Brandy Colbert - Pointe

Everyone was pulling away from me—but nobody was telling me what I’d done wrong.

Later, when I was in the principal’s office, there was nothing I wanted to do more than pull away myself. I was seated across the desk from Principal Burns and next to Donovan’s mother. The office was freezing and I was starving. I hadn’t eaten lunch. I’d sat in the cafeteria with Phil and stared at my cheeseburger and fries until they were cold, sitting on my tray in a soggy, abandoned pile. Not eating felt good. It made me feel strong. In control.

“Theo, can you tell us one last time what he said to you?”

Principal Burns had a kind face. I knew I wasn’t supposed to think so, but the lines around his mouth and eyes were comforting, like a grandpa. And he made sure to tell me right away that I wasn’t in trouble, but when I saw Donovan’s mother, saw the worry behind her eyes, I knew something was very, very wrong.

I took a deep breath before I began telling them what I’d already said at least five times. “He said he had to take care of something. But that he would show up later and we’d ride home together.”

There were only two more periods left, though, and I think all of us were pretty certain Donovan wasn’t going to show up to finish the school day. I’d expected him before lunch and clearly that hadn’t happened. He wasn’t answering his phone; it went straight to voicemail. And no one else had heard from him—not Phil or Donovan’s parents or any of his friends from the baseball team.

“What would he have to take care of?”

Mrs. Pratt wasn’t looking at me as she said this, but her eyes were wild as they moved around the rest of the room. She was barely sitting in her seat—perched on the very edge—and she kept twisting her hands in her lap.

“That doesn’t sound like him, keeping secrets.” Her eyes landed on me then, and I wanted to look away but I couldn’t. “Why would he keep secrets from you, Theo? You’re his best friend.”

Principal Burns moved a glass paperweight from one side of his desk to the other, cleared his throat. “Theo, is there anywhere you can think that he might have gone? Somewhere outside of town? Someone’s house? Maybe there was a place he went to get away from everyone?”

“Well.” I gazed down at my lap, at the hole that was starting to tear in the knee of my jeans. “We used to go to the convenience store sometimes. After school . . . the one on Cloverdale.”

Mrs. Pratt’s head whipped toward Principal Burns, but he must have been well versed in dealing with hysterical parents. He was already calling out to his secretary to get the store on the phone. A couple of minutes later, he was talking to the owner. Larry.

Yes, Larry had seen Donovan; he’d been in the store about thirty minutes after I saw him, and he was alone. But no, he didn’t know where he was off to after he left the store on his bike. He’d bought snacks while he was there—beef jerky and potato chips and soda and licorice. And a comic book, but Larry couldn’t remember which one.

Why was he at the convenience store when Chris no longer worked there? Sure, we’d stopped in a few times, when we were bored or dying of thirst or hunger. That was the way we’d met Chris, after all. But why stop for snacks, like he was going somewhere and would need food later?

Mrs. Pratt was inconsolable. My mother showed up to take both of us home a little while later. Honestly, I would have preferred to stay at school, even for those last couple of hours, because it meant I didn’t have to confront the dread that was slowly spreading from the Pratt house to ours to the rest of the town.

When Donovan still hadn’t shown up by eleven that evening, my parents sent me to bed. As if I could sleep, not knowing where he was. If he was coming home, why hadn’t he told me where he was going?

They kissed both my cheeks, held me an extra-long time in their arms before I went upstairs that night. I turned off my light and got into bed, but on top of the covers with all my clothes on. I uncurled my phone from my palm and pushed the button for Donovan’s number. I held my breath, waiting for him to pick up, to tell me he’d lost track of time and he was coming home soon.

I got nothing. Not even one ring, just straight to his voicemail, where the tone he used around grown-ups told me he couldn’t come to the phone right now, to please leave a message and he’d call me back.

I didn’t leave a message because I’d already left so many. One more wouldn’t make a difference.

I called Chris, though. Just one last time, to see if his silence had been a mistake, if he missed me, too, and wanted to see me.

But all I got was the same message I’d been getting for the last two weeks:

I’m sorry, but the number you’ve reached is no longer in service. If you believe you’ve reached this recording in error, please hang up and dial the number again.

I didn’t fall asleep until two in the morning. I slept with my phone on the pillow next to me, but it never rang. Not during the night, or the next day, either.

My phone never rang again with calls from Chris or Donovan and I never stopped wondering what I’d done to deserve it.

WINTER FORMAL.

Decidedly less cheesy than homecoming and more relaxed than prom, yet it’s done little to earn my respect over the years.

But Ashland Hills High School takes its dances very seriously, and the specially appointed student council committee starts planning immediately after homecoming, more than two months in advance. This year, it’s the Friday before the trial. I have three days until it starts, and I think that’s as good a reason as any to skip it, but Sara-Kate and Phil aren’t having it. Like last year, we go together. Dateless, but not alone.

This year I thought they might go together, as actual dates. I don’t think anything has happened beyond the rampant teasing I’ve witnessed at lunch, at Casablanca’s, and virtually anytime the three of us are together. But it’s there. It’s in the way Phil always jumps to hold the door open for her or give her the best seat at the movies, in the gaze that never stops appreciating her hourglass figure. And it’s in Sara-Kate’s extra-sweet smiles and the constant patience she reserves for his excessive complaints about the injustices of the world.

So I let my mother take me shopping for a dress and I get ready with Sara-Kate, let her doll me up with the miracles hidden in her makeup case. I feel beautiful when she’s all done, when I’m slowly turning in front of her full-length mirror, admiring my long, plum-colored dress with the low back.

“Is Hosea going tonight?” she asks, sitting on the edge of her bed as she looks at me looking at myself.

“Yeah.” I catch her eye in the mirror as I slide my hands over the smooth fabric. “I mean, I think so. He said Ellie wanted to go, so . . .”

“So you’re still talking to him. Of course.” She gives a quick nod, and I know I shouldn’t be offended by that nod, by the way she says “of course,” but I am. And that’s exactly why I haven’t told Sara-Kate that I slept with him. She doesn’t understand, and I don’t know how to make her see that he’s worth it.

“Are you mad at me for . . . liking him?”

We’re still looking at each other in the mirror. She clasps her hands in her lap, glances briefly toward the window. The night is black and cold behind her white lace curtains. We’re all going to freeze tonight because nobody likes to wear their coats over pretty dresses and fancy suits. I hold my breath as I wait for her to respond.

“I’m not mad at you, Theo,” she says to my reflection. “I just think you can do better. You deserve someone who doesn’t have to hide his relationship with you.”

I don’t know what to say to that, so I look away from her. Step away from the mirror.

Two seconds later, her arms are around me, in a hug from behind. She slips her chin into the nook between my neck and shoulder. “But I still love you, and I want you to be happy.”

We stand like that for a while, and I feel so good wrapped up in Sara-Kate love, and I wonder if she’ll feel the same way about me if she finds out about Chris.

* * *

I think Phil is going to stroke out when he sees Sara-Kate in her evening finery. Honestly, his eyeballs nearly pop from their sockets behind the black-framed glasses he’s donning for the occasion. For good reason. Sara-Kate’s hair is the whitest shade of platinum blond, a stark contrast to the navy chiffon dress that hugs her hips. Her lips are painted ruby red and she looks like a modern-day version of Marilyn Monroe.

“You look . . . Wow” is all he can say as she approaches.

“Is that the official Philip Muñoz Seal of Approval?” Sara-Kate teases, her mouth turning up in a wide smile. She touches the rhinestone barrette clipped to the front of her hair.

“Yeah.” He gives a lopsided smile of his own, a smile so goofy, it looks foreign on Phil. “Something like that.”

He tells me I look good, too, and I can’t stop wishing it were Hosea saying it instead.

Everyone usually goes to a nice restaurant to eat dinner before the dance. Like Rizzo’s, the fancy Italian place with an actual maître d’ at the front. They make reservations and take their parents’ credit cards and try to sneak glasses of wine with their fake IDs.

We go to Pizza Bazaar, which is hardly fancy enough to be considered a restaurant. It basically consists of a long counter with bar stools at one end, a few booths, and some wobbly-legged tables scattered around the black-and-white tile floor. The lighting is bad and the pizza is just okay. But it’s empty and affordable and it makes Phil and Sara-Kate feel as if they’re not taking this dance thing as seriously as they are.

Phil goes up to put in our order. Slices of pepperoni and sausage for them and a small house salad—sans dressing—for me. I look down at the laminated menu caked with dried marinara sauce and sticky droplets of soda. The pizza here is mediocre but it’s hard to fuck up a slice of cheese, which is what I really wanted to order.

But the less I eat, the stronger I feel. A few flashes of weakness, constant rumbling in my stomach—it’s worth it. If I can sustain my willpower with food, I can do anything. Like face Chris in court next week. Decide what I’m going to say. Survive.

Phil takes his time at the soda machine, making sure he gets the precise ratio of ice to soda in each cup.

“Has anyone ever cared so much about a drink?” I ask as I watch him measure out root beer for Sara-Kate.

“I think it’s sweet,” she says, and when I look over and make a face, she shrugs. “It’s not like any of the other guys at school pay attention to detail. Or anything, really.”

I give her a curious look as Phil hunts for the right-size lids among the stack overflowing to the side of the soda fountain. “Still nothing with you two?”

Her cheeks redden, right on cue. “Nothing declared. But I . . . I think something might happen tonight. Maybe?” She starts to chew on the end of a cherry-red fingernail, then remembers her fresh manicure and stops. “It seems like something could happen. But who’s supposed to make the first move?”

“I don’t know.” I take a couple of napkins from the silver holder to my side, set them in a neat stack at the end of the table. “It just sort of happens when it feels right.”

She glances at me with anxious eyes as Phil makes his way back to the booth, slowly weaving his way through tables and chairs as he holds carefully to the three sodas. “Is that how it was with you and . . . you know?”

I can’t figure out if she’s being coy because she doesn’t want Phil to overhear or if it’s because she hates the idea of us so much that she can’t say his name.

“Yes,” I say, looking at her carefully. “It was exactly like that.”

“Like what?” Phil sets the sodas down with a flourish and nary a spill. He takes a bow and we clap for his effort.

“Like you should look into getting a job here, you did such a damn good job with those drinks,” I say, and I wink at Sara-Kate when he’s not looking.

Phil shakes his hair out of his eyes and removes his glasses, wipes the lenses on a paper napkin. He’s wearing a gray vintage suit with a skinny tie and onyx cuff links. Sharp as always, and as I look at them across the table, I think how good he and Sara-Kate look together with the old-Hollywood glamour thing they have going on.