes me glad.’

‘Stop talking like that and get back here at once. I’m telling you, no woman is worth it-’

His voice stopped suddenly. Travis had hung up.

‘You cut him off,’ Charlene said, aghast. ‘He’ll never forgive you.’

‘And I will never forgive him for insulting you.’

‘But listen-’ she seized him ‘-it’s wonderful of you to be prepared to do this for me, but you mustn’t do it. Go back. It’s not too late.’

‘Haven’t you understood yet? It was too late from the moment I met you. I didn’t realise it then. It took me too long to see it, but now I know that you’re the only woman I could ever love.

‘I’ve never been able to speak of love before because I wasn’t sure of you. First there was Lee. I thought you wanted him, but then you seemed to let him go easily, and I began to hope. But you see-’ he made a helpless gesture ‘-I don’t just love you. I need you. I depend on you. We’ve always made jokes about that but I began to be afraid in case you just saw me as some clinging juvenile. Suddenly it wasn’t a joke any more.’

One day she would try to explain that she rejoiced in his need of her. Being needed was almost as beautiful as being loved. But there would be time for that later.

With shining eyes, she gazed at him.

‘But think of all you might be giving up-’

‘All I can think of is what I’ll gain. If I’d let you go alone it would always be between us, that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. You’d have been nice about it, but we would always have known. And something would never have been right for us.’

‘But do you really understand what you might be losing?’

‘Yes, I know what I might lose. I might lose you. I might lose the woman I love more than anyone in the world. With you would go all my chance of happiness, of a future that meant anything. I’d lose my hope of children, for if you aren’t my children’s mother, nobody else ever will be. I’d lose all purpose in life. I’d lose everything.’

Now she was beyond speech, gazing at him, trying to understand the glimpse of his heart and soul he’d given her, and which was so unlike anything she’d imagined. She’d thought she understood Travis so well. Now she saw that she’d never understood the first thing about him.

‘You didn’t know I felt like that about you, did you?’ he asked gently.

She shook her head. ‘I thought the love was mostly on my side. I love you so much it scares me.’

‘But you always kept so cool. Even when you agreed to marry me it was as though you were being cautious-’

‘I was. I thought you only half wanted to. I heard Joe talking to you on the phone. He suggested that you should marry me, and you lost your temper at the other end.’

He groaned. ‘Of course I lost my temper. I was mad at him for daring to think I’d marry you as a PR stunt. I loved you. I was trying every way I knew to win your love, and I felt he’d insulted you. That’s why I got mad. And you thought- Oh, good grief!’ He pulled her against him. ‘How did we ever find each other when we’ve taken so many wrong turnings?’

‘But we found the right road in the end,’ she said.

‘You thought I asked you to marry me as a career move? That’s why you didn’t want me to come to London with you?’

‘I don’t want you to risk losing everything.’

He shook his head. ‘If I don’t lose you, I haven’t lost anything. If I do lose you, I’ve lost everything. Promise to stay with me, and that’s all I ask.’

‘I’ll stay as long as you want me.’

He kissed her, and would have said more but for the loudspeaker. It was time to board.

They said little on the journey. Everything that mattered had already been said, and they sat resting against each other, sometimes dozing, sometimes basking in their mutual contentment and joy.

In London a cab took them to the hospital. As they arrived they exchanged a fearful glance. In a moment they would know-

Frank looked up as they entered the little ward.

‘Thank goodness!’ he said fervently. ‘Emma, darling, look who’s here!’

Her eyes were open, and even in her dreadfully weakened state she could recognise them.

‘Charlene-I knew you’d come.’

‘And look who I’ve brought to meet you,’ she said.

‘But he’s- This is-’

‘This is your future grandson-in-law,’ Travis said. ‘And now you’ve got to get well fast, because we want to see you in Los Angeles for our wedding.’

‘Oh, darlings! How wonderful!’

‘Don’t get agitated,’ the doctor warned.

‘I’m not agitated. I’m happy. I’m going to be there.’

She closed her eyes, smiling.

They stayed in the hospital for the rest of the day and all night. Now and then Emma would awaken, always a little stronger than before.

‘The doctor says her chances are improving by the minute,’ Frank told them. ‘It means the world to her that you gave up so much to come here. Thank you with all my heart. But were you wise to do it?’

‘It was the wisest thing I ever did,’ Travis said with a tender glance at Charlene.

They left the hospital that evening and spent the night in a nearby hotel, ready to return if there was an emergency call. But no call came.

As they snuggled down in each other’s arms Charlene’s thoughts were far away in Los Angeles, where the crowds would be gathering for the award ceremony, and people would be exclaiming in surprise, and perhaps annoyance, because the star of the evening wasn’t there. She wondered how Travis felt now that the moment had come. But when she looked at him his eyes were closed. He might almost have been asleep, except that he turned and pressed his lips against her forehead.

Was he regretting his decision? Would he tell her if he did?

At last she fell asleep. In the early hours she awoke to find him just hanging up the phone.

‘Any news?’ she asked tensely.

‘Yes, I called Joe. The awards ceremony was a success. I won the dramatic actor in a series award.’

‘Not the other three?’

‘No, but one is enough for me. Joe said they told the audience where I’d gone and why, and they applauded. We’ll start work again as soon as I return. So you see, I’ve suffered no harm.’

‘What about the film part?’

‘Well-’

‘Oh, no!’

‘That’s gone to the other guy. But who cares? I still have the series. And I have you. There’ll be other film parts. But there won’t be another you. My darling, try to understand. I’ve made my choice and I won’t regret it. At least, I won’t regret it as long as you stay with me, and love me.’

‘Do you doubt that?’ she whispered.

There was a strange look in his eyes, a mixture of teasing and adoration.

‘What is it?’ she asked.

‘I was thinking that if Joe was here, he’d want you to say something nice to me. You wouldn’t like to do that, would you?’

She considered. ‘I might. I could say that I love you, that I’ve never loved anyone in my life as I love you, and I know that I never will. You are my life. I can have no other, and I want no other. I’ll stay with you for ever, loving only you. And when the end comes I hope we’ll still be together.’

She reached up to touch his cheek. ‘Do you think that will do?’

He smiled, taking her hand and brushing it with his lips.

‘That will do perfectly,’ he said.

Lucy Gordon cut her writing teeth on magazine journalism, interviewing many of the world’s most interesting men, including Warren Beatty, Charlton Heston and Roger Moore. She also camped out with lions in Africa, and had many other unusual experiences, which have often provided the background for her books. Several years ago, while staying in Venice, she met a Venetian who proposed to her after two days. They have been married ever since. Naturally this has affected her writing, where romantic Italian men tend to feature strongly.