Bertrice Small - Private Pleasures

"If she's bored, you should introduce her to The Channel, Carla," Nora said softly.

"Are you crazy?" Carla almost shouted.

"No, I'm not. Hear me out. It isn't Jeff who's beginning to crack over this divorce. It's Heidi. You know I don't care if he marries her or not. I just want my house. But now if the judge rules in his favor regarding the sale, I could lose the house. He's not caving, but Heidi is. That's why he's had Kramer go to the judge. Get Rick to ask the judge to wait another month for me to show signs of recovery. Have Rick say if I haven't woken up by then, he'll agree to the sale of the house as my caretaker.

"Heidi will have to wait another month. The young aren't good at waiting. They always want everything now. Tell Heidi that since she's so bored you'll let her in on a little secret, but Jeff can't know. Explain to her that The Channel is a place where all her fantasies can come true. Tell her you know she won't believe you, but to call Suburban Cable and order it when Jeff goes to bed. Warn her, though, that if Jeff is around, it won't work. And then tell her that if she tries it and doesn't like it, you'll work on Rick to agree to sell the house sooner. That's the bait that will hook our little fish."

"Why do you want her to know about The Channel?" Carla asked, curious.

"Because like the rest of us she'll have great sex here, and when she does, do you really believe she'll want to stay with Jeff? Why would she need him then?" Nora answered her best friend.

"You could be right, but what if you aren't?" Carla played devil's advocate.

"Then I lose," Nora said, "but I have to give it my best shot, Carla. I don't want my kids coming home to some dinky one-bedroom apartment, if I can even afford that. I don't want to leave Egret Pointe. It's my home."

"Okay, I'll do it," Carla said. "It just might work. Jeff hasn't looked too good of late. He's a little paunchy, and you know he never was paunchy. And he's got dark circles under his eyes too. You're getting to him, alright. He just won't give in. Yeah, on reflection I think Heidi is the weak link in this situation. It'll be a few days, though. It's just Wednesday night."

"I've waited this long," Nora said. "I can wait a little while longer."

"No way!" Heidi Millar said. "Way!" Carla Johnson told her.

They were standing in a corner of the Egret Pointe Wine Shoppe. All around them were wine-racked shelves holding bottles of everything from Long Island, upstate New York, and California vintages to wines from Chile, Australia, and Germany, as well as the finest French Burgundies, Bordeaux, Merlots, and Chardonnays available. There was a popular California table wine known locally as Two-Buck Chuck, and an Opici California Barbarone that retailed for fifteen dollars a gallon jug. There was something for everyone at the Egret Pointe Wine Shoppe.

"It's not possible," the younger woman said. "You must be hallucinating. What the hell do you people smoke out here?" Her blond hair was darker than it had been in June. She obviously wasn't keeping it up for whatever reason.

"Look, I don't pretend to understand it," Carla said low. "All I know is that it works. The Channel offers you whatever fantasy you want. Just think about it, turn on the television, and it's there. You're there. I am not nuts, and this is the best-kept secret among the women here. We can't all be hallucinating, and incidentally I don't smoke anything. Never started."

Heidi's grey eyes were thoughtful, curious. "What's your fantasy?" she murmured.

"I'm Captain Raven, the pirate queen," Carla responded.

Heidi snickered. She couldn't help it. "You're kidding, right?"

Carla smiled a slow, wicked smile. "Darling," she said, "my first mate has a fourteen-inch dick that's two and a half inches in circumference, and hits my G-spot seven times out of ten. No, I'm not kidding."

"Fourteen inches?" Heidi's voice was awed. "You measured?"

"Yep," Carla drawled. "Look, so you're not into pirate fantasies. I've got one friend who does the penthouse, hot lover, and hot masseur thing. She enjoys threesomes. Another who puts herself in the forefront of carving out the nation of Israel. She made her partner a younger version of her husband. She's not a woman who would ever think of another man. One gal I know likes to do other women. She wouldn't do it in her own reality. The Channel lets you be anything you want to be, and do anything you want to do. Don't you have a fantasy you want to live out? You can't be just about marrying Jeff Buckley, honey. There must be something naughty or wonderful that you want to do, and without him. That's the great thing about The Channel, and that's why no men are aware of it. It's all about women and their desires, their needs. Sort of like a grown-up tree house club. And No Boys Allowed. Except the ones we create in our imaginations."

"And you get it by just calling the cable company and asking for it?" Heidi's look was thoughtful.

"Yeah," Carla said. Easy, now. She's hooked. Reel her in slowly.

"Does it show up on the cable bill? Jeff goes over everything," Heidi explained.

"Shows up as a movie," Carla told her.

"You've been pulling my leg, right?" Heidi said suddenly. "I mean you're Nora's best friend, Jeff says. This is a joke, right? Why would you be nice to me?"

"Listen, honey," Carla told the girl, "no one is mad at you. Jeff and Nora haven't had a marriage in years. One day one of them was going to decide it was divorce time. None of us ever really liked Jeff. We put up with him for Nora's sake on the rare occasions he showed up. Yeah, Nora's my best friend. I don't deny it. But even she doesn't hold you responsible for what's happened, although you really should have kept your mouth shut at J. J.'s graduation party, but that's in the past.

"You're stuck out here every weekend until Jeff puts the house on the market. You're bored. Jeff bring his Viagra this time?" she queried, and wisely refrained from grinning when Heidi shook her head in the negative. "So he's probably going to hit the sack early again tonight. And there you are watching The District. Rick will be snoozing early too. Men are like bears in winter. They like to hibernate. As for me, I'll be downstairs in my sewing and crafts room in the cellar. Or at least my body will. The body I possess in The Channel will be getting its little self fucked to pieces by that nice fourteen-inch dick that Caleb Snow possesses, and wields so skillfully."

"I still think you're kidding," Heidi said, but she sounded less convinced than she had earlier.

"Look, call the cable company, and ask for The Channel. If I'm joking, they won't know what you're talking about," Carla said. "But if they tell you you've got it from eight p.m. on, then you know I'm not joking."

"It could be something totally different than you say it is. Pets. Or decorating." Heidi shifted her weight nervously.

"And it could be just what I've told you, which it is. If it isn't, and you're unhappy, I'll talk to Rick about letting Jeff put the house on the market sooner. That's fair, isn't it?" Carla gave her companion a little smile.

"I could say I got it and didn't like it, and you'd never know," Heidi replied.

"I don't believe you'd do that," Carla responded. "I think you'd play fair."

Heidi nodded. "Yes, I would. Besides, I really am curious to see if this channel of yours exists."

"What's your fantasy?" Carla probed gently, casually reaching for a bottle of red wine from Long Island.

"I had a boyfriend in college, and we tried erotic-asphyxiation fucking. It was incredible! I've never had an orgasm like that before or after. Jeff isn't into stuff like that," Heidi said. "I love him, but geez, it's tough to get him to be creative in the sack."

The leopard does not change his spots, Carla thought to herself. "So, there's your chance. The Channel."

"Can I get a guy with a fourteen-inch dick too?" Heidi wondered.

"Just think about it, and he'll be there," Carla assured her.

"How do I get from here to there once I get The Channel?" Heidi asked.

"Just touch the screen when you see your fantasy coming up. You'll figure it out, honey. Let me know how you liked it. I gotta go now. Pizza night, and my pie should be waiting at Tony's."

"What goes with Chinese takeout?" Heidi wondered.

"I'd try a domestic Chardonnay or white zinfandel," Carla suggested. "See ya around, honey." And she was quickly gone to pay for her wine and pick up her pizza.

Heidi Millar purchased the Chardonnay. Jeff didn't like pink wine, although she did prefer a zinfandel herself. She picked up the takeout at Wo Fat's and drove back to Ansley Court. Was Carla Johnson kidding her? How was such a thing as this channel possible? Still, would it hurt to try it? If it existed. And if it didn't, who was going to know? She just would say she didn't do it. Fourteen inches of meat, she thought. Jeff had been so preoccupied lately with the divorce, the house, and how the whole thing was appearing to the partners and the clients that he had really neglected her. They used to have sex every night. Now she was lucky if she could get him to get it up twice a week. She needed a good fuck, and she knew damned well she wasn't going to get it from Jeff tonight, or tomorrow night after they had driven back to the city, or any night soon. So why not try The Channel and hope it really did exist? Fourteen inches. Two and a half inches in circumference. A cock like that shoved up her would really feel good right now. She wanted some hot sex. And she wanted it rough. Thinking about her college boyfriend's hands about her neck squeezing, about her coming and coming, almost made Heidi drive off the road.

"Where have you been?" Jeff demanded in surly tones when she got to the house.

"Out picking us up a bottle of wine," she answered, going into the kitchen and setting down the bags. She could smell the Chinese, and her stomach rumbled in anticipation.

"How long does it take to pick out a bottle of wine in this town?" he demanded.

"Hey, the wine shop here is cool. It's got everything. I found that nice Australian white you like," she wheedled him. She held up the bottle as if it were a trophy, and gave him a quick kiss. "Now stop being so grumpy," she told him.

"What's this?" he demanded to know, holding up a narrow box.

Heidi flushed. "It's an e.p.t. test. Relax, I'm not pregnant. I was late, and I got nervous, but I got my period last week. I had it here so I could check this weekend if nothing happened."

"I told you no more kids!" he shouted, and then he slapped her. "Don't I have enough trouble without that? I don't want any more kids."

Stunned, Heidi's hand went to her face. Her eyes filled with tears. "Well, maybe I want a kid. Just one. Your kids hate me, and besides, they're grown."

"No kids," he told her firmly.

"You didn't have to hit me, Jeff," she quavered.

"Baby, I'm sorry." He gave her a quick hug. "It's this damned house! I hate it! I thought having her clothes packed away would do it, but Nora is everywhere in this house. I can't wait to sell the place, and be done with it."

"We don't have to come out here every weekend," Heidi said. "We're missing all the good parties now, you know. And we were invited to the preview of that new show last night. And there are at least two concerts coming up that I wanted to go to, Jeff."

"I can't leave the house alone on a weekend. It's safe during the week, but on the weekends the kids around here run wild," he told her. "There's nothing else for them to do but break into empty houses, drink the liquor, and trash the place. No, until I sell it, we're coming out on the weekends. Now, could we eat? I'm beat, and I want to go to bed. Jesus, that new toothpaste account is giving me fits. The music for the commercial just isn't right yet, and I can't figure it out."