“I’m Cruz’s ol’ lady,” I said, deadpanned.

“Yeah, we’ll see. I’ll call him in here, and when he tells me youre full of fucking shit, we’re gonna take turns fucking every single hole of your body.”

It took every bit of my strength not to rip his balls off and feed them to him. I wanted to punch, kick, and kill this fucker in front of me. But at the sound of hearing he was going to get Cruz, I was relieved.

“Don’t fucking move,” he barked at me, and I didn’t move a muscle.

“Princess!” Cruz’s voice boomed in the room. I turned to the voice, feeling relieved. “What the fuck are you doing out here? And without your fucking rag?” he growled at me angrily.

I stood there, stunned, my stomach sinking to the floor. I didn’t even think of putting the rag on. I just thought of getting my boy some food.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Sorry? I told you to stay in my fucking room!” he bellowed as the other man came in, crossing his arms over his chest.

“This one yours?” he asked Cruz.

“Yeah. My ol’ lady.”

“Shit brother. That’s Princess? I didn’t know. She didn’t have your patch on.”

“No, she doesn’t. Can you leave us, bro?” Suddenly I felt like I wanted the psycho in the same room with us, so Cruz didn’t kill me where I stood.

I’d never once felt scared with Cruz, but I was feeling it now. I thought I should explain. “Cooper wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I just came to get him one.”

“I told you to keep your ass in that room. And then you come out without your rag on. That means your fair game to all the brothers. You want that? You want them all to take turns fucking you?”

“No.”

“Damn straight, no. I told you that pussy is mine. You are mine. Go back to the room. Now.”

Grabbing the sandwich only, I raced to the room, locking it behind me.

“Yea… Mommy. Tank you!” Cooper began gobbling it up as he watched his rabbits’ cartoon.

“Coop, I’m gonna go take a shower. Be out in a minute. Stay right there.” He nodded his head, his mouth too full to respond.

Sitting on the toilet, I buried my head in my hands, letting the tears free fall from my eyes. My first day as an ol’ lady and I’ve already fucked up. I embarrassed Cruz and myself in front of a brother, the one thing I didn’t want to do. I should have had the rag on, I should have known better.

Stripping out of my clothes, I washed away the tears, wanting to get them all out before going out to Cooper.

Coop was lying on the floor, his mostly eaten sandwich lying on the plate in front of him. His eyes were drooping almost to closing.

“Come on, Buddy.” Instead of putting him in his bed, I brought him in with me. Wrapping my arms around him, I listened to his slow breathing. I wanted more than anything to fall asleep. Call me a chicken or a pussy… I didn’t give a shit. I didn’t want to face Cruz. Not after this debacle.

As I watched the clock flash red numbers one at a time as each minute passed, my body wouldn’t relax enough to sleep, but when the door opened, I closed my eyes hoping he would think I was out.

The rustling of clothes was behind me along with the thump of boots hitting the floor. Keeping my eyes closed, I felt the dip on the side of the bed where Coop was laying, and then the removal of him. I evened out my breathing, knowing that he was going to be back any minute.

The bed dipped as his warm body slid beneath the sheets. “I know you’re awake, Princess.” I didn’t move, hoping he was wrong. “Come on, if you were asleep you’d have had a gun to my face when I moved Coop.” Letting out a sigh, I slowly opened my eyes, waiting for him to talk.

“You have to wear your rags. Whenever you’re in the clubhouse, you’ve got to wear them. It’s the only thing that’s gonna protect you.” He rolled over on his side, his voice calm and collected, nothing like earlier in the kitchen. With his anger gone, I relaxed a bit and listened. “That guy was Butch. He’s from the Davis chapter and didn’t have a clue who you were. If he would have, I’d have kicked his ass for hitting on my girl.” Letting out a deep breath, he continued, “I know you were taking care of our boy, but you gotta wear your rags.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, not wanting to say much.

“I’m sorry too, Baby. I just lost it.” Cruz pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me tightly. With my head nuzzled in his chest, I breathed him in, comforted by his gentle touch.

“I’ll wear it. I promise.” After lying there for quite some time, I spoke. “Cruz?”

“Yeah?”

“I was scared. I was afraid of what I’d have to do,” I whispered, feeling the need to let him know how I felt about the whole thing. I didn’t say a word about the man slapping me. I didn’t need to add more shit to the already burning inferno. But if it had gone further, I would have protected myself, brother or not.

“I know Baby. I know.” He rubbed my back, slowly lulling me into another restless sleep.

* * *

“Babe, gotta ride.” Cruz called out from the main room. I walked out with Coop in my arms and my rags on. Coop wiggled out to get to his daddy. “I’ll be back. Love you.” Cruz kissed him on the cheek as he squeezed him tight.

Looking deep in his eyes, there were many things I wanted to say. Like, be careful, stay safe, don’t get shot, but I kept it to myself. I knew exactly where he was going thanks to Stella, and I couldn’t say that I liked it. But it was club business, it just so happened to have me smack in the fucking middle of it. It pissed me off that I was putting the brothers in danger, and then on top of it; I didn’t know why the hell this was happening.

Cruz gave strict instructions for me to stay away from Studio X tonight, and I was completely fine with that. I didn’t want to be in the way or have anyone worrying about me as it was going down. I wanted to be here safe with my boy.

But I didn’t like it. I didn’t like sending him into something where he could be killed. I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. It would kill me. Even though I knew it was part of the life, it didn’t mean that I had to like it.

Cruz wrapped his other arm around me, “I’ll be fine, Baby. Love you.” He kissed me deeply with Coop still in his arms.

As he pulled away, he told Coop, “I love you, too.” Cruz handed me Coop, walking out of the clubhouse.

Ma’s firm arms were there to wrap around us. “He’ll be fine.”

I smiled weakly at her knowing she’s been around long enough to know what the hell goes on, too. This time, I wished I didn’t.

* * *

Ma took Cooper up to the shop for a while to give him a change of scenery and me a break. Even though he’s been a wonderful distraction from what’s been going on, I needed an adult time out. Walking around the compound, I loved seeing all the banners and paintings that graced the inside of the walls. Most had the Ravage MC symbols of flaming skulls, and others had Harleys.

As I glanced at the shop, I saw Casey bent over an engine, hard at work. It was killing me that we had not seen much of each other since I’d gotten out. I didn’t understand it. It’s like she was avoiding me at all costs. She knew I had been staying here, and even though she came to work here every day, she never came in to say hi.

Walking up behind her, my voice startled her as she jumped. “Hey, girl.”

“Shit. You scared me,” she said, moving away from the engine wiping her hands on the nearby shop rag, not making eye contact.

“Where you been, Casey?”

“Mostly here.” Her avoidance pissed me off.

“What the hell is going on?” She shrugged her shoulders. “Bullshit. Talk now.” My temper began flaring, wanting to know what the fuck was going on.

“There’s nothing to talk about. Just trying to get these rides done,” she said, waving her hand over the car in front of us.

“What the fuck is the deal? I get out of prison, get shot at, take on an ol’ man and kid, and you’re nowhere to be found. That’s not like you, Casey. You need to tell me.”

Casey looked around the garage seeing that we were the only two in the building. When her eyes met mine, I could see the pain in them deep, hard, and hurtful pain. I also saw the confliction she felt. She wanted to, but she didn’t. I stood there waiting to see which one would win in the end.

“I fucked him,” her voice void as she spoke.

“Who?”

“G.T.” Shock and exasperation flooded my body. Wasn’t this the same woman that was questioning me a few weeks ago about sleeping with Cruz?

“You fucked my brother?” I questioned as she nodded. “Just once?” She shook her head no. “How long?”

“A couple months. I just ended it about two weeks ago.”

Normally I wouldn’t think anything of this, but we’d always said that we’d never fuck brothers. I fell off the bandwagon, but I never thought Casey would. “Why did you end it?”

Her eyes grew cold in an instant. “Because I will not be one of his whores that he can fuck when he wants to. He fucks everything around here. I couldn’t do it, couldn’t watch it.”

I understood all too well. I’ve seen G.T. with many women and some images I’d like to bleach out of my eyeballs, but that won’t happen. He wasn’t shy about his dick being in any hole he could find, and the ladies lined up for miles for it. They loved it. And so did he.

“So you’ve been avoiding me or my brother?”

“Both.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t want you to be pissed at me, and I couldn’t show up in that clubhouse when he was there. I didn’t want the other guys thinking they could fuck me, too. It’s not gonna happen. I’m done with bikers.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“I’m moving away.” I stared at her as if she grew another eyeball as my stomach plummeted to the ground.

“What?” My world came to a stop as everything left me empty and bereft.

“I’m going away to Cherry Vale to college. I wanna get my degree in business so I can start my own shop and build something for me. I have cash saved up from working here, and from Dad.”

“When are you going?” I asked, wanting to crawl into a hole. I’d been without her for two years, and now she was moving away. How could this be happening?

“I’m leaving at the end of the week.”

“What! You can’t leave in four days!” I yelled, my hands flying in the air. What the hell was this woman thinking! She can’t just fucking leave here.

“I have to. I got a job there at a shop, while I’m taking classes. They wanted me as soon as possible.”

“You’re going just to get away from G.T,” I didn’t hide my anger. I was pissed as shit.

Casey walked up in front of me, placing her hands on my cheeks. “Low, you know better than anyone that even though I’m a past member’s daughter, it means nothing. And add the fact that I fucked G.T. with no commitment… that puts me in the whore category. I’ve been around long enough to know; it’s not a place I want to be. This is all I know. This shop. These men. I need to get away and start a life somewhere away from here.” The gentleness in her voice made me want to cry, not that I would.

“What about us?” I asked quietly.

“I love you. You know that. But you have a family now, and you need to be with them.” She let out a deep sigh as she moved to the side of the car. “This is where you belong. It’s where you’ve always belonged. You were born to be an ol’ lady. I’m not; I need to move on. I know I’ve been a shitty friend, and I’m sorry for that. We’ll keep in touch I promise.”

Something deep inside told me that I wouldn’t be seeing my best friend again. This journey would take her away from everything, including me. And I couldn’t be selfish and beg her to stay, even though I wanted her to, more than my next breath.

“I’ll miss you,” I said hanging my head down.

“I’ll miss you, too, but it’s for the best. You know it.”

“I don’t know shit. But if this is what you want, I’ll support you.” Loud pops started going off near the office of the shop. “Get down and stay here!” I yelled as I began taking off towards the sound of them. Grabbing my gun out of the back of my jeans, I ducked low to see what was going on.

Ma was lying on the floor holding her arm with blood pouring out, as Mel stood over her aiming the gun at her head. My eyes were unable to meet hers. Cooper was crying like a mad man as Mel yelled “Shut the fuck up!” at him, sending my blood boiling. Then I heard the words I had been dreading. “I’m taking my boy!”

Coming around the corner as quietly as I could, I moved to the side of the door. Peeking around the corner, Mel’s back was to me. Just as I got a clear shot of her, Cooper yelled, “Mommy!” At that moment, everything went chaotic. Something hot hit me hard from the back, a gunshot, as Mel pointed the gun at me in front.