Well, except for Kenny, who’s suspended for knowingly creating a secondary explosive in the lab. When I protested that if they were suspending Kenny, they ought to suspend me and J.P. as well, since we’re his lab partners, Mr. G just looked at me and went, “Mia. I’ve been trying to get you caught up in all of your classes this week, remember? Believe me, I know you and J.P. have no clue what you’re doing in that class.”

Which, you know. Harsh. But true, I guess.

So it looks like Kenny’s going to get his fifteen minutes of fame now, as opposed to after he starts working for Michael’s robotic surgical arm company, as he once asked me if I thought he could. What happened today at school is ALL OVER the news and Internet. Reporters are calling Kenny “Beaker” after that mad scientist Muppet character (which is mean, since Kenny really does have quite a lot of upper arm definition these days, and his mouth isn’t a gaping flap—as much as it used to be, anyway), and keep showing a picture of him being led off the ambulance, with his hair in all these crazy puffs on the top of his head.

That, coupled with his singed lab coat and the whole no-eyebrow thing, lent him a not dissimilar appearance to a certain dowager princess—not Muppet—that I know.

The thing’s been aired so many times by now, I’m SURE Michael must have heard about it. Every single article describes J.P. as this huge hero for throwing his body over mine and protecting me from the flames.

And every single article calls him “Princess Mia’s new boyfriend.”

Yeah. Nice.

I was almost afraid to check my e-mail. But I needn’t have worried. Michael didn’t write.

Tina IMed the minute she saw I was online though.

ILUVROMANCE: Oh my God, Mia!!!! Have you seen the news????

FTLOUIE:Seen it? I thought IWAS the news.

ILUVROMANCE: I can’t believe this! Poor Kenny! They suspended him!

FTLOUIE: Well, he DID blow up the Chem lab.

ILUVROMANCE: I know! But he didn’t mean to. You know that. I really hope this won’t go down on his permanent record. It could totally affect his chances of getting into college!

FTLOUIE: I’m sure Kenny will be just fine, Tina. I mean, don’t forget, he DID manage to make a bomb from scratch. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets hired straight out of high school by the NSA.

ILUVROMANCE: What’s the NSA?

FTLOUIE: It’s—never mind. Listen, did you hear what happened right BEFORE the nitrostarch deflagrated?

ILUVROMANCE: You mean the part where J.P. covered your body with his in order to protect you from the raging fire wall???? Yes!!! It’s so romantic!!!!

FTLOUIE: Uh, there was no raging fire wall. But I mean before THAT, even. Tina—HE TOLD ME HE LOVES ME.

ILUVROMANCE:EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

FTLOUIE: I know. I thought you’d say that.

ILUVROMANCE: I TOLD YOU!!!!!! I TOLD YOU HE LOVES YOU!!!! I KNEW IT!!!! OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS MAKE THE CUTEST COUPLE!!!!!! BECAUSE YOU’RE BOTH SO TALL AND BLOND AND BLUE-EYED!!!!

FTLOUIE: My eyes are gray.

ILUVROMANCE: WHATEVER!!!! Okay, tell me everything. How did he say it? What did you say? How did you feel? Have you kissed yet? Where are you going on your first date? Or—wait. Was going toBeauty and the Beast your first date? Did he tell you WHEN he knew he loved you? It was before he dumped Lilly, right? I KNEW that’s why he ditched her. And now it totally makes sense why she’s so mad at you.

Oh, God!

FTLOUIE: Of COURSE he didn’t know he liked me when he was with Lilly! Do you think I’d even entertain the idea of going out with him if I knew he always liked me and was just using Lilly for—whatever? I mean, what kind of friend would I be if I did that???

ILUVROMANCE: Oh. So you mean…he DIDN’T always love you from the moment you first spoke to him in the caf last year? And that whole thing with Lilly WASN’T just because you were taken, and dating her was a convenient way for J.P. to stay close to you?

FTLOUIE: NO! Oh my God, Tina, are you sure you didn’t inhale any of those fumes that got released this afternoon?

ILUVROMANCE: Pretty sure. Wahim did a good job of hustling me out of there. Well, that IS what Dad pays him for. So, if J.P. DIDN’T love you from the moment you first spoke to him in the caf last year, how long DID he say he’s loved you?

FTLOUIE: He said it’s been coming on fairly slowly recently, and that he kept trying to tell me, but we kept getting interrupted. But that, even though he knew it was going to freak me out, he wanted me to know. And then the Chem lab exploded.

ILUVROMANCE: OH MY GOD!!!!

FTLOUIE: I know. It was kind of scary, actually. At first I thought the boiler room had finally exploded. You know how they’re always saying it’s about to go….

ILUVROMANCE: I DON’T MEAN THAT!!! I MEAN—Mia, I ALWAYS said that all J.P. needed was the right woman to unlock his heart—which up until now he has kept in a cold, hard shell for his own emotional protection—and he will be like an unstoppable volcano of passion!!!

FTLOUIE: Yeah. So?

ILUVROMANCE: SO HE’S FOUND HER!!! AND THAT’S WHY THE CHEM LAB EXPLODED!!!!

Seriously. Sometimes I wonder how Tina got put in so many AP classes. Not to be mean, or anything.

But still.

FTLOUIE: Tina. The Chem lab exploded because Kenny was synthesizing nitrostarch and obviously did something wrong—

ILUVROMANCE: He did something wrong, all right. What he did wrong was mix such a volatile chemical compound within such close proximity of J.P. while he was admitting his true feelings for you, the woman who has unlocked his heart at last!!!!!!!

Oh, man. I wish I had my TV back. I really could use a nice quiet rerun ofJudging Amy orJoan of Arcadia right now to soothe my nerves.

FTLOUIE: Tina. Come on. J.P.’s passion for me did not cause the explosion in the Chem lab today.

ILUVROMANCE: Oh, all right, fine. Be that way—a total unromantic about it! But you have to admit, it IS awfully coincidental. So, anyway. What did you say?

FTLOUIE: When J.P. landed on me? I said, “Get off, you’re squishing me and I can’t breathe.”

ILUVROMANCE: No! I mean, when he told you about his true feelings for you!

FTLOUIE: Oh. I didn’t say anything, really. I didn’t have a chance. The Chem lab exploded.

ILUVROMANCE: Right. But then later?

FTLOUIE: Well, then we were in the ambulances. And then in the ER. And then J.P.’s parents came and got him. And that was it.

ILUVROMANCE: THAT WAS IT??? But what did you say about his loving you? Did you say you love him, too?

FTLOUIE: Of course not, Tina! I love Michael!

ILUVROMANCE: Well, of course you love Michael. But, Mia, no offense—you and Michael are broken up. You can’t just go on loving him forever. Well, I mean, you CAN, of course, like Ross went on loving Rachel forever onFriends , but…what about the senior prom?

FTLOUIE: What ABOUT the senior prom?

ILUVROMANCE: Well, Mia, you need SOMEONE to go to the senior prom with! You can’t not go! You could go with other girls, I guess, like Perin and Ling Su are saying they’re going to…but don’t you remember our promise? That we’d lose our virginity on the night of our senior prom?

I couldn’t believe she was bringing this up. NOW.

FTLOUIE: Yes, but, Tina, that wasbefore the love of my life walked out of it .

ILUVROMANCE: Oh! I know! And I’m so sorry things didn’t work out with you and Michael. But, Mia, you will learn to love again. And J.P. looks really good in a tux. Don’t listen to what the haters are saying.

What is she TALKING about? This isn’t the Tina I know, my staunchest, most stalwart supporter! The Tina I know would never tell me I’ll learn to love again. The Tina I know would tell me to stay strong, that Michael would be coming to his senses soon and riding back to me on a milk-white charger, possibly in armor, bearing a corsage of one hundred percent zirconium from Kay Jewelers….

Or not. Because this is so something Michael would never, ever do.

And even Tina—starry-eyed, romantic Tina—knows it.

I should probably admit it to myself by now.

FTLOUIE: Michael’s never coming back, is he, Tina?

ILUVROMANCE: Oh, Mia! Of course he might come back! The question is…if he does, will you still even want him? Or will you have moved on…possibly to someone better?

My eyes filled with tears.

FTLOUIE: There’s no one better, Tina. You know that.

ILUVROMANCE: There might be! You don’t know!

FTLOUIE: And anyway, what’s the point in having this conversation? He’ll never take me back anyway. Not after how stupid I was.

ILUVROMANCE: He could! You never know! I TOLD you, don’t listen to the haters!

FTLOUIE: Haters? What haters? Why do you keep saying that?

ILUVROMANCE: Oh—Mia, I don’t care. They told me not to tell you, but you have a right to know.

FTLOUIE: About WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

ILUVROMANCE: ihatemiathermopolis.com.

FTLOUIE: Oh. That.

ILUVROMANCE: YOU’VE BEEN THERE???? YOU KNOW ABOUT IT????

FTLOUIE: Sure.

ILUVROMANCE: THEN WHY DON’T YOU GET YOUR DAD

TO GET IT SHUT DOWN?????

FTLOUIE: Tina, my dad may be a prince, but he doesn’t have control over the Internet.

ILUVROMANCE: But he could complain to Principal Gupta!

FTLOUIE: Principal Gupta? Why HER? What does SHE have to do with it?

ILUVROMANCE: Well, since the site is so obviously run by someone at AEHS….

FTLOUIE: What do you mean, obviously?

Even though it was kind of hard to see, what with my tears, and all, I clicked over to ihatemiathermopolis.com. So much had been going on in my life, I hadn’t had a chance to go there in a while.

I immediately saw that neglecting the site had been a mistake. Because there had been updates since my last visit. A LOT of updates.

Whoever owned the site had been keeping a close eye on my every move. And I mean myevery move. The day I got a drink out of the second-floor water fountain at AEHS and the spray hit me in the face instead of my mouth? Recorded with glee. The time I tripped over my new shoes and dropped all my books outside the Chem lab? Noted. The time I spilled soy sauce all down the front of my school uniform in the caf? There was actually a photo…a bad one, obviously taken with a cell phone camera.

But it was there.

And whoever had founded the site hadn’t stopped there. There was loads of advice as to how I could improve my looks so as not to appear so physically repulsive. For instance, according to ihatemiathermopolis.com, I needed to grow my hair out (well, obviously), and stop wearing my platform Mary Janes to school, because I’m “towering over everyone like some kind of supermodel. Or so she obviously THINKS she appears. Too bad no one’s told her she looks more like a superspastic.”

Nice.

That’s when the tears in my eyes spilled over. Suddenly sobs were wracking my body.

FTLOUIE: Tina. I’m sorry. I have to go.

ILUVROMANCE: Mia? Are you all right? You’re not taking this idiotic stuff SERIOUSLY, are you?

FTLOUIE: No, of course not! I just have to go. I’ll call you later.

ILUVROMANCE: Mia! I’m so sorry—but I thought you should know! Your dad should really call the school.

FTLOUIE: I’m glad you told me. Really. Good night, Tina.

ILUVROMANCE: Good night—

Wednesday, September 22, midnight, the loft

I just cried for, like, half an hour—in my bathroom, with the door shut, and the water running, so everyone would think I was just showering, and not bother me, asking me what was wrong. I think I cried harder just now than I ever have in my whole life. Fat Louie’s fur is SOAKED from all the tears that dropped into it while he curled up in my lap.

Well, okay. He wasn’t really curled up onto my lap. I was clutching him there, and he was trying to get away, and wailing piteously for help.

But whatever! If a girl can’t have her cat to comfort her in her time of direst need, what good is even HAVING a cat???

It just…it so blows, you know? I don’t WANT to be that girl. The crying emo girl. Next thing you know, I’ll start wearing skinny jeans and too much black eyeliner and nail polish and reading vampire romance novels.

God. I just…when am I going to start feeling BETTER? When am I going to get out of this hole Dr. Knutz PROMISED me he’d help me out of?

And it’s so lame, because I know how LUCKY I am. I mean, I don’t have any REAL problems. Well, except for the whole princess thing. And the ihatemiathermopolis.com thing.