Janelle Denison - Private Pleasures

Great, just great. She rubbed her forehead as the car rolled forward, moving onto surface streets. "I know you're busy, Grey. I don't expect you to see the baby every day-"

"I'll make the time. Every day."

Mariah took a deep calming intake of air. There was little she could say to his insistence on being a daily part of his child's life. She wanted that for this child, to know its father and spend time with him on a regular basis. But how was she going to survive seeing Grey every day, knowing that he had a life separate from hers-one that didn't include her, only their child?

He pulled into his driveway and cut the engine in front of his enormous, elegant two-story house. She stared up at the structure, a house built and designed for a bachelor with no intentions of getting tied down to a wife, and certainly not a child who would track dirt onto his light-colored carpet and leave toys strewn from one end of his impeccably clean house to the other. No, a family hadn't been in Grey's future thinking, and she worried how father and child would adjust when she wasn't there to smooth out the awkward moments between them.

The warmth of Grey's large hand beneath her blouse, then sliding down the waistband of her stretch pants startled her out of her thoughts. Her breath caught sharply and she grasped his wrist, though he didn't seem inclined to remove his hand from the taut curve of her belly. Their gazes locked, his so full of wonder and awe she wanted to cry.

"Grey…" Her voice quivered, as did her body. She'd missed his touch, and hated that she was so weak she didn't have the will to pull his hand away.

His fingers probed her firm stomach. "I've been wanting to do this since the day at your office, but I was afraid you'd sock me one." He smiled ruefully.

Her grip on his wrist relaxed, foolishly giving him free rein to explore her stomach. "What makes you think I won't now?"

He chuckled, the deep, sexy sound making her shiver. "I'll take my chances, sweetheart," he said, his voice amused. "Have you felt the baby move?"

She smiled, wanting nothing more than to share her body's changes with Grey. "Yes."

His eyes sparkled enthusiastically. "What does it feel like?"

How could she explain such an indescribable sensation? "It feels like a butterfly fluttering around in my belly, with a few swift jabs for good measure." Without thinking of the implications, she slid her palm over the back of his hand and guided him lower, to the spot where their baby liked to fuss and kick about the most.

His gaze dropped to her heavy breasts, taking in the changes there while his fingers drew lazy circles on her belly. Gradually he dragged his gaze back up, stopping briefly on her mouth, then onward to her eyes.

"You look beautiful like this, you know," he said huskily.

He was melting away her defenses by attacking her weak points-her desire and love for him. "Grey, don't do this-"

He cocked his head innocently, making him more irresistible than he already was. "Do what?"

Swallowing the thick need gathering in her throat, she withdrew his hand from beneath her blouse, which he allowed without protest. "Make this arrangement any more difficult than it already is."

"Is there something wrong with telling a woman she looks beautiful? Especially when that woman is carrying my child?"

Yes! she wanted to scream. Especially when this woman's heart had been shattered into a million pieces, and probably would never recover. Biting her lip to keep the words from escaping, she turned her gaze away from him.

With a gentle, persuasive pressure of his fingers on her chin, he brought her face back toward him again. "I haven't stopped wanting you, Mariah," he said, his voice soft and sincere. "If anything, the time we've been apart has only intensified my feelings toward you. Made me realize exactly what was missing from my life."

She pulled her chin from his grasp, trying not to soften to his will. It proved to be one of the most difficult feats of her life. "What are we doing here, Grey?" she asked tiredly.

He stared up at the house for a long, quiet moment, then said, "There's something I want to show you. Will you come with me?"

She opened her mouth to say no and request that he take her back to Casual Elegance. But there was something in his eyes, a combination of hope and anticipation that changed her answer to yes. At her nod, he released a relieved breath, quickly climbed out of the car, and came around for her.

With her hand secured within his, she followed him inside the house and up the staircase to the second floor. All the while she sensed the coil of nervousness in his body with every step he took. He paused at the guest bedroom, his free hand resting on the doorknob.

Mariah frowned. What was so spectacular about his guest room that so obviously had him tied up in a knot of tension? He slowly opened the door…and then she knew.

Nothing had prepared her for what she saw or the overwhelming emotions tumbling through her. He released her hand, and as if drawn by invisible strings, she tentatively stepped inside the newly redecorated room.

A nursery. Oh, God.

A whitewashed crib, matching changing table and dresser replaced the queen-size canopied bed and armoire that had occupied the room before. A rocking chair was positioned near the window, a big, soft teddy bear with a huge red bow sitting in the seat.

Her chest tightened when she realized the wallpaper was the one she would have chosen-a carousel of plump, whimsical zoo animals shaded in soft pastel colors. Everything matched the design, from the crib set and border running along the top of the room, to the diaper holder and the curtains framing the window. Obviously the room had been professionally decorated, but how had Grey known this was the design she'd envisioned for her own nursery?

Despite herself and the pain slowly invading her body, she moved into the room and toward the crib. She touched one of the stuffed animals hanging from the mobile, and the attached music box tinkled out a strain of "You Are My Sunshine." There was no doubt her baby would be happy here, in this delightfully decorated room.

A sob of despair broke from her. Tears blurred her vision, but she managed to blink them back. Dammit, this just wasn't fair!

"What, you don't like it?" At some point Grey had moved beside her. "Jade swore this was the pattern you said you wanted for the baby's nursery."

"Oh, it is." Damn Jade, anyway. How could her sister betray her this way?

"Well, then?" He clearly wanted an explanation for her emotional outburst.

She forced a smile, which was shaky at best considering she was dying inside. This part-time custody was going to kill her. "I'm sure the baby will love it."

He pushed his hands into his trouser pockets. "I'm hoping so, since he or she will be spending so much time here."

She stared at him in sudden horror. Had he gone through so much trouble with the nursery because he was considering full-time custody? The thought made her blood jell and her defenses rise. "You have every right to see this child as often as you'd like," she said in a voice that belied the fury steaming within her. "But I refuse to allow this baby to be raised by a nanny."

"A nanny?" An infuriatingly gentle smile touched his mouth and entered his eyes. "Oh, I must have forgotten to tell you-"

"Tell me what?" she demanded haughtily.

"That I want you to live here, too."

She tried, but failed to contain the hysterical laughter bubbling in her. "That's quite a convenient arrangement for you."

"Yeah, I guess it is." He shrugged nonchalantly. "But then why wouldn't I want my baby and my wife living in my house?"

White-hot anger swirled within her, hazing his words. "You know how I feel about living with you, and I resent the fact that you'd use this baby to…to…" His comment slowly seeped through her tirade, and her heart nearly stopped. "What did you say?" she breathed, afraid to believe, to hope.

"I said-"

"But do you mean it?" she asked swiftly, as if Grey speaking the words out loud would somehow dilute their meaning.

"Yes, I-"

"You really want to get married?"

He separated the distance between them, wrapped one arm around her back and hauled her to him, using his free hand to cover her mouth. "Yeah, I really want to."

"Mrmph-"

"Hush, Mariah," he said gently. Then, as if knowing what assurances she was searching for, he went on. "I want to get married, not because I think it's the right thing to do, or even because of the baby. It's because I love you, and I'm miserable without you. I want to be that person you grow old with, the person who shares your hopes and dreams."

This time when she looked into his eyes she didn't see any of the doubts or fears that had plagued him for so long. No, he was finally free of past burdens, free to love and be loved. She didn't think it possible to feel so much joy-Pulling his hand from her mouth, she smiled up at him.

"You're pretty darn close to making all my dreams come true." He folded her into his embrace and rubbed his cheek against her hair, speaking near her ear. "I was so afraid of falling in love, but you know what? That fear doesn't compare to the fear of losing you. I know it won't be easy, being a husband and a father, but I'm going to do my damnedest to make sure you don't regret marrying me."

Mariah lifted her head to look up at him, content and secure in his arms. "How could I, when I've waited my whole life for you?"

He sank his fingers into her hair and tilted her face up to his for a tender kiss. He sighed against her lips, then grinned. "Thank God I came to my senses in time."

"Yeah, you were a little slow in coming around." She wound her arms around his neck, pressing herself against the muscular heat of his body. "Are you sure this is what you want? Marriage and a baby?"

His eyes gleamed like gold. "Absolutely, without any doubts."

She toyed with the collar of his shirt, needing a deeper explanation for Grey's change of heart. "What changed your mind?"

He told her about a lost little girl he'd found, and how that one incident had changed his entire outlook on his future, and his ability to be a good, caring father.

"I want to give my son or daughter everything I never had as a child," he continued, his voice deep with conviction, "unconditional love. My undivided attention. A father they can be proud of. I want to make a difference in my son or daughter's life. And your strength and love will help me along the way. I'll probably need as much guidance as our child, but I know I can do this with you at my side."

She smiled, realizing that he'd finally come to terms with his past-and wanted to make a better childhood for his own baby. "I'm with you every step of the way."

He brushed the back of his knuckles across her cheek, his gaze reverent. "I want us to be the family I never had, and the family you've always wanted."

"Oh, Grey," she whispered. This time, the tears that filled her eyes were of pure happiness. "I do love you."

"Yeah, I love you, too. And that's a guarantee you can count on," he murmured. He sealed his vow with a breath-stealing kiss that left no doubts in her mind, or her heart, that he was in this for the long haul.

"Okay, Mariah, when the next contraction comes I want you to push real hard, and that should do it," her doctor said from the opposite end of the laboring table.

"Come on, honey," Grey whispered encouragingly as he rubbed the spot low on her back he knew had been bothering her since her contractions had begun nearly ten hours ago. He was amazed what women endured during labor, and how strong and determined Mariah had been throughout the long, drawn-out process.

But now, after all her hard work, his continuous pacing and the application of what they'd learned together at her Lamaze class, they were nearing the end of what was turning out to be the most incredible experience of his life.

He took a deep breath, his insides clenching, not with fear, but anticipation. This baby had changed his life in so many ways, and he or she wasn't even born yet. The thought was staggering, because the rest of their lives lay ahead, with so many lessons to learn along the way, and so much love to give.

Mariah began her breathing, indicating another contraction was on its way. He tensed right along with his wife, and perspiration dotted his brow as well as her own.

"Come here, Dad, quick," the doctor said to Grey. "This is something you don't want to miss."