R. Mathewson - Playing for Keeps

She couldn't believe how much this hurt. She'd been an idiot to think she could prepare herself for this moment. Losing Jason was hard enough, but the way he'd hurt her......

In one night she'd apparently lost so much, her best friend, boyfriend, her virginity and her heart. On top of that it appeared she'd lost a few of her friends, which she really could care less about if truth be told. There was a reason after all why she kept putting off girl's night and it had very little to do with Jason. They'd been a part of the old Haley's life, the pushover version of herself where she never spoke up for herself and let others push her around. A few months ago when they started hassling her about Jason and letting her know they couldn't believe Jason settled for someone like her she should have cut them out of her life, but hesitated. She didn't like hurting anyone's feelings and apparently Jason didn't know that about her.

How could he have thought she would do that to him? She could just imagine what Amy and her friend Kate, well mostly Kate, could have said to upset him, but what she couldn't understand is why he didn't talk to her first.

Admittedly it was a conversation they should have had in the beginning, but that didn't excuse his behavior. He'd set out to seduce her consequences be damned. It hadn't mattered if she had her reasons for wanting to wait or how she felt for that matter. He'd only cared about himself.

She wished she'd realized that sooner, especially before last night. All these years wasted and for what? A horrible experience she could never take back. For that alone she would never be able to forgive Jason.

* * *

"You're out of eggs," Mitch yelled.

"I don't care," Jason said, never taking his eyes away from Haley's front door.

Around three this morning he'd realized he'd fucked up this situation even more by not going to her. He spent the next two hours going over every single moment from the night before, trying to figure out exactly when he'd fucked up and made a list. After he made sure he hadn't missed anything he folded the three page list, front and back, and stuffed it in his back pocket and came outside waiting for Haley so he could start apologizing.

He contemplated waking her up, but then he'd have one more thing to apologize for so he settled for waiting on his front step. A half hour ago Mitch decided to join him after he spotted him waiting outside on his way home. It hadn't taken long for the other man to figure out that he'd fucked up.

"Are you going to sit out here all day?" Mitch asked, stepping out the front door. "I'm starving. Let's go get something for breakfast. By the time we get back Haley will be up and you can go grovel."

Jason stubbornly shook his head. "I'm not leaving until I talk to her. Besides, I'm not hungry."

"Holy Christ," Mitch mumbled, crossing himself.

He ignored Mitch and focused on Haley's front door. A few minutes later it opened and Haley stumbled out. Jason was on his feet within seconds and heading for her. He really wasn't sure how much longer he would have been able to wait before breaking into her house and begging for her forgiveness.

"Haley, I....," he trailed off when he spotted the large duffle bag she was half carrying, half dragging. "What's going on?"

For the first time in months Haley's face didn't light up when she saw him. She pushed her glasses back up her nose and went back to pulling the bag.

"I'm going away," she said, sounding sad.

"For how long?" Jason asked, feeling as though his entire world was crashing down around him.

"A week," Haley said, walking past him as she dragged that damn bag.

A week? No, they couldn't be apart for a week. That was too much time. A week thinking over how badly he'd fucked up and how much better off without him she would be was not what they needed. They needed to work this out here and now so he could get on with the groveling.

"I don't think that's such a great idea, Haley," he said, automatically lifting the bag and placing it in her opened trunk for her when she began struggling to lift it. "Why don't we go inside and talk this over?"

She shook her head stubbornly. "I can't. If I don't go I'll be out of a thousand dollars."

He waved that aside like it was nothing. "I'll reimburse you. Just stay here and let me explain about last night."

"There's nothing to explain, Jason," Haley said, shaking her head sadly. "I think it's for the best if we end things now."

Her words felt like a punch to the gut. "You're just mad, Haley. Maybe...maybe you're right. Maybe you just need a week to think things over," he said quickly, desperate to do or say anything that would make her take it back. "Take a week, think it over. We both knew I was going to fuck up at some point, my little grasshopper. After you think about it you'll realize that's all it was. Then you'll come back here and I'll grovel and we'll move past this."

She couldn't even look at him as she said, "I'm really sorry, Jason."

Jason couldn't move, could hardly breathe as Haley stood up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm sorry," she said, sounding close to tears. "We'll always be friends," she said, delivering the killing blow.

Haley just barely stopped herself from looking for Jason when she stepped back outside and saw that he'd left. It was for the best she told herself as she threw her small backpack into the trunk. She closed it and walked slowly to the driver's side, hoping to catch one last glimpse of him.

Even though she'd always known they had no future she couldn't stop herself from feeling disappointed. He'd given her up so easily. Maybe it was a good thing that they were over then, she told herself. If he gave up so easily then he really didn't care about her and it was for the best that she found out now.

At least that's why she tried to tell herself over the next three hours as she drove. Every five minutes she was either checking to make sure her phone still worked or stopping herself from calling him. She just wanted to hear his voice.

She knew it was over between them, but that didn't mean anything to her heart. All she wanted to do was pull the car over and curl up into a ball and cry, but she wouldn't allow herself that release, not yet. When she arrived at the cottage, then she'd allow herself to break down in privacy and use the week to mend her heart.

After this week was over she really didn't know what she was going to do. She'd told him they would always be friends, but she really didn't think she'd be able to see him day in and day out and survive after this. Worse, what would she do when a woman woke her up screaming Jason's name after he tossed her aside? Haley wouldn't be able to survive knowing Jason had been with another woman.

During the next week when she wasn't crying, or getting drunk into oblivion, she'd figure out what to do about work and her house. If worse came to worse she could rent out her house and find an apartment even if only temporary. Work would be another issue. Right now she worked at one of the most prestigious private schools in the country, but she knew if she left she'd most likely end up working at a public school for a lot less money.

Her stomach's rumbling thankfully broke her out of her rather depressing thoughts. She took the next exit off the highway. Ten minutes later she was back on the highway and frowning down at her purchase, an extra large orange juice, three coffee rolls, two muffins and three apple pastries.

"Great, he's got me trained," she muttered with an eye roll. Either she'd have to break herself out of the habit of ordering for a small army or she'd become fat, she thought with a sigh. She picked up one of the coffee rolls and took a small bite before putting it down and taking a sip of juice. When a particularly annoying song came on the radio she spent a minute looking for a decent song. When she finally found one, she picked up her coffee roll and frowned at the half eaten baked item.

Apparently she'd eaten more than she thought. Great, she was eating out of depression and would no doubt be as big as a house by the time school started in a few weeks. She took a bite out of her coffee roll and placed it back on the passenger seat and picked up her now half empty juice.

"What the hell?" she murmured, taking her eyes off the road to look down at the insane amount of food she'd bought. Hadn't she bought two muffins and three apple pastries? There was only one of each now. She was starting to wonder if she was going crazy when a large tan hand suddenly appeared, scaring the holy hell out of her.

She let out a surprised yelp, jerking the wheel to the right and almost crashing into a tow truck. It took her a few seconds before her brain started to function again and when it did she narrowed her eyes on the hand that was blindly searching for the orange juice.

Glaring, she reached down and pinched the back of the hand. Hard.

"Ow!"

Haley stole a quick glance back at the backseat and cursed. Somehow Jason had managed to fold his large frame onto the floor of her midsize car and cover himself with the large towel she kept back there.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Jason sighed heavily as he tossed the towel away and struggled to climb off the floor. Once he was comfortably seated in the back seat he reached forward and snagged her orange juice. "Having breakfast." He took a sip. "What does it look like?"

"Why are you in my car?" she demanded as she did her best to glare at him and keep the car driving in a straight line.

"How else do you expect us to finish our fight?" he asked, leaning forward to snag the last apple pastry. He took a big bite before holding it to her lips for her to do the same.

She shoved his hand away. "What the hell do you mean to finish our fight? We were done, Jason. I'm sorry, but it's over," she said, trying to remain calm.

"No, we didn't."

"Yes, we did."

"I don't think so," he said calmly, finishing off the rest of the pastry as if he didn't have a care in the world.

"For god sake, Jason, I dumped you!" she snapped, feeling the last thread of patience snap.

She looked up in the rearview mirror when he didn't say anything for a minute only to find him frowning. Finally he shook his head. "No, I think I would have remembered that."

Her mouth dropped open.

"Anyway," Jason continued as if he hadn't just left her speechless with that little announcement, "after our talk I realized that you planned a week away for us and I really couldn't agree more. A week away is exactly what we need to work through our problems."

"Oh my god," she mumbled, "you're insane."

Another careless shrug.

"So, where are we going anyway?" Jason asked, getting comfortable.

"We aren't going anywhere. I'm leaving you at the next rest stop. You can hitchhike your way back home."

"That's really not going to work for me," Jason said, giving her a sexy smile when she glared at him through the mirror.

Her grip tightened on the steering wheel as she prayed for patience. "Jason, it's over. I'm sorry, but you have to accept it."

"No, I don't," he said calmly, irritating her even more.

"Jason," she said tightly.

"Haley," he mocked in the same tone, making her lips twitch damn him!

She sighed heavily. "Jason, you really hurt me last night. I don't think you-"

"I know I really fucked up, Haley, but if you remember I did tell you when we started that I was most likely going to mess this up," he said, cutting her off.

"Yeah, you did, Jason, and last night you proved beyond a doubt that you aren't capable of being in a relationship."

"No, last night I proved that I'm a fucking idiot," Jason said matter-of-factly.

She wasn't going to argue with that since she'd come to the same conclusion after hearing what happened, but that didn't mean she'd changed her mind.

"Jason, we're over," she said more softly.

He snorted. "No, we're not."

"Yes, we are! Stop saying that!"

"No, we're just fighting. You love me and you damn well know it."

She opened her mouth to deny it, but she couldn't. She did love him. More than anything on this earth, but he'd hurt her last night and she wasn't so sure that she could trust him not to do it again.

When she didn't say anything he settled back in his seat and said, "I'm coming with you so you might as well get used to it. The sooner we get the fight over with the sooner we can move onto the next phase."