Vivian Arend - Rising, Freestyle

Nathan’s princely good looks had matured, or maybe it was the fact she was no longer looking through love-struck teenage eyes. He’d cut his dark hair into a close, professional style, and she imagined all the women at his magazine vied for his attention when he was in the office. No doubt tossing themselves at his feet and willingly crawling between his sheets on a nightly basis.

But right now, with the firm beat of Derrick’s heart under her ear, and his arms supporting her, there was nothing in Nathan’s eyes saying sexual intent. There was compassion, and a streak of stubbornness that she’d expect from him.

Could she do this? Talk about a forced move into the light. Letting Derrick see her naked and touch her scarred body—that was one thing. They’d shared enough time over the past couple months to make being with him seem normal. It was private, and usually she was so sexually turned on by the time she stripped that passion smoothed away any remaining nervousness that arose.

She still hadn’t managed to show her damaged skin in public. Not even a regular T-shirt. The thought of anyone other than Derrick seeing her made bile rise to the back of her throat. Imagining the potential taunts and questioning glances threatened her breathing. She had no guarantees people would be cruel, but it was no use.

She might be trapped in a cage of her own making, but she was trapped, nevertheless.

Anger rippled through her. She wanted to live. Fully. Wasn’t that her goal? And while she wouldn’t give up what she had with Derrick for the world, she still had a long way to go.

Melanie squeezed Derrick’s arm, thanking him for his silent support before facing Nathan straight on. “What are you thinking about?”

His eyes lit up. “Two parts. The first is for the magazine. They need a couple dozen pictures for the article, indoor and out. I’d take a mix of pictures—some at work, some at your home and some at the climbing wall. I’ll do a short interview, but the pictures are my main contribution. The second thing is a project I’ve got an idea for on the side—it’s a graphic presentation. Images telling the story. We can take pictures wherever and however you feel comfortable, but I can show you some samples of what I’ve got in mind. We can discuss that in more detail later.”

He wanted to take pictures of her showing her scars to the world. To show her living in spite of the accident that never should have happened. Oh Lord, this was going to kill her. “Do I get to see the pictures?”

Nathan responded immediately. “I’ll give you total control over what pictures I hand over to my magazine.”

The hair at the back of her neck stood upright. Derrick squeezed her fingers. “You don’t have to do this,” he repeated.

It was too much to decide in an instant. She examined Nathan’s face. Years ago she’d wanted nothing more than to have his undivided attention. Now she dreaded it. Life was unfair in how it granted wishes.

His smile stroked her. In spite of its warmth, there was a nagging ache inside warning her this experience could be hell for more reasons than baring her scars.

“I need time to decide.”

Nathan’s hopeful expression faded, but he nodded. “I can understand that. I deliberately didn’t phone ahead of time—I thought this discussion would be better in person. But if you could let me know in the next couple of days, I’d appreciate it. I’m not trying to rush you, but I have deadlines to meet.”

He returned the conversation to Katy and what was happening with her and the rest of the family back in their hometown. Light, newsy information meant to put her at ease.

The coffee burned a hole in her stomach with every sip.

When they’d finally finished their drinks, Nathan plopped a light kiss on her cheek, then disappeared down the street, his camera bag slung over his shoulder.

She and Derrick walked in silence back to his apartment. His fingers twined with hers, strong, supportive. Her mind raced with images and discussions from the past, distant days as well as the more recent time she’d spent in Derrick’s presence.

At what point would she be able to let go of her burdens?

Derrick led her to the couch where he proceeded to cuddle her in his lap and rub the tension from her shoulders until she was able to let out a long slow breath. She twisted to face him. His forehead was creased with worry and she smoothed a finger between his brows.

“Hey, it’s not that a big a deal.”

“It is to you. Mel—I know you’re trying to be strong and move forward with your life, but that doesn’t mean you have to say yes to this offer.”

He was right. There was no one holding a gun to her head. There was no life-and-death decision that needed to be made this instant, like grabbing a safety rope as a hold gave out. But there was a time that waiting became the wrong response, and she was never going to reach her goal if she didn’t keep moving.

“I know I don’t have to, but what if I should? What if this is like Nate said? Something not only for my sake, but to help others.” She closed her eyes, trying to ignore how her stomach squirmed as she imagined baring herself. “I’m not the only one with scars, and I got mine in a fairly innocent way.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Melanie shrugged. “It was an accident, and there was no one to blame. You said it—a freak rope failure. I was climbing, which has intrinsic dangers. What about the people hurt in car accidents or house fires? They had no hand in their situations, but they’re still scarred and have to deal with it.”

He reached out to cup her face in his hands, his thumb tracing the thin line of the single scar on her cheek—the only visible cut on her face. “Sounds as if you’ve given this a lot of thought. You can’t have come up with all this since we left the coffee shop.”

“I did tons of therapy with a sports psychologist after the accident, but frankly? It’s a hell of a lot easier to say it than think about doing anything with it. Being told my injuries were somehow better since I didn’t get them from a vicious rape or a drunk driver slamming my vehicle—”

“That’s absurd.” Disgust rang in his voice. “I can’t believe anyone would ever say anything like that to you.”

She sighed and leaned her cheek harder into his hand. “You’d be surprised what things people feel are their right to tell you. To be sure you know how lucky you really are.”

Derrick shook his head, then brushed his lips over hers. “Again, just because Nathan offered this shot doesn’t mean you have to do it now. If you are interested in the idea, you can arrange to do it at your own pace, with anyone.”

“Maybe. But Rave magazine? That’s a hell of a platform.” Melanie snuggled in tight to his chest. “No, Derrick, I think this might be the right time, and the right place. I trust Nathan as a photographer. But…” She dropped her volume, forcing the words out. “I need to ask a huge favour.”

Because if she was going to show off to the world, she needed his help. She didn’t want to have a crutch in her life. Not a thing, not a person, but giving up Derrick’s comforting touch and presence right now was impossible. “I can only do it with you there. Is that possible? I know it’s a huge imposition, but if you’re present it will help. So much.”

He pulled back to stare into her eyes, his gaze thoughtful as he examined her face. The caring lover she’d grown to appreciate over the past months—he was probably considering what was the best for her. Derrick nodded slowly. “How about this. If you and Nathan can work around the hours the climbing gym is closed, you can use the place to do your shots. There will be no distractions and no audience.”

Extreme relief shot through her. Oh God, she hadn’t even thought about that part. She hugged him close, burying her face in the vee of his neck, loving the way he created a wall of protection to hide behind.

“Thank you.” And the rest? She sat back quickly, catching his gaze again. “And you’ll be there?”

“As long as you want me.”

Wasn’t that a loaded question? She shifted, straddling him to be able to reach his lips easier. “I want you. I want you now.”

She wanted to be held and caressed. Distracted from the heavy burden in her brain. He kissed her with just the right touch of compassion and rising lust, and her body softened. Warmed in all the right spots. He ran his fingers down her back, and she arched against him, breasts growing heavy with anticipation.

He kissed her jaw, held her firmly, yet tenderly. A wave of need swept past, followed by guilt. She’d been turned on back at the climbing wall as well, and that had nothing to do with Derrick.

She pulled away. “Oh damn.”

A low rumble of discontent escaped his throat as he paused. “What?”

“Oh damn, I need to tell you…” Sure, how was she supposed to say this? Mortification hit hard, and the heat flushing her face was more from shame than the expectation of Derrick’s lovemaking.

She didn’t realize she’d dipped her head until his fingers under her chin brought her gaze back to meet his. “Mel? What? Is this something to do with me watching the shoot? Is that going to embarrass you—?”

“Oh hell, no. I’m just trying to tell you…” She’d sworn to be honest in her relationships, and she wasn’t the type to let a situation start that could cause them trouble down the road. “I need to tell you about Nathan and me.”

One brow snuck upward, his expression highly amused. “You mean the fact he wants to get in your pants, or the fact he turns you on?”

Her jaw must have hung open for a full minute before she found her voice. “You’re kidding. You figured that out how?”

Derrick grinned. “Sweetheart, I’m not stupid. I know a guy putting on the moves when I see it. And your response? You have this little habit of flushing right here—” He dragged a finger down her throat and over her chest. “When you get excited, it shows.”

She was so embarrassed. “I had a crush on Nathan from the time I was about thirteen. I followed him around Katy’s and his house one entire summer. He must have been so freaked at having a teenager dogging his heels.”

Derrick stroked her back, smooth and even. Tantalizing circles that pulled her a tiny bit closer to him on each rotation. “And did you do anything about that attraction?”

“I was fifteen, he was like twenty. Of course not.”

“So, you’ve got the object of your teenage crush hanging around.” Derrick linked his fingers with hers. “Mel, I’ve been enjoying our time together, a lot. I don’t think the fact the guy turns you on is bad, it proves you’re human. Call me crazy, but the fact he’s attracted to you is okay with me as well. Maybe that’s a guy thing—I’ve got you, he doesn’t. You know, caveman attitude.”

Melanie laughed softly. Sexy, kind and understanding. She’d have to have her head examined to give this up. “You are who I want to be with. Not him.”

His grin lit the room. “Then I don’t mind if he gets your motor running, as long as I’m the one in your bed.”

He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her.

Dyno: A dynamic movement where momentum is required to propel the body to a new position.

Melanie grabbed him by the shirt and clung to him as their lips meshed. A gentle caress of mouths, with no teeth, no frantic moving to the next stage. Almost as if they were exploring each other for the first time.

It was an offering, a sacrifice. Something to affirm that while having Nathan show up created a new situation between them, the foundation they had built was solid and worthwhile.

Derrick rolled her under him on the couch, working his way down her body. Removing her clothes, kissing all the tender spots he’d discovered over the past months. His fascination with her breasts made her smile.

“I still can’t believe you like them that much.”

Derrick hummed happily. His palms forced her nipples upward so he could more easily suckle one, then the other. “More than a mouthful is too much.”

She laughed. “Barely a mouthful. Oh, that’s good.” She held on to his head, keeping him close. His lips surrounded one tip, his fingers pinching and drawing the other nipple tight and ready for his hot mouth to lick. Circles followed by long, slow licks. A shiver raced along her spine and she pressed harder to his lips, looking for a little more.

The soft fabric cradled her torso as he tugged her toward the end of the couch. She laughed as he pulled her yoga pants from her in one smooth practiced move. Somehow he caught her panties at the same time, and she lay sprawled totally naked before him.