Marie Sexton - Promises

Finally, the doctor stuck something on the baby’s head that looked suspiciously like a funnel. Lizzy gave one last push, the doctor pulled, and the baby was free. A boy. He was bald and pink and wrinkly, his head was shaped like the funnel, and he had an angry red triangle right above the bridge of his nose. I was horrified, but Lizzy assured me all of that would pass.

“We’re naming him James Henry,” she told me proudly. James, my middle name, and Henry, my dad’s name. I kissed her on the forehead.

Brian brought him over and started to pass him to me.

“What are you doing? I can’t hold him! What if I hurt him?”

He laughed at me. “Better get used to it, little brother. Lizzy told me about the weekly date nights you promised us.”

“You mean the weekly date nights she coerced me into?”

But once he was in my arms, I saw that he really was beautiful. And precious. And the horrible tightness that had held my heart since Matt left eased just a tiny bit.

I laughed out loud. “I’m an uncle!”

THE first Tuesday in November, seven different kids were around my dining room table when there was a knock on the door. Matt was the only person who didn’t ring the doorbell, and I tried to beat back the ridiculous excitement that he was here.

But when I opened my door, it was immediately apparent that this was not a social visit. It was Matt, in full uniform, and another cop was with him. Matt was obviously extremely embarrassed. He had his hat off and was fidgeting with it. He was looking everywhere but at me. I was trying desperately not to think about the way his lips felt on my neck, his hands in my hair, his body pressing against mine—

“Sir?” It was the other cop talking, interrupting my treacherous thoughts, and I found it difficult to tear my eyes away from Matt and look at him. “We got a call that you have some kids here?”

It took me a second to process his words. “Yes.” I stepped aside so they could see the kids at the table. It seemed obvious to me what was going on: a bunch of kids, two pizza boxes, and at least a dozen open school books. The kids were all frozen, staring at the door, with pencils and floppy pieces of pizza in their hands. It looked like some crazy parody of The Last Supper. The cop—his tag said Officer Jameson—stalked past me to the table.

“What’s going on here? Which one of you is Aiden?”

Aiden turned about ten shades of red and raised his hand.

“Is this everybody?” Jameson asked. “Are there any kids back in the bedroom?”

“What?” I almost yelled, and at the same time, I heard Matt say, “Grant, don’t!” Grant just smirked at him.

The implications of what was going on were starting to catch up with me. I took a deep breath and said, “No, there’s nobody in the bedroom! How can you even ask that? I’m tutoring them.”

Jameson was opening his mouth to say something, and I could tell it was going to be something sarcastic, when Matt jumped in.

“Jared.” I could tell by his face that he hated saying it. “We got a call from one of the moms.” I heard Aiden groan. “She was worried about her kid spending so much time here. She asked us to check it out.”

“I’m not doing anything wrong.” My jaw was clenched so tight, I was surprised they could understand me.

Officer Grant Jameson snorted.

Matt shot him a dirty look but said to me, “I know.” He looked at the floor, fidgeted more with his hat. “She was pretty upset, and she’s been making calls to some of the other parents. I’m sorry.” Now he looked back up at me, and I hated myself for the way my heart skipped a beat, just looking into his eyes. “I think it might be best if you had them go home.”

“This is bullshit!” Ringo suddenly yelled, standing up from the table. “Jared is the only one who’s been able to teach us this stuff. You can’t make us leave.”

Jameson turned on him. “Look, kid—”

“Stop!” Amazingly, he did, and everybody looked at me. I turned to Jameson. “This is my house, and you have no right to come in here like this. I’m not doing anything wrong, and I would like you to leave. Right now.” I looked at Matt and said, “Both of you!” Matt flinched and looked away.

Jameson opened his mouth to speak, but I wasn’t done. I turned to the students. “I certainly don’t want anybody thinking I’m corrupting their kids.” I tried not to sound too sarcastic when I said that. “I think the officer is right. You should all go home.”

This was met by loud protests, mainly voiced in the form of obscenities, from the kids.

“Jared, you can’t quit teaching us now. We need your help,” Ringo said. “Since you started helping us, we’re all passing.”

One of the other boys jumped in. “Right. This is the first year that I’ve been able to keep playing football. Every other year, my math grades are too low for eligibility.”

“Listen, I’ll keep teaching—”

“Sir, I don’t think—”Jameson tried to cut in, but I just raised my voice and talked over him.

“—but anybody who comes back, you need to bring a note from your parents saying that it’s okay. Tell the others too. And I know your handwriting, so don’t try to forge it.”

Everybody looked relieved at that except Aiden. There didn’t seem to be much I could do about that, though.

The kids finally left, and Jameson headed for the car, but Matt hung back.

He was watching me warily. I was gathering up dirty paper plates and empty pop cans, doing my best not to look at him. “Jared, I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t do anything inappropriate.” I didn’t say anything. Whatever anger I had started with was gone, and I just felt embarrassed and resentful. “This is why, isn’t it?” he asked quietly. “This is why you aren’t teaching? It’s not really about the shop at all.”

“Yes.” And I hated how defeated I sounded when I said it.

“Maybe you could—”

I didn’t want to talk to him about it. Not now, with everything else lying unfinished between us. I looked up at him and said, with more venom than I felt, “Will that be all, Officer Richards?” I could tell I had hurt him, but I didn’t care. He looked away.

“That’s all.”

I resisted the urge to slam the door behind him.

ON THURSDAY, most of my students came back with permission slips. A few of the parents had actually written encouraging notes, telling me that they trusted me and that they appreciated what I was doing for their kids. It made me feel better, and after that the tutoring sessions resumed without incident.

A few days later, Cole called.

“Hey, Sweets. Are you lonely tonight?” He always talked in a flirty, flamboyant, lilting voice, and he never called me by name.

“We’ll both be lonely tonight if you call me that again.” I knew he wouldn’t listen.

“Don’t be such a kill-joy.”

“Are you in Vail? The slopes aren’t even open yet, are they?”

“Just passing through, Sweets. I thought I could head your way for the night. That is, if you’re feeling accommodating.”

My first instinct was to say no. But who was I kidding? I knew Matt wasn’t celibate in his relationship with Cherie, and I certainly didn’t owe him anything on that front. Plus, I don’t get that many opportunities. There was no telling when Cole would call again—maybe as soon as next month, maybe not until next year. Maybe never. And the thought of the months stretching out ahead of me with no company but my own hand decided it for me.

“Cole, your timing could not be better.”

“I’ll be there in four hours, Sweets.”

The next morning, when I came out of the bedroom, he was already dressed. Cole is shorter than me, whip thin, boyishly cute with dark hair artfully cut to hang in his eyes, and has just a hint of swish in his walk. He was looking at me oddly out of the corner his eye.

“What?”

“Just wondering, Sweets, that’s all. Who exactly is Matt?”

I felt myself go red up to my hairline and thought back on our activities of the previous night, hoping I hadn’t said Matt’s name at an inopportune moment. Cole must have seen the slight panic on my face because he laughed.

“Not that. I’ve told you before—you talk in your sleep.” He turned and pinned me with a piercing gaze. “Are you in a relationship? I know things between us have always been casual, but I would expect better of you than to cheat on a lover.”

“No. It’s not like that at all.” I tried to sound nonchalant but failed. Instead, it came out resigned and bitter.

He relaxed. “But you want it to be?” There was no jealousy. Our relationship was casual enough to avoid that kind of snag. He was just asking.

“I do.”

“So what’s the problem? He’s not interested?”

“Let’s just say his closet door is shut tight. And deadbolted.”

“Ah. The power of denial. Well, then, I don’t feel bad about last night. Do you?”

I smiled at him and leaned in to kiss his jaw. “Not a bit.” It was mostly true. “I probably should take you out for breakfast.”

“You should, but you won’t. I know you. God forbid anybody in this town find out that you actually get laid once in a while.”

It was an old argument and one that we never pursued far. “Cole—”

“Don’t worry. I’ll wait here while you run to the store and get something. And don’t even think about bringing me a donut. I want a—”

“A cinnamon bagel with low-fat cream cheese and a vanilla latte. I know.” I kissed him again. “Just give me five minutes to shower first.”

Just as I was stepping out of the shower, I heard a knock on the door, and my heart sank. I knew it was Matt—anybody else would use the doorbell—and I was struggling to get my sweats back on and get out there, although I had no idea how I was going to handle the situation when I did.

I heard the door open and heard Cole say, “Well, hello, officer! If I had known we had company coming, I wouldn’t have gotten dressed so fast.” Oh shit.

I made it into the living room, pants on but with my hair dripping wet, just in time to hear Matt say, “So. You must be Cole.”

“Well.” Cole threw a wink over his shoulder at me. “I’m flattered. And you are…?”

Matt just stood there. He was in his uniform, and I had never seen him look so angry. He was looking at Cole like he was some kind of bug and he couldn’t decide whether to put him outside or just step on him. But Cole is not the type to be intimidated. If anything, he uses his flamboyance as a type of shield, a way to thumb his nose at people who look down on him. I watched him do it now. He put his hand on his hip, cocked it out a bit, looked flirtingly up at Matt through his bangs, and even batted his eyes a little. “Is there a problem, officer?”

Matt’s cheeks started to flush, but I didn’t know if it was embarrassment or anger. He was completely still and silent. When it became obvious that he wasn’t going to answer Cole, I spoke up.

“Cole, this is Matt.”

Cole’s eyes went a little wide, and then he was instantly in motion. “Okay, Sweets, it’s obviously time for me to be on my way. Give me one second.” Matt and I stood there, arms crossed, watching each other warily while Cole bustled around gathering up his jacket and keys. Then he stepped up next to me and put an arm around my waist. He leaned in to nuzzle my neck, and I tilted my head a little to give him better access. Matt went stone cold rigid. I was still mad enough over the tutoring incident to take a little bit of pleasure in making him uncomfortable.

“An absolute pleasure, as always, Sweets. I’ll give you a call next time I’m in the area.” He intentionally said it loud enough for Matt to hear but then whispered in my ear, “Go get him, Jared,” before kissing me on the cheek and heading for the door.

Matt and I stood there a little longer after he was gone, waiting to see who would speak first. It turned out to be him.

“I didn’t expect you to have company.”

“Obviously.” All those weeks that I had been hoping to see him, hoping he would call, hoping he would knock on my door just like he had this morning, and yet now that he was here, all I could see was the judgment in his eyes. I turned away from him, went around the counter into the kitchen, and started making coffee.

“What is it, Matt? Did you come here to talk or to tell me how disgusted you are by my lifestyle? Or maybe to make sure I’m not tutoring kids in my bedroom?”

“Not that. I wanted to see you. But, I didn’t expect—” He stopped and seemed to be struggling to find the right words, struggling to get his rage back under control. “I didn’t expect him. I didn’t expect to find you with somebody else!”