Kristen Ashley - Raid

“And Rachelle’” I added. “So,” I started conversationally, “no one has ever called you Raiden but me?”

“Raiden is a silly-ass romance novel hero’s name my Mom came up with to torture me,” he replied.

I stifled a giggle and remarked, “And Raid isn’t silly?”

He smiled. “Raid’s a badass’s name.”

He was not wrong.

I brushed my lips against his and mumbled, “I see.”

“Love you, Hanna.”

He said that to me now. Not frequently, but he said it.

But the way he said it right then made my head came up an inch and I glued my eyes to his.

“I love you too, honey,” I whispered.

“Nothin’ ever touches you,” he declared and I knew.

He was still thinking about Nick Sebring.

“I’m okay,” I assured him.

“My work doesn’t touch you.”

“Honey,” I wound my arms and him. “I’m okay.”

“Knight was about as unhappy as I was you were approached. He’s got a woman, she’s his world. He gets where I’m at. You won’t see Nick again.”

I nodded, but my belly fluttered.

I was his world.

He bent his head and kissed my chest before he tipped it back again. “You want me to clean you up or are you feelin’ energetic?”

Since it was just him and me and always would be, plus the fact I was on birth control, we’d discussed it and he’d dispensed with the condoms.

Gratifyingly.

“I’m feeling energetic,” I told him.

“Then climb off, but I’m feeling energetic, too, so we go to bed naked. If I want you in the night, all-access.”

I slid off but I did it shivering.

I started to move, but Raiden brought me back with an arm around my waist so I was pressed to his front. His other hand slid between my legs. Sensitive, my body melted into his, my hands settled on his shoulders, my eyes slid half-shut and my lips parted.

“Fuck me,” he murmured, his beautiful eyes moving over my face. “Just wanted a quick reminder of that sweet pussy, and one look at your face, now I gotta finger fuck it to make you come again.”

He most certainly did.

I started breathing heavily and my fingers clutched his shoulders.

“Face in my neck, hold on and let me give it to you, baby,” he ordered. “And this time, I’m gonna make you mark me.”

His words made my hips twitch. I held on, pressed close and let him give it to me.

In the end, I wasn’t feeling as energetic as I thought, so Raid ended up out of bed to get a washcloth to clean the remnants of him away me.

Then I fell asleep moments after I felt Raiden’s arm move, my eyes drifting open and closed, watching his fingertips move over the skin of his neck then the skin of my lips.

And the last thing I heard before I floated off was his muttered, “Love my wild one.”

* * *

The bed moved violently. My eyes flew open, then my body rolled over Raiden’s and I was flying through the air.

I landed on my back on the floor beside the bed with a pained cry as the jolt of landing raced along my spine, radiated over my scalp and along the small of my back.

I blinked, trying to understand what was happening, at the same time concentrating on the thankfully receding pain, when suddenly Raid was kneeling beside me.

“Jesus, fuck, Hanna, fuck. Fuck,” he ended on a snarl as I pushed up to my elbows.

“I’m okay.”

“Move your legs for me,” he ordered.

I pushed up fully and bent my legs, repeating, “Honey, I’m okay.”

A moment of silence slid by before I was cradled in his arms. He picked me up, turned, sat on the side of the bed and held me close, my behind in his lap, his face in my neck.

“Goddamn it,” he muttered there.

“A dream?” I asked.

He didn’t answer, but it was then I noticed his big, strong body was shaking.

I closed my eyes, pressed close and wound my arms around him. “I’m okay. It’s okay. Okay?” I asked stupidly.

“Coulda hurt you,” he said.

“You didn’t.”

“I could have.”

I held tight and stated firmly. “You didn’t.”

“Fuck,” he clipped and his arms went tight around me too.

He went silent and I just held on for a while, then I moved my hand and sifted my fingers through his thick, silky hair before curling it around the back of his neck.

His body stopped shaking, but he didn’t let me go, so I returned the favor.

Then he lifted his head and I tipped mine back to look at him.

“Goin’ to the guest room, honey. I’ll sleep there until I get a lock on these dreams,” he declared.

At his words, I automatically put a lock on him, one arm going tight, the other one sliding into his hair and fisting.

“Sorry?” I asked.

“We fuck, we kiss, I’ll leave you safe in here, sleep in the other room ‘til I’m good, know I got them under control, then I’ll come back,” he replied.

My back shot straight and my lips, rough and commanding, stated, “No. You. Will. Not.”

I felt his body jolt around me.

“Hanna—”

“They do not get to take you away from me,” I snapped, and at that I felt his frame string tight.

I didn’t care.

I moved my hands to either side of his head and brought my face close.

“They tore huge chunks of you away and they can have those. I can’t get those back, but they are not taking the you that’s mine away from me.”

“Babe—”

“No,” I bit off. “I waited for you for almost a lifetime. I’m not going to get you and have any of the good parts torn away, like you sleeping somewhere else. I like sleeping with you. I feel safe with you beside me. I wake up happy. They don’t get to take that from me, and further, they don’t get it from you.”

He gave me a light shake. “Babe, tonight, no clue what I was doin’, I threw you across the room.”

“Throw me out the window, I don’t care. Just don’t make me sleep without you.”

His arms convulsed and his voice was hoarse when Raiden began, “Love that, baby, but—”

I cut him off. “Not to throw your words in your face but did your buddies die so you can sleep without your woman?”

He went completely still.

I didn’t give up.

“Talk to one of the guys,” I ordered.

“Babe—”

I pressed my hands into his head. “Raid. Talk. To. One. Of. The. Guys.” I didn’t give him a chance to respond. I took my hands from his head, slapped them on his chest and cried, “God! Don’t you think the same thing is happening to them that’s happening to you? So much testosterone, sucking it up and not wanting to appear weak. Don’t you think that they’re waiting for the strongest one of you to step up, get it out and give them that outlet so you can all find ways to move the heck on?”

I stopped talking and braced for his reaction, which could be anything, but was stunned with what I got.

His head dropped forward so his forehead rested on my shoulder. He turned it, tipped his chin, and, lips at my ear, whispered, “Hal was with me. Hal was… I’ll talk to Hal.”

I had no clue who Hal was. I just knew I was thanking God the unknown Hal existed and my man trusted him enough to talk to him about this.

I also closed my eyes and clutched him to me.

“Thank you,” I breathed.

“And I’ll sleep here. With you.”

I clutched him closer and repeated my relieved, “Thank you.”

His head came up and he caught my eyes in the dark. “You got that, honey. But you got it understanding right now we make a deal that if that happens again, no matter how it happens, I hurt you, I almost hurt you, we’re done and I move to the other room until I get a lock on it.”

“Raid—”

“No, babe, that’s your compromise and as far as I’m willin’ to go. I love you’d take the risk. I love you don’t want to lose me. But see it from my perspective. If I actually hurt you, I’d have to live with that. Don’t make me.”

I got that, and while I didn’t like it, I got it, so I’d give it to him.

“Okay. I won’t make you.”

“Thank you.”

Even though I didn’t like giving him what I had to give him, I was glad I gave it to him because his thank you was so darn sweet.

I pulled in a deep breath, let it go, moved into him and cuddled close.

Raiden held me for a good long while then he shifted us so we were in bed, him on his back me tucked to his side.

His hand sifted through my hair then his arm stopped and curved round me.

It didn’t go slack.

He didn’t go to sleep.

Neither did I.

He was torturing himself because of what he did to me, and maybe scared of hurting me through another dream.

I was heartbroken he was sleepless for these reason.

Dawn touched the sky, and finally his arm went slack.

I finally allowed myself to drift to sleep.

Three weeks later, Labor Day…

I watched as I wandered across Grams’s lawn. It was filled with people and tables groaning with food that she helped prepare, but these days the existence of the food had more to do with me, KC, Eunice, and this year Rachelle and Ruthie.

I folded myself in the chair next to Grams, feeling the sun beating on me, as well as a variety of other things.

Raiden was at the end of the yard, bent in, his hand curled around the red flag dangling from the middle of a long length of rope.

Kids were on either side, hands to the rope, ready.

“On three!” I heard him shout and my heart started beating harder, my belly getting warm, my skin tingling. “One!” He looked to his left. “Two!” He looked to his right. “Three!” he yelled.

He let go of the rope, stepped back and the kids started straining.

Grams’s annual picnic.

Tug of war.

His eyes came right to me.

My breath caught.

Then Raiden Ulysses Miller smiled at me.

The sun was warm and bright, but the heat that engulfed me had nothing to do with it.

I smiled back.

Grams’s hand curled around mine.

“Proud of you, chère,” I heard her say, but I didn’t take my eyes off Raid as he monitored the game.

I turned my hand and curved my fingers around hers.

“Battled the blaze,” she went on.

“It’s still burning.”

“Yes, I see. But I believe in you, precious girl. You’ll get it so it’s warm and cozy.”

I hoped she was right.

I didn’t share that. I just tightened my hand around hers as much as I dared.

“How’s it feel?” she asked.

“Nothing sweeter nor will there ever be,” I answered.

“Your old biddy of a Grams is right,” she murmured.

“Always.”

She held onto my hand.

I didn’t let go.

* * *

One month later…

I rode up to my house on my bike and saw Raiden sitting on the porch in one of my wicker chairs, hand curled around a beer.

He’d never done that, so I didn’t know if it was a good thing.

I rode up to the steps, pushed my kickstand down and dismounted. I walked up to the porch, appreciating his fall action man gear. This consisted of everything being the same, but instead of a tee, he was wearing a skintight thermal.

Indian summer long gone, a nip in the mountain air, I was wearing jeans, a cute pink sweater and low heeled boots.

I approached and his eyes moved over me before they shifted to my bike then back at me.

When he said, “Gonna have to put her up for the winter soon, babe,” I decided not to move into him and give him a kiss, and instead headed to the swing.

Shifting onto it with practiced ease, I lifted my legs and crossed them under me, looking back at him to see, through my movements, I had never lost those beautiful, unusual green eyes I hoped he gave our babies.

“I know,” I agreed.

“You keep ridin’ it, need to get a clip for your jeans or you’re gonna catch them in the chain.”

He was right, so I nodded.

Raiden looked away and took a tug off his beer, his attention going to the front yard.

I gave him some time then asked, “Is everything okay, sweetheart?”

To which, straight out, he answered, “Talked to Hal today.”

I knew what he meant. I was surprised he told me. I was also surprised he took this much time to do it. He hadn’t had any dreams since he threw me off the bed. I thought he’d already done it and things were good. But I hadn’t asked because I felt it was his to tell.